38 laws to live by
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.
Only deal with people that love you back.
Perfect isn’t possible. Excellence is. Chop wood, carry water.
Always be grateful.
Ignore the rules you don’t agree with.
The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself.
If you think it’s impossible, then it is.
Ideas are nothing without action.
The things that matter the most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter the least.
The time is now, not tomorrow.
It’s not what you know, it’s what you consistently do.
Take what is useful, disregard the rest.
Life is happening for us, not to us.
Let learning lead to action.
Sometimes the process is more important than the product.
The limits of my language equal the limits of my world.
Losers have goals. Winners have systems.
Frustration is a matter of expectation.
Life favors the specific ask and punish the league wish.
Finding purpose is greater than searching for happiness.
Discipline equals freedom.
When you say “Yes” to something, you are saying “No” to something else.
Total honesty at all times.
Your choice creates your challenge.
Nothing quells anxiety more than action.
Make choices as the person you want to be would make.
Strength has no detriment.
Productive is different than busy.
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.
Have integrity. Practice what you preach.
You never get today back.
An addiction to distraction is the end of creative production.
The caliber of your practice determines the quality of your performance.
Take ownership.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Vulnerability is the price the brave must pay to arrive at iconic.
Always love like it’s the last time.
Real love has no judgement.
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We often mistake attachment for love. Much of the time, our sense of self is not rooted in what we see in the mirror or feel inside, instead it’s the illusion that another person can fill a void and make us whole. So, in the event that they leave, or the relationship ends, the ensuing heartbreak feels like devastation because we not only lost someone we cared about, we lost a part of what allowed us to show up in the world. But the thing is, if we lose ourselves in the process of losing another, it’s likely not love that is causing the pain, but attachment to the other.
The grasping and clinging we go through as the relationship starts to crumble is thought to be a representation of the depth of love we feel for another, when in reality, it’s just an attachment to the idea of them. And, the more we reach out and try to hold on to that idea, the more afraid we become in losing this person, which inevitably causes more suffering in the end.
Ultimately, we need to understand where our feelings come from. Attachment will always feel exponentially worse because when a person leaves, they take a piece of us with them; whereas, if it’s real love, it’s still going to hurt, but that pain is going to come from the loss of something beautifully shared, not a loss of a sense of self. So, if you really love someone, and they choose to leave, you will honor their choice because real love does not judge.
321. titles
We can’t expect our past accomplishments to permanently define us. We have to continually show up and earn our title. No legacy was ever built as a result of a single achievement. Only by showing up consistently and delivering, time and time again are titles earned.
We like to hold on to old titles because it provides us with a sense of satisfaction without the burden of continued action. But those titles — the ones we wear proudly — required performing, not declaring. If we are going to march through life, exclaiming; “This is who I am!” because we accomplished something one time in the past, we are mistaking ourselves and at the same time being disingenuous to the version of ourselves that found success in the first place.
We need to be honest about what is past and what is present. if you’re not continuing to show up, then you’re not earning the title. So, stop fooling yourself. Get rid of outdated titles that you’re no longer earning because they’re giving you a premature sense of satisfaction that is keeping you from doing the hard work that is necessary.
315. questions for change
Not starting something because we’re unsure of the result is a faulty mindset. We need to be willing to try different avenues to see what works best for us. Stop searching for a guarantee before you start. Instead, get clear about what you want and be willing to try out different ways to achieve it with intent, because if you do — if you try it on for size, you can figure out what fits best — as opposed to the opposite which is wasting time waiting for a guarantee, of which there are none.
When you want something different out of life, think about the following questions before you embark on your journey and maybe it can save you some time…
What is the change you seek to make? Are you here to do what you’re told or are you here to learn and improve yourself? Are you here to make a contribution with that change, or are you here only to take something for yourself? Answering questions honestly is difficult because it’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. So, if we can figure out how to tell ourselves a different story, then we may be able to create a different life. One that is not only beneficial to who we wish to become, but those whose lives we touch as well. Some people wake up in the morning and think “how can I double my worth,” while other people think, “how can I help the homeless guy on the corner.” These are two totally different kinds of change we seek to make in the world, but both are change. It comes down to being honest with who you want to be.
What possibility do you see? People have been indoctrinated since birth to either believe they are entitled or not, special or not, that they possess the ability to make a difference or not. So, the question may be better asked as to whether or not you see possibility in the change you seek to make? Likely if you are confident enough to try, then it’s a yes. On the flip side to that is learning to see the world as it is. It’s easy to think we get to make the world the way we want it to be, but we don’t. And that can be hard. The world is the way it is. Learning to see that reality is critical and it changes our view on what is really possible for us. If no one has ever done the thing you wish to accomplish, then you might be deluding yourself, whereas if there is a well-trodden path you seek to go down, then you might be able to follow it and add your flavor. This isn’t to say that, if it hasn’t been done before, don’t bother, but to be mindful not to travel too far down a road to nowhere. Millions of people have studied the stock market, yet most of them weren’t able to turn into Warren Buffet. Millions of people have read how to get in shape, but most of them weren’t able to transform their body into what they had initially envisioned. Part of it is discipline, part of it is seeing possibility, part of it is deciding what kind of journey you want to go on over the next year or even decade and how you approach it. But none of it is for lack of available information.
How much emotional labor are you willing and able to expend to accomplish the thing you wish to do? Whatever the goal, it may seem simple at first, but you quickly realize that there is a difference between simple and easy. Losing weight is relatively simple, however its execution is much more laborious than most people are willing to endure. Change isn’t easy because it requires us to dismantle old ways of thought and stories that have run our lives for years, and try new ones to see which ones stick so that we can get the end result we want. It’s really about being comfortable with incompetence on your way to getting better.
278. proving the process
We all want to improve some aspect of our lives. Most of our attempts come through the act of goal setting. Unfortunately, as good as goals can be as an initial motivator, they come with a downside of becoming useless once achieved. So we’re constantly tasked with setting new goals, which may work for some people, but for others, it’s likely that the continued sacrifice and grind of denying who we are or how we want to live to achieve something can take a toll until we eventually quit altogether. But there’s a better way to look at it.
Instead of goal setting being black and white, either achieved or not, think of it as a testing process. To see what works, what doesn’t, and what can be implemented into a longterm process of achieving, instead of achievement. There is no point in denying ourselves the things we enjoy or sacrificing parts of our life to achieve something, only to say we achieved a result for a brief moment before we revert back to doing the things we enjoyed.
The simplest way to achieve something is usually not the most sustainable or easiest way for us to get there, and that’s okay. The simplest way to achieve a weight loss goal is to severely restrict calories and workout intensely. The simplest way to achieve a goal of financial independence is to stop spending money and work feverishly. While either goal is admirable, the sacrifice it takes to achieve them likely isn’t sustainable for the majority of us, because simple doesn’t equal easy.
It’s better to use our attempts at achieving goals to figure out small things that we can stick with and implement into our lives, so that over time we can achieve what we’re after without having to sacrifice all our fun and enjoyment. Pretty soon, those small things we’ve added in, simply become part of the process of our daily lives, not part of a goal we’re trying to achieve. And because we continue to add those small parts in, we can arrive at the same end point of a healthy weight or hefty bank account while not having to worry about regressing or falling back into old habits.
We will be better off if we can reframe the process of constant goal achievement, into a process of achieving. In the end, we’ll no longer need a goal when our process is proven over time.
245. training or education
Training and education are entirely different things. Yet, are conflated into the same meaning and used interchangeably.
Rich Diviney states in his book called Attributes that, “training is about learning and practicing specific skills; education is about broadening knowledge, developing beliefs and values, gaining experience.” This isn’t a subtle difference, which can be illustrated by the strangeness of hearing someone say “I’m going to educate my dog today.” WTF!? The statement doesn’t work because we don’t educate dogs, we train them. We teach our “good boy” to sit, stay, or shake. We don’t expect him to understand the how or why of the environment or situation in which we might ask him to do those things. A “good boy” does what we ask, without fail.
Often times when we’re looking to achieve a specific goal, we aren’t interested in being educated so much as trained to reach a particular outcome. While it’s great that we can take orders and achieve our goal with the help of another, it leaves our future results in jeopardy. Yes, finding someone to assist you on your journey is key, but you’ll never find your own results if you are reliant on the commands of another. Take the time you have with your mentor, coach, trainer, parents or whoever you look up to to ask the questions that allow you to take the lead in achieving your outcomes. If you don’t you’ll never be the hero of your story, you’ll just be a part of someone else’s.
242. you can’t do everything
You can do anything in this life, just not everything. Continually adding things to your plate isn’t going to help you establish a life where you can thrive. Spread too thin, you, like the multiple projects you take on are not able to focus and grow any of them optimally. You are getting C’s in 10 different things, unhappy with the results, when you could be getting A’s in 3 things.
There’s a ~200 page book called The One Thing written by Gary Keller which can be summarized in one sentence — You can only achieve great results by focusing on one thing at a time. (Leave a tip, I saved you $20 and 2 hours!) Sounds commonsensical, but the sentiment is lost on the majority of us.
Most of us have been led to believe multitasking is the best way to get things done. And while you may be right in that you can definitely get more things done, you’re wrong in thinking that those tasks were completed optimally. In one study from the University of Utah, an absurd but remarkably confident 70% of the participants thought they were above average in their ability to optimally complete multiple things at once. They weren’t, and most likely you aren’t either.
When people try to do several things at once — roughly 98%, according to the Utah study — gets worse at each individual task. The idea of answering emails, posting to social media, cooking dinner, hanging pictures on the wall, attending to the kids, while you listen to the news all at once is enticing, but also cognitively draining. Your mind simply isn’t set up to focus on multiple things at the same time. Even the 2% minority in the Utah study who didn’t get worse at execution, they also weren’t getting any better outcomes, they were just exceptionally efficient at switching tasks at a rapid rate.
So if multitasking isn’t the answer to getting things done, then what is? Prioritize what is most important. Delegate what can be better done by someone else. Determine what you will take on going forward. Execute on the things that matter. Obviously this is easier said than done, but with less multitasking and the more specific your attention, the more productive you’ll be because you will be getting A’s in all the things you care about, instead of C’s across the board.