301. hustle & grind vs. hustle & flow
We mistakenly glorify the hustle and grind. Don’t get me wrong, we should always exude a measurable level of commitment, but wearing the ability to get by on as little sleep as possible as a badge of honor that symbolizes our work ethic or toughness is just a failure of priorities.
We buy into the idea of the grind because we want our hard work to mean something. We want all our discomfort and sacrificing of the present to pay off in the future so that we can finally enjoy what we’ve been putting off the whole time. But that is where we need to start — with the end in mind. Most likely, that thing we are hustling and grinding for isn’t money or fame, but freedom to explore what we love and the ability to be admired for sharing it with the world.
The unfortunate part is that a focus on the grind takes our focus away from what we should be fixated on, placing it on toil, instead of redefining the hustle. The whole purpose of this life is centered around achieving your purpose and your why. This means you’re so aligned with the effort it takes to get where you want to go, that it doesn’t feel like a grind or a sacrifice, but every step becomes an enjoyable part of the process, no matter the effort. It’s a perfect alignment of your purpose becoming the thing that drives you and directs your life. It’s having all your hard work deliver you to your why. It’s more hustle and flow than hustle and grind.
260. a bucket of love
We’re attracted to people because they feel familiar.
We’re always trying to find what we didn’t receive from our parents, in people that are just like them. We don’t consciously make the choice to fall for someone just like our mother or father — in fact, if asked, I’m sure we would all agree that when searching for a partner, we want nothing that reminds us of our parents — but subconsciously we gravitate toward those people that most resemble them because the only way we can make sense of this world is by finding someone to fill the holes left by the ones that were most impressionable on us. Whether we are aware of it or not, they remind us of where we came from, what we miss, and what we need to fulfill.
Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. It really comes down to a bit of luck in stumbling on the person that wants to be part of our journey. Because we’re always going to be attracted to a certain type of people, we don’t need to seek them out. However, within that select group of people we gravitate towards, there are going to be a few that can provide us with the comfort we need to feel at home, AND also will work to give us the things that our parents weren’t able to provide.
We enter relationships searching for the love, attention, and admiration we couldn’t get from our parents, all the while oblivious to the fact that we’re looking for these things from the people that most resemble our fucking parents. The sooner we can realize that, the sooner we can understand what we need, what we are willing to put up with, and when we need to get the fuck out. There are going to be people that want to grow with you, and want to make you whole by giving you the things you need, but that isn’t something you should expect or try to force onto them. They have to find it on their own and then want to give it away. It’s beautiful when it happens, but rare because everyone will reach it at a different time. I think that’s one reason why relationships fail, it’s simply bad timing. People aren’t where they need to be to give the other what they need because they haven’t arrived at that point in their journey.
Full disclosure here… and I fucking hate this thought, but coming to this realization may make my life easier. In a parter, I’m looking for something I couldn’t get from my mother, from someone that reminds me of her. And that is fucking hard to say, because I don’t want anyone like her. I’ve swung the complete opposite direction and failed multiple times. But recently, I found this beautiful woman that feels like home, is dead sexy, and makes me feel alive when I’m with her, while at the same time inspires me to be more everyday. She fills me with the comfort of home, while patching up the punctures that had been left in my heart from years of neglect.
I look at it like this… we’re all a bucket full of holes. We enter relationships, dipping our bucket into the water. We feel content for a time because we found someone to fill us up, our bucket is full. But sooner or later if the people we choose aren’t willing, like us, to go on the journey to patch up the holes of our past, then the water quickly drains out, and the relationship fades. It’s rare to find a person that both fills you up and wants to mend your holes. It’s not a very elegant analogy, but you get the point. So, if two people can do this for each other, I can’t think of a better foundation for a relationship. If you can, PLEASE let me know.
250. we are all the same
We have a tendency to put people on pedestals, turning them into saints or some “other” that is uniquely different than us. We create a separation between the lowly us and the extraordinary them. In doing so, we justify our lack of success or accomplishments because we aren’t built like the people we idolize. Unfortunately, we make the mistake of thinking those we look up to are somehow different than us without realizing that at one point they were just like us, looking up at someone else. But instead of letting that separation become an excuse not to strive to become more than they are, they used it as motivation, or influence, or encouragement that life is what you make it.
We are all the same. No one has mythical powers. Just because someone is accomplished, educated, successful, or in shape doesn’t mean that we cannot become any of those things. But if we live with the thought that those people we look up to are somehow built different than us or endowed with supernatural abilities, then it becomes easy for us to fall back on excuses saying we can’t accomplish those things. So, walk forward in this life knowing that you are no different that the people you look up to, but just at a different point on your journey.
208. five years of inspiration
We can all benefit from having someone to look up to, but we make the mistake of looking in the wrong places. We see successful people in areas that pique our particular interests and think, “Oh, that person has it all figured out, I’m going to walk their path.” But that path can never be ours, nor should we want it to be.
Instead of searching outside ourselves for inspiration, we should be thinking about the person we want to be 5 years down the line, and aspire to become that person everyday. The trick is in never allowing ourselves to think we be able to close the gap, but that it always remains an equidistant 5 years ahead, So, with each new accomplishment in the present, we add to the success of that future vision of ourselves, providing constant and relevant inspiration for progressing day after day.
182. mistaken destination
It’s easy to find someone to aspire to. The allure comes from our belief that this person is a finished product.
It’s our understanding that if we walk the same path, we can arrive at the same destination. So we mistakenly mirror all our efforts to those we look up to, in hopes that we can one day become just like them, without realizing that it isn’t about the destination, but the journey.
A wise man once said; “do not seek to follow in the footsteps of those you admire, instead honor their legacy by continuing to search for the things they sought.”
Too often we mistake the destination for the journey. We think, if we do all the things the person we wish to be like did, we can arrive at the same place. Yet, I can guarantee you, that if you had the privilege to ask whether or not they “arrived,” they would wholeheartedly disagree, and instead tell you that they have a long way yet to go.
It’s never going to be a bad thing to model your efforts after someone you aspire to be like, but don’t let your view on the destination become so myopic that you can’t enjoy the journey, because if you ever do “arrive” at that magical destination, your passion will quickly wane, whereas a dedication to the journey will offer a lifetime of fulfillment.