325. confident
Everyone wants to be sovereign in their decision making, yet at the same time people want to be told what to do. It’s a paradox of freedom. I think this stems from a lack of confidence in ourselves and our ability to make the “right” decision. Unfortunately, very few people are willing to bet on themselves, passing on the burden of what to do, they seek direction from someone else, so if they fail, they don’t have to take personal responsibility for their actions. They become a victim of their own lack of confidence — an assistant manager of their own lives — waiting for directions from a higher authority because they don’t feel confident enough to make decisions by taking action on their own.
We can’t be afraid to make our own decisions and fail. It’s really the only way to learn what works for us and what doesn’t. Doing so will grant us the confidence to make decisions on our own. Every failed decision brings us a step closer to a larger victory, which has the power to build a little more confidence in our ability to positively shape our future. Don’t be afraid to make your next decision, no matter how small. Over time, these decisions will bring about more confidence in yourself and what you decide is best for you in the moment. There will be wrong choices, “oh shit” moments, and failures, but they are all there to serve as lessons to build confidence into your future decision making.
For example; failing to put money away for emergencies, or dating the wrong person, are both lessons that inform and create confidence toward our future decision making which will lead to us starting a savings account and figuring out what attributes we don’t like in a significant other so that we can be confident with the direction of our future. However, none of that would be possible if we didn’t have the confidence to make the wrong decisions and thus learn what they have to teach us.
Nothing quells anxiety like action and nothing builds confidence more than learning what works best for us. Be confident in your decisions as they will serve the future version of yourself and who you inevitably want to become.
324. adrift
we’re all lost in the deep
fighting against the tide
that our monsters intend to keep.
adrift,
in a sea of confliction
we search in order to be found.
reaching,
for any connection, allowing us
to find our feet on solid ground.
it’s said, that anxiety
is quickly quelled by action.
and it’s known that grasping
makes finding easy.
yet, if we aren’t careful
our fear will anchor us into reaction.
—————————
We’re lost in an ocean of opinion, not knowing where to look for the right answers. Much of the time, information is merely opinion, backed up only by what fortifies the accepted narrative. This is as true for the way we talk to ourselves about if we are worthy of that raise, as the way the news intends to inform us.
We are what we pay attention to. The ideas that we consume — about ourselves and the world at large — are what create the world we see. If we are fearful and looking for answers, we will grasp at the closest thing that makes sense to us. Unfortunately, the closest thing (or idea) isn’t always the right answer. You thinking you didn’t get that date because you weren’t enough, is an idea you believe because it fits your narrative about yourself. You thinking the sky is falling because the news continues to tell you so is an idea you believe because it fits the narrative that is being reinforced.
It’s not until we stop listening to the things that only serve to keep us down, and start recreating how we interact with this world, will we be able to approach life with a sense of conscious choice instead of continuing to react out of fear.
268. “made me feel”
We frequently use the words “made me feel.” We’ll say something like; this person made me feel bad because of what they said.
We use these words for their ease. They require no introspection of their use. We believe we’re just a simple bystander to the events that happen to us. Saying “made me feel” absolves us from the responsibility of having to understand where spontaneous feelings are coming from. But the thing is, no one outside of ourselves has the power to make us feel a certain way. The feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, and even love are all coming from within you. Whatever triggers their response is what we need to call attention to, sit with, and explore.
In other words, the input doesn’t determine the output. Our response to what someone says or does to us, is our response. No one can insert a feeling within us. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can stop making the mistake that other people can exert some level of control over how we feel or operate in our daily lives, and take the responsibility to create the interactions we want.
251. fitting in
Where would we be if we worried more about what our future-selves thought about the decisions we make on a daily basis, than the people we currently surround ourselves with? When we’re young, we worry about how we’re perceived by everyone around us. We often make decisions that aren’t in line with who we truly are, instead making those decisions that best fit the narrative we want to fit into. But after a while, we figure out that making decisions based on how we’re perceived by others isn’t the best way to create a life we want to live. At a certain point, we need the courage to stray from the pack we’ve been running with to have a chance to build a life that makes us happy or at least gives us a chance at that happiness.
Part of growing up is separating ourselves from who we thought we were supposed to be — someone defined by the people we surround ourselves with — and the person we need to become — someone defined by making decisions that best align with the future we want to create. The more we struggle and fight who we are, by making decisions that try to fit our lives into a framework that our social group deemed “acceptable,” the less happy and fulfilling our lives will be.
Make decisions based on who you truly want to be, not who you want to impress or fit in with. Sooner or later you’ll realize that the people you were trying to impress weren’t really even paying attention to begin with.
207. the dizziness of freedom
One of the scariest parts about embarking on a new journey is not knowing where it may take us. We hope for the best, while at the same time harbor anxiety about what is to come of our decisions; no matter whether it’s a new dietary regimen, a new career or a new relationship. And while each situation can be promising, they still come with a bit of unease, which Kierkegaard cleverly surmises this anxiety as “the dizziness of freedom.”
The dizziness doesn’t come from fear of failure, so much as it is about the unknown of what lies ahead. The freedom to look down that new path, with no end in sight, is akin to peering into a deep hole where the bottom can’t be seen. The anxiety you feel is not from fear of falling, because you are freely holding onto the safety rail, but from the mystery of the void.
The freedom we possess to make our own choices will always be met with a bit of anxiety because we are always worried about the unknown, even if that path we’re staring down is exactly where we want to be. But, that unknown is part of our journey, what creates our story, and pushes the evolution of us. As long as that path we set out on is inline with who we want to become, we don’t really need to see the end because we will be able to create it as we go.
176. seeking resolution
We all have habits, good and bad. But it’s not the habit we’re after. It’s the feeling we derive from the execution of that habit.
We don’t want to journal, we want to think clearly. We don’t want to smoke, we want to alleviate our anxiety. We don’t want to workout, we want the result the workout delivers.
Habits are driven by the prediction of what the behavior will give us. What we’re after is resolution. A stimulus that either extinguishes or suppresses feelings or urges that arise within us.
As with everything else, certain things serve us, while others don’t. If a habit isn’t making you better, it’s keeping you from getting better. That emotion or urge you seek to chronically suppress is most likely the manifestation of an underlying need. It is something that deserves to be explored further, not overlooked. When the underlying message is brought to your attention it can be dealt with in a better way, leading to positive changes, and perhaps the elimination of bad habits.
162. start right where you are
The best way forward, in any situation, is to start right where you are, with whatever you have, and go after what you want. Waiting will never serve the person you want to become, it only feeds the anxiety of what could happen. The first step out of a new situation is always going to be the hardest, but nothing cures anxiety more than action.
If your car breaks down on the side of the road or runs out of gas, you can turn on your hazards and wait for someone to come along to help, or you can get out and start pushing. Your inaction feeds your anxiety. It signals to the world you are looking for charity by saying, “I’m here, I’m at a loss, please help if you can.” It will never create a better version of yourself. Whereas taking action by deciding to start right where you are can propel you into becoming the person you wish to be. That initial push is going to be the hardest part because you’re going to have to overcome the inertia of the unknown, but after 20-30 feet, you’ll gain enough momentum so that all of a sudden you’re not pushing as hard as you were, and instead your focus shifts to keeping up with your current course of action.
Your anxiety of what might happen disappears with the opportunity that action creates.
The moment or environment you find yourself in isn’t always negotiable, but your response is. The discussion you have with yourself in an effort to decide how best to proceed, defines the person you are trying to become. You don’t need to know the exact next step, but you do need to move for momentum to take place. And the best place to start is right where you are.
97. live in the present
We live most of our lives in our head. Thinking and worrying about the consequences of what might come from our past decisions and future actions. Rarely are we ever present in the moment. We are really only anxious about what might be, but never what is. The anxiety that comes from contemplating whether or not you should kiss that person, the response you’ll receive from a work presentation, or what will happen once you step on stage to perform is all extinguished in the moment. There is no longer what if, only what is. We worry about the past and future, but all there is, is now. The funny thing is that worrying is a form of praying for what you don’t want. If you are consistently anxious about underperforming or failing, there is a greater likelihood that will happen because you are bringing so much attention to it. If you think about the last time you were worried about something you had to do, you’ll probably remember all the negative thoughts that existed before and after, but never during. You can’t be afraid in the moment because your mind is focused on performing, not analyzing. If we know that our best effort is made without worry, why do we continue to allow the ghosts of consequence to creep in?
71. what if
We’re wired to stay alive, so we’re constantly aware of things that tend to pose a threat to our sense of well-being. But with the advent of modern technology, and knowledge of the past, there are very few things that actually place anything, including our lives in real danger (this may seem absurd in our current climate, but it’s true nonetheless). Still when confronted with a decision in our daily lives, we cannot overcome thoughts of, what if? What if this goes wrong? What if that doesn’t work out? What if I fail at my attempt? What if I decide on the wrong thing? We’re continually worried about a loss to our current self, or our current way of life.
The simplest solution to the “what if” question is to actually find out. If you are wondering what life will be life on the other side of a decision, you are most likely unhappy with your current position, so you may as well find out — as long as it’s not illegal, immoral, or dangerous of course. You’ll be better off failing and knowing because you’ll have gained insight toward making better decisions in the future, and you will no longer need to worry about the “what if” of your current situation. You come to see that the stories you’ve conjured up, form playing years of the “what if” game are just that, stories. They’re not real. Eventually, you will come to see that you suffer more from imagination than reality. In the end, what hurts us more is the fear that “what if” presents in our mind, than the actual failure itself, because as I’ve spoke about before failure is just learning how to do it better the next time.
nothing quells anxiety better than action
We don’t procrastinate because we’re too busy, we do it because we’re scared of discomfort. Change that today! Watch inspiration take hold and pave the way toward a new life. You’ll be surprised how far you can go if you stop letting fear dictate your momentum. Embrace the resistance, the challenge, and the change. There is a reason successful people have more opportunities, it’s because they take more chances. Those chances are what harden us against the call to come back inside where it’s safe, and open us up to a new reality.
How do you know when you arrive at the threshold for change? You hear the voice of resistance — the invisible force of self-sabotage, pride, and ego — pleading for your comfort and safety; “it’s too risky, you shouldn’t do it.” But do it anyway, because nothing quells anxiety better than action.
The only better time than now to make a decision to improve your health or your life, was yesterday and you’ll never get that back.