342. seasons ending
Life is an endless series of transition. To go from one thing to another, seasons must change. There’s never any complaint about the flowers that bloom in the spring after we make it through the winter. However, that awareness is often lost on ourselves. We, for whatever reason, avoid the challenge associated with change, and stay the same. Finding comfort in our discomfort, simply because it is familiar. Not until we realize it is us who control the transitional change within ourselves, can we see the bloom of the next season of our lives.
341. set sail
Change is hard because it comes with a necessary acceptance that who you are isn’t who you want to be. It’s a constant battle with your ego which is always trying to bring you back to who you are right now, even if it is out of alignment with what you say you want. It’s a safety mechanism keeping you within familiar territory. So, while your actions may look like self-destruction on the outside, they’re actually your subconscious working to return you to a familiar version of yourself, or a place where it feels most comfortable.
There’s a saying that goes, “a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.” We are all on our own ship, possessing the possibility of journeying toward the person we wish to become. That journey requires us to embrace discomfort. To sail just far enough away from the harbor that we can throw out an anchor and sit long enough in a certain position that we realize it’s not so bad after all. And, then doing it all over again, until we arrive at the place where we initially set out to discover.
For systemic change to happen, progress has to be sustainable. It will require you to throw out an anchor along the way, reassuring yourself that the distance you’ve traveled — where you are today, while frightening new — is now who you are and choose to be. It will feel chaotic because waves of uncertainty will challenge your choices for attempting to break old patterns. It will feel unfamiliar because you are traveling outside the boundaries of the map you once used to guide your life. But you have to be okay with the discomfort of sailing outside the boundaries of the map you had for yourself so that you can start charting the new territory of the person you wish to become.
off topic: fight club
Here's my mildly cryptic proposition for a Fight Club... You have to accept that the "normal" way of life (the status quo) is never going to allow you to become the best version of yourself. That the only way forward is to passionately focus on completing the work necessary to illuminate, correct, and construct a new narrative that directs you towards the life you want. Whatever it is, you'll need to remove the blinders sold by reductionistic thinking and open yourself up to the multitude of inputs that allow for a compound effect (1+1+1>3). The mind, the body, and the spirit, singularly mean nothing, but when strengthened simultaneously create more than the sum of their parts. Fight Club seeks to build an undefeatable belief in the self, drawn from the ability to learn from the struggles (physical, mental, & emotional) life bestows upon you, and intentionally take action in accordance with the sovereign individual you wish to be.
Accountability is a pledge to your future self.
Respect is never forgetting the fundamentals.
Education never stops and is always moving.
Health is a vehicle for all performance.
Virtue is only recognized by the strength of ability.
Fear is a bastion for conformity.
Rules:
1. Start where you are.
2. Take action (fight, read, lift, nourish, create, recover).
3. Be better than yesterday.
Fight against mediocrity to live your best life.
confused about lack of progress...
If a person searches out a fitness professional and says they want to achieve XYZ fitness goal, they obviously value that fitness professional’s opinion, otherwise they wouldn't pay them. However, when they provide this person with their best guidance based on past experience (which likely led them in their direction to begin with) as to how to achieve XYZ goal, they fail to complete the necessary tasks needed to get there, and then they get frustrated about not making any progress.
Why is that? It's likely that many people… 1) don't actually know what they want, and/or 2) have no idea the effort it takes to get there.
1) People don’t actually know what they want, they just know they aren’t happy with what they have. The general complaint is they’re carrying around too much weight, and so people think fat-loss is the answer, but it’s not necessarily the goal. Confidence is the goal.
2) People have no idea how much effort it takes to achieve their goal, it’s not that the goal is necessarily difficult to achieve. For example, weight loss is relatively simple — eat less, move more — yet far from easy because it requires change. People don’t change because they need to, they change because they’re inspired.
—————
If anyone is lacking the clarity about what they want to achieve (in any health endeavor, or even life), I don't think they can be truly inspired. So, I guess the first step is to figure out what any of us are truly after in order to find the inspiration to get there. And, I think that comes down to simply asking why enough times to find out.
health = freedom
We generally don’t take action without good reason, but if the current climate isn’t enough to call yourself into action what is? It is hard to think that it’s almost been “years” of this nonsense without any tangible methods being implemented to positively change the status quo.
Regardless of your beliefs about why the world is in a state of panic, the unfolding events have presented us with an opportunity to see things differently. Hopefully, it has allowed us to recognize that the way we’ve been persuaded to think, the way we’ve been told to see each other, and the way we’ve been informed to take care of our bodies, has come from a place of fear. We’re scared into lesser versions of ourselves, and therefore our communities, because it has been the most consistent and loudest message.
None of us enjoy this constant state of inequity, poor health, strife, yet we continue to sit back and wait for things to change for the better without the realization that ultimately it all starts with you and I. Everything starts with the collective Us. We need to come together to redefine what it means to live a life of our choosing built upon a foundation of health that provides us the freedom to pass through this life with relative ease.
We have to envision a society where true health is a fundamental part of society. Despite what we are seeing right now. Despite what we are hearing right now. It is possible.
Taking personal responsibility for our health needs to be the rule, not the exception. This isn’t a call for mask wearing and vaccinations, it is far more fundamental than that. This is a call to take personal responsibility for the health of your body and the inputs you provide it. What you put in, is what you get out. And as a society we are failing miserably. In the US, about 90% of our citizens are metabolically unhealthy, which means there’s around 10% of our population that has enough knowledge, or luck, to provide their body with the correct inputs to achieve a level of health that allows them to approach the current state of the world with confidence. Imagine if it were all different. Imagine if the majority weren’t beholden to the consistent need of refilling medications, scheduling treatments for their ailing bodies, or settling into a lives of dis-comfort as if it were somehow preordained. Do you think the world would be more free?
It doesn’t make sense. And this acquiescence to the status quo of suboptimal health is the driving force behind the crisis we’re all in. It is firstly an epidemic of poor health that has provided the necessary fuel to ignite a pandemic of the immunocompromised.
Collectively, we need to take responsibility to elevate our potential, not succumb to the idea that the majority of this country — and the industrialized world, for that matter — had it correct when it came to the best way to live our life. Achieving real health is no longer a fundamental part. Somewhere along the line it was drowned out by the voices selling us on the idea that it was best to do whatever it takes to get rich, gain more followers, and enjoy a hedonistic lifestyle without the thought of consequences. But none of us can realistically trade our health for wealth because if we do, we end up having to trade back our wealth for a chance to recoup whatever health we have left.
In a recent presentation, I asked those in attendance — mostly wealthy executive types — to define health. Most of them simply came up with “the absence of disease.” That’s sad. People think that health is simply not being sick. While that does play a part, it is unfortunate to think that this is the best that they could come up with because the absence of disease doesn’t mean you are able to live your best life. Not that I am a fan, but the World Health Organization (WHO) presents a more holistic view as it defines health as the state of “complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease.” This is definitely a step in the right direction but still doesn’t fully encapsulate everything we should strive for.
In my opinion, health is best defined as an optimal state of bodily movement and function, as well as emotional and physiological well-being, which inspires confidence to pursue a life of our choosing, free from limitations of dis-ease and dis-comfort, that ultimately provides us with the freedom to live the life we want. When we are faced with a choice of what to do, we need to keep this definition in mind. We need to ask, are my choices in line with the fundamental pursuit of achieving optimal health? If not, then we’re ultimately resigning our health over to companies, and governments, that are more than happy to take advantage of our lack of foundational health, who stand to profit off the false promise that by taking this pill or completing that procedure we will be able to live a life free from the responsibility of our poor choices. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Our actions have consequences.
It is very difficult to achieve health within the same paradigm that made you unwell to begin with. It’s time to think different. It’s time to be different. It’s time to throw off the anxiety we have about the changes we need to make and simply do it. Get healthy. Be free.
335. normalizing fear
We’re all afraid of something, and that’s okay because it can be a powerful motivator. However, if we normalize any of our fears, our attention gradually comes to rest more on what we don’t want than what we do. We are ultimately what we pay attention to.
The things we don’t want continuously run through our mind as we say, “I don’t want to be poor.” “I don’t want to be sick.” “I don’t want to be alone.” They replay so often that we eventually develop a relationship with them.
In those moments of “I don’t want,” the mind can’t distinguish between what you want and what you don’t. It only knows what you’re interested in. And, if we continue to focus our attention on destitution, sickness, and solitude that is what we will manifest. These types of thoughts leave no room for the mind to bring our attention toward wealth, health, and love.
In the end, you get what you focus on. Stop placing all your attention on what you don’t want to happen and begin to focus your attention on what you would like to see unfold in your life. Stop placing a negative bias on your “what if’s.” Instead of saying “what if I end up poor,” “what if I end up sick,” “what if I end up alone,” start saying “what if I end up wealthy, with an abundance of health and love.”
Each of us has to understand that we don’t describe what we see, we see what we describe. The sooner we understand this fundamental principle, the sooner we can change the situation we find ourselves in.
332. crumbling is not an instant’s act
Most of the time people forget the lessons that historians and leaders would like us to remember. Whether it’s a natural disaster or a pandemic, each enter our collective consciousness as they arise, seemingly out of nowhere. Novel as they seem in the moment, they are often remnants of unresolved themes of the past we continuously fail to learn from and correct. We think this time it’s different, forgetting that even though history doesn’t repeat itself, it does rhyme.
After a flood washes out huge sections of oceanfront property, people rebuild their lives on the same spot. After this pandemic, it’s likely, people will go back to their old habits of taking their health for granted. Unfortunately, we have a culture that doesn’t remember because they’re blasted with a story that says this time it’s different, backed by a media portrayal that exacerbates a narrative that our way of life was right all along, while disregarding any clues that may have shown up along the way.
There’s a poem by Emily Dickinson called Crumbling is not an instant’s Act which shows things need to build before they can happen. It reads:
Crumbling is not an instant's Act
A fundamental pause
Dilapidation's processes
Are organized Decays.
'Tis first a Cobweb on the Soul
A Cuticle of Dust
A Borer in the Axis
An Elemental Rust—
Ruin is formal—Devil's work
Consecutive and slow—
Fail in an instant, no man did
Slipping—is Crash's law.
The emphasis on Crumbling is not an instant’s Act and Slipping—is Crash’s law is mine, as I think it poetically illustrates that things don’t simply happen out of nowhere, they take time. The bottom doesn’t just drop out, things have to creak, weaken and give way. It’s our choice to look the other way when we hear the squeaks. It’s our choice to be consumed by the nonsense of telling us not to pay attention to the clues. It’s our choice to be coerced into a false sense of confidence that is perpetrated by popular narrative, saying we are on the right path. But are we really?
We’re continuously assured that this time it’s different. This time it came out of nowhere. No one could have known. The voices of popular media seek to placate our worries by reaffirming our way of life is the correct one, yet, if that were true we would learn from our past. Instead we confidently walk toward a cliff, ignoring the signposts along the way that warn us of the upcoming drop. Then we’re surprised when we eventually walk off the edge.
So how do we change? If getting us to learn from our past doesn’t work because we’re too busy wrapped up in the now, lost in the blatantly false narrative of going the right direction, then how do we keep from repeating our past failures? Generally, the way people change their mind and thus correct their path isn’t because of a single lesson, it’s through a tumbling of dominos. It’s the same principle Dickinson reaches for with Crash’s Law. It’s a gradual shift. Built with awareness over time, until a crescendo eventually happens one way or the other. We either learn, or repeat our same mistakes.
The problem comes with who is controlling the information we’re receiving, the narrative, the ideas being sold because they’re all going to influence the questions we ask and the actions we take. The best way to create positive change to our situation is to become aware of what is going on around you. Look for the signposts. Each one is a domino falling. New information leads to new thoughts, which leads to new questions that evolve into new actions. There’s no fall without warnings of a cliff ahead.
327. exhale
We’re all waiting for inspiration to strike so that we can finally do that thing we’ve been waiting for. But is that the best way?
Inspiration generally means “something that stimulates you into action,” and at the same time it also means to “breathe in.” Both meanings poetically intertwine if we think of ourselves as breathing in thoughts, concepts, and theories that serve to fill our mind with new ideas. Endlessly scrolling through our newsfeed, we inhale countless images, memes, quotes, podcasts, and articles, all with the intention to inspire us into action. Yet, no matter how much we inhale, the majority of us never get enough. We’re always looking for more, thinking that there is something else out there that we haven’t found, and will be the ONE THING we’re after.
Our capacity to continuously breathe in, and in, and in can only get us so far before we must breathe out. But it’s in that exhalation where we find what we’re after.
Nothing is going to be as truly inspiring as the action you take after exhaling all the new ideas we’ve gathered and applying them to produce the work or results we want — whether the endeavor is creative, financial, or personal in nature. In other words, the action we take is the real inspiration we’re after. It’s the action of exhaling, breathing out all the ideas we’ve collected and putting them to use. True inspiration doesn’t come from consuming new information, but rather from incorporating those ideas into the actions we take toward building the life we want.
We make the mistake of thinking that if we keep inhaling books, presentations, talks, tweets, interviews, and documentaries we’re going to suddenly be inspired into the life we want. But the funny thing is, constantly breathing in is actually anti-inspiring because it doesn’t allow us to exhale. We have to breathe out, creating intention with our exhalation, focusing on our output to achieve the inspiration we’re truly after.
Never stop consuming the things that interests you, but know that the inspiration you seek isn’t in the search, it’s in the act of doing.
326. new ideas
There are people who will never change their minds, not even when presented with new information. It’s okay to have a belief system because that’s how we make sense of the world, but there is a difference between being cautious about new ideas and being calcified.
Some people enjoy having discussions about what they believe in, welcoming new information as a means of progressively challenging who they were, in an attempt to consistently build and improve upon who they are. While others are closed off from any discussion to the point that they defend their belief system against any and all opposing thoughts, no matter how rational the argument. If at one point you both shared similar opinions, yet you decided to be open to new ideas and have since made changes to long held beliefs; you’ll likely be admonished for your transgressions with the person saying, “You’ve changed.” But isn’t that the point? You’re supposed to be open. To learn. To change. To grow.
What in nature stays the same its entire lifecycle? Nothing that I know of. Stagnation in an ever changing process is akin to death. Old habits — or in this case, belief systems — “die hard,” as they say.
I think it’s important that we maintain a sense of childhood wonderment as we progress through life. It’s very hard to have all the answers, and we should avoid those that do at all costs. We have to maintain a sense of openness about what we believe in. It’s okay to maintain rigidity in the process of developing a belief system, as long as we remain flexible in how it works itself out. If we are too tied to our ideas, then we run the risk of it eventually transforming into an identity that may not serve us in the long run.
Despite anyone’s beliefs, the one thing we can all agree on is that we all want to live a freer, healthier, more prosperous life, filled with love and adventure. But this can be very hard to find if you are so locked into an opinion that you completely shut off anything that could improve upon your current situation. It’s okay to have a belief system, but be able to differentiate between what is defining you versus what may be holding you back.
323. unaware
If you aren’t aware that you’re unhappy, you aren’t going to do anything about it. You’re just a fish, living its life in an ocean of water, with no concept of what “wet” is. You’re unaware.
Until you become aware that you’re uncomfortable (or wet), you’re going to stay in a place of complacency and stagnancy because you’re okay with the environment you find yourself in. Some internal mechanism continues to manage your perception of what is normal and acceptable to you, which keeps you from tuning into the reality of what is happening around you.
The very small things that would otherwise alert you to problems within an unfamiliar environment have become blunted, and therefore a reason to pay attention. Unhappiness needs to be recognized, felt, and made aware of, otherwise why would you want to change? Start to focus on the small things; Have you been clinching your jaw? Is your heart constantly racing? Are you easily stressed or anxious? The body holds a lot of signals, but if you’re not tuned into them, they can’t disrupt you from the normalcy that you’ve become accustomed to.
It’s not easy to strip away the layers of what has become normal and uncover how you really feel, but it is essential for real change to take place. I think a lot of the time we get so used to a certain way of living that we forget what happiness feels like. The sooner we can recognize the signals our body is giving off, the sooner we can realize that what we’ve become used to is no longer serving us and make the necessary changes.
318. embrace adventure
Many people are unhappy with their circumstances, but fail to take the initiative to change their situation. Conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, they mistake safety with solace, all the while forgetting that at the very core of our being is a call for adventure. It’s the thrill of discovery that led humanity to explore and conquer the world over. That spirit is still alive within us. It’s a reason behind why we cheat on our partners or make uncharacteristic purchases — anything that will break the monotony and allow us to experience the new. We’re simply looking for an escape from the rerun that has become our lives.
We’ve forgotten that the human spirit thrives on adventure. Our joy in life comes from encountering new experiences, not reliving the same yesterday over and over. Somewhere along the line we traded adventure for safety without realizing that feeling alive requires a threat of the unknown. This doesn’t mean we need to sell all our possessions and travel the world until our funds run out, but it does mean that sometimes we need to ease the grasp on our routines. Change the route you take home. Change the order you normally complete tasks. Change the way you approach life. Embrace change. Embrace new experiences. Embrace adventure. And never forget that genuine happiness will come from discovering new horizons.
315. questions for change
Not starting something because we’re unsure of the result is a faulty mindset. We need to be willing to try different avenues to see what works best for us. Stop searching for a guarantee before you start. Instead, get clear about what you want and be willing to try out different ways to achieve it with intent, because if you do — if you try it on for size, you can figure out what fits best — as opposed to the opposite which is wasting time waiting for a guarantee, of which there are none.
When you want something different out of life, think about the following questions before you embark on your journey and maybe it can save you some time…
What is the change you seek to make? Are you here to do what you’re told or are you here to learn and improve yourself? Are you here to make a contribution with that change, or are you here only to take something for yourself? Answering questions honestly is difficult because it’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. So, if we can figure out how to tell ourselves a different story, then we may be able to create a different life. One that is not only beneficial to who we wish to become, but those whose lives we touch as well. Some people wake up in the morning and think “how can I double my worth,” while other people think, “how can I help the homeless guy on the corner.” These are two totally different kinds of change we seek to make in the world, but both are change. It comes down to being honest with who you want to be.
What possibility do you see? People have been indoctrinated since birth to either believe they are entitled or not, special or not, that they possess the ability to make a difference or not. So, the question may be better asked as to whether or not you see possibility in the change you seek to make? Likely if you are confident enough to try, then it’s a yes. On the flip side to that is learning to see the world as it is. It’s easy to think we get to make the world the way we want it to be, but we don’t. And that can be hard. The world is the way it is. Learning to see that reality is critical and it changes our view on what is really possible for us. If no one has ever done the thing you wish to accomplish, then you might be deluding yourself, whereas if there is a well-trodden path you seek to go down, then you might be able to follow it and add your flavor. This isn’t to say that, if it hasn’t been done before, don’t bother, but to be mindful not to travel too far down a road to nowhere. Millions of people have studied the stock market, yet most of them weren’t able to turn into Warren Buffet. Millions of people have read how to get in shape, but most of them weren’t able to transform their body into what they had initially envisioned. Part of it is discipline, part of it is seeing possibility, part of it is deciding what kind of journey you want to go on over the next year or even decade and how you approach it. But none of it is for lack of available information.
How much emotional labor are you willing and able to expend to accomplish the thing you wish to do? Whatever the goal, it may seem simple at first, but you quickly realize that there is a difference between simple and easy. Losing weight is relatively simple, however its execution is much more laborious than most people are willing to endure. Change isn’t easy because it requires us to dismantle old ways of thought and stories that have run our lives for years, and try new ones to see which ones stick so that we can get the end result we want. It’s really about being comfortable with incompetence on your way to getting better.
311. questioning failures
Failure is inevitable, yet we are so scared of it that we’re willing to do almost anything to avoid it, minimize its impact, or completely deny its existence. In doing so, we only exacerbate our shortcomings by refusing to accept and learn from what a failed experience can teach us. Instead of retracting, minimizing or denying, it’s imperative to take ownership of what we have done, fully admit to our mistakes and failures, so that we can learn the lessons they teach and figure out how to prevent them from happening again.
A simple exercise in ownership comes from the book Sovereignty, by Ryan Michler, where seeking to reframe how we look at our experiences, he puts forth the following line of questioning…
Instead of asking, “whose fault is this?” ask yourself, “what can I do to ensure this doesn’t happen again?”
Instead of asking, “why didn’t ____________ do ____________?” ask yourself, “what can I do to ensure ____________ gets done next time?”
Instead of asking, “why am I surrounded by incompetent people?” ask yourself, “what can I do to surround myself with competent people?”
The first set of questions do nothing to improve the situation, whereas the second focuses on what can be done to improve the situation. The quality of our outcomes will be determined by our responses to the failures we will inevitably come up against. By taking ownership of the situation, and asking the right questions to move forward, we can make the best out of any bad experience.
310. soulmate
The modern idea of the soulmate is a yearning for connection and love that people in the ancient past would have sought through a connection with a higher power. It seems like a more appropriate path for this impulse to be guided along.
If we make a person a soulmate or a redeemer, what are we going to do when they let us down? What is a relationship, other than a reflection of ourselves? Do we ever really know a person or only the aspects of them you interact with. I’m sure we all know someone where we’ve been surprised to find they had a second life. But why? We’re always changing.
The idea of a soulmate is the materialization of an impulse that belongs in the realm of the sublime. It shouldn’t be epitomized. It shouldn’t be symbolized. It has to be lived. We can’t continually look for objects of fulfillment, whether they be relationships or possessions. Instead we need to look within ourselves, and understand we are beings in a constant state of flux. There is no self to label, no soulmate to anoint because we are constantly changing. There is no we, me, or you. We are continually evolving, remodeling, and growing with every moment and experience.
304. bad things happen
Bad things happen. And yes, they do happen for a reason. However, it’s likely not part of some divine unfolding narrative, but rather some random occurrence we’re caught in the middle of. The reason comes from the purpose those bad experiences allow us to see. It’s a realization that this bad thing — a job loss, breakup, or health issues — might not have happened if we weren’t walking down the wrong path. Whatever it is, the reason it happened is to provide a catalyst for change. If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to accept the “bad things” that happen as simply things that happen, we can use them to make positive changes in our lives and not fall victim to these random occurrences.
281. how do we create our Self?
How do we create our Self?
Most of us think there isn’t much we can control about our Self. We’ve been conditioned to think we come into this world with a series of preset instructions on how to be. Whatever genetics we were born with or circumstances we were born into is pretty much a blueprint for our path forward in life, with many things out of our control. We say, “this is just how I am,” but is it really?
The long held idea of genetic determinism; the concept that whatever genetics we popped out with, we’re stuck with because we can’t change, grow, or evolve from, is what keeps us stuck. It’s a pervasive thought that has taken over the way we view our Self. Inevitably leading us to believe we can’t create our Self, because it’s already been created for us.
Fortunately, the tide is beginning to turn on these long held beliefs of a fixed Self. While genetics play a part, they are not the determining factor for the life we lead. As Dr. Terry Walhs puts it; “The genes load the gun, but the environment pulls the trigger.” While we are born with a certain set of genetics and into certain cultural belief systems, it’s largely a choice to see any of them as a limitation. We can choose to put our Self into a healthier environment (proper nutrition, exercise, etc.) to change our familial susceptibility to something like heart disease, just as we can choose to put our Self into a different mindset that will allow us to see possibilities outside of what is familiar to us.
The things we do, and the choices we make, determine how we show up in this world. Coming to the understanding that the life we were born into isn’t set in stone, and that any limitations are largely self-imposed, opens us up to have new conversations about creating a Self we want. Entertaining new possibilities that would have otherwise been unrecognizable with our previously fixed mindset.
So how can we create our Self? Forget the old ideals of predeterminism. Understand that the life we lead is a choice that only we have the power to make. We can choose to believe what we’re born with is all we’re capable of, or just a starting point to where we want to go. Creating our Self starts with creating our future. To do that, we have to begin to make choices based on where we want to go instead of where we came from. And with each choice, we create a piece of our new Self.
275. the average
We all exist as potential. Most of the time we don’t realize what we can be because we’re too stuck in the ways we were. It’s hard to get out of the loop of doing what’s familiar so that we can realize what else is possible. Part of that process is becoming vulnerable enough to recognize our faults and want to improve upon them.
Another part is having people in our lives who inspire us to make those changes because they themselves are doing the same. As the saying goes; “we are the average of the 5 people we spend most of our time with.” So if those people aren’t reflecting the values and aspirations we hold highest in ourselves or pushing us to realize our potential, then most likely they are holding us back from realizing it. And I think the hardest part about this is that it isn’t unique to friends, it is all encompassing from family members, to significant others, to business partners. Sometimes who we have in our lives, isn’t who should be there.
274. every choice comes with exclusion
Every choice comes with exclusion. Our ability to choose is valuable, in that it gives us the power to create our story. We weigh our options, then choose the best one for us in the moment. Sometimes the choices can be made fairly easily, other times they can be devastatingly hard. In either case, there is always a loss to endure. We inevitably have to give up on one narrative to allow for a chance at another to grow.
271. reflections in the mirror
Do we ever really know ourselves? Are we ever really given a chance? From the moment we pop out, and into this world, we’re imprinted with the customs and beliefs of those around us. It makes us who we think we are and from that point forward, life becomes a constant search for mirrors that reflect those original ideals back onto us. But at a certain point, we need to be comfortable enough with ourselves to question the validity of what those mirrors are actually showing us.
Are they reflecting what we want to see because it’s familiar and therefore comfortable, or are they showing us what we need to see in order to grow by challenging our comforts? Chances are, most of us are looking for a reflection that says “I’m okay just as I am. I’m good.” And while I agree that we all need to be comfortable with who we are, it definitely shouldn’t be because anyone else says so.
We have the ability to choose the mirrors we look into, therefore we can always see what we want. But if what is reflected back at us doesn’t challenge us to improve, it isn’t serving us, it is only reconfirming that the beliefs and ideals we already hold are good enough. And that is never gong to allow us to break free from who we’ve been taught to be. We need to seek out and surround ourselves with people or groups who challenge our long held beliefs, and who inspire us to break the mirror we are used to peering into so that we can aspire to be more than a simple reflection of our original ideals.
269. positive or negative
Fundamentally, I like to think things happen for a reason. But more importantly, when they do, I like to frame those events around a narrative that serves me, rather than becoming trapped in any initial reaction to the experience I’m having. This is definitely easier when the things that happen are positive, rather than negative. Yet, no matter whether they’re classified as “positive” or “negative”, they aren’t facts, but meanings I’ve attached.
The meaning I place on past events, play a large part in how I see the future unfolding. If I got a job, only to lose it, or fell in love only to have it disappear, it’s easy to attach negativity toward these things. However, if in that job, I learned new things that made me better at what I do, I can carry that toward my next position and have greater success; likewise, if falling in love unlocked a part of me that had previously been unknown, it doesn’t disappear, I get to keep it and express it in my next relationship. Everything can build upon it self if we let it.
I think that changing how we view things that happen to us is essential to upgrading our identity, how we see ourselves in the present, and who we can eventually build ourselves to be in the future. And it all starts with the way we relate to, and construct the narrative of our past.