324. adrift
we’re all lost in the deep
fighting against the tide
that our monsters intend to keep.
adrift,
in a sea of confliction
we search in order to be found.
reaching,
for any connection, allowing us
to find our feet on solid ground.
it’s said, that anxiety
is quickly quelled by action.
and it’s known that grasping
makes finding easy.
yet, if we aren’t careful
our fear will anchor us into reaction.
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We’re lost in an ocean of opinion, not knowing where to look for the right answers. Much of the time, information is merely opinion, backed up only by what fortifies the accepted narrative. This is as true for the way we talk to ourselves about if we are worthy of that raise, as the way the news intends to inform us.
We are what we pay attention to. The ideas that we consume — about ourselves and the world at large — are what create the world we see. If we are fearful and looking for answers, we will grasp at the closest thing that makes sense to us. Unfortunately, the closest thing (or idea) isn’t always the right answer. You thinking you didn’t get that date because you weren’t enough, is an idea you believe because it fits your narrative about yourself. You thinking the sky is falling because the news continues to tell you so is an idea you believe because it fits the narrative that is being reinforced.
It’s not until we stop listening to the things that only serve to keep us down, and start recreating how we interact with this world, will we be able to approach life with a sense of conscious choice instead of continuing to react out of fear.
272. “wrong” decisions
What’s really going on when we’re confused about a given situation? Obviously, there’s a conflict between what we want to do and what we think we should do. Simply put, we’re always worried about making the “wrong” decision. But what if there aren’t any “wrong” decisions for us to make, only “right” ones? What if every decision we make is the “right” one for us in that moment?
If we can approach all decisions with this attitude, it will take up less of our mental capacity and cause less tension in our day-to-day lives. Ultimately allowing us to lean into whatever decision we make with confidence. And, in the end, either decision will provide us with the clarity about a situation we were previously confused about. In reality, the only “wrong” thing we can do in any situation is waver back-and-forth, deciding on nothing, finding security in stagnation. It creates no clarity, no awareness, and no need to make adjustments with how to continue moving forward.
221. find yourself
Most of us live within other peoples value systems. Ever since we were children, we were told what was valuable and what wasn’t. We took on those values because without them, we didn’t think we could be loved or accepted. We became this person who holds things of importance without ever really understanding why. But it’s because we are a product of our environment.
The values impressed upon us from a young age, carry us through life if they align with our path, and cause us great strife if they’re in conflict with the path we should be walking.
So, how can we reconcile these things? We need to take a step back and look at all the things we’re doing. Are we doing them because we should, or because we want to? There is a distinctive difference, and in figuring it out, we can find ourselves and start living the way we’re meant to.
220. what really matters
We’ve all had our share of conflict. “Should I do this? or Should I do that?” Most often, we base our decisions on the most familiar option, not because it’s what we’re truly after any longer, so much as it’s the option where we know what to expect. It’s a safe choice, but not necessarily the right one for us.
All choice comes with an element of uncertainty. There is difficulty in saying “yes” to one thing, because it means saying “no” to another. In other words, in choosing one thing, we lose out on another. If everything align perfectly, we would never find ourselves in such a perplexing situation, as the answers would always be obvious. Yet, when they aren’t, their conflict upon our narrative comes in full force.
So, how do we determine what actually matters, and make the right choice for ourselves? We have to think about what we currently know today. With that information we have to ask ourselves… “if I wasn’t already invested in this business/relationship/career, would I invest in it today?”
It’s easy to think about all the time and effort we’ve placed into a particular endeavor and equate switching directions or quitting to throwing it all away, but we can’t look at it like that. We’ve have to understand that our journey was never set in stone. The steps we took to arrive at this point in our lives were all necessary to create the person we are, but that doesn’t mean continuing down the same path will continue to serve us. Hence, the conflict.
Joseph Campbell once said that, “we must be willing to let go of the life we planned, so that we can accept the life that is waiting for us.” In a sense, what we hold on to, can sometimes be what is holding us back.
Conflict arrises for a reason. Pay attention. It brings awareness to what is and isn’t working to deliver us toward the life that is waiting for us. So, that brings us back to the question.. if you weren’t already invested in (insert the thing you are so conflicted over) , would you currently invest all your time and energy into it?
217. commitment
Commitment is a statement of what “is.” It’s an honest assessment of your true desire.
You know what you’re committed to, by the results of your actions, not by what you say your commitments are.
If you simply say you’re committed to a result, it’s easy to come up with stories, excuses and reasons why the circumstances aren’t in favor of delivering you to the outcome you say you want. Whereas, if you’re truly committed, none of those things cross your mind. Your inner narrative is reflective of your true desires and you do whatever it takes.
Be aware of your response to any conflict that arrises along the way to your stated commitments. Are they excuses that keep you from getting a result? Or, are they just obstacles along your path to the inevitable outcome you’re working toward? There is a distinctive difference. One being the stated, the other being the true. The sooner you can be honest with yourself about your commitments, the sooner you can take the action necessary to finally get what you desire.
161. intuition
We are taught what to think — through rote memorization, consistent repetition, or simple indoctrination — rather than how to think. We are taught to sever ourselves from our intuition, and to always defer to a perceived expert or authority figure. But what happens when that person doesn’t have your best interest in mind, has a conflict of interest, or a financial incentive when offering their advice? We can easily be led down a path that doesn’t serve us.
It is our intuition that seeks to save us from misguided or nefarious guidance. However, when we are unable to tap into this innate knowledge because of past traumas we have failed to reconcile, we can be easily misled.
To some degree, we have all unfortunately experienced trauma, whether through verbal or sexual abuse, the loss of a loved one, a near-death experience, or another scarring event in our lives. If we haven’t done the internal work to heal ourselves from the pain of our past experiences, we become susceptible to the programming from our “education”, our media choice, our social circle, our upbringing, or our religious belief system.
Our unhealed trauma tells us that we aren’t worthy of making decisions for ourselves, so instead of searching for answers within ourselves we find it easier to listen to the voices of authority. Yet, their power only comes from what we allow. We find it easier to listen, than to turn inward, to do the self-work necessary to extoll the demons of our past, and heal the things that bother us the most, which cause us to search for guidance outside of ourselves.
It is not until we can heal from our past traumatic experiences, that we can confidently turn inward to reconnect with our intuitive voice and use it as a guide to discern whether the advice we are constantly being given is there to serve us, or them.
conflict leads to resolution
Conflict is necessary for growth. without it you will never be able to find resolution. Whether emotional, monetary, physical, or anything else you’re confronted with, conflict acts as the universe’s way of revealing you to yourself. It acts as a mirror to show you that your current path isn’t working. When you love someone but they break your heart, or you find yourself overweight to the point that you do not fit into something that you should. That is conflict. No amount of information, or glaring signs along the way can bring you to the realization that something needs to change quite like a moment of conflict. It’s painful, but necessary.
Coming to a realization is the most painful part of the process. It’s why most people fail to progress because it’s hard to look at who you are, all you identify with, and tell yourself you need to be someone new, or be with someone else. We all wish it were easy. We all want the “happily ever after” without the pain of being confronted with conflicts, but it needs to happen. You need to feel the heartache. You need to see experience the discomfort. Only then will you be shaken out of your paralysis of complacency.
Think about a fairytale that goes like this… There’s a fabulous kindle with the most beautiful princess and handsome prince who decided to get married and live happily ever after. These people would make the absolute fucking worst dinner guests. How could anyone relate?!
Conflict brings awareness to our transgressions, and leads to our eventual resolution. It’s a necessary part of everyone’s journey in life, love, and health. When we think back, never do we regret a moment of conflict. Instead we embrace it as a turning point in our life that allowed us to take the first steps of who we can be. Don’t waste your moments. Use them to find a better life for yourself.