277. how the events unfold
There are a lot of bad things that can happen. If we aren’t careful, we can slip into a belief that the universe is conspiring against us. But it’s not. It’s our beliefs that set the tone for what we expect, and which lay the foundation for how we contextualize what happens.
Whether we are defiantly positive or indubitably negative, we go through the day subconsciously looking to confirm either belief. For example, we can view getting stuck in traffic in two totally different ways; in a positive sense, it gives us extra time to finish that podcast; adversely, it can be seen as the universe throwing obstacles in our way to keep us from getting to work at a reasonable pace.
It’s all in how we choose to see how the events unfold. And because there is a choice, it’s always going to be better to think things are happening for us, instead of to us.
237. willingness
We all want to be free, but what does that really mean? We seem to think it’s the ability to do whatever we want, yet we would be wrong. Freedom isn’t the ability to do whatever we want, it’s the willingness to do so.
We think, “if I only had this much money or that much time, I could finally have the freedom to do what I wanted.” But that’s bullshit. If we were really forced to make a change, we would most likely realize we already have enough money and time to make the necessary changes that would put us on a path toward the life we want. Will it be perfect? Probably not, but that’s freedom.
We have a lot more freedom than our excuses allow us to believe. The things we tell ourselves are just stories to keep us in familiar territory because we are afraid of the consequences or the push back or the unknown that actually comes with the willingness to be free. We aren’t lacking freedom because we’re missing some liberating force in our lives, we lack freedom because we are stuck in our ways.
235. accept what happened
If we can translate our mess into meaning, then we can free ourselves from the burden it creates, instead of simply trying to find our way through or fix it. This isn’t the same as being overtly positive about the negative emotions or situations we encounter, rather its about accepting what has happened. Pause and learn from the situation. In this way, we can embrace those negative emotions that come from the undesirable situations as part of a larger process.
In her book entitled, Own Your Self, Kelly Brogan cites a 1,300 person study which “revealed that accepting negative emotions rather than suppressing, fighting, or otherwise papering them over led to the experience of fewer negative emotions.” It’s like the old thought experiment of asking someone not to think of the pink elephant — when we try not to, that’s all we can think about. Similarly, if we’re trying not to think about the negative consequences of the troubling experience we’re going through in our life it’s going to weigh much heavier on us than if we were to accept the situation for what it is.
Brogan goes on to say that, “when we stop fighting what we’re feeling — scared, alone, abandoned, angry — we spend less time focusing on what’s wrong in our life that needs fixing.” Whether it’s losing our job or experiencing heartbreak, the only way forward is through the acceptance of what happened, that the sun will rise tomorrow, and you will be okay.
218. expectations
It’s our own expectations that hurt us, not the reality we’re faced with. Whatever we think should happen for us isn’t real, but exists as a projection of what we want our world to look like. When things don’t go our way, it’s easy to feel like a victim, but the thing is that if we allow ourselves to fall to that level of thinking, we lose all our power to effectively change the situation moving forward.
We are not separate from the problems we encounter, we are part of them. Our experience is based on our perception. Any expectations we place on outcomes is of our doing. The sooner we can accept the responsibility that our expectations are under our control, the sooner we can positively adjust to the consequences.
Our power lies within our approach. We can never know the outcome of a certain situation, so being tied to any particular outcome can never prepare us to rise to the occasion.
152. conscious decisions
People have a tendency to want to stay unconscious. They enjoy living under the illusion that they don’t have to take responsibility for the problems they’re unwillingly creating because there will always be a “cure” for every symptom they present with, so eating junk food and watching Netflix becomes a mindless act. Yet, a cure can never be seen through the suppression of symptoms, as it is merely a deferral to a future date when their way of life can no longer be artificially sustained due to manifestations of ill health, in both body and mind, brought on by years of unconscious neglect.
The reality is that the cure for a faulty way of life can only be found through a conscious effort. In other words, taking ownership and responsibility for your actions. Awareness is the quickest way to create change in disease states of the body and mind because if you are conscious to the burdens you place on your body, but choose to do it anyhow, you have to carry the onus of what you’re doing. You can’t pawn off the responsibility to your doctor and ask them what pill you need to take to go back to your unconscious way of living.
The tragedy of it all is how pervasive the unconscious mentality has become. The majority of people have a fundamental understanding of what is necessary to create health, yet find themselves at McDonalds day after day. I’m convinced that it’s not a matter of presenting people with more information, but changing the way they think, see, and feel about themselves so that they can make a conscious decision for themselves.
97. live in the present
We live most of our lives in our head. Thinking and worrying about the consequences of what might come from our past decisions and future actions. Rarely are we ever present in the moment. We are really only anxious about what might be, but never what is. The anxiety that comes from contemplating whether or not you should kiss that person, the response you’ll receive from a work presentation, or what will happen once you step on stage to perform is all extinguished in the moment. There is no longer what if, only what is. We worry about the past and future, but all there is, is now. The funny thing is that worrying is a form of praying for what you don’t want. If you are consistently anxious about underperforming or failing, there is a greater likelihood that will happen because you are bringing so much attention to it. If you think about the last time you were worried about something you had to do, you’ll probably remember all the negative thoughts that existed before and after, but never during. You can’t be afraid in the moment because your mind is focused on performing, not analyzing. If we know that our best effort is made without worry, why do we continue to allow the ghosts of consequence to creep in?
86. love without consequence
Love can be dangerous, sinful, and untimely, yet it would be a mistake to make love contingent on consequences. The choice is never whether we fall in love, but what we do when it happens. It’s rare to find a person, or a passion, that captivates so completely that we dare throw caution to the wind. Fear will always be a factor, holding us back from loves embrace. However, if we can’t escape it’s calling, and continuously revisit the idea, we need to surrender our reservations and explore freely. It’s going to be frightening, but love requires vulnerability.
Bukowski said it best; ”find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain from you your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you, and let it devour your remains.”
In less malevolent terms, our time on this earth is finite and we’re all going to be consumed by something. If anything, it should be in pursuit of something we love because the very act of loving nourishes us. It destroys and rebuilds. It slays the version of ourselves that longs for the change we seek. It exhausts the excuses that have kept us anxious. And nothing kills anxiety quicker than action. So always choose love without the fear of consequence.