off topic: saying “i love you”
Saying, “I love you,” never came easy for me. Until it did. Why is that? My previous 2 relationships lasted a total of 15 years, and they had to pry those words out of my mouth. Looking back, I’m pretty confident it wasn’t love I was in, but denial that I had simply grown comfortable in a situation I didn’t want to leave. That’s not love, and it makes sense why the words never came easy. Fast forward to my most current relationship/situation (its complicated, I’ll write a novel about it one day)… I not only want to tell this person I love her, but I want to tell everyone else I love her, also. It’s as cute as it is ridiculous. So what’s the difference? Well, to be honest, I found someone who I want to make happy, whereas before I was looking for someone to make me happy. And that right there makes all-the-fucking-difference.
It’s rare to find someone you genuinely care enough about to break your own heart to let her go so that she can live the life she wants. It’s rare to find someone who inspires you to change your ways so profoundly that it causes you to see the world differently, and yet cannot imagine a world without her. It’s rare to find a person you truly and selflessly want to make happy. I think that’s why I love her, and I find it so very easy to say to her, “I love You.”
Find someone that makes the words come easy.
205. denial
Life is a constant battle with decision. Weighing one option against another. We think, “Should I stay or should I go?” It’s equally beautiful as it is stressful, in that we have the ability to be the creators of our lives and at the same time we’re constantly confronted with tension of, “Am I making the right decision?”
Forcing to reconcile the weight of one decision against the other, we find ourselves facing denial in some capacity. Yet, the thing about denial is that it’s just willpower at work. We can try our best to resist what is truly calling us, but we need to remember that willpower is fatiguable.
If something is capturing your attention so fully, pulling you away from where you thought you needed to be, you may as well lean into the thing that is causing the change because it’s inevitable that it’s going to happen. So, you either take control, or let indecision consume you to the point where you are so lost that circumstance ultimately creates a situation where the outcome is made for you.