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315. questions for change

Not starting something because we’re unsure of the result is a faulty mindset. We need to be willing to try different avenues to see what works best for us. Stop searching for a guarantee before you start. Instead, get clear about what you want and be willing to try out different ways to achieve it with intent, because if you do — if you try it on for size, you can figure out what fits best — as opposed to the opposite which is wasting time waiting for a guarantee, of which there are none.

When you want something different out of life, think about the following questions before you embark on your journey and maybe it can save you some time…

What is the change you seek to make? Are you here to do what you’re told or are you here to learn and improve yourself? Are you here to make a contribution with that change, or are you here only to take something for yourself? Answering questions honestly is difficult because it’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. So, if we can figure out how to tell ourselves a different story, then we may be able to create a different life. One that is not only beneficial to who we wish to become, but those whose lives we touch as well. Some people wake up in the morning and think “how can I double my worth,” while other people think, “how can I help the homeless guy on the corner.” These are two totally different kinds of change we seek to make in the world, but both are change. It comes down to being honest with who you want to be.

What possibility do you see? People have been indoctrinated since birth to either believe they are entitled or not, special or not, that they possess the ability to make a difference or not. So, the question may be better asked as to whether or not you see possibility in the change you seek to make? Likely if you are confident enough to try, then it’s a yes. On the flip side to that is learning to see the world as it is. It’s easy to think we get to make the world the way we want it to be, but we don’t. And that can be hard. The world is the way it is. Learning to see that reality is critical and it changes our view on what is really possible for us. If no one has ever done the thing you wish to accomplish, then you might be deluding yourself, whereas if there is a well-trodden path you seek to go down, then you might be able to follow it and add your flavor. This isn’t to say that, if it hasn’t been done before, don’t bother, but to be mindful not to travel too far down a road to nowhere. Millions of people have studied the stock market, yet most of them weren’t able to turn into Warren Buffet. Millions of people have read how to get in shape, but most of them weren’t able to transform their body into what they had initially envisioned. Part of it is discipline, part of it is seeing possibility, part of it is deciding what kind of journey you want to go on over the next year or even decade and how you approach it. But none of it is for lack of available information.

How much emotional labor are you willing and able to expend to accomplish the thing you wish to do? Whatever the goal, it may seem simple at first, but you quickly realize that there is a difference between simple and easy. Losing weight is relatively simple, however its execution is much more laborious than most people are willing to endure. Change isn’t easy because it requires us to dismantle old ways of thought and stories that have run our lives for years, and try new ones to see which ones stick so that we can get the end result we want. It’s really about being comfortable with incompetence on your way to getting better.

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308. we’re after more than money

Our biggest want is for money. We think it will deliver us to some magical place, where we can find fulfillment because we’ll have the ability to afford all that we desire. Don’t get me wrong, wanting to be rich for the sake of material comfort is fine, but it is likely not going to provide an internal sense of fulfillment. So, in all our efforts to acquire more money, why not be clear on what we’re really after? 

Let’s work through this with the following example…

Is more money your desired outcome? Why?
I don’t want to have to worry about money again. 

‎Why do you worry about money now?
I can’t afford to travel and see the world like I want to?

Why do you want to travel?
I want to experience the multitude of cultures and see all the beautiful things the world has to offer. 

Why do you want to experience these things?
I believe there is more to this life than waking up and going to work everyday to pay for things that only serve as distractions. 

Aha! Now we’re getting to the root of what you’re really after. Your life is unfulfilling. So, what’s missing?
I want a life that I can look forward to. A life of adventure, where new experiences help me grow as a person.

This example is meant to illustrate the fact that our want of money is never that simple. Our intentions to acquire more are just ways to chase down a life that is more fulfilling. The intention is still driven by a desire for personal gratification, however now we can understand that it isn’t money we’re after but adventure and experiences in personal growth. This isn’t to say that we should abandon working toward building wealth and retire to the adventurous life of vagabonding, it’s meant to add clarity to the real reason we want more. Knowing this, we can insert adventure or experiences into our life to gain more fulfillment along the way which can also guide our path, instead of material possessions that generally serve as distractions. 

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288. intentional living

When is the last time you did something for the sake of doing it?

We’re all so caught up in a race to complete something, that we’ve lost the enjoyment of just living. Our efforts, if not strictly directed at gaining from everything we do, are seen as a waste of time. While it’s good to live with intention, what is life without the ability to simply enjoy the moments we have?

When is the last time you went for a walk to enjoy nature, without counting your steps? The last time you decided to truly enjoy a meal, without worrying about calories? The last book you read, without seeking some personal gain over those who didn’t read it? Or, the last time you did anything particularly enjoyable for the sake of doing it, without the desire for a constructive result?

None of this is meant to steer us away from intentional living, but that there is some truth to the old saying “stop and smell the roses.” We’re all hurrying to get somewhere and accomplish something that we miss out on the small things that this life is made of. Living with intention is great, but intentional living may be better.

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184. if it doesn’t scare you…

If what you do doesn't scare you, you're not trying hard enough.

We often find the excuse not to do things because we are waiting for the perfect confluence of events to produce something spectacular. We do this because we are afraid to fail, but it is the execution and the continual practice that will allow you to deliver the result you're after.

No one hits a home run every time they step to the plate. The great hitters strike out more than they connect, but what separates them from others, is that they swing for a home run every time. They don't let creeping doubt play a part in their efforts. They execute every time they step to the plate, and because they do so they are able to deliver results.

Do they fail? Yes. Does is suck? Yes. Will there be critics? Yes. But, will they be who they are if they didn't continually execute? No!

We can always find a reason not to put ourselves out there. It can be fucking scary to show the world who you are. It requires a certain amount of vulnerability, and for most, that's enough of a reason to hide, or not to try.

We forget that the ones we look to for inspiration didn't start out hitting home runs. They put themselves out there, swung and missed continuously until they found their groove.

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101. watch where your resources flow

What is the easiest way to know if the strategy you’re implementing will be successful? Watch where your resources flow. Whether it’s time, money, attention, or love — it really comes down to how you allocate your resources that will determine the outcome. If you want to be in shape, but choose to spend the majority of your free time watching Netflix and eating takeout, those 30 minutes a day spent at the gym aren’t going to amount to much. If you want to be in a relationship, but choose to take that person for granted by treating them as though they will always be there, those times you find it necessary to say “I love you” will eventually mean less and less. You might think you’re a dedicated person because you choose to go to the gym for 30 minutes a day, or only choose loving words when you feel its necessary, but the outcomes of those strategies are only going to result in failure. The expectations of these strategies aren’t aligned with the reality of the situation. If the decision you make about where you want to invest your mind, body, and heart aren’t consistent with the person you’re aspiring to be or the things you want to accomplish, you’ll never become that person who accomplishes those things.

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81. you only get out what you put in

No matter what we do, we always want the best results. The greater the level of effort we place into our chosen activity — whether, in business, writing, weight-loss, or really anything — the better results you will achieve. You can’t expect to become a successful entrepreneur if its just a part-time interest. You can’t expect to master the craft of writing, if you aren’t consistent. You can’t expect to optimally lose weight, if you are half-assing on your diet. How can we expect the best possible outcome with mediocre practices? Very simple, you can’t. It’s important to understand that you don’t rise to the level of your expectations, you always fall to your level of practice. You don’t transition to becoming business owner, a published author, or a vision of health just because you have a certain expectation. If your standard of practice is inferior to the results you want, then you can’t expect more. No one is perfect, but we can choose the level of effort we put into our desired activities. And as the saying goes, you only get out what you put in.

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