confused about lack of progress...
If a person searches out a fitness professional and says they want to achieve XYZ fitness goal, they obviously value that fitness professional’s opinion, otherwise they wouldn't pay them. However, when they provide this person with their best guidance based on past experience (which likely led them in their direction to begin with) as to how to achieve XYZ goal, they fail to complete the necessary tasks needed to get there, and then they get frustrated about not making any progress.
Why is that? It's likely that many people… 1) don't actually know what they want, and/or 2) have no idea the effort it takes to get there.
1) People don’t actually know what they want, they just know they aren’t happy with what they have. The general complaint is they’re carrying around too much weight, and so people think fat-loss is the answer, but it’s not necessarily the goal. Confidence is the goal.
2) People have no idea how much effort it takes to achieve their goal, it’s not that the goal is necessarily difficult to achieve. For example, weight loss is relatively simple — eat less, move more — yet far from easy because it requires change. People don’t change because they need to, they change because they’re inspired.
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If anyone is lacking the clarity about what they want to achieve (in any health endeavor, or even life), I don't think they can be truly inspired. So, I guess the first step is to figure out what any of us are truly after in order to find the inspiration to get there. And, I think that comes down to simply asking why enough times to find out.
319. actions are truer than words
It doesn’t matter what you tell yourself, or the things you espouse to the world. Your actions ultimately show your true values. Your actions reveal what you actually want.
We all say we want certain things — I want to lose weight. I want to write a book. I want to travel the world. I want to start over in a new city. It’s easy to say we want something, and it’s not wrong to want, however if those words aren’t followed up by actions to get you there, then you need to be true to yourself and ask; is this what I really want? Most likely, if you did want that thing, you would have already gotten after it, instead of merely talking about it.
Once we understand this, it’s easy to spot our true priorities. You can ignore what continues to be said and simply focus on your actions. It will show where your values truly lie.
If you say you want to lose weight, yet you continue down the same road, making poor decisions around your nutrition and health, it’s easy to see that you aren’t really in a place where losing weight is of the utmost value to you. If you say you want to write a book, yet fail to sit down and put ideas into words, then stop saying you want to write a book. If you say you want to travel, yet find excuses about it costing too much or not having enough free time, then stop saying you want to travel. If you want to move to a new city so that you can “start over,” yet you take no action towards applying for positions or looking for places to live in that area, then stop saying you want to start over in a new city.
We prioritize what we value. If we’re hungry we eat.
At a certain point, we need to stop lying to ourselves. Get clear on what you value. Stop putting energy into an idea that you have no interest in entertaining with action. Look in the mirror and ask yourself about the actions you consistently do. What are you doing everyday? What can’t you miss out on? What makes you, You? The answers you come up with are the things you truly value, and are what guide your life. All the other “I wants” are just lip service until they become part of what you consistently do. Stop wasting time by saying “I want”, if you really did, you wouldn’t continuously have to tell people because they would already see it in your actions.
302. choose your circle wisely
We are the sum of the people we hold closest to us. If we aren’t careful in who we choose to share our time with, we risk creating a detrimental situation for the life we want. The people we surround ourselves with are either actively assisting and supporting our growth, or passively holding us back because their values are different than ours.
When hearing things like, “relax, you work too hard,” or “you can do it tomorrow” begin to weigh heavily on your conscience, it’s time to rethink your circle of friends. When you’re unsure if others are aligned with your values on the life you want, ask yourself the question: “when I spend time with this person or group of people, do I feel like I’m getting closer or further away from who I wan to be?” The answer may surprise you.
288. intentional living
When is the last time you did something for the sake of doing it?
We’re all so caught up in a race to complete something, that we’ve lost the enjoyment of just living. Our efforts, if not strictly directed at gaining from everything we do, are seen as a waste of time. While it’s good to live with intention, what is life without the ability to simply enjoy the moments we have?
When is the last time you went for a walk to enjoy nature, without counting your steps? The last time you decided to truly enjoy a meal, without worrying about calories? The last book you read, without seeking some personal gain over those who didn’t read it? Or, the last time you did anything particularly enjoyable for the sake of doing it, without the desire for a constructive result?
None of this is meant to steer us away from intentional living, but that there is some truth to the old saying “stop and smell the roses.” We’re all hurrying to get somewhere and accomplish something that we miss out on the small things that this life is made of. Living with intention is great, but intentional living may be better.
278. proving the process
We all want to improve some aspect of our lives. Most of our attempts come through the act of goal setting. Unfortunately, as good as goals can be as an initial motivator, they come with a downside of becoming useless once achieved. So we’re constantly tasked with setting new goals, which may work for some people, but for others, it’s likely that the continued sacrifice and grind of denying who we are or how we want to live to achieve something can take a toll until we eventually quit altogether. But there’s a better way to look at it.
Instead of goal setting being black and white, either achieved or not, think of it as a testing process. To see what works, what doesn’t, and what can be implemented into a longterm process of achieving, instead of achievement. There is no point in denying ourselves the things we enjoy or sacrificing parts of our life to achieve something, only to say we achieved a result for a brief moment before we revert back to doing the things we enjoyed.
The simplest way to achieve something is usually not the most sustainable or easiest way for us to get there, and that’s okay. The simplest way to achieve a weight loss goal is to severely restrict calories and workout intensely. The simplest way to achieve a goal of financial independence is to stop spending money and work feverishly. While either goal is admirable, the sacrifice it takes to achieve them likely isn’t sustainable for the majority of us, because simple doesn’t equal easy.
It’s better to use our attempts at achieving goals to figure out small things that we can stick with and implement into our lives, so that over time we can achieve what we’re after without having to sacrifice all our fun and enjoyment. Pretty soon, those small things we’ve added in, simply become part of the process of our daily lives, not part of a goal we’re trying to achieve. And because we continue to add those small parts in, we can arrive at the same end point of a healthy weight or hefty bank account while not having to worry about regressing or falling back into old habits.
We will be better off if we can reframe the process of constant goal achievement, into a process of achieving. In the end, we’ll no longer need a goal when our process is proven over time.
255. what fills your time
We start new habits with the best of intentions. Placing our effort into areas that will help us move ourselves closer to the person we want to become, but sometimes we lose the motivation that got us started in the first place. When this happens, the popular excuse of “there isn’t enough time,” always comes up. The funny thing about that is for as long as you held the habit, there was enough time to complete it.
So where is the disconnect? It’s not that you lack time, but your motivation waned, and that is okay. Not all habits are meant to stick. However, be mindful what occupies the time you previously spent on your habit of self-improvement. If what you replaced the habit with isn’t of equal value or doesn’t help you progress to the person you are trying to become then perhaps you should rethink what you’re giving up. For example, if I gave up the habit of writing because “I couldn’t find the time,” yet spent an hour a day on social media, then I am not making a decision my future-self will benefit from. However, if I give up the habit of writing because I wanted to focus more on making videos as a form of self-expression or the exploration of ideas, then that seems like a good trade off.
So pay attention to what fills your time. If the habit you currently have isn’t working for you, that’s okay, change it up, just don’t replace it with something that is going to waste the time it’s elimination frees up.
254. keep your head up
Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better. We all like to think, “I know what I want,” but in reality there is no way to know that what you’re after is the best possible outcome for you. All the effort you put into a goal or the lifestyle you’re chasing is commendable, just don’t let your focus become so narrow — by keeping your head down, only focusing on where to place your next step — that you lose out on opportunities along the way. Walk your path knowing that you really don’t know what lies outside the boundaries you force yourself to stay within, so continue to strive for that life you want, but keep your head up because you never know what might come along.
245. training or education
Training and education are entirely different things. Yet, are conflated into the same meaning and used interchangeably.
Rich Diviney states in his book called Attributes that, “training is about learning and practicing specific skills; education is about broadening knowledge, developing beliefs and values, gaining experience.” This isn’t a subtle difference, which can be illustrated by the strangeness of hearing someone say “I’m going to educate my dog today.” WTF!? The statement doesn’t work because we don’t educate dogs, we train them. We teach our “good boy” to sit, stay, or shake. We don’t expect him to understand the how or why of the environment or situation in which we might ask him to do those things. A “good boy” does what we ask, without fail.
Often times when we’re looking to achieve a specific goal, we aren’t interested in being educated so much as trained to reach a particular outcome. While it’s great that we can take orders and achieve our goal with the help of another, it leaves our future results in jeopardy. Yes, finding someone to assist you on your journey is key, but you’ll never find your own results if you are reliant on the commands of another. Take the time you have with your mentor, coach, trainer, parents or whoever you look up to to ask the questions that allow you to take the lead in achieving your outcomes. If you don’t you’ll never be the hero of your story, you’ll just be a part of someone else’s.
244. broaden your horizons
We tend to lose our imagination as we get older. Or maybe we trade it in for our increasing level of priorities or our increasingly limited bandwidth. Either way, it gets continuously harder to imagine a future we want than to remember a past we’ve lived through. So that past becomes a guide for our decisions, instead of the opposite. Making it through the day becomes the goal, rather than envisioning new horizons. This serves us to the point that it allows us to “fly” on autopilot through our day — and if we aren’t careful, even our life — by completing tasks and getting things done, but ultimately falls short on improving that life.
We’ve become less creative and imaginative as we age, and consequently more fixed and dogmatic in the narrative we allow ourselves to live by. And while this can be a way of life, it is certainly not a way to live.
238. thirty day rule
Based on the last 30 days of interacting with your partner, your employer, or any other relationship, would they bring you back for another 30 days or could they find someone better to replace you?
If you are honest with yourself, the likely answer for most of us is “No.” The way you’ve shown up over the last 30 days is out of habit, or fear, or comfort, not the excitement or passion that consumed us over the first 30 days.
You show up day after day because it’s easy. It’s easy because it’s familiar. You can zone out, and make it through the day on autopilot. You are present without really having presence. You’re there, but you’re not because you checked out a long time ago.
Think back to the first interaction with your partner, the first interview for that job you wanted, the first sparks of passion you felt for the commitment you now simply show up for. Think about all the excitement you felt during those first 30 days. Now think about how much of that person still exists today.
Would your partner or employer re-up for another 30 days, based on the last 30?
In speaking on relationships, Esther Perel says that “your partner is a lease, with an option to renew.” Extending that metaphor to the broader context of this post — the relationship, or career path, or any situation you find yourself in is not a life sentence. They’re all experiences we have controlling interest in. There is no obligation to keep going. If the last 30 days aren’t in line with the first what’s the point of continuously renewing. If you aren’t showing up with the same fervor or feeling as you once did maybe it’s time to trade it in.
236. change your language
If the story you continue to tell yourself doesn’t line up with the actions you take then you need to change the things you say.
Either change your language, or change your message.
There’s no reason to continue to talk about how you want to lose weight, but continue the bad habits that caused you to gain the weight in the first place.
There’s no reason to continue to talk about how you don’t like the job you’re in, but refuse to put effort into updating your resume to see what can come of it.
There’s no reason to continue to talk about how you wish you could find the time to read more, but all the free time you have is spent on social media or in front of the television.
Maybe the things you say you want aren’t as important as you think they are. And that’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up trying to fit in a narrative that doesn’t work for you. If you are continuing to fall short on what you tell yourself, take note. There’s a good chance that that story, at least in how you’re currently telling it, isn’t in line with what really needs to happen.
Here’s a personal example… A goal of mine is to be successful and make money simply for being me. I thought that meant I had to build a business around my personality. I kept telling myself over and over, this is how I have to do it, but failed every time. I just don’t care enough about marketing or social media to be “that guy.” So, I changed the way I looked at it all. Instead of saying “I need to be a brand,” I change the language to “I want the freedom to do what I love.” That seemed to make all the difference in the world because I found a place that lets me be me, and they pay me well for it. I have endless potential to grow and create, which is all I wanted from the beginning. But if I stuck to the language that kept failing me, I wouldn’t have found the success that I have now.
231. hinging your tomorrows on yesterday
Not everything is meant to last forever. But the end of something doesn’t mean you failed. It more likely means the thing you’re after is failing you. Who you’ve become in the process can no longer be fulfilled by whatever it is you’re afraid to fail at. And in trying, you’re not opening yourself up to the possibility of something that can fulfill the new person you’ve become. You’re hinging your tomorrows on yesterday.
We have to realize that there is a distinction between what is worth saving and what is worth walking away from. But we all want there to be definitive answers, so we wait for absolutes, and that’s the biggest mistake because they never come. We’re always going to be at battle with “what if?”
Our decisions are always going to come with conflict. In choosing to walk away from old systems and toward greater possibilities, sometimes we also have to come to terms with letting go of what was great about the old system.
As I like to say, “there are no right answers, but there are wrong ones.” This life is about forward progress and momentum. If the situation you find yourself in isn’t moving you forward, or at least allowing you to maintain the momentum toward the life you want, then it’s important to periodically ask, “is this system serving who I want to become, or holding me back?” Pay attention to the themes.
The answers are never simple and choices will always be hard, but nothing worth it comes easy.
217. commitment
Commitment is a statement of what “is.” It’s an honest assessment of your true desire.
You know what you’re committed to, by the results of your actions, not by what you say your commitments are.
If you simply say you’re committed to a result, it’s easy to come up with stories, excuses and reasons why the circumstances aren’t in favor of delivering you to the outcome you say you want. Whereas, if you’re truly committed, none of those things cross your mind. Your inner narrative is reflective of your true desires and you do whatever it takes.
Be aware of your response to any conflict that arrises along the way to your stated commitments. Are they excuses that keep you from getting a result? Or, are they just obstacles along your path to the inevitable outcome you’re working toward? There is a distinctive difference. One being the stated, the other being the true. The sooner you can be honest with yourself about your commitments, the sooner you can take the action necessary to finally get what you desire.
215. master the art of showing up
A habit must be established before it can be improved. This has to become a standard in your life before you should start worrying about optimizing or expanding on it.
If you’re not the type of person who sits down and writes one sentence a day, or steps one foot inside a gym, you’re never going to be the person who finishes a novel, or looks good naked.
We’re so focused on finding and implementing the perfect plan that we forget to give ourselves permission to not be perfect at first. Instead, we need to shift our focus on showing up everyday in a small way.
Whether it’s one push-up or one word on a blank page, do something so that you can master the art of showing up. Make that your new normal. And then once you become the person who shows up, then you can expand on the habit you’ve built.
204. find it
Don’t fall into the trap of believing successful people are all that different than you by thinking they possess some mysterious gift, or are mystically endowed with prosperity, and then tear yourself down wondering whether or not you’ve been so blessed. If you’re waiting around for inspiration to light a fire under you, you’re wasting your time because it’s not going to happen. You have to go out and find it. If you want more out of life, it’s up to you to cultivate the ambition that lies within.
194. in line
Are your goals in line with our values?
You have to remember that if you say “yes” to one thing, most likely you’re saying “no” to someone or something else. It’s not necessarily good or bad, right or wrong, it’s just what it is.
That decision in itself helps clarify your values, and understand your priorities. Both of which lead to your identity, and the way the world sees you.
If you are acting in congruence with your values, ideally those values are tied to the person you want to become. So, in practice; instead of trying to be somebody that tries to do something, become that person who does it. Instead of thinking it’s important for me to go workout, think I’m the person who works out. By simply reframing the language you start to become that person, and because we inevitably are what we do, sometimes we just need a little change in language to set us off in the right direction.
the wrong goals
In the United States, healthcare consumes 17.5% of the gross domestic product. By comparison, residential and commercial construction combined makes up only 7.5%. From the pharmaceutical industry to insurance companies to hospitals to medical device manufacturers, it is a massive—and massively profitable—business. The health care industry is booming, and Americans are sicker than ever. The thing that most people don't understand is that industry is focused more on the bottom line than on patient care. It’s not that the people who work in these industries are evil. It’s that the companies involved have become very good at making decisions in service of a goal. And they have the wrong goals.
94. behavior change
How do you come to believe the things you believe about yourself? You popped into this world with no preconceived notions, so where did the idea of You come from? We can argue the concepts behind Nurture versus Nature, but both are instrumental in constructing the identity you have about yourself.
So how does our identity get shaped? Mostly, through repetition of whatever story you’ve constructed over the years and repeatedly told yourself. Your story is your identity. The habits you formed shaped that narrative, and reinforced your particular identity. Sometimes it can be positive; “I’m a caring and loving person.” Other times it can be negative; “I’m fat and everyone hates me.” But these are just the stories you tell yourself. The unfortunate thing is, whether good or bad, if you’re looking for something to validate your feelings, you’re going to find it. So, if you go into situations with a certain framework, you’ll come away with experiences that match the story you’re telling yourself and solidify it within your mind.
Every thought and action you take is a vote for the person you want to become. If you can master the right mindset, that allows you to establish the right habits, you will continuously cast a vote for the person you wish to become. Those small efforts, day-after-day serve to create major changes over time. You’re not going to transform your body by doing one push-up a day, just as you’re not going to become a published author by writing once a day, but each time you do, you cast a vote for the type of person that doesn’t miss workouts, or the daily practice of writing. And over time, you’ll become the person who is healthy and can write well enough to tell you about it.
It’s important to understand that the goal isn’t to lose weight, or to publish a book because once you do, you’re not pursuing behavior change anymore, you’re acting in alignment as to the type of person you already see yourself to be. True behavior change is really identity change. Once you change the internal story, it’s easier to show up as the person you want to be. And, at that point it’s no longer motivation that drives you; it’s actualization of “this is who I am now.”
82. sky's the limit
No matter your opinion of Hip-Hop, specifically from the 90’s, there are some masterful lyricists out there that have the ability to deliver a powerful message rapped in an analogy that invites you to see things differently. Strip away the stigma, the personification, the flash, and you come down to the realization that at the fundamental level, it’s simply poetry in motion. Artistry in any form is a gift, whether it’s painting a picture through brush strokes or a succession of words. It’s definitely a lost art in today’s soulless mumble rapping style, where artists rely exclusively on the beat because they have little substance to add otherwise.
One of my favor songs of all time is Sky’s the Limit, by the Notorious B.I.G. It’s a testament to a culture that embodies hustle and determination. It’s an ethic I believe in. If you want to be successful, you have to show up everyday to do the work, because can only get you so far.
The song starts off in a situation that the majority of us can identify with at some level — being born on the wrong side of wealth and opportunity. It transitions into how we are all initially embarrassed by our station in life, but this is what sparks the initial drive to better our life. Sometimes, we must fake it to make it, fitting in where we can. The most successful among us learn from those encounters and use them as teachable moments. Mistakes will always be made along the way in an effort to figure out the best path forward, to elevate ourselves out of the position we originally found ourselves in. As we transform, so does our environment and the people around us. And, because we are the sum of that environment and those people we are surrounded by, it is responsible for changing us, just as much as we change it. In other words, surround yourself with elements that define where you want to go, not where you came from. We always need to be looking forward, even if it scares us because everything we want is on the other side of fear. Therefore, thinking about what needs to be done to fulfill that process is both the toughest and best decision we can make, as it will allow you to get to the next stage in your life.
Without the foresight of a growth mindset, we’ll never be more than what we started with. Call it hustle, hard-work, determination, grit, or persistence. It’s simply a choice that we must make to be the person we want to be. You have to know that the sky is the limit, as the hook repeatedly says. You have to keep pressing on, to get what you want and be how you want. Anything else is settling. Once you figure out how to master the mindset that will lead you to success in whatever you choose, there’s really no stopping you because you are only limited by the restrictions you place upon yourself. There will be setbacks, speed bumps, obstacles, failures, and apparently even a pandemic, but all these are ways to not only strengthen your resolve to what you ultimately want to become, but can help you readjust your direction and narrow your focus. And, as Biggie recites the Hustler’s Prayer — “if the game shakes me or breaks me, I hope it makes me a better man, [to] take a better stand” — it’s important to understand that everything we encounter on our journey is simply meant to serve us along the way because the sky is the limit.
81. you only get out what you put in
No matter what we do, we always want the best results. The greater the level of effort we place into our chosen activity — whether, in business, writing, weight-loss, or really anything — the better results you will achieve. You can’t expect to become a successful entrepreneur if its just a part-time interest. You can’t expect to master the craft of writing, if you aren’t consistent. You can’t expect to optimally lose weight, if you are half-assing on your diet. How can we expect the best possible outcome with mediocre practices? Very simple, you can’t. It’s important to understand that you don’t rise to the level of your expectations, you always fall to your level of practice. You don’t transition to becoming business owner, a published author, or a vision of health just because you have a certain expectation. If your standard of practice is inferior to the results you want, then you can’t expect more. No one is perfect, but we can choose the level of effort we put into our desired activities. And as the saying goes, you only get out what you put in.