340. crystal clear
Whenever you try to implement change, a tension arises. The rational part of your brain knows what needs to be done, but the emotional part doesn’t want to do the hard work.
For change to happen you need both parts of your brain on board. If you only instruct the rational part of your brain you’ll have an understanding, but no motivation. If you only appeal to the emotional part of the brain, you’ll have passion, but no direction.
The rational part of your brain is the part of you that knows exercising before work is a good idea, so it sets the alarm nice and early. It has a clear vision of what it wants and the best way to get there, but unfortunately it’s a poor motivator. The best shot at getting your emotional brain on board is to be specific as possible about what needs to happen, otherwise the passion for change will fade.
“Lose weight” isn’t very clear, but “wake up at 5am, put on shoes, go to the gym, do 4 sets of squats and pull-ups” is a crystal clear instruction.
“Be more productive” is not clear either, but “sit down at the desk, open up a word document, set the timer for 20 minutes, and start writing all the words bouncing around in your head until the time is up” is another crystal clear instruction.
Both examples allow for small tasks to be repeated right after another, adding motivation to keep moving forward.
If it’s clear and easy, motivation and direction come into alignment effortlessly, allowing for change to happen. As soon as clarity is lost in vague statements, real change stands no chance.
228. what does impossible look like?
What does impossible look like?
It looks familiar.
You wake up. Eat breakfast. Check your electronic device for emails, messages, and updates. You respond accordingly. Then you travel somewhere to complete a task — work or school or another creative endeavor. You talk to people, here and there, gaining insight from shared conversations. Email, messages, and updates are checked again, before you move on to lunch. Then another task, more conversations and so on. Interspersed in there somewhere you grab a shower, get some sleep, hit the gym, and put the kids to bed. And repeat.
The underlying process and fundamental execution of your daily tasks all look the same — no matter if you’re striving for a moonshot project or implementing a new dietary regimen.
We often fail to make changes in our life because we’re afraid that pursuing the impossible means we will have to upend all the familiar processes we have in place. This isn’t necessarily the case. Yes, you will have to change who you converse with if you want to make it to Mars, just as you will have to change the way you eat if you wish to be healthier, but you still have to talk to people and you still have to eat. You still have to travel from place to place, check your email, and remain focused. It’s no different than any other day, with the caveat that in going after the impossible you can complete all the things you were already doing with a new sense of purpose.
If you can understand that doing the impossible — whatever that really means for you — isn’t going to be as unfamiliar as you think, then perhaps you will find the necessary confidence to press forward and go after the impossible.
222. what’s past is prologue
You get to be the narrator of your life’s story. There’s no rule that says you must be defined by your past. It doesn’t matter who you were, in only matters who you want to become. Don’t fall into the trap of using your past as an excuse that keeps you stuck in habits, attitudes, relationships, and situations that prevent you from growing. Take responsibility for the life you have. If it’s not what you want, then change the way you relate to your story. Base your identity and internal narrative on your future, not your past.
94. behavior change
How do you come to believe the things you believe about yourself? You popped into this world with no preconceived notions, so where did the idea of You come from? We can argue the concepts behind Nurture versus Nature, but both are instrumental in constructing the identity you have about yourself.
So how does our identity get shaped? Mostly, through repetition of whatever story you’ve constructed over the years and repeatedly told yourself. Your story is your identity. The habits you formed shaped that narrative, and reinforced your particular identity. Sometimes it can be positive; “I’m a caring and loving person.” Other times it can be negative; “I’m fat and everyone hates me.” But these are just the stories you tell yourself. The unfortunate thing is, whether good or bad, if you’re looking for something to validate your feelings, you’re going to find it. So, if you go into situations with a certain framework, you’ll come away with experiences that match the story you’re telling yourself and solidify it within your mind.
Every thought and action you take is a vote for the person you want to become. If you can master the right mindset, that allows you to establish the right habits, you will continuously cast a vote for the person you wish to become. Those small efforts, day-after-day serve to create major changes over time. You’re not going to transform your body by doing one push-up a day, just as you’re not going to become a published author by writing once a day, but each time you do, you cast a vote for the type of person that doesn’t miss workouts, or the daily practice of writing. And over time, you’ll become the person who is healthy and can write well enough to tell you about it.
It’s important to understand that the goal isn’t to lose weight, or to publish a book because once you do, you’re not pursuing behavior change anymore, you’re acting in alignment as to the type of person you already see yourself to be. True behavior change is really identity change. Once you change the internal story, it’s easier to show up as the person you want to be. And, at that point it’s no longer motivation that drives you; it’s actualization of “this is who I am now.”