342. seasons ending
Life is an endless series of transition. To go from one thing to another, seasons must change. There’s never any complaint about the flowers that bloom in the spring after we make it through the winter. However, that awareness is often lost on ourselves. We, for whatever reason, avoid the challenge associated with change, and stay the same. Finding comfort in our discomfort, simply because it is familiar. Not until we realize it is us who control the transitional change within ourselves, can we see the bloom of the next season of our lives.
off topic: fight club
Here's my mildly cryptic proposition for a Fight Club... You have to accept that the "normal" way of life (the status quo) is never going to allow you to become the best version of yourself. That the only way forward is to passionately focus on completing the work necessary to illuminate, correct, and construct a new narrative that directs you towards the life you want. Whatever it is, you'll need to remove the blinders sold by reductionistic thinking and open yourself up to the multitude of inputs that allow for a compound effect (1+1+1>3). The mind, the body, and the spirit, singularly mean nothing, but when strengthened simultaneously create more than the sum of their parts. Fight Club seeks to build an undefeatable belief in the self, drawn from the ability to learn from the struggles (physical, mental, & emotional) life bestows upon you, and intentionally take action in accordance with the sovereign individual you wish to be.
Accountability is a pledge to your future self.
Respect is never forgetting the fundamentals.
Education never stops and is always moving.
Health is a vehicle for all performance.
Virtue is only recognized by the strength of ability.
Fear is a bastion for conformity.
Rules:
1. Start where you are.
2. Take action (fight, read, lift, nourish, create, recover).
3. Be better than yesterday.
Fight against mediocrity to live your best life.
339. go your own way
One if the hardest parts about life is that many of us are scared to be ourselves. Instead, we try to fit into a box or narrative established by someone else because we’ve been convinced this is better than anything we can do on our own. In either case, we often try to mold our actions, thoughts, and opinions in an attempt to align with the values of our chosen group. In the process of believing that no group, organization, or entity will accept us in our entirety, we continually end up shaving off parts of ourselves just to gain acceptance. But who is is that they are accepting? It’s certainly not us in our totality. And, if we can’t be accepted for who we are, what’s the point?
There’s really only a few choices for those of us who find it hard to be ourselves; conformity, silence, or to go your own way. Conformity, in any situation, and on any issue that you don’t hold to be a genuine truth is a betrayal of yourself as an individual, which is ultimately a shot through your own heart. Silence does the same thing, as our hearts are always paying attention — aware that our words and actions aren’t in accordance to our values, yet are kept sealed just so we can get along. The only option left is to go your own way. This one takes a long time to build — through trials and tribulation — enough confidence to stand alone with conviction and march toward a virtuous existence. In the process we will likely be battered and bruised, but at least you will be you.
338. become a monster
We’re living in a world that’s currently thriving on scarcity and fear. Where people choose to find comfort in passivity. Where it’s more acceptable to back down, than stand up. Where strong convictions often lead to exile.
However, it shouldn’t be wrong to exhibit strength. To be resolute in your beliefs. To stand firm for what you want out of life. At the same time that doesn’t mean any of us should treat those who do not share our exact views with contempt or malice. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be kind if you’re strong, but it does mean that if you can’t exhibit strength if you succumb to weakness.
So don’t be afraid. Don’t be docile. Don’t be idle. Don’t be weak. And most importantly, don’t be a dick.
Become a monster.
Be ruthlessly ambitious, and then learn how to control it.
At the end of the day, it’s always better to be warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.
336. perfect problems
The only problems we have left are the perfect ones. We’ve found solutions to all the others.
It’s the perfect problems that keep us stuck. They’re perfect because they have built-in constraints that keep us trapped in a situation. I hate my job, but I need it. I don’t like being overweight, but I’ve tried everything. We erect boundaries that keep us from seeing the solutions on the other side.
We mistakenly think there’s no way to solve a perfect problem, but in reality, the solution stands behind the boundaries we’ve created. If we can understand this, then the only logical thing to do is destroy those boundaries, and find the solution that lays behind it.
The only way to solve a perfect problem is to make it imperfect. Tear down the boundaries. Eliminate the constraints. Put in your two weeks tomorrow. Put down the food you know isn’t good for you, and only eat what you cook from scratch.
A radical shift in approach is the only alternative to a slow and agonizing march to unhappiness. The only way to get unstuck from a perfect problem is to blow up the boundaries that have been setup, deal with the pain in the short-term, and then run forward, as fast as we can.
335. normalizing fear
We’re all afraid of something, and that’s okay because it can be a powerful motivator. However, if we normalize any of our fears, our attention gradually comes to rest more on what we don’t want than what we do. We are ultimately what we pay attention to.
The things we don’t want continuously run through our mind as we say, “I don’t want to be poor.” “I don’t want to be sick.” “I don’t want to be alone.” They replay so often that we eventually develop a relationship with them.
In those moments of “I don’t want,” the mind can’t distinguish between what you want and what you don’t. It only knows what you’re interested in. And, if we continue to focus our attention on destitution, sickness, and solitude that is what we will manifest. These types of thoughts leave no room for the mind to bring our attention toward wealth, health, and love.
In the end, you get what you focus on. Stop placing all your attention on what you don’t want to happen and begin to focus your attention on what you would like to see unfold in your life. Stop placing a negative bias on your “what if’s.” Instead of saying “what if I end up poor,” “what if I end up sick,” “what if I end up alone,” start saying “what if I end up wealthy, with an abundance of health and love.”
Each of us has to understand that we don’t describe what we see, we see what we describe. The sooner we understand this fundamental principle, the sooner we can change the situation we find ourselves in.
334. inherited outlook
Scientists originally believed that it was strictly our parents’ genes that became the blueprint for what would eventually become us, and that with just the right amount of guidance and nutrition, we would develop seamlessly according to plan. But newer research is showing that the person you have become is predicated more on the history of your parents — and perhaps more astonishingly, their parents — than simply the environment you grew up in.
In his book, It Didn’t Start with You, Mark Wolynn states that “the history you share with your family begins before you are even conceived. In your earliest biological form, as an unfertilized egg, you already share a cellular environment with your mother and grandmother… This means that before your mother was even born, your mother, your grandmother, and the earliest traces of you were all in the same body — three generations sharing the same biological environment.1 This isn’t a new idea; embryology textbooks have told us as much for more than a century. Your inception can be similarly traced in your lateral line. The precursor cells of the sperm you developed from were present in your father when he was a fetus in his mother’s womb.”2
While the particulars of the events that shaped the lives of your parents may be obscured from your vision, the residual impact of those particulars is what shapes your being as you come into existence. It’s not what you inherit from your parents, but also how they were treated throughout their lives, up until you are conceived. Everything along the way, crossing multiple generations, influences how you relate to a partner, the world around you, and the children you conceive. And for better or worse, research indicates your parents tend to pass on the parenting that they themselves received.
So, when it comes to figuring yourself out and why you feel or react a certain way about something, look back to connect the dots of your lineage rather than feel powerless about how you feel. Most of our patterns and approaches to the world begin to form before we’re even born. Looking back can provide clarity about why we do the things we do by helping us understand that our “foundation” is laid by the generational experiences that preceded it.
————
C. E. Finch and J. C. Loehlin, “Environmental Influences That May Precede Fertilization: A First Examination of the Prezygotic Hypothesis from Maternal Age Influences on Twins,” Behavioral Genetics 28(2) (1998): 101.
Thomas W. Sadler, Langman’s Medical Embryology, 9th ed. (Baltimore: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2009), 13.
332. crumbling is not an instant’s act
Most of the time people forget the lessons that historians and leaders would like us to remember. Whether it’s a natural disaster or a pandemic, each enter our collective consciousness as they arise, seemingly out of nowhere. Novel as they seem in the moment, they are often remnants of unresolved themes of the past we continuously fail to learn from and correct. We think this time it’s different, forgetting that even though history doesn’t repeat itself, it does rhyme.
After a flood washes out huge sections of oceanfront property, people rebuild their lives on the same spot. After this pandemic, it’s likely, people will go back to their old habits of taking their health for granted. Unfortunately, we have a culture that doesn’t remember because they’re blasted with a story that says this time it’s different, backed by a media portrayal that exacerbates a narrative that our way of life was right all along, while disregarding any clues that may have shown up along the way.
There’s a poem by Emily Dickinson called Crumbling is not an instant’s Act which shows things need to build before they can happen. It reads:
Crumbling is not an instant's Act
A fundamental pause
Dilapidation's processes
Are organized Decays.
'Tis first a Cobweb on the Soul
A Cuticle of Dust
A Borer in the Axis
An Elemental Rust—
Ruin is formal—Devil's work
Consecutive and slow—
Fail in an instant, no man did
Slipping—is Crash's law.
The emphasis on Crumbling is not an instant’s Act and Slipping—is Crash’s law is mine, as I think it poetically illustrates that things don’t simply happen out of nowhere, they take time. The bottom doesn’t just drop out, things have to creak, weaken and give way. It’s our choice to look the other way when we hear the squeaks. It’s our choice to be consumed by the nonsense of telling us not to pay attention to the clues. It’s our choice to be coerced into a false sense of confidence that is perpetrated by popular narrative, saying we are on the right path. But are we really?
We’re continuously assured that this time it’s different. This time it came out of nowhere. No one could have known. The voices of popular media seek to placate our worries by reaffirming our way of life is the correct one, yet, if that were true we would learn from our past. Instead we confidently walk toward a cliff, ignoring the signposts along the way that warn us of the upcoming drop. Then we’re surprised when we eventually walk off the edge.
So how do we change? If getting us to learn from our past doesn’t work because we’re too busy wrapped up in the now, lost in the blatantly false narrative of going the right direction, then how do we keep from repeating our past failures? Generally, the way people change their mind and thus correct their path isn’t because of a single lesson, it’s through a tumbling of dominos. It’s the same principle Dickinson reaches for with Crash’s Law. It’s a gradual shift. Built with awareness over time, until a crescendo eventually happens one way or the other. We either learn, or repeat our same mistakes.
The problem comes with who is controlling the information we’re receiving, the narrative, the ideas being sold because they’re all going to influence the questions we ask and the actions we take. The best way to create positive change to our situation is to become aware of what is going on around you. Look for the signposts. Each one is a domino falling. New information leads to new thoughts, which leads to new questions that evolve into new actions. There’s no fall without warnings of a cliff ahead.
331. just say no
Stop saying “Yes” to things that should be a “No.” The most valuable resource we have is our time, yet we often waste it on things we’re not fully invested in. We’re afraid to say, No. But why? Likely for fear of missing out, not being included, or letting someone down. This may be admirable to a certain point, but after a certain point it becomes imperative to realize that the choice you’re making isn’t serving you, nor the person you’re trying to appease.
It’s disingenuous to say, Yes, to things that aren’t going to fully arouse our interest and allow us to fully show up in the moment. When we continue to do so, we begin to wonder why our life is filled with mediocrity. Well, it’s because we haven’t given ourselves the time or the space in our schedule to explore the things that truly interest us.
A half-hearted, Yes, will not serve you. It doesn’t value your time, your interests, or your growth as a person. When you’re too busy simply showing up and participating in someone else’s interests rather than creating space to actively seek out your own, you’ll never be able to take full advantage of any opportunities that actually come your way. Inevitably, by saying, Yes, when you should be saying, No, keeps you busy living a mediocre life, distracted from what you should be exploring so that you can build a life you want. The solution is to be more selective with your time. Say, Yes to less so that you can have the time to find your passions. If someone asks you to do something and your automatic response isn’t “Hell Yeah,” then it should be a “No.”
38 laws to live by
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.
Only deal with people that love you back.
Perfect isn’t possible. Excellence is. Chop wood, carry water.
Always be grateful.
Ignore the rules you don’t agree with.
The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself.
If you think it’s impossible, then it is.
Ideas are nothing without action.
The things that matter the most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter the least.
The time is now, not tomorrow.
It’s not what you know, it’s what you consistently do.
Take what is useful, disregard the rest.
Life is happening for us, not to us.
Let learning lead to action.
Sometimes the process is more important than the product.
The limits of my language equal the limits of my world.
Losers have goals. Winners have systems.
Frustration is a matter of expectation.
Life favors the specific ask and punish the league wish.
Finding purpose is greater than searching for happiness.
Discipline equals freedom.
When you say “Yes” to something, you are saying “No” to something else.
Total honesty at all times.
Your choice creates your challenge.
Nothing quells anxiety more than action.
Make choices as the person you want to be would make.
Strength has no detriment.
Productive is different than busy.
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.
Have integrity. Practice what you preach.
You never get today back.
An addiction to distraction is the end of creative production.
The caliber of your practice determines the quality of your performance.
Take ownership.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Vulnerability is the price the brave must pay to arrive at iconic.
Always love like it’s the last time.
Real love has no judgement.
——————
We often mistake attachment for love. Much of the time, our sense of self is not rooted in what we see in the mirror or feel inside, instead it’s the illusion that another person can fill a void and make us whole. So, in the event that they leave, or the relationship ends, the ensuing heartbreak feels like devastation because we not only lost someone we cared about, we lost a part of what allowed us to show up in the world. But the thing is, if we lose ourselves in the process of losing another, it’s likely not love that is causing the pain, but attachment to the other.
The grasping and clinging we go through as the relationship starts to crumble is thought to be a representation of the depth of love we feel for another, when in reality, it’s just an attachment to the idea of them. And, the more we reach out and try to hold on to that idea, the more afraid we become in losing this person, which inevitably causes more suffering in the end.
Ultimately, we need to understand where our feelings come from. Attachment will always feel exponentially worse because when a person leaves, they take a piece of us with them; whereas, if it’s real love, it’s still going to hurt, but that pain is going to come from the loss of something beautifully shared, not a loss of a sense of self. So, if you really love someone, and they choose to leave, you will honor their choice because real love does not judge.
327. exhale
We’re all waiting for inspiration to strike so that we can finally do that thing we’ve been waiting for. But is that the best way?
Inspiration generally means “something that stimulates you into action,” and at the same time it also means to “breathe in.” Both meanings poetically intertwine if we think of ourselves as breathing in thoughts, concepts, and theories that serve to fill our mind with new ideas. Endlessly scrolling through our newsfeed, we inhale countless images, memes, quotes, podcasts, and articles, all with the intention to inspire us into action. Yet, no matter how much we inhale, the majority of us never get enough. We’re always looking for more, thinking that there is something else out there that we haven’t found, and will be the ONE THING we’re after.
Our capacity to continuously breathe in, and in, and in can only get us so far before we must breathe out. But it’s in that exhalation where we find what we’re after.
Nothing is going to be as truly inspiring as the action you take after exhaling all the new ideas we’ve gathered and applying them to produce the work or results we want — whether the endeavor is creative, financial, or personal in nature. In other words, the action we take is the real inspiration we’re after. It’s the action of exhaling, breathing out all the ideas we’ve collected and putting them to use. True inspiration doesn’t come from consuming new information, but rather from incorporating those ideas into the actions we take toward building the life we want.
We make the mistake of thinking that if we keep inhaling books, presentations, talks, tweets, interviews, and documentaries we’re going to suddenly be inspired into the life we want. But the funny thing is, constantly breathing in is actually anti-inspiring because it doesn’t allow us to exhale. We have to breathe out, creating intention with our exhalation, focusing on our output to achieve the inspiration we’re truly after.
Never stop consuming the things that interests you, but know that the inspiration you seek isn’t in the search, it’s in the act of doing.
off topic: does love come again?
Heartbreak is never fun. The common empathetic response to those going through the drudgery of despair after a breakup is to “not worry because someone else will come along.” In general, I think it’s good advice, and in the past I would believe in it wholeheartedly. I thought the universe makes us go through the motions of relationshipping, encountering the full spectrum of emotions, peaking with absolute love and bottoming out with its ultimate loss, and then somewhere down the line you end up with the one you were supposed to be with. Maybe it’s because I live in Los Angeles, have watched too many romantic movies, and have consequently succumbed to their magic. Who really knows?
HOWEVER, I do know that I found someone that literally said; “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.” And to be completely honest with you, I felt the exact same. We talked, wrote poems, exchanged love letters and it was established that we were in agreeance that neither of us had ever felt more alive, loved, seen, heard, and sexually attracted to each other than with anyone either of us had ever been with. Sounds phenomenal, right? It definitely was. Now, imagine having found someone that can unlock all those feelings within you, and then they leave (no one did anything wrong, but she felt she needed to live a different life, and because I love and adore her, I respected her decision).
Is there any guarantee that a love of that magnitude will come again? Maybe this is emotion, but I’m going with an emphatic; NO! And I say this, not as a young, angsty teenager, finding love in anything that looks like a hole, but as someone who has been around for nearly four decades and entered into a relationship with someone who was even older than myself. We both lived HALF our lives before we found one another and shared this wonderful experiment of love. I’m not trying to sound pessimistic, but this is why I don’t really believe that simply saying “someone else will come along,” really offers any consolation because I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone like that again. But at the very least, I know exactly what I’m after.
I have a list of rules I live my life by, one of them (which was inspired by her) is to “always love like it’s the last time.” I can’t stress this enough because you never know what is going to happen.
318. embrace adventure
Many people are unhappy with their circumstances, but fail to take the initiative to change their situation. Conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, they mistake safety with solace, all the while forgetting that at the very core of our being is a call for adventure. It’s the thrill of discovery that led humanity to explore and conquer the world over. That spirit is still alive within us. It’s a reason behind why we cheat on our partners or make uncharacteristic purchases — anything that will break the monotony and allow us to experience the new. We’re simply looking for an escape from the rerun that has become our lives.
We’ve forgotten that the human spirit thrives on adventure. Our joy in life comes from encountering new experiences, not reliving the same yesterday over and over. Somewhere along the line we traded adventure for safety without realizing that feeling alive requires a threat of the unknown. This doesn’t mean we need to sell all our possessions and travel the world until our funds run out, but it does mean that sometimes we need to ease the grasp on our routines. Change the route you take home. Change the order you normally complete tasks. Change the way you approach life. Embrace change. Embrace new experiences. Embrace adventure. And never forget that genuine happiness will come from discovering new horizons.
315. questions for change
Not starting something because we’re unsure of the result is a faulty mindset. We need to be willing to try different avenues to see what works best for us. Stop searching for a guarantee before you start. Instead, get clear about what you want and be willing to try out different ways to achieve it with intent, because if you do — if you try it on for size, you can figure out what fits best — as opposed to the opposite which is wasting time waiting for a guarantee, of which there are none.
When you want something different out of life, think about the following questions before you embark on your journey and maybe it can save you some time…
What is the change you seek to make? Are you here to do what you’re told or are you here to learn and improve yourself? Are you here to make a contribution with that change, or are you here only to take something for yourself? Answering questions honestly is difficult because it’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. So, if we can figure out how to tell ourselves a different story, then we may be able to create a different life. One that is not only beneficial to who we wish to become, but those whose lives we touch as well. Some people wake up in the morning and think “how can I double my worth,” while other people think, “how can I help the homeless guy on the corner.” These are two totally different kinds of change we seek to make in the world, but both are change. It comes down to being honest with who you want to be.
What possibility do you see? People have been indoctrinated since birth to either believe they are entitled or not, special or not, that they possess the ability to make a difference or not. So, the question may be better asked as to whether or not you see possibility in the change you seek to make? Likely if you are confident enough to try, then it’s a yes. On the flip side to that is learning to see the world as it is. It’s easy to think we get to make the world the way we want it to be, but we don’t. And that can be hard. The world is the way it is. Learning to see that reality is critical and it changes our view on what is really possible for us. If no one has ever done the thing you wish to accomplish, then you might be deluding yourself, whereas if there is a well-trodden path you seek to go down, then you might be able to follow it and add your flavor. This isn’t to say that, if it hasn’t been done before, don’t bother, but to be mindful not to travel too far down a road to nowhere. Millions of people have studied the stock market, yet most of them weren’t able to turn into Warren Buffet. Millions of people have read how to get in shape, but most of them weren’t able to transform their body into what they had initially envisioned. Part of it is discipline, part of it is seeing possibility, part of it is deciding what kind of journey you want to go on over the next year or even decade and how you approach it. But none of it is for lack of available information.
How much emotional labor are you willing and able to expend to accomplish the thing you wish to do? Whatever the goal, it may seem simple at first, but you quickly realize that there is a difference between simple and easy. Losing weight is relatively simple, however its execution is much more laborious than most people are willing to endure. Change isn’t easy because it requires us to dismantle old ways of thought and stories that have run our lives for years, and try new ones to see which ones stick so that we can get the end result we want. It’s really about being comfortable with incompetence on your way to getting better.
313. we’re all ignorant
This isn’t meant to be disparaging, but we’re all ignorant. In Americanese, being labeled as ignorant is generally seen as an insult, yet by definition, it simply means “lacking awareness.”
In Buddhism, “ignorance” is a rough translation of the word Avidyā, which is Sanskrit for having a misunderstanding of the true nature of our reality and the truth of our impermanence. Even when the news continuously tells us that the sky is falling and we are less than what we could be, most of us are unaware of how good we have it, and so, many of us settle into dis-ease, unhappiness, and end up chasing the wrong things.
So what are the wrong things?
Seeing life as a checklist to fulfill instead of an experience to behold. We think we need to go to school to get a good job; then meet our significant other to get married; then buy a house to raise a family; then save up for that new car, retirement and our children’s college fund. It’s the American Dream, right? Except that it may very well be a dream to think that this is what will create a life we’re genuinely happy with. And it’s unlikely that that plan will materialize perfectly, and even if it does, then what? Do we settle? No, we just add more items to the checklist.
It’s the nature of desire to get one thing and immediately covet the next. This cycle of accomplishment and acquisition likely won’t make us happy, but instead distract us from doing the work that will.
307. process over product
Find something that allows you to be you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be something you love or are even good at. For instance, you can be terrible at painting, but the process of applying paint to a canvas provides a place to pour out the expression of your thoughts or feelings. You don’t need to possess any level of skill because it’s more about the process than the product. It isn’t about creating something tangible to be sold or hung in appreciation, it’s simply about the activity that gives you the freedom to interact with the world without judgement.
304. bad things happen
Bad things happen. And yes, they do happen for a reason. However, it’s likely not part of some divine unfolding narrative, but rather some random occurrence we’re caught in the middle of. The reason comes from the purpose those bad experiences allow us to see. It’s a realization that this bad thing — a job loss, breakup, or health issues — might not have happened if we weren’t walking down the wrong path. Whatever it is, the reason it happened is to provide a catalyst for change. If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to accept the “bad things” that happen as simply things that happen, we can use them to make positive changes in our lives and not fall victim to these random occurrences.
291. freedom
There’s a story the great spiritual teacher Osho used to tell about a town he lived in that went bankrupt, and didn’t have enough money to keep its prison open. So, all the town leaders got together to figure out what was to be done with the prisoners. It was decided that after an average of 20 years of imprisonment for the prisoners, their debt to society had been paid, and the easiest solution would be to simply let them all go. And so they were released. But the next day, as the Warden came back to finalize the closure, he found all the prisoners back in their cells, adorned with their shackles as if their freedom had never been granted. Perplexed at the situation, the prisoners were asked why they had returned, and the most common answer was that they couldn’t sleep without the safety of their constraints, and that they had no idea what to do with their freedom.
Too often we’re caught up in the safety of what is familiar. We choose to stay in, or go back to, situations that do not serve us, even when given the opportunity to grow. It’s understandable why this happens — there is comfort in knowing what we’re dealing with — yet, with any appreciable amount of self-reflection, we should all be able to understand why being comfortable in a bad situation is never going to be better than the discomfort of a new one.
In another parable from the middle ages, a notorious thief was taken before the King, who would place judgement upon his crimes. Instead, the King had the thief taken down into the castle’s dungeon, where he was offered a choice of two punishments. He could meet a swift death by being hung upon the gallows, or face what was behind a large, foreboding rusty iron door. Without hesitation, the thief chose the rope. And as the hangman placed the noose around his neck, the thief asked…
“My King, what’s behind that door?”
With a laugh, the King responded, “It is of no concern, as I offer all the same choice, yet everyone chooses the rope.”
As the hangman tighten the noose around the thief’s neck, his vision began to darken, and with his last breath he pleaded again…
“Please, my King, what’s behind that door?”
“Freedom,” the King said with a sigh, “but it seems most people are more afraid of the unknown than death.”
—
There are very few guarantees in this life. But the most powerful among those is our inevitable meet with death, and that we ultimately have the ability to decide how we arrive. So make the choices that serve the person you wish to become, not who you are comfortable with.
290. stop failing, start learning
Stop failing and start learning.
We need to stop thinking in terms of success or failure every time something doesn’t work out the way we want. We didn’t fail, so much as we figured out that a certain path isn’t going to get us where we want to go. And with that tested approach out of the way, we can take a different path or develop a new technique that might yield better results.
We need to learn to embrace the moments that lead to learning, and not be afraid of them. Failures are inevitable with any endeavor, so if we reframe them or change the language of “failing” into something like “teachable moments,” they may not be so frightening to encounter. And because they aren’t as frightening, our confidence grows during the course of our journey instead of wavering. Each step, and misstep, grants us with more insight about how best do arrive at our destination.
289. filled with doubt
One of our ego’s favorite paths of resistance is to fill us with doubt. It stems from issues with self-esteem, and a fear of not having an ability to succeed with our endeavors. Instead of helping us rise to the occasion, it says “You don’t need this challenge, you are perfect as you are. It’s not you who needs to change, but everyone else.”
Said aloud, this sounds rather ridiculous, but believe it or not, this is how most people’s subconscious mind works in day-to-day life. Our biggest problem, as Ram Dass put’s it, is that we’re “too busy holding onto our unworthiness.”
In other words, our ego keeps us stuck in the safest possible place. One that never challenges, but always confirms. It is resistant to change because change means the death of a certain identity — a.k.a. our ego. But for any of us to build a life we want, we’re going to have to face the fears that our ego set in place — one’s of not being good enough to succeed — so that we can eventually learn what it takes to be good enough, at which point the ego that held us back will cease to exist.