150. mistaken acceptance
Comfort and acceptance have become mistakenly interchangeable. It’s commonly thought that we can all lead greater and more fulfilling lives, if only we were able to accept the things we cannot change instead of allowing them to fill our days with concern, right? Wrong. That is the slippery slope of acceptance.
The vast majority of what we choose to accept, in an effort to preserve a level of comfort, is in fact malleable. Everything from our station in life, career path, relationships with others, financial woes, and even the limits placed upon a supposed disability are changeable. Yet, it is far more comfortable to accept them as they are, than to make a concerted effort to change the situation for the better.
Our belief that something is unchangeable, is simply that; a belief. A story we have constructed for ourselves to find comfort in the “what is.” We are constantly finding bias against the way things could be, and instead opting to find comfort in the way things are. All because it is easier to accept a situation we know, instead of stepping into the unknown to create a life that is far more fulfilling than the one you currently find yourself within. We’re all erroneously choosing to live within the bounds of the old idiom; “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.”
149. your brain doesn’t care about facts
Status is on the line in almost every conversation we have. Because the world we live in is just a projection of how we individually perceive it, we are consistently jockeying for position in an effort to establish the dominance of our world view. Sometimes, things go sideways. Generally, our first response is to assert ourselves by raising our voice and arguing, instead of listening to understand a viewpoint and then having a discussion. Provocation comes so quick because our brains are wired to take anything that challenges our worldview, as a challenge to our survival. A lot of the time, with disagreement comes the arousal of a warlike mentality. When there is war, someone must be conquered to protect ourselves or our ideologies. Facts and logic are disregarded because, while we have metaphorically entered a fight to the death, the brain can’t tell the difference. Once we enter this scenario, it’s not a matter of who is right, but who is going to win. And where there is a winner, someone has to lose.
Unfortunately, we have set up a situation where learning is equivalent to losing, which seems to be prevalent in our current political environment. As much as we insist that we’re only trying to illustrate our side of the equation, explaining ourselves is almost always a form of veiled dominance. We’re not trying to educate so much as we are trying to win a “confrontation.” It comes down to “here’s why I’m right, and why you’re wrong.” And, this is exactly how the other side sees it, regardless of how you try to frame it.
Research in neuroscience has confirmed this warlike mentality. If you show someone who holds a particularly staunch position on a specific topic evidence that conflicts with their belief, areas in their brain — as seen through MRI scans — associated with logic are literally shut down, whereas regions associated with aggression are lit up. As far as the brain is concerned it is no longer a discussion, it’s a war. The brain isn’t capable of processing what the other side is saying no matter how true, logical, or accurate it may be, it’s simply trying to win the interaction.
The first step toward progress in any scenario is awareness of the variables that affect the outcome. Understanding that our brains are wired in such a way that will make us see red at the first sign of contention in a conversation, can hopefully allow us to adjust our expectations and encounter better outcomes.