337. letting go
For those who hang on to things forever, it’s important to realize that at a very fundamental level, our role as humans is to grow. And the only way for that to happen is by letting go of the people, ideas, habits, etc. that no longer serve us and the person we wish to be.
You may want to be loved by this person, or continue to practice a certain habit but it’s not the person or the habit that you want, it’s the result of those experiences we’re after. Holding on to things that no longer take us in the direction we want to go, only keeps us from arriving at the destination we want so badly.
Letting go provides us with the space to develop new relationships, learn new lessons, and create new opportunities so that we find the things we’re after. This isn’t to say that the process isn’t without heartache or strain, but it sometimes becomes a necessary part. Whenever we find the strength to let go, we open ourselves up to possibility — a place where we originally found the thing/s we current find ourselves having trouble living without — which is where we always find something new and wonderful within the space we created.
health = freedom
We generally don’t take action without good reason, but if the current climate isn’t enough to call yourself into action what is? It is hard to think that it’s almost been “years” of this nonsense without any tangible methods being implemented to positively change the status quo.
Regardless of your beliefs about why the world is in a state of panic, the unfolding events have presented us with an opportunity to see things differently. Hopefully, it has allowed us to recognize that the way we’ve been persuaded to think, the way we’ve been told to see each other, and the way we’ve been informed to take care of our bodies, has come from a place of fear. We’re scared into lesser versions of ourselves, and therefore our communities, because it has been the most consistent and loudest message.
None of us enjoy this constant state of inequity, poor health, strife, yet we continue to sit back and wait for things to change for the better without the realization that ultimately it all starts with you and I. Everything starts with the collective Us. We need to come together to redefine what it means to live a life of our choosing built upon a foundation of health that provides us the freedom to pass through this life with relative ease.
We have to envision a society where true health is a fundamental part of society. Despite what we are seeing right now. Despite what we are hearing right now. It is possible.
Taking personal responsibility for our health needs to be the rule, not the exception. This isn’t a call for mask wearing and vaccinations, it is far more fundamental than that. This is a call to take personal responsibility for the health of your body and the inputs you provide it. What you put in, is what you get out. And as a society we are failing miserably. In the US, about 90% of our citizens are metabolically unhealthy, which means there’s around 10% of our population that has enough knowledge, or luck, to provide their body with the correct inputs to achieve a level of health that allows them to approach the current state of the world with confidence. Imagine if it were all different. Imagine if the majority weren’t beholden to the consistent need of refilling medications, scheduling treatments for their ailing bodies, or settling into a lives of dis-comfort as if it were somehow preordained. Do you think the world would be more free?
It doesn’t make sense. And this acquiescence to the status quo of suboptimal health is the driving force behind the crisis we’re all in. It is firstly an epidemic of poor health that has provided the necessary fuel to ignite a pandemic of the immunocompromised.
Collectively, we need to take responsibility to elevate our potential, not succumb to the idea that the majority of this country — and the industrialized world, for that matter — had it correct when it came to the best way to live our life. Achieving real health is no longer a fundamental part. Somewhere along the line it was drowned out by the voices selling us on the idea that it was best to do whatever it takes to get rich, gain more followers, and enjoy a hedonistic lifestyle without the thought of consequences. But none of us can realistically trade our health for wealth because if we do, we end up having to trade back our wealth for a chance to recoup whatever health we have left.
In a recent presentation, I asked those in attendance — mostly wealthy executive types — to define health. Most of them simply came up with “the absence of disease.” That’s sad. People think that health is simply not being sick. While that does play a part, it is unfortunate to think that this is the best that they could come up with because the absence of disease doesn’t mean you are able to live your best life. Not that I am a fan, but the World Health Organization (WHO) presents a more holistic view as it defines health as the state of “complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease.” This is definitely a step in the right direction but still doesn’t fully encapsulate everything we should strive for.
In my opinion, health is best defined as an optimal state of bodily movement and function, as well as emotional and physiological well-being, which inspires confidence to pursue a life of our choosing, free from limitations of dis-ease and dis-comfort, that ultimately provides us with the freedom to live the life we want. When we are faced with a choice of what to do, we need to keep this definition in mind. We need to ask, are my choices in line with the fundamental pursuit of achieving optimal health? If not, then we’re ultimately resigning our health over to companies, and governments, that are more than happy to take advantage of our lack of foundational health, who stand to profit off the false promise that by taking this pill or completing that procedure we will be able to live a life free from the responsibility of our poor choices. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Our actions have consequences.
It is very difficult to achieve health within the same paradigm that made you unwell to begin with. It’s time to think different. It’s time to be different. It’s time to throw off the anxiety we have about the changes we need to make and simply do it. Get healthy. Be free.
316. too many possibilities
There are too many possibilities. For most of us, that’s a problem and the main reason why we don’t get started. So, when we’re staring into the infinity of the blank page, how do we begin?
Start with limitations.
For example; if I simply asked you to write a book, your mind would likely swirl through multiple scenarios without anchoring onto anything concrete. Now imagine, if I asked you to write a children’s book about a group of baby superhero’s who have a friend that isn’t super, but they all use their powers in different ways in an effort to convince him that he is powerful so that he fits in with the group — oh, and it has to be less than 27 pages — your mind would quickly get to work.
As soon as your mind understands the limitations it automatically starts figuring out a way forward.
For most of us, with our fast internet connection and empty google search boxes, we can find anything. There are no restrictions. And that is the problem. We’ve become paralyzed by the possibilities of what we can do, to the point that we do nothing.
Matthew May, wrote in The Laws of Subtraction to “give yourself some intentional restriction in life and you’ll finally get inspired to act.” It sounds antithetical at first, but restrictions can set you free.
315. questions for change
Not starting something because we’re unsure of the result is a faulty mindset. We need to be willing to try different avenues to see what works best for us. Stop searching for a guarantee before you start. Instead, get clear about what you want and be willing to try out different ways to achieve it with intent, because if you do — if you try it on for size, you can figure out what fits best — as opposed to the opposite which is wasting time waiting for a guarantee, of which there are none.
When you want something different out of life, think about the following questions before you embark on your journey and maybe it can save you some time…
What is the change you seek to make? Are you here to do what you’re told or are you here to learn and improve yourself? Are you here to make a contribution with that change, or are you here only to take something for yourself? Answering questions honestly is difficult because it’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. So, if we can figure out how to tell ourselves a different story, then we may be able to create a different life. One that is not only beneficial to who we wish to become, but those whose lives we touch as well. Some people wake up in the morning and think “how can I double my worth,” while other people think, “how can I help the homeless guy on the corner.” These are two totally different kinds of change we seek to make in the world, but both are change. It comes down to being honest with who you want to be.
What possibility do you see? People have been indoctrinated since birth to either believe they are entitled or not, special or not, that they possess the ability to make a difference or not. So, the question may be better asked as to whether or not you see possibility in the change you seek to make? Likely if you are confident enough to try, then it’s a yes. On the flip side to that is learning to see the world as it is. It’s easy to think we get to make the world the way we want it to be, but we don’t. And that can be hard. The world is the way it is. Learning to see that reality is critical and it changes our view on what is really possible for us. If no one has ever done the thing you wish to accomplish, then you might be deluding yourself, whereas if there is a well-trodden path you seek to go down, then you might be able to follow it and add your flavor. This isn’t to say that, if it hasn’t been done before, don’t bother, but to be mindful not to travel too far down a road to nowhere. Millions of people have studied the stock market, yet most of them weren’t able to turn into Warren Buffet. Millions of people have read how to get in shape, but most of them weren’t able to transform their body into what they had initially envisioned. Part of it is discipline, part of it is seeing possibility, part of it is deciding what kind of journey you want to go on over the next year or even decade and how you approach it. But none of it is for lack of available information.
How much emotional labor are you willing and able to expend to accomplish the thing you wish to do? Whatever the goal, it may seem simple at first, but you quickly realize that there is a difference between simple and easy. Losing weight is relatively simple, however its execution is much more laborious than most people are willing to endure. Change isn’t easy because it requires us to dismantle old ways of thought and stories that have run our lives for years, and try new ones to see which ones stick so that we can get the end result we want. It’s really about being comfortable with incompetence on your way to getting better.
281. how do we create our Self?
How do we create our Self?
Most of us think there isn’t much we can control about our Self. We’ve been conditioned to think we come into this world with a series of preset instructions on how to be. Whatever genetics we were born with or circumstances we were born into is pretty much a blueprint for our path forward in life, with many things out of our control. We say, “this is just how I am,” but is it really?
The long held idea of genetic determinism; the concept that whatever genetics we popped out with, we’re stuck with because we can’t change, grow, or evolve from, is what keeps us stuck. It’s a pervasive thought that has taken over the way we view our Self. Inevitably leading us to believe we can’t create our Self, because it’s already been created for us.
Fortunately, the tide is beginning to turn on these long held beliefs of a fixed Self. While genetics play a part, they are not the determining factor for the life we lead. As Dr. Terry Walhs puts it; “The genes load the gun, but the environment pulls the trigger.” While we are born with a certain set of genetics and into certain cultural belief systems, it’s largely a choice to see any of them as a limitation. We can choose to put our Self into a healthier environment (proper nutrition, exercise, etc.) to change our familial susceptibility to something like heart disease, just as we can choose to put our Self into a different mindset that will allow us to see possibilities outside of what is familiar to us.
The things we do, and the choices we make, determine how we show up in this world. Coming to the understanding that the life we were born into isn’t set in stone, and that any limitations are largely self-imposed, opens us up to have new conversations about creating a Self we want. Entertaining new possibilities that would have otherwise been unrecognizable with our previously fixed mindset.
So how can we create our Self? Forget the old ideals of predeterminism. Understand that the life we lead is a choice that only we have the power to make. We can choose to believe what we’re born with is all we’re capable of, or just a starting point to where we want to go. Creating our Self starts with creating our future. To do that, we have to begin to make choices based on where we want to go instead of where we came from. And with each choice, we create a piece of our new Self.
233. grow into your new shell
We live in a shell. It’s walls represent the boundaries of our potential.
As we grow within our shell, by overcoming obstacles and taking on new opportunities, our potential for growth gets smaller and smaller until we eventually hit its walls.
We can understand our arrival at these limits as fulfilling our potential — like a bodybuilder standing in admiration of how he fills out his small shirt — or we can see this as a new, and perhaps the most significant, challenge on our journey toward continual improvement by seeking a larger shell.
Shedding one identity for the possibility for another will never come easy, but the space it provides is necessary for growth.
The transition to a new shell will feel foreign. You’ll feel out of place. You’ll feel like an imposter. You’ll wonder why you left until you realize how much more room you have to grow within your new shell.
199. glued together
We are a collection of experiences. Assembled to the best of our ability. All our decisions, both good and bad, continually make us who we are. From the situations we thrive in, to the ones we barely survive; all are equally part of our story. As Joseph LeDoux puts it, “people don’t come preassembled but are glued together by life.”
Too often we are ashamed of where we came from, or where we currently are in life, but what we don’t realize is that these are just waypoints on our journey. We are always in the process of finding out who we are, and what we need to do to become the next version of ourselves. We needed the lessons of the hard times, the failures, the heartbreaks, to open up our hearts and minds to new possibilities.
No matter your station in life, you will always be a work in progress. The sooner you recognize this fact, the sooner you can embrace all experiences, good and bad, as part of the continual process of what makes you, You.
187. all in
If you want something, go after it with your whole heart. Don’t wait, shuffle, or dally in your attempt because it’s only with full intention that we’re able to truly discover the possibilities that lay waiting.
We often have the highest of expectations as we endeavor into a new territory, yet we stay reserved in our approach. Why? Because we want to keep enough distance from something so that we can pull back if we need to, but the thing is that reservation is going to keep you from truly understanding what that thing has to offer.
The only option should be to go in with everything you have. To fully feel, love, see, taste, touch; and to immerse yourself into the experience of what it would be like to be that person. Anything less will never offer a true representation of that thing you’re after, and can very well give you the wrong impression.
Let the fire light the way, so that the experience can brand you. Let it lead you to a new life, or leave you with a memory to never return. Fully explore the thing you’re after so that you can truly know whether or not it is what you want, because anything else is just an assumption.
166. only make moves when your hearts in it
As we progress through life, we are continually met with an unfolding set of possibilities and opportunities. The tricky thing about it life is that we need to have the courage to engage with things that are unfamiliar, and at the same time develop the wisdom to acknowledge the things that are worth sticking around for. This is true of a place, a person, or a vocation.
Your decisions shouldn’t be dictated by outside forces, market prices, social standards, or monetary interests. They should be based upon where your heart lies and where you will find the most fulfillment.
The balance between finding the courage to explore new territory or the commitment to stay is a hard thing to get right. There are no right answers that anyone can provide. Making the right decision is something personal that we all need to find within ourselves. So let your inner voice be your guide to press forward or to stay put and make something great. Either way only make moves when your heart’s in it.
132. what doesn’t kill you…
We’ve all been hurt, but don’t let it dictate your life. The thing with pain is, you’re suppose to get over it. Say you have surgery, most likely you’ll encounter a bit of pain temporarily, but no one says they’re still in pain 20 years later, because if you were, the surgeon has done a pretty awful job.
We all experience different degrees of pain; we get rejected, fired, turned down, and heartbroken, but like surgery the pain is meant to be temporary. Our mind, just like our body can be incredibly resilient if empowered to do so. Although, in a lot of cases some past painful events still manifest a reality that causes us to suffer. Causing us to say things like, “I shouldn’t apply for that job because I was rejected last time,” or “I’m scared to love someone because I might get hurt again.”
The problem is that some of us like to frame everything as a tragedy, thinking that going through something that again would be so unbearable that you shrink the quality of your life. By doing so, the brain start to believe what you’re telling it. Your conscious insistence, leads to subconscious programming. Now your mind and body are so programed to stay away from the things that may help us grow as individuals out of fear of rejection, that we no longer have any inclination to even try something out of our comfort zone. So we remain stuck, because we are too afraid of what might be, so we just accept what is, even if it isn’t providing a more fulfilling life, at least it isn’t making your reality worse. That’s no way to walk through life. Doing so only allows us to live within a very limited spectrum of possibility.
There is wisdom in the saying, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” but only if you allow it. Rejection, failure, and heartbreak can be the best thing that ever happens to you, but no one looks at it like that.