278. proving the process
We all want to improve some aspect of our lives. Most of our attempts come through the act of goal setting. Unfortunately, as good as goals can be as an initial motivator, they come with a downside of becoming useless once achieved. So we’re constantly tasked with setting new goals, which may work for some people, but for others, it’s likely that the continued sacrifice and grind of denying who we are or how we want to live to achieve something can take a toll until we eventually quit altogether. But there’s a better way to look at it.
Instead of goal setting being black and white, either achieved or not, think of it as a testing process. To see what works, what doesn’t, and what can be implemented into a longterm process of achieving, instead of achievement. There is no point in denying ourselves the things we enjoy or sacrificing parts of our life to achieve something, only to say we achieved a result for a brief moment before we revert back to doing the things we enjoyed.
The simplest way to achieve something is usually not the most sustainable or easiest way for us to get there, and that’s okay. The simplest way to achieve a weight loss goal is to severely restrict calories and workout intensely. The simplest way to achieve a goal of financial independence is to stop spending money and work feverishly. While either goal is admirable, the sacrifice it takes to achieve them likely isn’t sustainable for the majority of us, because simple doesn’t equal easy.
It’s better to use our attempts at achieving goals to figure out small things that we can stick with and implement into our lives, so that over time we can achieve what we’re after without having to sacrifice all our fun and enjoyment. Pretty soon, those small things we’ve added in, simply become part of the process of our daily lives, not part of a goal we’re trying to achieve. And because we continue to add those small parts in, we can arrive at the same end point of a healthy weight or hefty bank account while not having to worry about regressing or falling back into old habits.
We will be better off if we can reframe the process of constant goal achievement, into a process of achieving. In the end, we’ll no longer need a goal when our process is proven over time.
246. what are you unwilling to feel?
What are you unwilling to feel? What are you unwilling to sit with? Whatever it is, that is the thing you need to pay attention to.
Many of our behaviors, thoughts, and habits are established to mask or override the things we don’t want to feel. Bad habits may be bad, but they certainly feel easier to deal with than the pain of reliving and working through a past trauma. In our effort to avoid facing our pain, we inevitably create more dis-ease with the behaviors we use to cover up or distract ourselves from the things we don’t want to feel.
So when you find yourself alone looking for a way to distract yourself from certain thoughts creeping in your mind, pause and reflect on where they’re coming from, and why you want soo badly to disassociate from them. It’s going to be tough, but it’s a necessary first step in a long process of dealing with the underlying issues that have a certain power over our lives and the path we walk.
242. you can’t do everything
You can do anything in this life, just not everything. Continually adding things to your plate isn’t going to help you establish a life where you can thrive. Spread too thin, you, like the multiple projects you take on are not able to focus and grow any of them optimally. You are getting C’s in 10 different things, unhappy with the results, when you could be getting A’s in 3 things.
There’s a ~200 page book called The One Thing written by Gary Keller which can be summarized in one sentence — You can only achieve great results by focusing on one thing at a time. (Leave a tip, I saved you $20 and 2 hours!) Sounds commonsensical, but the sentiment is lost on the majority of us.
Most of us have been led to believe multitasking is the best way to get things done. And while you may be right in that you can definitely get more things done, you’re wrong in thinking that those tasks were completed optimally. In one study from the University of Utah, an absurd but remarkably confident 70% of the participants thought they were above average in their ability to optimally complete multiple things at once. They weren’t, and most likely you aren’t either.
When people try to do several things at once — roughly 98%, according to the Utah study — gets worse at each individual task. The idea of answering emails, posting to social media, cooking dinner, hanging pictures on the wall, attending to the kids, while you listen to the news all at once is enticing, but also cognitively draining. Your mind simply isn’t set up to focus on multiple things at the same time. Even the 2% minority in the Utah study who didn’t get worse at execution, they also weren’t getting any better outcomes, they were just exceptionally efficient at switching tasks at a rapid rate.
So if multitasking isn’t the answer to getting things done, then what is? Prioritize what is most important. Delegate what can be better done by someone else. Determine what you will take on going forward. Execute on the things that matter. Obviously this is easier said than done, but with less multitasking and the more specific your attention, the more productive you’ll be because you will be getting A’s in all the things you care about, instead of C’s across the board.
239. stepping back
This life is full of choices. We are always measuring out our next move. Should I do this or that? Thinking about how to make exponential progress without an ounce of regression because we unfortunately equate regression with failure. But as with anything in life, it’s not always this black and white. Regression doesn’t always mean failure. Sometimes it simply means taking a step back to see things more clearly so that you can make a better move forward.
In football, the quarterback always drops back from the line of scrimmage to get a clearer view of the field before he makes a play by throwing, handing off, or even running the ball forward himself. Without stepping back he would not be able to survey the field to execute the best play possible to move the ball forward. If he only kept his head down and tried to continually push through the line he wouldn’t get very far, and probably get hurt in the process. The results would be very poor and predictable, and the game would be even more boring than it already is (sorry, not sorry). The same goes for life…
The concept of stepping back is lost on most of us because we have been taught to never lose ground because our value and identity rests on what we have accomplished up to this very point. But like the quarterback, if you are grinding away and not making progress, maybe what you’re doing isn’t what you should be doing. Step back, regroup, see the situation for what it is. Don’t stay in a situation that isn’t allowing you to move forward simply because you’re afraid to regress or momentarily lose status in your life. Chances are, if you get over that fear, that step back will propel you forward. Sometimes a step backwards is a step in the right direction.
228. what does impossible look like?
What does impossible look like?
It looks familiar.
You wake up. Eat breakfast. Check your electronic device for emails, messages, and updates. You respond accordingly. Then you travel somewhere to complete a task — work or school or another creative endeavor. You talk to people, here and there, gaining insight from shared conversations. Email, messages, and updates are checked again, before you move on to lunch. Then another task, more conversations and so on. Interspersed in there somewhere you grab a shower, get some sleep, hit the gym, and put the kids to bed. And repeat.
The underlying process and fundamental execution of your daily tasks all look the same — no matter if you’re striving for a moonshot project or implementing a new dietary regimen.
We often fail to make changes in our life because we’re afraid that pursuing the impossible means we will have to upend all the familiar processes we have in place. This isn’t necessarily the case. Yes, you will have to change who you converse with if you want to make it to Mars, just as you will have to change the way you eat if you wish to be healthier, but you still have to talk to people and you still have to eat. You still have to travel from place to place, check your email, and remain focused. It’s no different than any other day, with the caveat that in going after the impossible you can complete all the things you were already doing with a new sense of purpose.
If you can understand that doing the impossible — whatever that really means for you — isn’t going to be as unfamiliar as you think, then perhaps you will find the necessary confidence to press forward and go after the impossible.
189. purpose
Wake up everyday with a purpose.
How do you know if you have purpose?
If you don’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning, then you haven’t found it. If your days are wasted on activities that fill your time, instead of create meaning, then you haven’t found it.
If you haven’t found it yet, that’s okay, but be aware that you’re wasting your fucking time on things that do not matter, and at the same time will keep you as a lesser version of who you can be.
How do I find purpose?
It starts with awareness. Who you are today, and what you consistently do is either keeping you within the bounds you’ve created for yourself, or seeks to continually extend the limits of where you feel comfortable.
Everything of beauty and awe in this life is predicated on growth, this includes you. The purpose of the flower is to bloom, just as the purpose of the caterpillar, much like your’s is to transform into something new. That newness and beauty comes from the metamorphosis, the change, the ability to redefine ourselves, and continually draw lines in the sand further and further away from our starting point, so that one day, when we look back we can’t recognize who we used to be because we are so enamored with who we’ve become.
Purpose comes with whatever makes you a better version of yourself. It’s the reason to get out of bed in the morning, its the reason not to waste time on things that don’t matter. It’s what people of lesser ambition, and who are scared to answer the call, think of as “work” when in reality, it’s just ceasing on every small opportunity to recreate our identity. Eventually, the those incremental changes become part of our purpose, creating a life built on momentum that we never want to stop.
That’s purpose.
158. take action
We all want to be recognized for something, to stand out for the work we’ve put in, the art we’ve created, or the ideas we represent. We want to be seen for the contributions that make us who we are, however that recognition isn’t tied to what you want, but what you do. The work, the result, and the identity all come from the same place — a place of action.
It is our continual practice of something that delivers a message to the world that we are “that” person. Of course, we always want the best results, but because there is no guarantee for success, it becomes enough of a reason not to act. The reality of the situation, is that success will never be realized without developing the practice. When we do, we can deliver on the process it creates.
Before anyone can become a bestselling author, they first need to be known as that person who writes (and most likely, a lot of it will initially be shit). Before someone can become a successful entrepreneur, they first need to be known as that person who is letting passion guide their life (instead of allowing fear dissuade their direction).
The best results come from starting where you are. From developing a practice, turning it into a process, and letting that process take over. It is based on our commitment to action, and that commitment is completely under our control.
78. who are you
Who are you? There is no definitive answer to that question because you are ultimately a process, not a product. With every new challenge, you grow. With every new avenue taken, you advance. With every new insight, you improve. Your journey through life is dynamic. If you define yourself at any given point along the way, it only limits your capacity to change. Instead, focus on the stories, methodologies, ideas, and practices that allowed you to reach your current state and let them serve as a guide to becoming the next best version of yourself.
You say you’re smart, when you should really be saying you’re in the continual process of gaining knowledge.
You say you’re fat, when you should really be saying that you’re in the continual process of redefining your health.
You say you’re successful, when you should really be saying that you’re in the continual process of mastering your craft.
The first part of the above statements are finite, serving as an end in themselves. The second part serves as not only a fulfillment of the first statement, but a way to continuously improve upon your current situation. Your ability for progress is only limited by the restraints you place upon yourself. Always look to become the next best version of yourself, anything else is settling.