303. speak your truth
How different would our live’s be if we always expressed our true feelings?
It’s likely that the trajectory of our live’s would undergo a drastic change, ultimately guiding us down a path more aligned with who we truly are and providing us with a life that offers more satisfaction than we could have ever previously imagined. And none of that is a bad thing, yet in those moments where we can present our authentic selves to the world we tend to shy away from any honest expression. Maybe it’s for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or being left out, or simply fear of the unknown, but none of those are good excuses to be disingenuous to others, and more importantly to yourself.
The consequence of not speaking your truth is going to weigh heavier on you than the burden of offending someone with your truth. The more you can present your authentic self to the world, the more the world around you will reflect who you truly are. So say what you believe to be true and accept what happens.
266. realizing a past trauma
When I was young, my mother would always ask me things like, “Why can’t you be this way?” or “Why can’t you be more like that person?” This led me to believe there was something inherently wrong with me. I was never good enough. I think that belief has followed me throughout my life, and became one of the reasons why I got into personal training / health coaching. I wanted so badly for someone to say, “Thank you. You are so great. You’ve helped me. And I appreciate who you are.”
It’s interesting to reflect on the paths we take. To really sit and wonder why. For myself, I try so hard to be good at what I do, that I’m often questioned, why I try so hard or what’s the purpose of continuously taking more classes? It’s very frustrating for me to hear these things. I have always justified them as a need to learn more so that I can be better at helping people, but I think a better reason is that I am just looking to be seen for what I can do and loved for what I am good at. With each new bit of information or protocol I learn, I am able to stand out in the eyes of the people that I help.
I think past traumas play a part in dictating all of our lives. The unfortunate part is that most of us will never take the time to develop the awareness that is needed to heal them. So we hold onto them thinking that the trauma is just who we are, when in reality it is just keeping us from all that we could be.
245. training or education
Training and education are entirely different things. Yet, are conflated into the same meaning and used interchangeably.
Rich Diviney states in his book called Attributes that, “training is about learning and practicing specific skills; education is about broadening knowledge, developing beliefs and values, gaining experience.” This isn’t a subtle difference, which can be illustrated by the strangeness of hearing someone say “I’m going to educate my dog today.” WTF!? The statement doesn’t work because we don’t educate dogs, we train them. We teach our “good boy” to sit, stay, or shake. We don’t expect him to understand the how or why of the environment or situation in which we might ask him to do those things. A “good boy” does what we ask, without fail.
Often times when we’re looking to achieve a specific goal, we aren’t interested in being educated so much as trained to reach a particular outcome. While it’s great that we can take orders and achieve our goal with the help of another, it leaves our future results in jeopardy. Yes, finding someone to assist you on your journey is key, but you’ll never find your own results if you are reliant on the commands of another. Take the time you have with your mentor, coach, trainer, parents or whoever you look up to to ask the questions that allow you to take the lead in achieving your outcomes. If you don’t you’ll never be the hero of your story, you’ll just be a part of someone else’s.
215. master the art of showing up
A habit must be established before it can be improved. This has to become a standard in your life before you should start worrying about optimizing or expanding on it.
If you’re not the type of person who sits down and writes one sentence a day, or steps one foot inside a gym, you’re never going to be the person who finishes a novel, or looks good naked.
We’re so focused on finding and implementing the perfect plan that we forget to give ourselves permission to not be perfect at first. Instead, we need to shift our focus on showing up everyday in a small way.
Whether it’s one push-up or one word on a blank page, do something so that you can master the art of showing up. Make that your new normal. And then once you become the person who shows up, then you can expand on the habit you’ve built.
171. break free
People don’t realize how much agency we have for change. We think we’re born into a specific mindset with certain predispositions where we fall accustomed to saying “that’s just the way I am,” not realizing that we are actually making choices at every moment. Unfortunately, too often we make choices that don’t serve us.
For example, I’m sure you’ve heard a friend say something along the lines of “I really hate my job, but I can’t find something else because…” or “I am really tired of the way I look, but I can’t find the time to improve because…” or “I am not happy in this relationship, but I can’t change it because…” And then every time you offer a suggestion, it is met with a variety of excuses to keep them right where they are. They’ll say “I can’t do this because of this, that, or the other thing.”
It’s important to understand that just like our friends, we find reasons to stay in situations that are no longer desirable. Change is hard, but to either stay where you are or to move forward is still a choice. Saying “I can’t do this because…” is the same as saying “I can do this because…” as both are reflective of a choice we make with ourselves to continue to either fit within the narrative we tell ourselves or break free to develop a new one.
The idea that shines through the inability to act on what we want is that change is still desirable, but usually what we want is for someone or something else to change, not us. What most people miss is that it is you who is going to need to change — in mindset, outlook, actions, etc. — to actually discover what you’re after.
You’re never going to get the new job if you find excuses as to why you can’t get out of the one you have. You’re never going to lose the weight if you continue to find excuses for not doing the things necessary for you to get the look, and acquire the confidence you desire. You’re never going to leave the relationship you’re in if you continue to turn off the feelings you’re after.
If nothing else, we are the cumulative effect of the choices we make. It is time to recognize that if those choices aren’t pushing you in the direction you wish to go, then they are keeping you from getting there. Sometimes you have to break the mirror to see what is beyond yourself.