298. a world of comparison
We live in a world of comparison, always judging the present version of ourselves against the polished postings we see on social media, or the glamour that is celebrity culture. The unfortunate fact is that somewhere along the line we lost sight of what is truly important, that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, but where you water it. Therefore, comparison only robs us of the joy of being ourselves.
Growing up in a society based on selling you an idea of never being enough has led us to believe that if we make enough money to buy that next thing, or lose enough weight to look like that person, or establish a following on any given platform, we can attain some sense of joy, happiness, or fulfillment. But in our efforts to model our lives after those we admire — likely for the wrong reasons — all that joy, happiness, and fulfillment can get sucked right out of us. Our journey can be influenced by those we see, but it shouldn’t be blindly followed. Instead, we would serve our future-selves much better if we focused on our journey, ours alone.
our thoughts are no longer our own
Interesting ideas from the book Hardwired: How Our Instincts to Be Healthy are Making Us Sick by Robert S. Barrett
Not even our thoughts are our own anymore…
So powerful is our desire for social relevance that many of us follow the crowd and adopt their identity simply due to an eagerness to belong — this is a powerful theme with modern social media. We quickly adopt the narrative of the groups we want to fit into, hoping they will accept us, even if the decision to do so is completely irrational.* This effort to conform is known as Normative Influence, which results in conformity for the sole sake of belonging. Because we are all lost in autonomy, we are willing to bend our narrative just for a chance to fit in.
The modern world has magnified the appeal for belonging. Studies into normative social influence demonstrate that conformity is much stronger in public than in private, and because our lives are increasingly public, we tilt more and more to what we find will make us the most acceptable. From posting photos online, to uploading our children’s birthday party videos, to taking selfies at work, we are subtly shifting our true voice or story to fit the greater narrative we wish to be a part of.
In the famous Asch conformity experiments, when subjects were able to write their answers down anonymously, as opposed to stating them in front of the group, they were honest nearly all the time, unencumbered by the social pressures to conform to the group narrative.
Popular social media apps are rendering our private sphere public, and for many of us, conformity with online social media trends means greater peer acceptance. Conforming to group norms and attitudes are a hardwired trait, as we all want to belong. In one study, when teens and college students were shown social media images while in an fMRI, the images that elicited the greatest response in the brain’s reward center were the ones that had the most likes by others.** This suggests that we are not entirely free-thinkers when it comes to stating what we like or dislike any longer, but are subconsciously seeking to follow the trends of the group so that we don’t get left behind.