259. programmed
All our problems start in childhood. And it’s not just the fault of our parents, it’s also the things that happened at school and with our peers. Anything that happened before that transitionary age of 18, pretty much cemented the way we’ve thought and acted ever since.
The trauma we made it through isn’t who we are, but it did program us to see and approach the world in a certain way. Until we realize that there is a difference between what happened and what we understood it to be, we will be stuck viewing our future through the lens of the past. It can keep us from taking necessary risks, standing up for ourselves, asking for the things we deserve, and working hard to get the things we want.
Being stuck in the past is what stops our growth, and keeps us from the life we keep saying we want to have. At a certain point, we all need to realize it’s no longer good enough to look in the mirror and simply think “this is who I am.” We all need to be willing to break the mirror to see what’s on the other side, and redefine our lives from where we are today.
258. hard experiences
Translate your hard experiences into a mission.
We wonder what we’re supposed to do with this life. Often comparing ourselves to those who seem to have it all figured out. However, it isn’t so much that those people have it figured out as they have used their past struggles, hardships, and experiences as a catalyst to create something meaningful.
The tough times any of us are able to make it through offer a unique insight about how to overcome negative experiences, or better yet, avoid them all together. For example, some of the best doctors battled and overcame specific illnesses, only to become the leading practitioners in their field. They were able to translate their difficult experience into a mission.
Any of us can do the same. And it doesn’t have to be as grand of a gesture as saving a life. It can be anything we’ve struggled with, learned from and overcame such as a weight loss journey or overcoming depression. Our tough times are growth experiences that put us in a position to help those that face the same challenges we made it through. So if we are struggling to find a purpose, use what you’ve been through to make a difference.
257. if you love something
We’ve all heard the saying… “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” But what if I let go of something I love, only to have it return and then leave again? How many times does this sequence need to repeat before it realizes it’s mine, and I don’t have to be okay with letting it go again? Because there is so much nuance to each individual situation, it’s hard to paint an answer in broad strokes of black or white.
Love can be complicated, not in the sense of developing the feeling, but that once discovered, that emotion doesn’t always have room to grow due to the previous responsibilities or limitations of the life we, or the people we have come to love, have chosen. That’s what leads to the conflict, and incites the saying.. “if you love something let it go…” allowing for the other to figure out what is best for them, and we can do that because there is no judgement in love. So, I guess there is truth to the saying, but at what point do we accept the magnetism? How many times does the world need to spin upon itself to bring two people together before they finally realize they need to stop fucking around with fate?
251. fitting in
Where would we be if we worried more about what our future-selves thought about the decisions we make on a daily basis, than the people we currently surround ourselves with? When we’re young, we worry about how we’re perceived by everyone around us. We often make decisions that aren’t in line with who we truly are, instead making those decisions that best fit the narrative we want to fit into. But after a while, we figure out that making decisions based on how we’re perceived by others isn’t the best way to create a life we want to live. At a certain point, we need the courage to stray from the pack we’ve been running with to have a chance to build a life that makes us happy or at least gives us a chance at that happiness.
Part of growing up is separating ourselves from who we thought we were supposed to be — someone defined by the people we surround ourselves with — and the person we need to become — someone defined by making decisions that best align with the future we want to create. The more we struggle and fight who we are, by making decisions that try to fit our lives into a framework that our social group deemed “acceptable,” the less happy and fulfilling our lives will be.
Make decisions based on who you truly want to be, not who you want to impress or fit in with. Sooner or later you’ll realize that the people you were trying to impress weren’t really even paying attention to begin with.
142. a life that matters
We all want more, and at the same time we continuously find excuses that impede any type of progress. If we all want more for ourselves, why don’t we do anything about it? Why don’t we challenge our excuses? Very simply, excuses preserve a level of comfort by keeping us in familiar territory. Whereas, any type of progress requires the discomfort of change in some capacity. Therefore, we don’t challenge our excuses because we are comfortable. We have a place to sleep, food in the fridge, and access to the internet. For everyone reading this, life is good. Yet, as good as it is, there is still something stirring deep inside us. Why? Because the goal in life was never comfort. We all want a life that matters.