287. mistaking attachment for love
We often mistake attachment for love. A lot of the time our sense of self is not rooted in what we see in the mirror or feel inside, instead it’s the illusion that another person can fill a void and make us whole. So in the event that they leave, or the relationship ends, the ensuing heartbreak feels like devastation because we not only lost someone we cared about, we lost a part of what allowed us to show up in the world. But the thing is, if we lose ourselves in the process of losing another, it’s likely not love that is causing the pain, but attachment to another.
The grasping and clinging we go through as the relationship starts to crumble is thought to be a representation of the depth of love we feel for another, when in reality, it’s just an attachment to the idea of them. And the more we reach out and try to hold on to that idea, the more afraid we become in losing this person, which inevitably causes more suffering in the end.
Ultimately, we need to understand where our feelings come from. Attachment will always feel exponentially worse because when a person leaves, they take a piece of us with them; whereas if it’s love, it’s still going to hurt, but that pain is going to come from the loss of something beautifully shared, not a loss of a sense of self.
185. to live is to suffer
It’s been said “to live is to suffer.” We mistakenly embody this idea, and endure it’s continual visitation, without realizing that the suffering is due to our failure to listen to the lesson life is trying to impress upon us.
The suffering stems from our desires coming into conflict with our needs. In other words, we want one thing, while the universe is trying to let you know you need another. This translates into our feelings of “suffering” because we aren’t always able to get what we want, and therefore become forced into a life of unease, until we learn the lesson the universe is trying to teach. It’s a hard concept to come to terms with, but once you do, you can live a more harmonious life.
Also, it’s hard to know ourselves because we can’t objectively see ourselves within the world. The only context we have for the way we decide to do things is through our own interaction, which is tainted with our innate desires. The universe doesn’t have that problem. It knows what you need, and will put things in your path in an effort to create the awareness necessary for you to make the change you need to make.
Our “suffering” is just a part of the learning process. It’s a mismatch between what we think we want, and what we need to become the next version of ourselves. We can continue to suffer, or we can choose to listen to the lesson.