Chances are we’re all going to get hurt at some point. To cope, we’ll go down different paths to find relief. In some cases it will create addictive behaviors or the reliance on a vice to the point where it raises concerns within the people who care about us the most. In response, those that care, make an effort to help by offering advice and support. And while well intentioned, attempts at inquiring about an addiction or trying to educate on the issues that a vice has been shown to cause is a mistake.

When we’re experiencing emotional pain, we’re looking to disassociate from what is causing it. We no longer want to be ourselves, so we seek escape, and unfortunately the routes we choose are often something worse. But the thing is, we’re all aware of the consequences, so it never becomes a matter of “let’s talk about the consequences of your addictive behavior.” It’s that the only escape from one sensation, is to search for a more extreme one that has the power to take us away and relieve the weight that is crushing us.

No amount of inquiry or education around the bad habits we’ve picked up as a coping mechanism will help us overcome them. What is needed is a genuine pursuit of why we resorted to the things we did. We need to stop asking about the addiction or vice, and start asking about what caused the pain. The only way we can help people heal from their bad habits is to understand how they started.