336. perfect problems
The only problems we have left are the perfect ones. We’ve found solutions to all the others.
It’s the perfect problems that keep us stuck. They’re perfect because they have built-in constraints that keep us trapped in a situation. I hate my job, but I need it. I don’t like being overweight, but I’ve tried everything. We erect boundaries that keep us from seeing the solutions on the other side.
We mistakenly think there’s no way to solve a perfect problem, but in reality, the solution stands behind the boundaries we’ve created. If we can understand this, then the only logical thing to do is destroy those boundaries, and find the solution that lays behind it.
The only way to solve a perfect problem is to make it imperfect. Tear down the boundaries. Eliminate the constraints. Put in your two weeks tomorrow. Put down the food you know isn’t good for you, and only eat what you cook from scratch.
A radical shift in approach is the only alternative to a slow and agonizing march to unhappiness. The only way to get unstuck from a perfect problem is to blow up the boundaries that have been setup, deal with the pain in the short-term, and then run forward, as fast as we can.
293. trapped by choice
In his book Civilized to Death, author Chris Ryan tells the following story…
“Years ago a man sitting next to me on the train in India explained how his grandfather had hunted monkeys in the hills of Calcutta. He made a small wooden box with a round hole on the side. Before attaching the top, he placed a mango in the box, then strapped it to a tree, where a passing monkey would smell the mango and reach into the box through the hole. But the mangos are too large to pull out through the hole. So the monkey faced a dilemma: let go of the mango and be on its way, or sit there, holding the uneaten fruit, until the hunter came along to capture it.”
The man goes on to say that these “traps” were very effective. But why?
It’s ridiculous to think that any creature would willingly hold onto something — therefore securing its fate — rather than to let it go. But much like the monkey, our actions are very similar. We often want something so much, it can become detrimental to us. We’re attached to how a person made us feel, or the promise of an idea. Whether it’s holding on to a past relationship, or the belief that more money will solve all our problems — these are just metaphorical mangos we’re grasping for. They are a trap, only inasmuch as we believe that what we’re grasping is the only choice we have. But at some point, we need to realize that holding on to what isn’t going to work is more detrimental to us than any pain it will cause us to let go.
It’s a choice.