238. thirty day rule
Based on the last 30 days of interacting with your partner, your employer, or any other relationship, would they bring you back for another 30 days or could they find someone better to replace you?
If you are honest with yourself, the likely answer for most of us is “No.” The way you’ve shown up over the last 30 days is out of habit, or fear, or comfort, not the excitement or passion that consumed us over the first 30 days.
You show up day after day because it’s easy. It’s easy because it’s familiar. You can zone out, and make it through the day on autopilot. You are present without really having presence. You’re there, but you’re not because you checked out a long time ago.
Think back to the first interaction with your partner, the first interview for that job you wanted, the first sparks of passion you felt for the commitment you now simply show up for. Think about all the excitement you felt during those first 30 days. Now think about how much of that person still exists today.
Would your partner or employer re-up for another 30 days, based on the last 30?
In speaking on relationships, Esther Perel says that “your partner is a lease, with an option to renew.” Extending that metaphor to the broader context of this post — the relationship, or career path, or any situation you find yourself in is not a life sentence. They’re all experiences we have controlling interest in. There is no obligation to keep going. If the last 30 days aren’t in line with the first what’s the point of continuously renewing. If you aren’t showing up with the same fervor or feeling as you once did maybe it’s time to trade it in.
237. willingness
We all want to be free, but what does that really mean? We seem to think it’s the ability to do whatever we want, yet we would be wrong. Freedom isn’t the ability to do whatever we want, it’s the willingness to do so.
We think, “if I only had this much money or that much time, I could finally have the freedom to do what I wanted.” But that’s bullshit. If we were really forced to make a change, we would most likely realize we already have enough money and time to make the necessary changes that would put us on a path toward the life we want. Will it be perfect? Probably not, but that’s freedom.
We have a lot more freedom than our excuses allow us to believe. The things we tell ourselves are just stories to keep us in familiar territory because we are afraid of the consequences or the push back or the unknown that actually comes with the willingness to be free. We aren’t lacking freedom because we’re missing some liberating force in our lives, we lack freedom because we are stuck in our ways.
228. what does impossible look like?
What does impossible look like?
It looks familiar.
You wake up. Eat breakfast. Check your electronic device for emails, messages, and updates. You respond accordingly. Then you travel somewhere to complete a task — work or school or another creative endeavor. You talk to people, here and there, gaining insight from shared conversations. Email, messages, and updates are checked again, before you move on to lunch. Then another task, more conversations and so on. Interspersed in there somewhere you grab a shower, get some sleep, hit the gym, and put the kids to bed. And repeat.
The underlying process and fundamental execution of your daily tasks all look the same — no matter if you’re striving for a moonshot project or implementing a new dietary regimen.
We often fail to make changes in our life because we’re afraid that pursuing the impossible means we will have to upend all the familiar processes we have in place. This isn’t necessarily the case. Yes, you will have to change who you converse with if you want to make it to Mars, just as you will have to change the way you eat if you wish to be healthier, but you still have to talk to people and you still have to eat. You still have to travel from place to place, check your email, and remain focused. It’s no different than any other day, with the caveat that in going after the impossible you can complete all the things you were already doing with a new sense of purpose.
If you can understand that doing the impossible — whatever that really means for you — isn’t going to be as unfamiliar as you think, then perhaps you will find the necessary confidence to press forward and go after the impossible.