231. hinging your tomorrows on yesterday
Not everything is meant to last forever. But the end of something doesn’t mean you failed. It more likely means the thing you’re after is failing you. Who you’ve become in the process can no longer be fulfilled by whatever it is you’re afraid to fail at. And in trying, you’re not opening yourself up to the possibility of something that can fulfill the new person you’ve become. You’re hinging your tomorrows on yesterday.
We have to realize that there is a distinction between what is worth saving and what is worth walking away from. But we all want there to be definitive answers, so we wait for absolutes, and that’s the biggest mistake because they never come. We’re always going to be at battle with “what if?”
Our decisions are always going to come with conflict. In choosing to walk away from old systems and toward greater possibilities, sometimes we also have to come to terms with letting go of what was great about the old system.
As I like to say, “there are no right answers, but there are wrong ones.” This life is about forward progress and momentum. If the situation you find yourself in isn’t moving you forward, or at least allowing you to maintain the momentum toward the life you want, then it’s important to periodically ask, “is this system serving who I want to become, or holding me back?” Pay attention to the themes.
The answers are never simple and choices will always be hard, but nothing worth it comes easy.
225. tribes
We used to be born into tribes. We didn’t have to find people from other countries or walks of life that share our values or ideas, and then try to create our own. We had very little choice in the matter, but what it gave us was a sense of belonging, identity, and continuity.
We didn’t have to figure out who we were because being born into a tribe inherently meant… “I know who I am, because I know who I am a part of.”
We didn’t have to wonder what to do because the tribe would automatically dictate our approach… “I know what to do, because, I do what I am told.”
We didn’t have to worry about finding purpose because our relationships were organized in a way that gave us a sense of duty and obligation… “I am happy when I fulfill the tasks that are expected of me.”
We weren’t raised for autonomy. We weren’t raised to use our words to say what we want. We were raised to know what other people want from us. Despite the gap in time, we are, to a large extent, still these people.
In the transition from childhood to adulting we are thrust into a world of autonomy, and most of us have no idea how to find our place in the modern world. Hence, the boom in the self-help book genre. We’re all looking to find our place. We have never been more free to make our own decisions, yet more alone in the process.
So, how can we overcome this challenge?
Unfortunately, I don’t see that there is any “quick fix” because, in a way, the whole concept of autonomy is going against human nature. We exist to work together. However, in finding your tribe, I think the best approach for any of us will be to focus more on ways of showing the world who you are comfortable being, rather than trying to find somewhere you’d like to fit in. Your tribe should gravitate toward you, not the other way around.
In essence, this whole concept of starting this blog and sharing my ideas is a way to find my place in the world. To work out my ideas and hopefully find others along the way. All we can really do is try, learn, adapt, and grow. And eventually, if we show up consistently, and with conviction, we’re bound to find our tribe.
221. find yourself
Most of us live within other peoples value systems. Ever since we were children, we were told what was valuable and what wasn’t. We took on those values because without them, we didn’t think we could be loved or accepted. We became this person who holds things of importance without ever really understanding why. But it’s because we are a product of our environment.
The values impressed upon us from a young age, carry us through life if they align with our path, and cause us great strife if they’re in conflict with the path we should be walking.
So, how can we reconcile these things? We need to take a step back and look at all the things we’re doing. Are we doing them because we should, or because we want to? There is a distinctive difference, and in figuring it out, we can find ourselves and start living the way we’re meant to.
194. in line
Are your goals in line with our values?
You have to remember that if you say “yes” to one thing, most likely you’re saying “no” to someone or something else. It’s not necessarily good or bad, right or wrong, it’s just what it is.
That decision in itself helps clarify your values, and understand your priorities. Both of which lead to your identity, and the way the world sees you.
If you are acting in congruence with your values, ideally those values are tied to the person you want to become. So, in practice; instead of trying to be somebody that tries to do something, become that person who does it. Instead of thinking it’s important for me to go workout, think I’m the person who works out. By simply reframing the language you start to become that person, and because we inevitably are what we do, sometimes we just need a little change in language to set us off in the right direction.
130. find the value in everything
Find the value in everything. Everything that ever happened to you has been instrumental in defining the person you’ve become. All the good and bad, love and heartbreak, success and failure, brought you to where you are today. With the power of hindsight, it’s easy to look back and say, “I should have done that differently,” but we forget that it is those past choices — that we may regret now — which grant us insight to our past actions and offer wisdom with how best to move forward. If you went back and made a different choice, you would be a different person, with a different point of few, making different choices, and perhaps even making the same mistakes.
Our experience in this life, as Vernon Law put it, “is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, and the lesson afterward.” We have to have the experiences to understand the wisdom lessons otherwise we will keep making the same mistakes. So find the value in all that you do, and know that everything you’ve done, is as is should be.