339. go your own way
One if the hardest parts about life is that many of us are scared to be ourselves. Instead, we try to fit into a box or narrative established by someone else because we’ve been convinced this is better than anything we can do on our own. In either case, we often try to mold our actions, thoughts, and opinions in an attempt to align with the values of our chosen group. In the process of believing that no group, organization, or entity will accept us in our entirety, we continually end up shaving off parts of ourselves just to gain acceptance. But who is is that they are accepting? It’s certainly not us in our totality. And, if we can’t be accepted for who we are, what’s the point?
There’s really only a few choices for those of us who find it hard to be ourselves; conformity, silence, or to go your own way. Conformity, in any situation, and on any issue that you don’t hold to be a genuine truth is a betrayal of yourself as an individual, which is ultimately a shot through your own heart. Silence does the same thing, as our hearts are always paying attention — aware that our words and actions aren’t in accordance to our values, yet are kept sealed just so we can get along. The only option left is to go your own way. This one takes a long time to build — through trials and tribulation — enough confidence to stand alone with conviction and march toward a virtuous existence. In the process we will likely be battered and bruised, but at least you will be you.
333. labels
We use labels for different ideas. Most times, we take for granted that the way we see things is how they actually are. It’s actually quite difficult not to do this as we are at the very center of our own universe, but the reality is this only leads to more misunderstandings than anything because one person’s interpretation likely doesn’t match another’s.
It might sound like we’re having the same conversation because we’re using the same label, but what we mean is completely different. For example, someone can be talking about Christianity in terms of squashing other people’s viewpoints, while another uses it as a way to speak about how you should be accepting and nice to your neighbor. Or, someone can be talking about a Paleo diet in terms of it being unrealistic in terms of a way to garner sustenance, while another uses it as a template to consume whole, unprocessed foods. The examples are endless because each of us views the world through a slightly different lens, therefore clarification is important.
The point is to seek to understand before continuing the discussion. Chances are a little exploration of someone’s label can provide a great deal of clarity, leading to a more productive conversation.
282. better interactions
Most of the problems we encounter with one another arise from our lack of clear and concise communication. Here are a few tips to think about when we’re interacting with someone. Hopefully, with a greater awareness of our thoughts and the words we choose to express them, we can create better, more productive conversations.
Be willing to ask for help.
- Ask for help whenever you need to.
- Remind yourself that if you need something, most people will be happy to help if they can.
- Use clear, intimate communication to ask for what you want, explaining your feelings and the reasons behind your request.
- Trust that most people will listen if you ask them to.
Be yourself, whether people accept you or not.
- State your thoughts clearly and politely, without malice, and do not try to control how people receive it.
- Do not give more energy than you really have.
- Instead of trying to please, give other people a true indication of how you feel.
- Don't volunteer for something if you think you'll resent it later.
- If someone says something you find offensive, you don't need to let the statement go. Try to offer an alternative viewpoint, but don't base the success of the conversation on whether you can change the other person's mind.
Sustaining and appreciating emotional connections.
- Make a point of keeping in touch with people you care about, and returning their messages.
- Think of yourself as someone who can give and receive help from your community of friends.
- Even when people aren't saying the "right" thing, tune into whether they're trying to help. If their effort feels genuine, and makes you feel emotionally nurtured, express your gratitude.
- When someone irritates you, do not say the first thing that comes to mind, think about what you can say to improve the situation and create a mutual understanding. If necessary, wait until you cool off and then ask if the other person is willing to revisit the situation.
Have reasonable expectations.
- Keep in mind that being perfect isn't always necessary. Getting things done is often better than obsessing over getting everything perfect. Adjustments can usually be made after the fact.
- When you get tired, rest or do something different. Your level of physical energy and focus will alert you to when you're doing too much. Don't wait for an accident or produce poor quality work if your head isn't in it.
- When you make a mistake, just remember you're human. Even if you think you've anticipated everything, there will always be unexpected hurdles from time to time.
- Remember that everyone is responsible for their own feelings and for expressing their needs clearly. Beyond common courtesy, it isn't up to you to guess what others want.
Communicate clearly and actively seek preferred outcomes.
- Don't expect people to know what you need unless you tell them. Having someone care about you doesn't mean they automatically know what you're feeling.
- If the people closest to you upset you, use the feelings of pain to identify your underlying need. Then use clear, intimate communication to provide guidance on how they could give it to you.
- When your feelings are hurt, try to understand your reaction first. Did something trigger feelings from your past, or did the person really treat you insensitively? If someone was insensitive, ask them to hear you out.
- Be thoughtful to other people, and if they aren't thoughtful in return, ask them to be more considerate in the future, and then let it go.
- Ask for something as many times as it takes to get a clear answer.
- When you get tired of interacting, politely speak up, asking if there is anyway to continue at another time. Kindly explain that your capacity has been reached at the moment.
248. cascade
Beliefs become our thoughts.
Thoughts become our words.
Words become our actions.
Actions become our habits.
Habits become our virtue.
Virtue becomes our destiny.
There is a level of control to destiny. Many of us think that what is going to happen, will happen. But in reality, we have the power to affect that inevitability. It all starts at the beginning of the cascade with the beliefs, thoughts, and words we use to describe the life we are living. Believing your current situation is inevitable will never allow you to find the words to develop the actions which will orient you towards the habits that can then begin to shift your trajectory.
Where we are, does not determine where we will end up. The sooner we can change limiting beliefs, the sooner we can start to create changes that will put us on a path toward where we want to be and ultimately fulfill the destiny of our liking.
133. choose wisely
The words we choose matter. Not just in getting our point across in conversation, but in their ability to affect how we approach the world. They have the power to define the events, actions, and relationships we encounter as either good or bad, no matter the reality of the situation. The language we use sets our limits and to an extent can shape our destiny. When we constantly use words that define us as weak, unable, unfit, unworthy, less than, or as though you have no power to achieve whatever it is that you are after, you will find that that is exactly the case.
Words hold meaning, and that is why they are so powerful. If those words convey messages that are inherently limiting, you will start to believe them and act accordingly. So choose consciously and cautiously, because with precision, you can achieve things you never thought you could.