342. seasons ending
Life is an endless series of transition. To go from one thing to another, seasons must change. There’s never any complaint about the flowers that bloom in the spring after we make it through the winter. However, that awareness is often lost on ourselves. We, for whatever reason, avoid the challenge associated with change, and stay the same. Finding comfort in our discomfort, simply because it is familiar. Not until we realize it is us who control the transitional change within ourselves, can we see the bloom of the next season of our lives.
words i can’t say
I think about you everyday
I have ever since the first day I saw you
There was never anyone else
You were everything I wanted
I broke every part of myself trying to prove that to you
Nothing worked
You weren’t right for me
I learned the hard way
That a relationship is not a bandaid
I don’t blame you for anything,
but it hurts all the same
The future I had planned for us,
I have to erase
That hurts the most
I wanted to marry you
I wanted our kids to have your smile,
your laugh
I miss those parts of you the most
I miss what could have been.
A real family
A real love story
I wish it ended differently and,
I wish it never did
But in reality, you’re the most beautiful chaos
I’ve ever known
And there’s no place in my future
for things that don’t bring me peace
Just know, that after it all,
you’ll always have a piece of my heart
because I chose to give it to you
keep it,
and know that
I will always love you
I don’t know how not to
te amo.
341. set sail
Change is hard because it comes with a necessary acceptance that who you are isn’t who you want to be. It’s a constant battle with your ego which is always trying to bring you back to who you are right now, even if it is out of alignment with what you say you want. It’s a safety mechanism keeping you within familiar territory. So, while your actions may look like self-destruction on the outside, they’re actually your subconscious working to return you to a familiar version of yourself, or a place where it feels most comfortable.
There’s a saying that goes, “a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.” We are all on our own ship, possessing the possibility of journeying toward the person we wish to become. That journey requires us to embrace discomfort. To sail just far enough away from the harbor that we can throw out an anchor and sit long enough in a certain position that we realize it’s not so bad after all. And, then doing it all over again, until we arrive at the place where we initially set out to discover.
For systemic change to happen, progress has to be sustainable. It will require you to throw out an anchor along the way, reassuring yourself that the distance you’ve traveled — where you are today, while frightening new — is now who you are and choose to be. It will feel chaotic because waves of uncertainty will challenge your choices for attempting to break old patterns. It will feel unfamiliar because you are traveling outside the boundaries of the map you once used to guide your life. But you have to be okay with the discomfort of sailing outside the boundaries of the map you had for yourself so that you can start charting the new territory of the person you wish to become.
off topic: fight club
Here's my mildly cryptic proposition for a Fight Club... You have to accept that the "normal" way of life (the status quo) is never going to allow you to become the best version of yourself. That the only way forward is to passionately focus on completing the work necessary to illuminate, correct, and construct a new narrative that directs you towards the life you want. Whatever it is, you'll need to remove the blinders sold by reductionistic thinking and open yourself up to the multitude of inputs that allow for a compound effect (1+1+1>3). The mind, the body, and the spirit, singularly mean nothing, but when strengthened simultaneously create more than the sum of their parts. Fight Club seeks to build an undefeatable belief in the self, drawn from the ability to learn from the struggles (physical, mental, & emotional) life bestows upon you, and intentionally take action in accordance with the sovereign individual you wish to be.
Accountability is a pledge to your future self.
Respect is never forgetting the fundamentals.
Education never stops and is always moving.
Health is a vehicle for all performance.
Virtue is only recognized by the strength of ability.
Fear is a bastion for conformity.
Rules:
1. Start where you are.
2. Take action (fight, read, lift, nourish, create, recover).
3. Be better than yesterday.
Fight against mediocrity to live your best life.
confused about lack of progress...
If a person searches out a fitness professional and says they want to achieve XYZ fitness goal, they obviously value that fitness professional’s opinion, otherwise they wouldn't pay them. However, when they provide this person with their best guidance based on past experience (which likely led them in their direction to begin with) as to how to achieve XYZ goal, they fail to complete the necessary tasks needed to get there, and then they get frustrated about not making any progress.
Why is that? It's likely that many people… 1) don't actually know what they want, and/or 2) have no idea the effort it takes to get there.
1) People don’t actually know what they want, they just know they aren’t happy with what they have. The general complaint is they’re carrying around too much weight, and so people think fat-loss is the answer, but it’s not necessarily the goal. Confidence is the goal.
2) People have no idea how much effort it takes to achieve their goal, it’s not that the goal is necessarily difficult to achieve. For example, weight loss is relatively simple — eat less, move more — yet far from easy because it requires change. People don’t change because they need to, they change because they’re inspired.
—————
If anyone is lacking the clarity about what they want to achieve (in any health endeavor, or even life), I don't think they can be truly inspired. So, I guess the first step is to figure out what any of us are truly after in order to find the inspiration to get there. And, I think that comes down to simply asking why enough times to find out.
340. crystal clear
Whenever you try to implement change, a tension arises. The rational part of your brain knows what needs to be done, but the emotional part doesn’t want to do the hard work.
For change to happen you need both parts of your brain on board. If you only instruct the rational part of your brain you’ll have an understanding, but no motivation. If you only appeal to the emotional part of the brain, you’ll have passion, but no direction.
The rational part of your brain is the part of you that knows exercising before work is a good idea, so it sets the alarm nice and early. It has a clear vision of what it wants and the best way to get there, but unfortunately it’s a poor motivator. The best shot at getting your emotional brain on board is to be specific as possible about what needs to happen, otherwise the passion for change will fade.
“Lose weight” isn’t very clear, but “wake up at 5am, put on shoes, go to the gym, do 4 sets of squats and pull-ups” is a crystal clear instruction.
“Be more productive” is not clear either, but “sit down at the desk, open up a word document, set the timer for 20 minutes, and start writing all the words bouncing around in your head until the time is up” is another crystal clear instruction.
Both examples allow for small tasks to be repeated right after another, adding motivation to keep moving forward.
If it’s clear and easy, motivation and direction come into alignment effortlessly, allowing for change to happen. As soon as clarity is lost in vague statements, real change stands no chance.
unpopular opinion: your health experts know nothing
What we know as the classical “healthcare” system has devolved into little more than disease management, where the suppression of symptoms leads to the best health outcomes, but nothing could be further from the truth. If anyone actually took the time to “follow the science” instead of blindly repeating it, they would realize recommendations from the trusted mainstream sources have not made us any healthier over the last 50 years.
Don’t believe me? Look at the skyrocket rates of obesity, diabetes, coronary issues, cancer, etc. — all of which are comorbidities associated with the increased severity of complications with covid. The surprising part is that “healthcare” system isn’t broken, it’s a very successful and effective venue for disease management, generating billions of dollars, and that’s the problem.
Healthy people don’t need medications, surgery, or hospital care. Allowing people to fuckabout, making lifestyle decisions that are in complete contradiction to our evolutionary biology has failed to serve us, but has served the bottom line of those who enable our poor lifestyle choices, that lead to our poor health outcomes, that lead to us seeking assistance from the “experts” whose only advice comes by way of offering this or that medication to mask the fact that we aren’t living in accordance to our natural way of life.
I work with a lot of people who have issues — like high blood sugar, high cholesterol, poor sleep, obesity — that their “healthcare” practitioner could very easily have helped with if they could simple step out of the false paradigm that allopathic medicine is the best way to solve a health issue. Instead of complex pathways and medications, we need to start thinking about simple recommendations revolving around eating better, going outside to get some sun, getting enough sleep. These things are rarely addressed, yet are the very foundations of health.
Don’t believe me? Did you ever hear anyone on the News over the last 2 years recommend any of these very simple, free, and effective things? Likely not. What is recommended, are medications or pharmaceutical interventions, which — as any student of history can see — has proven to be a very poor path to achieving or recapturing any semblance of real health.
Personally, I think the future of health, both how to recapture and how to optimize it, lies not with the recommendations of those who are deeply entrenched within the “healthcare” industry, but those who understand the natural world and how we evolved from it. Not one time in human history have we ever been deficient in a pharmaceutical drug, yet just about everyone in the Western world is deficient in something because they lack a natural connection to their environment — real food, natural sunlight, restful sleep, and meaningful relationships are the way to health. None of these foundational things are espoused by the establish “healthcare” experts, so when do we start listening to someone else? In my opinion, the future of achieving health and optimizing longevity lies literally outside the walls of modern medicine and within the natural environment we can all stand to benefit from returning to.
Be careful who you listen to. Sick people make great customers.
339. go your own way
One if the hardest parts about life is that many of us are scared to be ourselves. Instead, we try to fit into a box or narrative established by someone else because we’ve been convinced this is better than anything we can do on our own. In either case, we often try to mold our actions, thoughts, and opinions in an attempt to align with the values of our chosen group. In the process of believing that no group, organization, or entity will accept us in our entirety, we continually end up shaving off parts of ourselves just to gain acceptance. But who is is that they are accepting? It’s certainly not us in our totality. And, if we can’t be accepted for who we are, what’s the point?
There’s really only a few choices for those of us who find it hard to be ourselves; conformity, silence, or to go your own way. Conformity, in any situation, and on any issue that you don’t hold to be a genuine truth is a betrayal of yourself as an individual, which is ultimately a shot through your own heart. Silence does the same thing, as our hearts are always paying attention — aware that our words and actions aren’t in accordance to our values, yet are kept sealed just so we can get along. The only option left is to go your own way. This one takes a long time to build — through trials and tribulation — enough confidence to stand alone with conviction and march toward a virtuous existence. In the process we will likely be battered and bruised, but at least you will be you.
338. become a monster
We’re living in a world that’s currently thriving on scarcity and fear. Where people choose to find comfort in passivity. Where it’s more acceptable to back down, than stand up. Where strong convictions often lead to exile.
However, it shouldn’t be wrong to exhibit strength. To be resolute in your beliefs. To stand firm for what you want out of life. At the same time that doesn’t mean any of us should treat those who do not share our exact views with contempt or malice. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be kind if you’re strong, but it does mean that if you can’t exhibit strength if you succumb to weakness.
So don’t be afraid. Don’t be docile. Don’t be idle. Don’t be weak. And most importantly, don’t be a dick.
Become a monster.
Be ruthlessly ambitious, and then learn how to control it.
At the end of the day, it’s always better to be warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.
337. letting go
For those who hang on to things forever, it’s important to realize that at a very fundamental level, our role as humans is to grow. And the only way for that to happen is by letting go of the people, ideas, habits, etc. that no longer serve us and the person we wish to be.
You may want to be loved by this person, or continue to practice a certain habit but it’s not the person or the habit that you want, it’s the result of those experiences we’re after. Holding on to things that no longer take us in the direction we want to go, only keeps us from arriving at the destination we want so badly.
Letting go provides us with the space to develop new relationships, learn new lessons, and create new opportunities so that we find the things we’re after. This isn’t to say that the process isn’t without heartache or strain, but it sometimes becomes a necessary part. Whenever we find the strength to let go, we open ourselves up to possibility — a place where we originally found the thing/s we current find ourselves having trouble living without — which is where we always find something new and wonderful within the space we created.
336. perfect problems
The only problems we have left are the perfect ones. We’ve found solutions to all the others.
It’s the perfect problems that keep us stuck. They’re perfect because they have built-in constraints that keep us trapped in a situation. I hate my job, but I need it. I don’t like being overweight, but I’ve tried everything. We erect boundaries that keep us from seeing the solutions on the other side.
We mistakenly think there’s no way to solve a perfect problem, but in reality, the solution stands behind the boundaries we’ve created. If we can understand this, then the only logical thing to do is destroy those boundaries, and find the solution that lays behind it.
The only way to solve a perfect problem is to make it imperfect. Tear down the boundaries. Eliminate the constraints. Put in your two weeks tomorrow. Put down the food you know isn’t good for you, and only eat what you cook from scratch.
A radical shift in approach is the only alternative to a slow and agonizing march to unhappiness. The only way to get unstuck from a perfect problem is to blow up the boundaries that have been setup, deal with the pain in the short-term, and then run forward, as fast as we can.
health = freedom
We generally don’t take action without good reason, but if the current climate isn’t enough to call yourself into action what is? It is hard to think that it’s almost been “years” of this nonsense without any tangible methods being implemented to positively change the status quo.
Regardless of your beliefs about why the world is in a state of panic, the unfolding events have presented us with an opportunity to see things differently. Hopefully, it has allowed us to recognize that the way we’ve been persuaded to think, the way we’ve been told to see each other, and the way we’ve been informed to take care of our bodies, has come from a place of fear. We’re scared into lesser versions of ourselves, and therefore our communities, because it has been the most consistent and loudest message.
None of us enjoy this constant state of inequity, poor health, strife, yet we continue to sit back and wait for things to change for the better without the realization that ultimately it all starts with you and I. Everything starts with the collective Us. We need to come together to redefine what it means to live a life of our choosing built upon a foundation of health that provides us the freedom to pass through this life with relative ease.
We have to envision a society where true health is a fundamental part of society. Despite what we are seeing right now. Despite what we are hearing right now. It is possible.
Taking personal responsibility for our health needs to be the rule, not the exception. This isn’t a call for mask wearing and vaccinations, it is far more fundamental than that. This is a call to take personal responsibility for the health of your body and the inputs you provide it. What you put in, is what you get out. And as a society we are failing miserably. In the US, about 90% of our citizens are metabolically unhealthy, which means there’s around 10% of our population that has enough knowledge, or luck, to provide their body with the correct inputs to achieve a level of health that allows them to approach the current state of the world with confidence. Imagine if it were all different. Imagine if the majority weren’t beholden to the consistent need of refilling medications, scheduling treatments for their ailing bodies, or settling into a lives of dis-comfort as if it were somehow preordained. Do you think the world would be more free?
It doesn’t make sense. And this acquiescence to the status quo of suboptimal health is the driving force behind the crisis we’re all in. It is firstly an epidemic of poor health that has provided the necessary fuel to ignite a pandemic of the immunocompromised.
Collectively, we need to take responsibility to elevate our potential, not succumb to the idea that the majority of this country — and the industrialized world, for that matter — had it correct when it came to the best way to live our life. Achieving real health is no longer a fundamental part. Somewhere along the line it was drowned out by the voices selling us on the idea that it was best to do whatever it takes to get rich, gain more followers, and enjoy a hedonistic lifestyle without the thought of consequences. But none of us can realistically trade our health for wealth because if we do, we end up having to trade back our wealth for a chance to recoup whatever health we have left.
In a recent presentation, I asked those in attendance — mostly wealthy executive types — to define health. Most of them simply came up with “the absence of disease.” That’s sad. People think that health is simply not being sick. While that does play a part, it is unfortunate to think that this is the best that they could come up with because the absence of disease doesn’t mean you are able to live your best life. Not that I am a fan, but the World Health Organization (WHO) presents a more holistic view as it defines health as the state of “complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease.” This is definitely a step in the right direction but still doesn’t fully encapsulate everything we should strive for.
In my opinion, health is best defined as an optimal state of bodily movement and function, as well as emotional and physiological well-being, which inspires confidence to pursue a life of our choosing, free from limitations of dis-ease and dis-comfort, that ultimately provides us with the freedom to live the life we want. When we are faced with a choice of what to do, we need to keep this definition in mind. We need to ask, are my choices in line with the fundamental pursuit of achieving optimal health? If not, then we’re ultimately resigning our health over to companies, and governments, that are more than happy to take advantage of our lack of foundational health, who stand to profit off the false promise that by taking this pill or completing that procedure we will be able to live a life free from the responsibility of our poor choices. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Our actions have consequences.
It is very difficult to achieve health within the same paradigm that made you unwell to begin with. It’s time to think different. It’s time to be different. It’s time to throw off the anxiety we have about the changes we need to make and simply do it. Get healthy. Be free.
335. normalizing fear
We’re all afraid of something, and that’s okay because it can be a powerful motivator. However, if we normalize any of our fears, our attention gradually comes to rest more on what we don’t want than what we do. We are ultimately what we pay attention to.
The things we don’t want continuously run through our mind as we say, “I don’t want to be poor.” “I don’t want to be sick.” “I don’t want to be alone.” They replay so often that we eventually develop a relationship with them.
In those moments of “I don’t want,” the mind can’t distinguish between what you want and what you don’t. It only knows what you’re interested in. And, if we continue to focus our attention on destitution, sickness, and solitude that is what we will manifest. These types of thoughts leave no room for the mind to bring our attention toward wealth, health, and love.
In the end, you get what you focus on. Stop placing all your attention on what you don’t want to happen and begin to focus your attention on what you would like to see unfold in your life. Stop placing a negative bias on your “what if’s.” Instead of saying “what if I end up poor,” “what if I end up sick,” “what if I end up alone,” start saying “what if I end up wealthy, with an abundance of health and love.”
Each of us has to understand that we don’t describe what we see, we see what we describe. The sooner we understand this fundamental principle, the sooner we can change the situation we find ourselves in.
334. inherited outlook
Scientists originally believed that it was strictly our parents’ genes that became the blueprint for what would eventually become us, and that with just the right amount of guidance and nutrition, we would develop seamlessly according to plan. But newer research is showing that the person you have become is predicated more on the history of your parents — and perhaps more astonishingly, their parents — than simply the environment you grew up in.
In his book, It Didn’t Start with You, Mark Wolynn states that “the history you share with your family begins before you are even conceived. In your earliest biological form, as an unfertilized egg, you already share a cellular environment with your mother and grandmother… This means that before your mother was even born, your mother, your grandmother, and the earliest traces of you were all in the same body — three generations sharing the same biological environment.1 This isn’t a new idea; embryology textbooks have told us as much for more than a century. Your inception can be similarly traced in your lateral line. The precursor cells of the sperm you developed from were present in your father when he was a fetus in his mother’s womb.”2
While the particulars of the events that shaped the lives of your parents may be obscured from your vision, the residual impact of those particulars is what shapes your being as you come into existence. It’s not what you inherit from your parents, but also how they were treated throughout their lives, up until you are conceived. Everything along the way, crossing multiple generations, influences how you relate to a partner, the world around you, and the children you conceive. And for better or worse, research indicates your parents tend to pass on the parenting that they themselves received.
So, when it comes to figuring yourself out and why you feel or react a certain way about something, look back to connect the dots of your lineage rather than feel powerless about how you feel. Most of our patterns and approaches to the world begin to form before we’re even born. Looking back can provide clarity about why we do the things we do by helping us understand that our “foundation” is laid by the generational experiences that preceded it.
————
C. E. Finch and J. C. Loehlin, “Environmental Influences That May Precede Fertilization: A First Examination of the Prezygotic Hypothesis from Maternal Age Influences on Twins,” Behavioral Genetics 28(2) (1998): 101.
Thomas W. Sadler, Langman’s Medical Embryology, 9th ed. (Baltimore: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2009), 13.
333. labels
We use labels for different ideas. Most times, we take for granted that the way we see things is how they actually are. It’s actually quite difficult not to do this as we are at the very center of our own universe, but the reality is this only leads to more misunderstandings than anything because one person’s interpretation likely doesn’t match another’s.
It might sound like we’re having the same conversation because we’re using the same label, but what we mean is completely different. For example, someone can be talking about Christianity in terms of squashing other people’s viewpoints, while another uses it as a way to speak about how you should be accepting and nice to your neighbor. Or, someone can be talking about a Paleo diet in terms of it being unrealistic in terms of a way to garner sustenance, while another uses it as a template to consume whole, unprocessed foods. The examples are endless because each of us views the world through a slightly different lens, therefore clarification is important.
The point is to seek to understand before continuing the discussion. Chances are a little exploration of someone’s label can provide a great deal of clarity, leading to a more productive conversation.
332. crumbling is not an instant’s act
Most of the time people forget the lessons that historians and leaders would like us to remember. Whether it’s a natural disaster or a pandemic, each enter our collective consciousness as they arise, seemingly out of nowhere. Novel as they seem in the moment, they are often remnants of unresolved themes of the past we continuously fail to learn from and correct. We think this time it’s different, forgetting that even though history doesn’t repeat itself, it does rhyme.
After a flood washes out huge sections of oceanfront property, people rebuild their lives on the same spot. After this pandemic, it’s likely, people will go back to their old habits of taking their health for granted. Unfortunately, we have a culture that doesn’t remember because they’re blasted with a story that says this time it’s different, backed by a media portrayal that exacerbates a narrative that our way of life was right all along, while disregarding any clues that may have shown up along the way.
There’s a poem by Emily Dickinson called Crumbling is not an instant’s Act which shows things need to build before they can happen. It reads:
Crumbling is not an instant's Act
A fundamental pause
Dilapidation's processes
Are organized Decays.
'Tis first a Cobweb on the Soul
A Cuticle of Dust
A Borer in the Axis
An Elemental Rust—
Ruin is formal—Devil's work
Consecutive and slow—
Fail in an instant, no man did
Slipping—is Crash's law.
The emphasis on Crumbling is not an instant’s Act and Slipping—is Crash’s law is mine, as I think it poetically illustrates that things don’t simply happen out of nowhere, they take time. The bottom doesn’t just drop out, things have to creak, weaken and give way. It’s our choice to look the other way when we hear the squeaks. It’s our choice to be consumed by the nonsense of telling us not to pay attention to the clues. It’s our choice to be coerced into a false sense of confidence that is perpetrated by popular narrative, saying we are on the right path. But are we really?
We’re continuously assured that this time it’s different. This time it came out of nowhere. No one could have known. The voices of popular media seek to placate our worries by reaffirming our way of life is the correct one, yet, if that were true we would learn from our past. Instead we confidently walk toward a cliff, ignoring the signposts along the way that warn us of the upcoming drop. Then we’re surprised when we eventually walk off the edge.
So how do we change? If getting us to learn from our past doesn’t work because we’re too busy wrapped up in the now, lost in the blatantly false narrative of going the right direction, then how do we keep from repeating our past failures? Generally, the way people change their mind and thus correct their path isn’t because of a single lesson, it’s through a tumbling of dominos. It’s the same principle Dickinson reaches for with Crash’s Law. It’s a gradual shift. Built with awareness over time, until a crescendo eventually happens one way or the other. We either learn, or repeat our same mistakes.
The problem comes with who is controlling the information we’re receiving, the narrative, the ideas being sold because they’re all going to influence the questions we ask and the actions we take. The best way to create positive change to our situation is to become aware of what is going on around you. Look for the signposts. Each one is a domino falling. New information leads to new thoughts, which leads to new questions that evolve into new actions. There’s no fall without warnings of a cliff ahead.
331. just say no
Stop saying “Yes” to things that should be a “No.” The most valuable resource we have is our time, yet we often waste it on things we’re not fully invested in. We’re afraid to say, No. But why? Likely for fear of missing out, not being included, or letting someone down. This may be admirable to a certain point, but after a certain point it becomes imperative to realize that the choice you’re making isn’t serving you, nor the person you’re trying to appease.
It’s disingenuous to say, Yes, to things that aren’t going to fully arouse our interest and allow us to fully show up in the moment. When we continue to do so, we begin to wonder why our life is filled with mediocrity. Well, it’s because we haven’t given ourselves the time or the space in our schedule to explore the things that truly interest us.
A half-hearted, Yes, will not serve you. It doesn’t value your time, your interests, or your growth as a person. When you’re too busy simply showing up and participating in someone else’s interests rather than creating space to actively seek out your own, you’ll never be able to take full advantage of any opportunities that actually come your way. Inevitably, by saying, Yes, when you should be saying, No, keeps you busy living a mediocre life, distracted from what you should be exploring so that you can build a life you want. The solution is to be more selective with your time. Say, Yes to less so that you can have the time to find your passions. If someone asks you to do something and your automatic response isn’t “Hell Yeah,” then it should be a “No.”
330. be curious
Be curious, not consumed. There is no competitive edge to consuming the same stuff as everyone else. While the endless bombardment of media messages have no real power over what we think, they definitely do influence what we think about. And in this world of commotion, where competition for attention is everywhere, it is silence that offers us what we’ve been after all along — a way to make sense of the world. So, turn off. Go silent. Focus. Let your curiosities dictate your moves, instead of what is being sold as the popular idea. Search through different and competing sources. Explore new ideas and methodologies. Connect the dots that make that most sense and develop a new way to look at the world because if you don’t do it for yourself someone will do it for you.
38 laws to live by
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.
Only deal with people that love you back.
Perfect isn’t possible. Excellence is. Chop wood, carry water.
Always be grateful.
Ignore the rules you don’t agree with.
The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself.
If you think it’s impossible, then it is.
Ideas are nothing without action.
The things that matter the most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter the least.
The time is now, not tomorrow.
It’s not what you know, it’s what you consistently do.
Take what is useful, disregard the rest.
Life is happening for us, not to us.
Let learning lead to action.
Sometimes the process is more important than the product.
The limits of my language equal the limits of my world.
Losers have goals. Winners have systems.
Frustration is a matter of expectation.
Life favors the specific ask and punish the league wish.
Finding purpose is greater than searching for happiness.
Discipline equals freedom.
When you say “Yes” to something, you are saying “No” to something else.
Total honesty at all times.
Your choice creates your challenge.
Nothing quells anxiety more than action.
Make choices as the person you want to be would make.
Strength has no detriment.
Productive is different than busy.
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.
Have integrity. Practice what you preach.
You never get today back.
An addiction to distraction is the end of creative production.
The caliber of your practice determines the quality of your performance.
Take ownership.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Vulnerability is the price the brave must pay to arrive at iconic.
Always love like it’s the last time.
Real love has no judgement.
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We often mistake attachment for love. Much of the time, our sense of self is not rooted in what we see in the mirror or feel inside, instead it’s the illusion that another person can fill a void and make us whole. So, in the event that they leave, or the relationship ends, the ensuing heartbreak feels like devastation because we not only lost someone we cared about, we lost a part of what allowed us to show up in the world. But the thing is, if we lose ourselves in the process of losing another, it’s likely not love that is causing the pain, but attachment to the other.
The grasping and clinging we go through as the relationship starts to crumble is thought to be a representation of the depth of love we feel for another, when in reality, it’s just an attachment to the idea of them. And, the more we reach out and try to hold on to that idea, the more afraid we become in losing this person, which inevitably causes more suffering in the end.
Ultimately, we need to understand where our feelings come from. Attachment will always feel exponentially worse because when a person leaves, they take a piece of us with them; whereas, if it’s real love, it’s still going to hurt, but that pain is going to come from the loss of something beautifully shared, not a loss of a sense of self. So, if you really love someone, and they choose to leave, you will honor their choice because real love does not judge.
329. seeking advice
We all want to make the right decision for ourselves, so we seek advice by asking “what should I do, option A or B?” The weight of the advice we receive will be influenced by the experience of the person we’re asking, however the problem is that what worked for one person may not work for you. There are many factors that go into the success or failure of a particular option, therefore we can’t take one person’s advice too seriously. Ideally, asking for advice should, as the author Derek Sivers explains in Hell Yeah or No, “be like echolocation — bouncing ideas off of all your surroundings, and listening to all the echoes to get the whole picture.”
No matter how much advice you get, you’re always likely to receive what worked best for other people. Ultimately, only you will know what works best for you in the end. The right decision for you may contrast with popular opinion, and that’s okay, because all of our individuals situations have personal nuances that no one else knows about. We all need to find our own way, sometimes that means making the unpopular decision, which may help us understand why it was unpopular to begin with, while other times, it becomes the right and best decision we could have ever made. So seek advice from everywhere, but do so with the idea that each piece of advice is simply part of a larger puzzle you’re putting together.