a few things I learned…
I didn’t binge during quarantine, but I did learn a few things though…
I learned that no matter how good you can make someone feel, there’s no guarantee they’re going to be able to love you back.
I learned that 10 minutes of actively keeping up with the news is enough to understand what is going on in the world — more only creates confusion and stress.
I learned that some people are only your friend because it benefits them, and no matter how much you need them, they’ll never be able to help you.
I learned that it’s okay to fail, as it’s an inevitable pitstop on your road to success.
I learned that fear is just a part of life, but you can decide how often you spend running away from imaginary ghosts.
I learned to embrace vulnerability. It humanizes us. No one cared about Superman until the introduction of Kryptonite.
I learned that we are all made up of the stories we tell ourselves. If you want a different life, tell a different story.
I learned that a life driven by fulfillment, is greater than one searching for happiness.
I learned that most people will never take initiative. They’ll seek advice so they can blame someone else for their failure.
I learned that the effect I have on others is the most valuable currency there is.
Oh, and I learned that while psychedelic mushrooms provide an exponentially better experience than alcohol, LSD, marijuana, or DMT, they all pale in comparison to finding someone that truly understands you.
evolutionary experiment
Evolution doesn’t always mean progress in terms of longevity, safety, comfort or even fitness, just look at zoo animals compared to those in the wilderness. It simply means change. That change, for better or worse, is driven by our environment (what we eat, when we sleep, how much we move, where we live, etc.). Today, the human body is changing in ways we’re not prepared for. Instead of passing down robustness to create antifragile adaptations, our offspring are inheriting traits that are detrimental to our health.
Story time…
Let’s go back to the 1930’s, where Dr. Francis Pottenger carried out a 10-year multi-generational experiment on 900 cats that were explicitly fed an inferior diet. The impact from poor nutrition was not so startling during the first-generation, but became progressively worse during subsequent generations. From the second-generation on, the cats showed increasing levels of structural deformities, birth defects, impaired-mental health, stress-driven behaviors, vulnerability to illness, allergies, reduced learning ability, and reproductive problems. (poor Bootsy!!)
Why is this relevant?
Because we are running the same experiment, just on ourselves! Your back ache, digestive problems, fertility issues, depression, diabetes, and insomnia aren’t for a lack of mediations, they’re due to the poor and mismatched environment we find ourselves in. Pottenger’s work shows how the simple act of eating poorly can destroy a group in just a handful of generations. We’re up against more than inferior nutrition, yet that should be the EASIEST choice.
Is dysevolution a thing? Because if not, it’s certainly heading that direction.
fear is inevitable
Life is a series of choices based in fear or love. Most of us let fear be a guide and call it practical because what we’d really love to do seems impossible. The thing is, we can fail at the safe option just as easily as we can with the desirable one. So why not take a chance on something you love?
Probably because it’s hard, and there’s no clear path. But who really wants to live life with someone else’s map. You make choices and you fail, then you figure something else out. They say that life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. Who knows if that is true or not, but making a conscious decision to use those failures as opportunities. To perceive challenges as something beneficial and deal with it in a productive way that will create a path toward a life you truly want.
Fear is inevitable, but you get to decide how often you spend running away from imaginary ghosts.
mask bullies
We all have a desire to belong. The tribe we gravitate toward dictates the rules of what is or isn’t acceptable for inclusion. Once we’ve found a place within a specific tribe, we’ll defend its narrative at all costs, as anything contrary will be seen as an attack on our personal identity.
Case in point… [watch the video]
We see Kramer marching for a good cause, but since he refuses to wear the r-r-r-ribbon, he is assaulted and ostracized from participating in the group. Why? Because he doesn’t fit within the narrative of the tribe he wishes to be a part of, regardless of his good intent.
The idea seems stupid when you watch it, but this very scenario is unfolding all across the country right now. The ribbon bullies have graduated to mask bullies and they’re at war with the exposed faces of those who refuse to wear a mask. One side preaches about safety and the other exclaims they just want their freedom.
Who’s right?
Neither, because any facts presented on the matter are no match for an individuals emotional investment, especially if it allows us to feel like we belong within a tribe. You can tell a mask bully that masks are ineffective, and they’ll discount it. Likewise, you can tell the exposed, your company policy requires them to wear a mask, and they’ll dismiss it.
Because facts don’t matter, and the only way to illicit change is to construct a new narrative, let me say the following…
We are only free if we can do things without a visible objective, without justification, and outside the dictatorship of someone else’s narrative, just as we are only truly safe as a species if we allow ourselves to be exposed to the stressors of volatility and randomness that promote health in an ever changing world.
educated beyond our intellect
10,000 years ago we didn’t know the difference between our ass and a hole in a tree, and we certainly didn’t know anything about macronutrients, inflammation, cholesterol, ketones, supplements, and fasting was just something you did until you found your next meal. I’m assuming there were no diet fads other than stuffing your face when you find something to eat, which seems to be pretty popular again. AND YET, we were healthy enough to meander all the way to modern times where NOBODY can make any decisions without the guidance of a fitbit, calorie tracker, personal trainer, nutritionist, physic and a fucking magic 8 ball for when you can’t make up your mind.
Intuitively, I think we have lost something along the way. For example… all animals, except for humans, seem to inherently know when they need something nutritionally — just look at my fictional cat “Bootsy", the fluffy carnivore I adopted. He eats ONLY MEAT, except when he doesn’t. Why? Because there is some intuitive or instinctual mechanism that switches on when he needs to eat grass so that he can settle his stomach.
As humans we may be a little different. What we lack in intuitiveness, we gain through trial and error, which eventually becomes wisdom. If you stumble upon some purple berries you’ve never seen before and convince your caveman friend Gronk to eat some, then he dies, you enter that into the collective wisdom. DON’T EAT SCHNOZBERRIES. Same goes for sticking your head in a beehived, swimming with crocodiles, and playing in traffic. You only do it once. If you live, you never do it again. The result is 10,000 years of trial and error.
This brings us to modern times where, amid our ever-changing world, we have largely dismissed all our ancestral wisdom. Instead, we have come to rely on a medical system that seeks to advance health by disconnecting us from our natural past, all the while creating greater discord within our body’s. It has deceived us by saying that we are bound to a past that we know little about and linked to a future that is largely a mystery. That we are powerless. That it can save us from ourselves, if only we take this or cut that out. The double punishment is that in this deceptive process, we are losing who we are, along with the health we are tying to reclaim.
This line of thought, of dismissing ancestral wisdom, of reductionist thought, is nothing more than being educated beyond our intellect. We’ve developed a lot of fancy tools to quell a lot of fancy problems that wouldn’t have been necessary had we heeded the wisdom of our past.
fear of rejection
Some people fear rejection so much that they learn to live as some other version of themselves in order to fit the narrative of a person or group they desire attention from. I was one of those people…
I have tried to fit in my whole life. Saying yes to anything that would provide me with a sense that I mattered in the eyes of another. From relationships to jobs, I measured my self-worth with how others expected me to act. I was unconsciously seeking approval from these interactions for my entire life. It lead me down a road of heartbreak, depression, and alienation. I never knew who I was supposed to be because I was always searching for someone or something else to define me.
Who cares?
Well, I say this because I had been lost my whole life, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. I made decisions on things that were not based on what I truly wanted, but instead for how it granted me acceptance with another person or group. I was never happy. I was never fulfilled because I was always seeking external things to make me whole when the real problem was that I needed to allow myself to take control of my self-worth, my situation, and my life.
The fear of rejection was brought on by the fear of being myself. This fear lead to depression, and suicidal thoughts. I couldn’t escape them. Any happiness was shrouded by simply wanting to disappear. I couldn’t achieve happiness because I didn’t know what made me happy. I was lost. People would ask what makes me happy and I never had an answer, I don’t think I ever knew because I always let the expectation of others rule my life.
Looking back, it’s very weird not being the center of your own universe.
So what changed?
The isolation of quarantine gave me time to realize that the way I am living my life through the expectations of others is causing the issue. There’s no self-help formula here. I’m not going to try to sell you anything, but I will tell you what I did to shift my mindset. I read at least 20 different books on storytelling and worked through a book called Finding Your Purpose by Mastin Kipp, and came to the conclusion that we are the stories we tell ourselves. Our inner narrative creates the perception of our outer world. I figured out that I didn’t matter to myself, so I would seek to matter to others so I could feel I had a purpose, but because it was inauthentic it would never last and ultimately cause problems. And so it did.
don’t be a cashew nut…
Once upon a time, getting a job seemed like a good idea. Years of schooling, projects, promises, and finally graduation. You couldn’t wait until the moment when you finally had your own office so you could sit down and make the money you desired. Days turn to weeks, months turn to years, the work is never finished, so there you are, sitting in the same spot. Your eyes are tired, your back aches, and the last of your muscle tone packed up and left when you bought that ergonomic chair.
The early summer sun shines bright through the window. You mind wanders… it would be nice to enjoy this weather. However, it may as well be winter, as your body can’t tell the difference in seasons because the office temperature remains at 72° all year round. The computer screams… it’s glow catching your inattention. Placated only by the promise of your undivided attention. And, so you remain trapped by endless toil, hunched over your computer, curled up like a cashew nut.
Too many hours of mental strain, stillness, stagnation age you prematurely. As time passes, you feel your body’s energy growing stale. Your body, left sinking in that chair, inert and forgotten, yearns to be free, to go out, to move, to play. Every minute that goes by, your mood gets worse, until that moment you remember you have a spine!
Not all hope is lost. Your fate is not sealed by a domineering computer with a control problem. You fervently rise with the grace of a rusty Tin man. The glowing screen scowls, spitting its profane dialup language in your direction, ordering you to return to work. But the sounds emanating from your joints during their defiant liberation are enough to silence the machine.
You’re gone…
The hours that follow are filled with movement — squatting, running, climbing, pushing, pulling, picking heavy things up and putting them down. You rewild what has been tamed. You reunite with your barbaric nature. You remember you’re a healthy homosapien, with raw, untethered, powerful energy flowing through your veins. You’re more than just a brain, who’s sole purpose is to input data into an electronic box. You are muscles, tendons, nerves and tissue, meant to move. You feel the joy of vitality returning at last.
You may be wondering what the point of this is??
Well, besides the fact that I am trying to illustrate a story, symbolic of the relationship we all have with repetitive and sedentary lives, it’s about bringing the body and movement to the forefront. The body does not work supremely without the mind, likewise the mind can’t work optimally without the body. Movement is paramount to health and longevity. Every culture that came before us has had to come to terms with the physical dimension of existence. We are the first culture that outsources movement. Our beliefs and attitudes about our body and its need to move have affected our lives profoundly.
In the immortal words of the great Pharoahe Monch… “GET THE FUCK UP.”
hindsight is 2020
going forward where “safety” become the priority at the expense of connection
a sanitized world devoid of touch, leads the way to a sterilized humanity
“It is for the wellbeing of everyone” and at the same time a detriment to all
there is fear, fed by it’s unprecedented nature
there is caution, espoused by the many, lead by none
there is separation, contrived by our individual narrative
the connection is gone, because the faces are hidden away
behind a mask stifled by our own breath, where no one can breathe
a glimpse of the new world, the new normal
where smiles can only be sold sight unseen
and touch…
disappears, along with the shock brought in by new
how easy it is to get use to it all
a little less you
a little less mea little less us
a little more space
a little more time
a little more isolation
a little less here
a little more there
it’s not so bad, until you don’t notice that it’s gone
hindsight is 2020
goals suck…
When I first meet people, they tend to comment on how disciplined I must be to make time for the gym everyday or be able to stick with a certain diet, but I am here to tell you it has nothing to do with discipline. It comes down to loving what you do. Most people talk about goal setting, but I call bullshit. You don’t need better goals, you need a better system.
We set goals to be someone we’re not, when we should really be setting up systems to become the person we desire. If you want to lose weight, I’m sure you don’t want to gain it back, but that is exactly what happens the majority of the time. WHY? Because you do not love what you’re doing. For example, you set a goal to lose 20lbs, and in the process you sweat and sacrifice everything the larger version of yourself enjoyed to achieve your goal weight, but after a while the weight starts to add up again. Next thing you know, you’re right where you started again. WHY? Because you hated what you had to do to get there.
Goals suck!
Goals are only beneficial for setting an end point of the person you wish to become, and not some arbitrary number. The better choice is to establish a system that allows you to become that 20lbs lighter version of yourself.
WTF does that mean?
Think of is as a GPS. Let your goal become your destination — to lose 20lbs. Allow the system to take you there — thinking, acting, create habits as that 20lbs lighter version of yourself would — so that when you arrive, you are a new person, not one who airdropped in (through sacrifice) and has no idea how to navigate this new lifestyle.
Becoming a new version of yourself, be it weight loss or muscle gain, isn’t about discipline, it's about thinking like that new version of yourself would, and implementing the necessary changes overtime to get there. These necessary changes produce positive results, and reinforce the behavior. Yes, there is a chance it may take slightly longer to lose those 20lbs, but because you are creating new habits, you are much more likely to keep them, and less likely to fall back into old habits.
So when faced with a decision, always ask how your future self would act.
the opposite of humanity isn’t technology, it’s comfort
Modern society is a relative paradise, developed for us, by us, to consume our desires, at the detriment of our evolutionary needs. We no longer need to adapt to the environment, as we have adapted the environment to us. We don’t need to grow or kill or own food, build our dwellings, or defend ourselves from wild animals. We can order almost anything we want, and in as little as 2 hours it will arrive at our front door. In one day, we can travel around the world by plane, or across the country in a self-driving car. When we’re in pain, whether physically or mentally, we have medications to make ourselves numb.
We understand enough about the universe to create a world that is both the most advanced we’ve ever known, and also as far away from the world that made us who we are today. The socially poorest among us are able to enjoy a level of physical comfort that was unimaginable 1000 years ago, and the richest people are literally able to live as the gods were thought to have.
AND YET WE ARE SO FUCKING FRAGILE.
Modernity’s double punishment has served to make our health suffer, yet allow us to live longer at the same time. This comfort has come at a cost. Suffering can be seen through epidemic rates of obesity, heart disease, depression, T2 diabetes, reality television, social unrest, Zoom drinking parties, and an actual epidemic.
What will we learn from this?
Hopefully, we can finally learn the error of our ways. That with each successive generation we are competing with weaker and weaker versions of ourselves. Our children’s generation are the first to have a shorter life expectancy than their parents. This doesn’t bode well for the future of humanity. It is said that the best horses lose when they compete with slower one, and win against better rivals. Undercompensation, combined with the absence of challenging the status quo is a sure fire way to degrade the best of the best.
To end my rant for the day, I will paraphrase the author of Antifragile, Nasim Taleb by saying that just as wind extinguishes a candle, it can also energize a fire. Likewise, the challenges we face are indicative of a crisis, we need to use the clues, not hide from them.
Woman Drops 100lbs in 6 Weeks Going Strict Paleo, Eating Only Meat Scavenged from the Pack of Wolves She Runs with and fasting on Sundays!!!
If you’re even mildly paying attention you’ll have come across a headline, book, podcast, commercial or some friendly “advice” from a friend telling you exactly what and when you need to eat (and/or not eat), how to exercise, which supplements to take, how to sleep, etc. All you have to do is follow the protocol and you’ll lose the weight, feel better, cure a disease, be in the best shape of your life, and walk on water. Plenty of success stories, testimonials, google reviews, before and after transformation pictures are easily found to prove if such and such program worked for their fat ass, it can work for you too! And, this shit works.
With a multitude of “proven results” from seemingly contradictory claims, what exactly is working? One programs claims you can eat enough carbs to put an elephant into a coma, while another says that simply walking down the bread isle will knock you out of ketosis. One doctor says you can live with a pack of wolves, eating only meat, while another says anything other than consuming vegetables will give you cancer. One coach says cardio is king (gag!), while another says you should only move if it’s to pick up another weight. Supplement recommendations are all over the place. And, if you aren’t intermittent fasting, you obviously don’t care about your health.
This is all very confusing.
You do your best to take time to consider all the input from everything you’ve read, heard, seen, and try to put together that “perfect” program that works for you. You’re going to have your own success story… Woman Drops 100lbs in 6 Weeks Going Strict Paleo, Eating Only Meat Scavenged from the Pack of Wolves She Runs with and fasting on Sundays!!!
That headline is very appealing… How could that NOT work?
Well, probably because each individual program works for a reason — be it, specific macros, calorie counting, intermittent fasting, cardio or weight regimen, etc. Hobbling together a program you think will work is probably the best way to get lost in the hype of one thing or the other. Soon you’ll find your inclinations for the feral way of life waining. Or that fasting on Sunday’s interrupts your new Zoom drinking party.
So, what’s the point?
As a Personal Trainer (gag again — I fucking hate that classification, someone please ask me why so I can rant), I’ve been privy to working with 100’s of people during my tenure in this industry. All different. All wanting some result they saw on TV or in a magazine. All thinking it’s just a matter of fitting the right pieces in place and you’ll be an IG BootyStar. I’m here to tell you that, YES, it can be that simple, but rarely ever is. Very few people follow through on the simplest of things.
It’s not about willpower. It’s not about sacrifice.
It’s all comes down to figuring out WHY you want to be the END result you seek. Most people I’ve dealt with come to me because they want to lose weight, but being thinner is rarely the reason they want to lose weight. It’s generally much deeper and harder to uncover or admit to themselves, and certainly their trainer. It’s generally something like they want to look good naked so they can be attractive to their spouse who has lost attention, or they got bad results from their doctor and if they don’t change their ways, they’ll die long before they see their kids grow up.
Heavy shit.
So, how do you lose 100 lbs? By being honest with yourself and finding the real reason WHY you want to change your life. Revisit that WHY every time you want to stop or give up.
This is not the last time I’m going to say this… NARRATIVE is FUCKING EVERYTHING. We are the stories we tell ourselves. You want a better life, tell a better story. (More to come on this)
Carbs make you fat, change my mind…
Whenever anyone makes a claim, ALWAYS ask if it makes sense from an evolutionary perspective.
Most living things time their days with an internal clock that is synchronized by external cues (e.g., light and dark cycles). The sun is one constant that has been around forever, therefore our circadian rhythms developed to coincide with these light and dark cycles. This means that our biology is a product of the cyclical nature of the sun. This is evidenced by the light-sensitive receptors built into the cells of our eyes, skin, blood, and bones.
Who cares?
WELL, because our biology is indelibly linked to the sun, it would also be fair to reason that it plays a role in our health as well. And that’s all I really care about here.
Before industrialized society, we had always been at the whim of nature and the environment that the seasonal orbit and rotation of the sun provided; AKA seasons. We had always “feasted” in the summertime to endure the “famine” that always followed. Your body instinctually know that the long days of summer are going to be followed by the cold days of winter, and that means no food. Summertime means carbs are plentiful, as they literally grow on trees. Your body craves them so you can store fat to keep you alive for the impending winter where food is scarce.
Here’s how it works:
Long hours of light signal summertime
Summertime means carbohydrates are plentiful and should be eaten to excess
Eaten to excess causes accumulation of fat (and lowers freezing temperature of cellular structures) so that you can survive the winter
Fun fact: Types 2 Diabetes is a survival mechanism, but in a world where winter never comes it becomes a disease. The never-ending artificial light, coupled with chronic stress jacks up our hormonal cascade and registers as the long days of summer.
In the context of modernity, the effects of constant stress and artificial light adds up pretty quickly. We live in a fear-based 24-hour news cycle that creates an environment where we live under constant threat of war, rape, pandemic, getting fat, etc. This stress is heralded by cortisol which drives us to consume carbohydrates so we can attempt to reach homeostasis by balancing our cortisol with the insulin response. All the while, our circadian rhythmicity becomes disrupted because we’re staring at blue-lit screens all day, telling our brain that it’s daytime, signaling the long days of summer. And because summer comes before winter, our body’s “know” we need to eat so that we can have enough energy storage to survive the winter. BUT WINTER NEVER COMES because everything in our environment is signaling that it is summertime and we need to eat.
While living in endless summer may seem like a great thing in theory, it completely throws off our biology. There is no day without night, there is no ying without yang. Life is about balance, without it comes dis- ease.
Why don’t wild animals get cancer?
We sit at the top of the food chain, within the wealthiest, most technologically advanced culture the world has ever known, backed by an innumerable amount of research behind what’s necessary to be healthy, YET, when it comes to the disease states of obesity, depression, diabetes, heart disease, and cancer, we are bested by the most primitive ways of living in both tribal cultures and wild animals.
Do you think we’re missing something?
It doesn’t take a lot of commonsense to see that something is amiss. I think it comes down to the simple fact that there is a mismatch between the way we are currently living, and what it takes to truly thrive. Unfortunately, we’ve constructed an environment to serve our desires, at the expense of our health.
Health care should be preventative, not reactionary
The purveyor’s of health continue to promise one cure after another, yet they don’t even understand the disease. The real reason no progress has been or will ever be made in health care on a governmental or institutional level is because they have no awareness to the actually manifestations of disease (or perhaps they just don’t bother because there’s no money in it). Type 2 diabetes is not a disease of Metformin deficiency. Heart Disease doesn’t develop due to lack of statin drugs. Your poor sleep is not due to a Lunesta deficiency. Your adiposity didn’t advance because you waited too long to sign up for CoolSculpting… (you have to see the video)
This line of thinking completely misses the point of what primary health care should be.
Think of human physiological dysfunction as trying to repair a broken vase. You start with the big pieces and, finally, all that’s left are the tiny shards of the impact point. Those tiny shards will go together in the end, but you would never have started there.
The big pieces are akin to the different pieces of your lifestyle — how you eat, how you sleep, how much you move, how you think and ultimately the environment you find yourself in. All these play a role in constructing that vase so that it doesn’t break easily, and can possibly become antifragile.
You always see headlines with “cutting-edge discoveries” that ostensibly have the power to change the world, but in reality, never provide a single cure because they completely miss the point.
Health care should be preventative, not reactionary. Primary health care should be eating well, moving well, sleeping well, and spending time in the sun with people you enjoy. Secondary health care can be when you go to see your doctor because you had too much fun with your friends, decided to climb a tree, fell and broke your arm!
It all comes down to taking responsibility for your health. As I said yesterday, we have been taught that the system has our best interests in mind, however I think the epidemic rates of poor health should be considered cause for continuing to believe in a system that failed you long ago.
Fit for someone else's world
When you popped out, you were unique. Not too long after the world was telling you that you needed to fit in, to live life a certain way, and then it started giving you instructions.
You were taught to be a replaceable cog in a giant machine. You were taught to consume as a shortcut to happiness. You were taught to accept the marketing pitch as a path toward greater health. And you were taught to be conform, even if it went against your inner narrative.
You chose a school to grant you the best access to this world. On the placard mounted near the entrance of your University, it read: “WE TRAIN THE FACTORY WORKERS OF TOMORROW WE TEACH THE POWER OF CONSUMPTION AS AN AID FOR SOCIAL APPROVAL. AND OUR GRADUATES ARE VERY GOOD AT FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS IN PROMOTION OF THE STATUS QUO.”
You passed on the school that promised: “To teach people to take responsibility and the initiative to become remarkably artistic individuals, to question the status quo, to interact with transparency, to innovate toward a world they desire, and to develop a life built upon the fulfillment of both body and mind. alike.”
You did exactly what the world told you to do. You gave up on the responsibility of creating a life you wanted, and instead took the path of least resistance, worn with hubris and promise, to arrive at the same place you started. Wondering when you can start the life you really want.
It is easier to follow the worn path than to make your own. Taking the path of least resistance absolves you from the personal responsibility of creating your own journey. Just don’t be surprised that, when you arrive at the destination of someone else’s map, you find what someone else was looking for.
This is my attempt at starting over
The goal here is to share my thoughts on how to improve health and performance with the world. Additionally, to be vulnerable, to be myself, and to find my tribe. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, not with friends, not with family. I always felt alienated.
From a young age I learned I had to be another version of myself if I wanted to feel like I mattered in the eyes of someone else. I carried that idea subconsciously for the majority of my life. It created tension in my relationships, my health, and in every job I’ve had.
I can no longer be that person because I want more from myself and for my life, besides falling in line never got me anywhere I wanted to be. It would definitely be easier to be the past version of myself because it is safe, yet I know now that it will never allow me to find happiness and live the live I want.
They say that live gives you lessons over and over again until you learn what you need to learn. I took the past 3 months and realized I wasn’t living my life how I wanted to, evidenced by a long road of continual disappointment, failed relationships, firings for jobs, and extensive battles with depression. Fuck that, never again!
I’m sure this change will be met with resistance. People will say, “you’ve changed”, but isn’t that the point of life? If you’re not changing, you’re not improving.
My story so far...
My first introduction into the world of health and fitness came through Muscle & Fitness in an attempt to improve my physique and become more health conscious — I’m sure I was trying to capture the eyes of a girl also. I bought a used bench and worked on high reps of chest and biceps, ate the recommended low-fat, high-carb diet, and started running. I did some some version of this for almost 15 years until my body started to breakdown — my knees hurt so bad I couldn’t stand, I tore a muscle in my shoulder, my digestion was inconsistent, the skin on my fingertips were cracking open, and while I looked relatively “healthy”, I was far from feeling it. Worst of all, I was still “skinny fat!”
My ambition was to have a body like an athlete so that I could capture the attention I wanted. Instead, I ended up breaking myself in the process of what I thought was a healthy approach. It wasn’t long after my injuries and challenges started piling up that I met my mentor, who breathed new life into my pursuit of attaining a body that was healthy, lean and strong. He introduced me to a whole new world that stood in stark contrast to everything I had been exposed to previously. The crazy thing was that, all the things that sounded contrarian to what I had known in the past, worked! I was hooked.
The void of not knowing became the catalyst that drove me — and still does — to learn more, dig deeper, and uncover as much as I could to figure out how to optimize my health. It didn’t stop there, as I found out that helping other allowed me to further my research and hone my skills as a coach. Perhaps it’s learning I love first and coaching second, either way they are complementary.
Looking back, I remember I thought that Muscle & Fitness was gospel, thinking that if it worked for those guys, it should work for me! But, I’m here to tell you that there is no definitive blueprint for optimal health. Yes, there are things all sides can agree on, yet it is misguided to have blanketed statements regarding health because everyone’s biochemistry, physiology, biomechanics, microbiome, circadian rhythms, genetics (and their expression, called epigenetics) are all different, and each is dictated by their specific environment. With this in mind, I think that all approaches toward optimizing health should be unique to the individual outside of Robb Wolf’s classic edict on health where he says; “eat whole, unprocessed foods, get outside in the sun, move a lot, sleep like you are on vacation, and surround yourself with loving relationships.”
I now work as a Health & Performance Coach, seeking to help people build a life worth living in a body that can take them there. Over the years, I have studied many different facets of how to capture health. I synthesized what I think is best into an initiative called PrimEight which encompasses the most important pillars to focus on to live an optimal life and achieve a body that is healthy, lean and strong.
The eight pillars are Nutrition, Movement, Sleep, Stress, Digestion, Detoxification, Mindset, and Community. Neither is more important than the other, as all are connected and necessary for optimal health and performance. This is the approach I take toward my health and those I work with.
This is my story… so far. Why am I telling you this? Well, stories are the currency of narrative. And narrative is the way we see the world. I want to help people tell their own story through the perspective of improving health.
Here we go…
As I sit here viben' to the 90’s groves, I feel a sense of nostalgia as I think back to a time where I felt good in life. Somewhere after that time, I veered so far off track trying to be something I wasn’t. Trying to please people became the way I lived my life. Certain experiences in my youth instilled the mindset within me that if I didn’t act how people wanted I wasn’t worthy of belonging, or being loved. I felt the only way to fit in, to receive the love and attention I wanted was to acquiesce, to give in to how others think I should be and in return I felt seen and heard. Those thoughts were so ingrained and so deep that I wasn’t able to access them until recently when I had a fuckton of time to spend on self-reflection. The quarantine provided that time, allowing me to explore what was causing my depression and thoughts of suicide.
In isolation, which if anyone knows me isn’t all that an uncommon place for me to be, yet without being able to go outside, or work, I was able to sit down, reflect, write, think and work on self-discovery without distraction. Within that time I stumbled upon Mastin Kipp’s, Claim Your Power. I read the book, worked through the corresponding exercises and I feel like it made a profound difference in the way I am approaching life. I highly recommend it to anyone who feels stuck in life, or is battling with depression.
Our perception of life is all about how we choose to see it. In other words, our life is defined by our narrative. If the words and thought processes we use to frame our life engender a negative voice, telling ourselves stories of how we are victims and everything happens to us, it will have a profound difference than if we think that life is happening for us.
I took the time in quarantine to realize I wasn’t happy with what was going on in my life and decided to change. I am not independently wealthy, so if I have to work, my choice is to get paid to do the things I like. The first step is to be the real me. If you don’t like it that is okay. I want to read, write, podcast, tell stories, and create change in the world from the perspective of health. Will this be the change that makes me a millionaire? Who knows? But if I don’t try, I can’t fail; and if I don’t fail, I’ll never know what I need to do to right the ship and sail into the sunset.
The best time to act was yesterday, the second best time is now.
#MakeMoves