166. only make moves when your hearts in it
As we progress through life, we are continually met with an unfolding set of possibilities and opportunities. The tricky thing about it life is that we need to have the courage to engage with things that are unfamiliar, and at the same time develop the wisdom to acknowledge the things that are worth sticking around for. This is true of a place, a person, or a vocation.
Your decisions shouldn’t be dictated by outside forces, market prices, social standards, or monetary interests. They should be based upon where your heart lies and where you will find the most fulfillment.
The balance between finding the courage to explore new territory or the commitment to stay is a hard thing to get right. There are no right answers that anyone can provide. Making the right decision is something personal that we all need to find within ourselves. So let your inner voice be your guide to press forward or to stay put and make something great. Either way only make moves when your heart’s in it.
165. imposter
Most of us have a tendency to feel out of place when we try to prove ourselves or our ideas in a new territory. It’s common to think we’re an imposter because, as good intentioned as our efforts might be, we are unsure of the outcomes we are trying to create. We think, who are we to speak up with a new idea, to step outside the status quo, or to lead with revolutionary action?
We say we want to get rid of this feeling, but the thing is, you don’t want to. Feeling like an imposter is just a symptom of being on the verge of creating a better outcome by leading into new territory. It is important that in those moments, we show up and decide to lead. We’ll never be sure of the outcome because it hasn’t happened yet, but it is that intention, effort, and willingness to step into the unknown that has a tendency to change the world. Take these feelings as a good thing, it means we’re leaning into the work.
Improving upon the norm never happened without someone feeling out of place. So, embrace the feeling to create the change you want to see.
164. end the chapter…
Nothing last forever, so stop wasting your time on the things that no longer serve the purpose they once did. We progress through this life by seeking out, and sometimes stumbling upon, things that made us better versions of ourselves. What we fail to recognize is that after a time, we learn the lesson these things have presented, after which they no longer serve a purpose other than to perhaps remind us who we are or where we came from. We hold on to them because they have become a part of our identity and the story we tell ourselves. We forget that these things only serve a purpose for a finite amount of time before their usefulness wears out, at which point, they only keep us from progressing to the next stage in our lives.
Holding on most likely won’t hurt us, but no one truly wants to remain stagnant, it’s just that sometimes it’s more comfortable. We need to understand that if it’s not making us better, by challenging or assisting us, then it is only keeping us from becoming better.
Holding on to something that got us this far is never going to create the awareness necessary to take you to the next stages in our personal growth. It’s holding us back because we’re holding on to what it used to be, to what it used to mean to us, or to how it used to make us feel. While nostalgia can be great, it doesn’t make us better, it simply allows us to revisit a time when a certain love, hobby, interest, position, habit, or time in our lives preceded a reason for change.
Coming to the realization that the idea, persona, or concept we continue to hold onto is no longer serving us is sometimes difficult to come to terms with because it has become a part of us. It is what made us who we are by shaping our approach to life up until this point. Separating yourself from the thing/s that brought you to this point in your life will be hard, but it is necessary for growth to continue. Sometimes we need to end the chapter so that we can continue the story.
163. engage on your terms
Walk through this life the way you want. There is always going to be someone telling you to do it “this way,” or you’re wrong for doing it “that way,” or you’re simply crazy for tying. Listening to these people can be helpful for trying berries in the woods, but when it comes to figuring out how to live your best life, their advice is little more than hubris. To think that anyone has it figured out is absurd. We would all be better off if we had the social freedom to engage life on our own terms. Trying things that are taboo, foolish, and impractical, are the only way we can define our own limits, rather than those imposed upon us from the crowd.
162. start right where you are
The best way forward, in any situation, is to start right where you are, with whatever you have, and go after what you want. Waiting will never serve the person you want to become, it only feeds the anxiety of what could happen. The first step out of a new situation is always going to be the hardest, but nothing cures anxiety more than action.
If your car breaks down on the side of the road or runs out of gas, you can turn on your hazards and wait for someone to come along to help, or you can get out and start pushing. Your inaction feeds your anxiety. It signals to the world you are looking for charity by saying, “I’m here, I’m at a loss, please help if you can.” It will never create a better version of yourself. Whereas taking action by deciding to start right where you are can propel you into becoming the person you wish to be. That initial push is going to be the hardest part because you’re going to have to overcome the inertia of the unknown, but after 20-30 feet, you’ll gain enough momentum so that all of a sudden you’re not pushing as hard as you were, and instead your focus shifts to keeping up with your current course of action.
Your anxiety of what might happen disappears with the opportunity that action creates.
The moment or environment you find yourself in isn’t always negotiable, but your response is. The discussion you have with yourself in an effort to decide how best to proceed, defines the person you are trying to become. You don’t need to know the exact next step, but you do need to move for momentum to take place. And the best place to start is right where you are.
161. intuition
We are taught what to think — through rote memorization, consistent repetition, or simple indoctrination — rather than how to think. We are taught to sever ourselves from our intuition, and to always defer to a perceived expert or authority figure. But what happens when that person doesn’t have your best interest in mind, has a conflict of interest, or a financial incentive when offering their advice? We can easily be led down a path that doesn’t serve us.
It is our intuition that seeks to save us from misguided or nefarious guidance. However, when we are unable to tap into this innate knowledge because of past traumas we have failed to reconcile, we can be easily misled.
To some degree, we have all unfortunately experienced trauma, whether through verbal or sexual abuse, the loss of a loved one, a near-death experience, or another scarring event in our lives. If we haven’t done the internal work to heal ourselves from the pain of our past experiences, we become susceptible to the programming from our “education”, our media choice, our social circle, our upbringing, or our religious belief system.
Our unhealed trauma tells us that we aren’t worthy of making decisions for ourselves, so instead of searching for answers within ourselves we find it easier to listen to the voices of authority. Yet, their power only comes from what we allow. We find it easier to listen, than to turn inward, to do the self-work necessary to extoll the demons of our past, and heal the things that bother us the most, which cause us to search for guidance outside of ourselves.
It is not until we can heal from our past traumatic experiences, that we can confidently turn inward to reconnect with our intuitive voice and use it as a guide to discern whether the advice we are constantly being given is there to serve us, or them.
160. meaning
With any meaningful contemplation, we always find our way back to the timeless question: what is the meaning of life? We ask because we want a direction to follow, a beaten path to wander down where we can feel a sense of purpose, but the funny thing is no path that is already worn can provide us what we are after. It is no one else’s responsibility to figure it out for you. It is in the effort, the work, and the toil that we are able to uncover a life of meaning. We cannot be shown, instead we must discover. It is our action in every situation that answers the question. The meaning of life is the intent of our action.
off topic: limitations
We all have limitations, disabilities, or insecurities that — whether we like to admit it or not — we rely on to “save” us from the failure of going after what we want. The unfortunate truth is that sometimes we don’t like something because we can’t do it as efficiently or effectively as we have seen other people do it, so we don’t. However, it you love something, you need to find a way to make it happen because that is the only real way you can leave your mark on the world.
For example, I love to learn, and I’ve found books to be the best source of concentrated information available. Think about it, it’s roughly $25 to gain access to years (and sometimes a lifetimes) worth of a persons research and firsthand experience, delivered in such a succinct and compelling way that it can fit into 300ish pages. And yet, I fail frequently to understand most of what I read whenever I try to look at the words in front of me. (Hell, it’s even hard to read back the things I’m writing!)
I see the words on the page, but much of the time I can’t comprehend the message behind what I’m seeing. Forming letters into words, sentences into paragraphs, and so on, in an effort to put together an idea the author is trying to illustrate is often a struggle. The message the pages are trying to convey is often lost in my translation of it all. Because of this, it would be easy to simply give up. Relying on the excuse that it is too frustratingly difficult for me to do. Or that this method is obviously not for me because I see that other people can read and understand with relative ease. However, if I let my excuse define me, I would be a different person.
After years of struggle I have found a way that allows me to learn from books, it’s not ideal for what normal people would consider “reading.” People continuously make fun of the way I “read,” but sometimes you have to do what you have to do, to find a way to enjoy the things you want in this life. It’s not always going to be easy but there is always a way.
159. just say no
We are often quick to say yes, even when it is accompanied with vague attraction, and apprehension. Not wanting to miss out. Not wanting to disappoint. We acquiesce. We say yes because we want to appease those around us, when in reality it is taking precious time away from the purposeful work we’d rather be doing.
Wasting time doing things we don’t like, to prove ourselves to people we don’t care for, and an expectation to get things we don’t need, will never serve us. We don’t say no because we want to be liked, or worse yet, to fuel a version of ourselves we don’t really even enjoy. We’re afraid to say no because we fear the consequences of being ourselves. Yet, overcoming this fear is the first step to becoming who we want to be. In doing so, we’re not sharing time with a version of ourselves we no longer wish to be, which allows us to redefine ourselves moving forward.
When you decide to say no, you may lose friends, and people will say you’ve changed, but that is the whole point of living. As we go through this life we are supposed to change. It is part of growth. To be who we want to be, we need the freedom, the time, and the support from people who share our passions, not take away from them. Don’t be afraid to say no, so that you can build the life you want.
158. take action
We all want to be recognized for something, to stand out for the work we’ve put in, the art we’ve created, or the ideas we represent. We want to be seen for the contributions that make us who we are, however that recognition isn’t tied to what you want, but what you do. The work, the result, and the identity all come from the same place — a place of action.
It is our continual practice of something that delivers a message to the world that we are “that” person. Of course, we always want the best results, but because there is no guarantee for success, it becomes enough of a reason not to act. The reality of the situation, is that success will never be realized without developing the practice. When we do, we can deliver on the process it creates.
Before anyone can become a bestselling author, they first need to be known as that person who writes (and most likely, a lot of it will initially be shit). Before someone can become a successful entrepreneur, they first need to be known as that person who is letting passion guide their life (instead of allowing fear dissuade their direction).
The best results come from starting where you are. From developing a practice, turning it into a process, and letting that process take over. It is based on our commitment to action, and that commitment is completely under our control.
157. well adjusted people don’t change the world
Don’t talk about your dreams with people who will try to protect you from heartache. The process to finding your limitations takes exploration, which inevitably involves failure. Trying to safe someone before they start can only stifle the process of discovering yourself and your capabilities.
There’s always going to be a reason not to do something, to remain safe, to stay close, to color within the lines, to choose avoidance instead of adventure. But remember, it took a dreamer without imposed limitations to create the very spaces you so dearly covet now. Without their ability to throw off the reigns of limitation, wrapped in safety, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy the bounds you currently find yourself within.
Well adjusted people don’t change the world. So, if you choose to share your dreams, do so knowing that they may be met with opposition, but that is no reason not to take the leap.
156. recognize the walls
We are a unique species, in that we build our own prisons. So prideful of their design, we strictly guard them with our beliefs and actions. Anything from a thought process, a dietary regimen, to a habitual routine become a way of life that we build walls around. Purposeful as it may be, it’s still a box many of us fail to realize we’ve created for ourselves.
Some of us can become so focused on achieving something that we completely block out anything that doesn’t serve the end result. It’s a gift and a curse, because while that laser-like focus will most likely deliver us to what we’re after, we lose the input that makes life what it is. We can get so locked into something that we forget that it was our adventurous spirit and curiosity that first allowed us to discover the very thing our world revolves around now.
We shouldn’t be afraid to periodically step away so that we can come back and rediscover the thing we love so much, seeing it with a fresh perspective, and perhaps gaining a new respect for the thing we so cherish in the process. The real path to discovering what we’re after, as Proust said, “consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” We all need to reserve the ability to step away sometimes or else we will lose the capacity to see the prison we’ve created by no longer being able to recognize the walls.
155. be curious
We seem to have forgotten that we’re all approaching this life from different directions. It has unfortunately become easier to put a label on someone, than it is to entertain a divergent outlook. Sometimes we’re too afraid to see a given viewpoint through a different perspective simply because it challenges the narrative we’ve told ourselves about the world. Instead of listening, we’re quick to say a person is “this” or “that” without truly seeking to understand why they have a difference of opinion. But we forget the fact that everything we know to be true, is just a belief we’ve worked into the story we live by. Where we were once guided by curiosity, we’re now happily walking the path we know.
154. thinking & knowing
Some people spend so much time thinking about what is thought to be a good life, to actually create one for themselves. Others know what they want and go after it despite how it may be perceived.
Thinking is when you decide to pursue a career because you find the pay and benefits appealing.
Knowing is when you feel called to a profession because of an inner sense of purpose.
Thinking is when you decide to find a partner because it’s time to settle down.
Knowing is when you realize your destiny is inexorably linked with that of the person you love.
Thinking is rooted in fear. Fear of not making enough. Fear of being alone. Fear of creating your own path. Fear of failure.
Knowing comes from a place of freedom. A place in which you know there is no other choice you could make.
We’re never interested in the stories about those people who gave up on their dream to follow the rules and live an average life. We’re always enamored with stories of people who knew what they wanted and chased it down. This isn’t to say that you need to change the world to create a life worthy of a story, but that you need to stop thinking and go after what you know is right.
153. change your outlook
We are all going to encounter hardship in our lives. When it happens, we will most likely ask the question, “why me?” No matter what it is, it’s always going to feel unfair to be dealt a bad hand. It’s understandable to be upset, and we all should have a moment to feel the weight of the situation. But after that moment we need to muster the courage to answer our own question.
When something bad happens to you, and you ask yourself, “why me?” — the only true answer is because you can handle it. Instead of thinking you are a victim of circumstance or encountering a bout of bad luck, embrace the fact that this is something you can handle. Change the way you frame what is happening. You’re not unlucky, stupid, or victimized, you’re blessed because you have the ability to encounter this negative situation and come out on the other side, whereas someone else could not have dealt with the blow.
It’s simply a different way to look at your experience. Instead of being crushed by the weight of a negative situation, answering the question with “because I can handle it” will allow you to take it head on and grow from the experience. It’s never easy to encounter the bad parts in life, but with the understanding that getting pushed to the edge of yourself is where the growth happens, will completely change your outlook.
152. conscious decisions
People have a tendency to want to stay unconscious. They enjoy living under the illusion that they don’t have to take responsibility for the problems they’re unwillingly creating because there will always be a “cure” for every symptom they present with, so eating junk food and watching Netflix becomes a mindless act. Yet, a cure can never be seen through the suppression of symptoms, as it is merely a deferral to a future date when their way of life can no longer be artificially sustained due to manifestations of ill health, in both body and mind, brought on by years of unconscious neglect.
The reality is that the cure for a faulty way of life can only be found through a conscious effort. In other words, taking ownership and responsibility for your actions. Awareness is the quickest way to create change in disease states of the body and mind because if you are conscious to the burdens you place on your body, but choose to do it anyhow, you have to carry the onus of what you’re doing. You can’t pawn off the responsibility to your doctor and ask them what pill you need to take to go back to your unconscious way of living.
The tragedy of it all is how pervasive the unconscious mentality has become. The majority of people have a fundamental understanding of what is necessary to create health, yet find themselves at McDonalds day after day. I’m convinced that it’s not a matter of presenting people with more information, but changing the way they think, see, and feel about themselves so that they can make a conscious decision for themselves.
151. success
Success isn’t the result of any single attribute, it’s coming into alignment with who you are and where you choose to be. It’s the right choice at the right time. The right skill for the right part. The right idea, at the right moment, brought into fruition through a supportive environment. It’s the story we believe; aligning our focus with our purpose. It’s being surrounded by a network that adds value to that story by leveraging your weaknesses, and bolstering your strengths. It’s allowing a level of confidence to forgive yourself when you reach the inevitable roadblock; seeing adversity as a lesson instead of failure. It’s knowing that luck favors the ritual of having all things in order.
150. mistaken acceptance
Comfort and acceptance have become mistakenly interchangeable. It’s commonly thought that we can all lead greater and more fulfilling lives, if only we were able to accept the things we cannot change instead of allowing them to fill our days with concern, right? Wrong. That is the slippery slope of acceptance.
The vast majority of what we choose to accept, in an effort to preserve a level of comfort, is in fact malleable. Everything from our station in life, career path, relationships with others, financial woes, and even the limits placed upon a supposed disability are changeable. Yet, it is far more comfortable to accept them as they are, than to make a concerted effort to change the situation for the better.
Our belief that something is unchangeable, is simply that; a belief. A story we have constructed for ourselves to find comfort in the “what is.” We are constantly finding bias against the way things could be, and instead opting to find comfort in the way things are. All because it is easier to accept a situation we know, instead of stepping into the unknown to create a life that is far more fulfilling than the one you currently find yourself within. We’re all erroneously choosing to live within the bounds of the old idiom; “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.”
off topic: the quest(ion) for love
Life is said to punish the vague wish, and favor the specific ask.
Wandering ambiguously, I can confirm the punishment.
So with complete vulnerability I specifically ask to be shown the way to a person that I will want to deliver the following to…
What would it feel like to know you were chosen beyond a doubt? How would it feel to be seen for the full potential of who you are? How would it feel to be with someone who could hold the hottest fire that is your soul and turn it into the gentle warmth of a smile and laugh? How would it feel to have a partner to explore the farthest reaches of the earth, moon, and stars, knowing that no heavenly body will ever be as cherished as yours? What would it feel like to be adored for every touch, every look, and every kiss? How would your heart feel to never worry that you were too much or not enough? How would it feel to have a king fighting with every breath for the spiritual kingdom of his queen? What would it feel like to carry a child, knowing it was coming into a world filled with peace and love, deeper than any fairytale ever told? How would it feel to have a brave king willing to travel to the darkest corners of the ocean to slay any monsters left that could sting or bite you? How would it feel to be truly wild and free?
I want to live. I want to love. I want to share my world. Show me the way.
149. your brain doesn’t care about facts
Status is on the line in almost every conversation we have. Because the world we live in is just a projection of how we individually perceive it, we are consistently jockeying for position in an effort to establish the dominance of our world view. Sometimes, things go sideways. Generally, our first response is to assert ourselves by raising our voice and arguing, instead of listening to understand a viewpoint and then having a discussion. Provocation comes so quick because our brains are wired to take anything that challenges our worldview, as a challenge to our survival. A lot of the time, with disagreement comes the arousal of a warlike mentality. When there is war, someone must be conquered to protect ourselves or our ideologies. Facts and logic are disregarded because, while we have metaphorically entered a fight to the death, the brain can’t tell the difference. Once we enter this scenario, it’s not a matter of who is right, but who is going to win. And where there is a winner, someone has to lose.
Unfortunately, we have set up a situation where learning is equivalent to losing, which seems to be prevalent in our current political environment. As much as we insist that we’re only trying to illustrate our side of the equation, explaining ourselves is almost always a form of veiled dominance. We’re not trying to educate so much as we are trying to win a “confrontation.” It comes down to “here’s why I’m right, and why you’re wrong.” And, this is exactly how the other side sees it, regardless of how you try to frame it.
Research in neuroscience has confirmed this warlike mentality. If you show someone who holds a particularly staunch position on a specific topic evidence that conflicts with their belief, areas in their brain — as seen through MRI scans — associated with logic are literally shut down, whereas regions associated with aggression are lit up. As far as the brain is concerned it is no longer a discussion, it’s a war. The brain isn’t capable of processing what the other side is saying no matter how true, logical, or accurate it may be, it’s simply trying to win the interaction.
The first step toward progress in any scenario is awareness of the variables that affect the outcome. Understanding that our brains are wired in such a way that will make us see red at the first sign of contention in a conversation, can hopefully allow us to adjust our expectations and encounter better outcomes.