148. passions change, purpose endures
Most often we let our passions direct our path in life. We jump from one to another, mistakenly thinking the next one will surely be what we’re after, without realizing that passions will always come and go. Continually letting momentary desires dictate our path through life can be a fun existence, yet will inevitably fail to provide us with a life of purpose, which is where the focus needs to be.
Yet, in a world that changes as often as our passionate pursuits, how can you discover your purpose? You do so by discovering what is changeless about you. If one week you’re passionate about painting, the next about photography, and the week after that you’re into writing, perhaps your purpose is to express yourself creatively. Finding purpose isn’t simply something you stumble upon, it is something you have to uncover by putting the pieces together. It’s an inward journey, instead of an outward pursuit.
Passion and purpose are altogether different. There’s nothing wrong with exploring a passion as long as it provides insight to what gives us purpose. We’ll have many different passions throughout our lifetime, but purpose will never change. The sooner we can uncover what truly drives us, the sooner we can live a fulfilling life.
147. any road will get you there
If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there. It’s not going to be the most efficient way to accomplish anything specific, but just because you aren’t sure where you’re going doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lost. It’s something most people don’t like to admit, that most of us don’t know what we want. Somehow to be seen as “going somewhere” you need to have a definitive plan mapped out. Yet, part of life is figuring it out as you go. Research shows that only 6% of people work in the profession they aspired to when they were young, and a third of people end up in a career that has nothing to do with what they studied in college.
it’s not a bad thing to not always know where you’re going. Nor should you be ashamed to be lost at times. Life is about experience. It’s about discovering the parts you like, disregarding what you don’t, and creating yourself as you go. As long as the direction you’re traveling serves a purpose, by satisfying curiosities, mending past traumas, and improving your quality of life, what more can you really ask for?
146. strokes on a canvas
Whether we realize it or not, each of us has an internalized picture of ourselves. It may not be easily definable to our conscious minds, but it’s there. This self-image is how we present ourselves to the world. It is the person you are. It’s built from all our beliefs we hold about ourselves. But most of those beliefs have unconsciously taken shape from past experiences, in success and failure, in love and heartbreak, in triumph and humiliation, and the way others have responded to our actions throughout our lives starting from when we were young. Each of these experiences paint one stroke on the canvas that becomes the “self-image”. Just as when a painter lays down a brush stroke uniquely changing or constructing their image, so too does each interaction we have become a part of us. We never question the validity of what is laid down, but act as if each part of us is justified.
All our actions, thoughts, behaviors, and to a great extent the limits we place on our abilities, are consistent with our self-image. We “act like” the sort of person we perceive ourselves to be. If the stroke on our canvas provide a blueprint of how we see ourselves and approach the world. We cannot act outside of the lines of who we perceive ourselves to be, in spite of all our conscious efforts to the contrary. The person who thinks of themself as a failure, will inevitably find a way to fall short in all situations, no matter how hard they try or how much willpower they stand to exert. Just as, the person who believes themself to be a victim, will always find the circumstances to invariably verify that opinion.
Who we think we are, doesn’t have to be who we are. With the right awareness, the canvas can change. We can’t erase the past, but we can create new layers that help us redefine the image we see.
145. searching
We’re all searching for something. Money. Status. Higher power. Significant others. It all come down to one thing. It’s mostly to fill a void of some past trauma that we have experienced, whether we are conscious to it or not. Or, perhaps there’s an instinctive drive inside that pushes us in a particular direction in an effort to fulfill some aspect of ourself we do not yet understand. Some of us are searching for the love we never had, in an effort to feel whole for the first time. Others are searching for the secrets of the universe because there is a piece of themselves they haven’t been able to define no matter how deep they go.
We’re trying to put the pieces back together, thinking we’re broken, without realizing that it’s the very awareness of the flaws that provide us the ability to improve. It’s the scars that give you a reason to reflect, just as the missteps give you a reason to redirect. There are people that drift along not understanding the reasons behind their choices, or why thins happen to them, and then there are those that become mindful of the journey and understand that things happen for them.
When we search externally for anything, we need to recognize that we are simply trying to fulfill some part of us. What we are looking for can give us clues about what we need to confront within ourselves, so that we no longer need the external validation. And once we have that, we can truly find fulfillment.
144. less fate, more destiny
Fate isn’t something we can avoid, it’s coming for us no matter how fast we run. Every decision we make leads us to the inevitability of the present moment. However, it is those decisions within the moment that give way to a future we can create. The possibilities are there, but they aren’t coming for us, we must strive to bring them into fruition.
When bad things in life happen, it is the idea of fate that offers us solace. We find comfort by saying, “it happened as it was supposed to,” or “it was meant to be.” However, we rarely take time to consider that we still have measurable control over the direction our lives advance. Where fate manifests itself in the moment, destiny is created from the choices we make in response.
In other words, we always have control of how we respond to the bumps in the road. Building a life you want doesn’t come from simply shrugging off the unfortunate episodes in life and saying, “eh, I guess it wasn’t meant to be;” it’s the result of taking something in stride, correcting course and reestablishing the understanding that you have the power to write your own future.
143. sometimes holding on is only holding us back
We can’t always get what we want. Sometimes our desires are simply unattainable. Yet, we torture ourselves by continuing the chase long after we should quit. We justify our resolve with evidence from others just like us; their stories claiming that with enough time and motivation anything is possible. Sometimes we delude ourselves by thinking that with enough gritty determination we will finally break through, but maybe we’re just too stubborn to see that sometimes holding on is only holding us back.
This is not an attempt to persuade you from chasing your dreams or desires, but if you continue to be met with failure on a specific approach, then it’s time to adjust your focus. Everyone thinks all they need is a little more time, or a little more motivation to finally tackle what they’re after. But what if that thing you’re after is just serving as a distraction for another more fulfilling adventure. It doesn’t have to be in a completely different realm; for instance, if you want to be in the NFL and you’re built like SpongeBob, it’s probably not going to work the way you think it will no matter how long you spend in the gym, but if you shift your focus, maybe you can become a coach or work in the front office. Similarly, if you’re looking to be in a relationship and the person you’re pursuing isn’t interested, you’re wasting your time by continuing to focus on that one person while there is plenty of other people out there.
We need to not be afraid to question the validity of our specific pursuit because that myopic focus can be the very thing that is blinding us to other possibilities and keeping us from actually attaining what we desire.
142. a life that matters
We all want more, and at the same time we continuously find excuses that impede any type of progress. If we all want more for ourselves, why don’t we do anything about it? Why don’t we challenge our excuses? Very simply, excuses preserve a level of comfort by keeping us in familiar territory. Whereas, any type of progress requires the discomfort of change in some capacity. Therefore, we don’t challenge our excuses because we are comfortable. We have a place to sleep, food in the fridge, and access to the internet. For everyone reading this, life is good. Yet, as good as it is, there is still something stirring deep inside us. Why? Because the goal in life was never comfort. We all want a life that matters.
141. change is hard
Change is hard. We approach the concept of positive change with good intentions, yet when we arrive at the crossroads of where we need to leave behind our old habits to implement new ones, we inevitably stumble. Whether we realize it or not, we hold onto more fear about losing what we have come to accept as ourselves — lifestyle and habits — than what we stand to gain by making the transition. If we know that implementing healthy and positive changes will be beneficial, then why is change so hard?
To answer this question we can look into the work of Daniel Kahneman, who won the Nobel Prize for his research into cognitive biases — those little hardwired shortcuts in our brains that help speed up the decision-making process. While they’re helpful, they’re not always rational. An example of this is something called loss aversion. Rationally, gaining a dollar should be as pleasurable as losing a dollar is painful. However, our brains don’t work like that and a reason why change can be so difficult. Losing a dollar bothers you a lot more than earning a dollar makes you feel good. It makes sense because losing too much can equate to you having to live in a box and evolutionarily if you lost everything that meant death, while gaining a lot is nice but its appeal quickly diminishes (due to the hedonic treadmill). So it seems that evolution has wired us to fear losses much more than we love gains.
In other words, losses loom larger than gains. Change is so hard because we have to lose a piece of ourselves in the process. We are loss averse.
140. challenging thoughts
We learned long ago to follow the rules, do what we’re told, and to not ask questions. The creativity we were born with was “educated” out of us by a system that thrives through conformity, not curiosity. We were told, don’t rock the boat; color inside the lines; stay in your lane; and follow the leader. None of these sound like a life to aspire too, but it is what we were sold. These messages seeped into our consciousness and they ultimately became the framework of how we found our way through life.
What doesn’t serve the status quo, only seeks to shake its foundations, and if those messages reverberate high enough to reach the top of the ivory tower, they’re quickly silenced. So we fall in line, and continue living within the framework we’ve been sold as truth. But what if it isn’t? What if what we are sold, isn’t helping us ascend to a greater society with better outcomes for everyone? The most troubling thing is not that whatever system we are acquiescing too is right or wrong, but that we aren’t allowed to ask. Without the ability to do so we just accept what is, falling into the trap of collective unconsciousness.
As an armchair rebel, it only makes sense, now more than ever, to seek out and identify those who are held with the highest esteem, in authority, and with domination of the messages we are continuously hearing and challenge them at all levels. Unless a justification for them can be given, they’re illegitimate and should be dismantled to increase the scope of knowledge, truth, and freedom that seems to be drifting further and further away.
So the real question is, do we have a pandemic, or an epidemic of ideas used in such an effective way that people are so conditioned to follow along and not ask questions because they have been programmed what to think, not how to think?
139. moments
It’s the moments that make us. “Should I do this, or should I do that?” It doesn’t really matter, as whatever decision you make will always be the “right” one for you in the moment. Good or bad, everything that happens as a consequence to our choices is what was supposed to happen. When we find ourselves in situations, questioning the correctness of a choice, just know that, right or wrong, the moment was made for you. Whether you’re helpless in it, or sitting on top of it, you’re right where you need to be. It’s all a learning process, that compounds with time. Those moments of decision resulting in success, struggle, heartbreak, and elation are all part of the story that makes you, You. They are what define your character and empower us to direct our narrative rather than simply being part of the story. Every moment comes with a choice, which makes us who we are. So live your life one moment at a time, knowing that it’s all working out how it was meant to be.
138. lie, cheat, & steal
There’s that feeling you get right before you’re about to take a chance on something — asking for raise, asking someone out, or even jumping out of a plane — that tries to hold you back. It fears the worst, and wants to save you from the discomfort and pain of what could go wrong. Call it fear, doubt, or even a survival mechanism. It’s a bit of anxiety we all get because we’re unsure of what might happen. Sometimes it’s good to listen to that nagging feeling. It will always keep you safe. Yet, if we let that feeling dictate our lives, we’ll end up living in our comfort-zone. And while a comfort-zone can be a wonderful place, it’s important to understand that nothing ever grows there.
If that nagging feeling won’t go away, then lie, cheat and steal your way into a mindset that allows you to experience something new. Lie to your mind, explaining that it’s just a simple task. Cheat fear by saying, you’re more scared of not becoming the person you could as a result of this experience, than the person you will remain by staying safe. And, let those ideas resonant within you, so that you can steal back the confidence you were born with and take the chances that allow you to grow.
137. welcome to earth
There should be a manual we hand out to little kids called “Welcome to Earth” that teaches them about how the world actually works. Start them off early with the idea that no matter where you came from or what you believe, life is what you make it. Above all, a first grader should be allowed to understand that his or her culture or the life they were born into isn’t a rational invention, rather is is but one interpretation of how life should be lived; that there are thousands of other ways to live, things to believe in and they all work pretty well; that all cultures, tribes, societies, and even governing bodies all function on the concept of faith that their ideals are what is best; and that there are alternatives to their own way of life. It seems like such a great idea. It provides a sense of hope that if we don’t like something, we don’t have to continue.
136. what do you see?
As we march forward through life, we have a tendency to narrow our field of vision. We focus only on the things that directly affect the life we are trying to build, and all too often neglect what can be described as “the larger picture.” In doing so, we start to see the world in one way, defining our view of life in terms of absolutes. We make the mistake of thinking that the world can only be the way it is because that is what is directly in front of us. But there are no absolutes, and each of us view the world differently, and rightly so, because we are all walking through this life individually.
There’s an old parable about the definition of life, where a group of disciples approach the Buddha with some questions about what life is. He replied, “Once there was a king who assembled all the blind men in his kingdom in a courtyard. In the center was an elephant. One at a time, each of the blind men were led forward to place their hands on the elephant’s body. One man touched the head, another the trunk, another the ears, tusks, body, tail and so on. After they were done, the king asked each of them, ‘what is an elephant?’ With absolute certainty, they each described the elephant according to what they touched. The man who touched the trunk, said an elephant was like a snake. The man who touched the tusk, said an elephant was a spear. The man who touched the tail said the elephant was a brush.” They were all correct in their definition of what an elephant is based on the input they were provided, yet with sight they would be able to see that the small piece they encountered was simply part of something much larger.
We’re all going through life, certain of what it is and at the same time oblivious to what it could be. Tightly locked into our own field of view, we can’t see possibilities that lay outside of our periphery. So what do you see? If it isn’t serving you, then it’s holding you back.
135. detours
Taking the road less traveled can make all the difference. By exploring new avenues we gain more knowledge about our place in the world and how to move through it more effectively. And yet, the road less traveled may not be what we think. For some, it will be the dirt road with an undefined destination, and for others, a clearly marked highway paved with intention. The road less traveled is simply the one we travel the least. A necessary detour to reset our common approach. The extroverted person may best be served by disconnecting with the world for a while by staying in and reading a book, while the introverted person may benefit from engaging with the world and gaining a new perspective. Some of us need to get out. Some of us need to stay in. But we all need to take a detour sometimes.
134. selfish
when i’m rich enough to not care about the money
and i’m loved enough not to care about the pain
when my worth isn’t reliant on the adulation of others
and my days are lit by the sparks of my desire
when i no longer care to contend with expectation
and instead, let passion guide my intention
i become selfish.
looking within, i can now give myself to the world
not a version built by another, in the image of the average,
strained by conformity, stamped with approval.
this stance is the measure of a man,
measured, vulnerable, confident
where identity is no longer driven by a score to settle
but impressions to make
where mortal rewards are no longer enough to pay the rent
but concepts to forget.
i become selfish
without narcissism, ego, or pride
but clarity that in this version, i can best serve the world.
…
In an effort to fit in, we often trade pieces of ourselves. But what if those pieces are the unique things that allow us to leave our mark on the world? We all want to be somebody, to someone. To be noticed, loved, seen and heard. We’ve become all too willing to smooth our edges so that we don’t upset those who we seek attention from, without realizing that inclusion comes with the risk of obscurity. Our incessant need to fit in, has made us invisible. Without actions, thoughts, speech, and ideas of our own, our individuality is lost and our influence diminishes. The best way to change the world is to lead, and you can’t do that by living within the framework set by another. You have to become selfish, in the sense that the best way to have an impact upon the world is to be you. You have to be selfish. To sell fish better than anyone else, you have to fish for yourself.
133. choose wisely
The words we choose matter. Not just in getting our point across in conversation, but in their ability to affect how we approach the world. They have the power to define the events, actions, and relationships we encounter as either good or bad, no matter the reality of the situation. The language we use sets our limits and to an extent can shape our destiny. When we constantly use words that define us as weak, unable, unfit, unworthy, less than, or as though you have no power to achieve whatever it is that you are after, you will find that that is exactly the case.
Words hold meaning, and that is why they are so powerful. If those words convey messages that are inherently limiting, you will start to believe them and act accordingly. So choose consciously and cautiously, because with precision, you can achieve things you never thought you could.
132. what doesn’t kill you…
We’ve all been hurt, but don’t let it dictate your life. The thing with pain is, you’re suppose to get over it. Say you have surgery, most likely you’ll encounter a bit of pain temporarily, but no one says they’re still in pain 20 years later, because if you were, the surgeon has done a pretty awful job.
We all experience different degrees of pain; we get rejected, fired, turned down, and heartbroken, but like surgery the pain is meant to be temporary. Our mind, just like our body can be incredibly resilient if empowered to do so. Although, in a lot of cases some past painful events still manifest a reality that causes us to suffer. Causing us to say things like, “I shouldn’t apply for that job because I was rejected last time,” or “I’m scared to love someone because I might get hurt again.”
The problem is that some of us like to frame everything as a tragedy, thinking that going through something that again would be so unbearable that you shrink the quality of your life. By doing so, the brain start to believe what you’re telling it. Your conscious insistence, leads to subconscious programming. Now your mind and body are so programed to stay away from the things that may help us grow as individuals out of fear of rejection, that we no longer have any inclination to even try something out of our comfort zone. So we remain stuck, because we are too afraid of what might be, so we just accept what is, even if it isn’t providing a more fulfilling life, at least it isn’t making your reality worse. That’s no way to walk through life. Doing so only allows us to live within a very limited spectrum of possibility.
There is wisdom in the saying, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” but only if you allow it. Rejection, failure, and heartbreak can be the best thing that ever happens to you, but no one looks at it like that.
131. you or You
The difference between living a life of mediocrity and one of freedom is the awareness of the ability to slough off the image of what you’re supposed to be, so that you can tap into your passions and discover whatever it is that makes you, You. Don’t wander through this life passively because the world will define you and your purpose will disappear. You must actively decide to be the person you want to be. If you allow others to dictate what you think, or how to act, you’re going to struggle through life because it’s not You. It’s impossible to be someone you’re not, and the longer you go before realizing that, the harder it will be to live a life that was meant for you. So find your passion, follow it, and allow it to create the unique individual that You are.
130. find the value in everything
Find the value in everything. Everything that ever happened to you has been instrumental in defining the person you’ve become. All the good and bad, love and heartbreak, success and failure, brought you to where you are today. With the power of hindsight, it’s easy to look back and say, “I should have done that differently,” but we forget that it is those past choices — that we may regret now — which grant us insight to our past actions and offer wisdom with how best to move forward. If you went back and made a different choice, you would be a different person, with a different point of few, making different choices, and perhaps even making the same mistakes.
Our experience in this life, as Vernon Law put it, “is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, and the lesson afterward.” We have to have the experiences to understand the wisdom lessons otherwise we will keep making the same mistakes. So find the value in all that you do, and know that everything you’ve done, is as is should be.
129. turn off fear
Anything we do, we want the best results. No one goes into any situation wanting poor outcomes. Often times we hold ourselves back from performing our best because we are harboring feelings of fear of what might be, forgetting that worry is just a version of praying for what we don’t want. It is necessary to overcome this fear as it does not serve you, or allow you to achieve your best results. You may think that what you need is courage, but that takes a lot of energy to maintain, so it should be saved for times when you’re literally running for your life, or into a fire to save another. Instead, cultivate a mindset around gratitude. Doing so will put your mind at ease as you appreciate all you have at the present moment without letting your mind wander into the future “what if’s” of fear. You can use this practice to turn off fear at a cellular level. With a freedom from fear, you can achieve the best results.