338. become a monster
We’re living in a world that’s currently thriving on scarcity and fear. Where people choose to find comfort in passivity. Where it’s more acceptable to back down, than stand up. Where strong convictions often lead to exile.
However, it shouldn’t be wrong to exhibit strength. To be resolute in your beliefs. To stand firm for what you want out of life. At the same time that doesn’t mean any of us should treat those who do not share our exact views with contempt or malice. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be kind if you’re strong, but it does mean that if you can’t exhibit strength if you succumb to weakness.
So don’t be afraid. Don’t be docile. Don’t be idle. Don’t be weak. And most importantly, don’t be a dick.
Become a monster.
Be ruthlessly ambitious, and then learn how to control it.
At the end of the day, it’s always better to be warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.
326. new ideas
There are people who will never change their minds, not even when presented with new information. It’s okay to have a belief system because that’s how we make sense of the world, but there is a difference between being cautious about new ideas and being calcified.
Some people enjoy having discussions about what they believe in, welcoming new information as a means of progressively challenging who they were, in an attempt to consistently build and improve upon who they are. While others are closed off from any discussion to the point that they defend their belief system against any and all opposing thoughts, no matter how rational the argument. If at one point you both shared similar opinions, yet you decided to be open to new ideas and have since made changes to long held beliefs; you’ll likely be admonished for your transgressions with the person saying, “You’ve changed.” But isn’t that the point? You’re supposed to be open. To learn. To change. To grow.
What in nature stays the same its entire lifecycle? Nothing that I know of. Stagnation in an ever changing process is akin to death. Old habits — or in this case, belief systems — “die hard,” as they say.
I think it’s important that we maintain a sense of childhood wonderment as we progress through life. It’s very hard to have all the answers, and we should avoid those that do at all costs. We have to maintain a sense of openness about what we believe in. It’s okay to maintain rigidity in the process of developing a belief system, as long as we remain flexible in how it works itself out. If we are too tied to our ideas, then we run the risk of it eventually transforming into an identity that may not serve us in the long run.
Despite anyone’s beliefs, the one thing we can all agree on is that we all want to live a freer, healthier, more prosperous life, filled with love and adventure. But this can be very hard to find if you are so locked into an opinion that you completely shut off anything that could improve upon your current situation. It’s okay to have a belief system, but be able to differentiate between what is defining you versus what may be holding you back.
297. be the source
Be the source of your own beliefs. Turn off the television. Unsubscribe from the dogmatic material. And stop listening to those who claim to have it all figured out. Your mind is too powerful to let it be guided by anyone other than you.
None of this is to say you shouldn’t search for the ideas you think are best, but do so knowing that what you tune into shapes the world you see and how you interact with everything in it. If you’re constantly told that the sky is falling, you’re going to be scared to leave the house, when reality is far less dangerous. If you’re constantly told that you need to live your life a certain way, you’ll likely acquiesce, to the detriment of what you truly should be doing. In either case you’ll never know for yourself unless you can take time away from the noise that is trying to convince you of one thing or another.
Joseph Campbell once said that, “there is nothing worse than climbing the ladder of life, and finally reaching the top, only to find out that your ladder was leaning against the wrong wall.” So, I implore you to be the source of your own beliefs. Take what is useful and disregard the noise that doesn’t further the life you’re after because there is nothing worse than reaching a place that was promised to fulfill you, but is worlds apart from your expectations.
295. blue-tinted glasses
We like to think that our experiences are mutual. That reality is defined by our perception of an experience, and shared by all the same. But reality isn’t neutral for any of us. In fact, we each see a world not for the reality of what it is, but through the lens of our individual and unique beliefs.
Imagine donning blue-tinted glasses, all your experiences would be interpreted through shades of blue. That’s how belief works. We see the world, and our perception of “reality” through the lens of what we already believe, placing our personal spin on everything that happens to us.
For example, if we believe that the world is a scary and dangerous place, we are always going to see the negative in the world, as opposed to the boundless beauty that also exists within the same plane. It is our beliefs that cause us to feel a certain way which affects how we ultimately experience any given situation. If we’re only attuned to see blue, and feel that this is a universal experience, it can be hard to communicate with someone who can only see red. But if we can understand that all our experiences are unique, we can make an effort to provide more context when it comes to establishing some middle ground between any of us.
281. how do we create our Self?
How do we create our Self?
Most of us think there isn’t much we can control about our Self. We’ve been conditioned to think we come into this world with a series of preset instructions on how to be. Whatever genetics we were born with or circumstances we were born into is pretty much a blueprint for our path forward in life, with many things out of our control. We say, “this is just how I am,” but is it really?
The long held idea of genetic determinism; the concept that whatever genetics we popped out with, we’re stuck with because we can’t change, grow, or evolve from, is what keeps us stuck. It’s a pervasive thought that has taken over the way we view our Self. Inevitably leading us to believe we can’t create our Self, because it’s already been created for us.
Fortunately, the tide is beginning to turn on these long held beliefs of a fixed Self. While genetics play a part, they are not the determining factor for the life we lead. As Dr. Terry Walhs puts it; “The genes load the gun, but the environment pulls the trigger.” While we are born with a certain set of genetics and into certain cultural belief systems, it’s largely a choice to see any of them as a limitation. We can choose to put our Self into a healthier environment (proper nutrition, exercise, etc.) to change our familial susceptibility to something like heart disease, just as we can choose to put our Self into a different mindset that will allow us to see possibilities outside of what is familiar to us.
The things we do, and the choices we make, determine how we show up in this world. Coming to the understanding that the life we were born into isn’t set in stone, and that any limitations are largely self-imposed, opens us up to have new conversations about creating a Self we want. Entertaining new possibilities that would have otherwise been unrecognizable with our previously fixed mindset.
So how can we create our Self? Forget the old ideals of predeterminism. Understand that the life we lead is a choice that only we have the power to make. We can choose to believe what we’re born with is all we’re capable of, or just a starting point to where we want to go. Creating our Self starts with creating our future. To do that, we have to begin to make choices based on where we want to go instead of where we came from. And with each choice, we create a piece of our new Self.
271. reflections in the mirror
Do we ever really know ourselves? Are we ever really given a chance? From the moment we pop out, and into this world, we’re imprinted with the customs and beliefs of those around us. It makes us who we think we are and from that point forward, life becomes a constant search for mirrors that reflect those original ideals back onto us. But at a certain point, we need to be comfortable enough with ourselves to question the validity of what those mirrors are actually showing us.
Are they reflecting what we want to see because it’s familiar and therefore comfortable, or are they showing us what we need to see in order to grow by challenging our comforts? Chances are, most of us are looking for a reflection that says “I’m okay just as I am. I’m good.” And while I agree that we all need to be comfortable with who we are, it definitely shouldn’t be because anyone else says so.
We have the ability to choose the mirrors we look into, therefore we can always see what we want. But if what is reflected back at us doesn’t challenge us to improve, it isn’t serving us, it is only reconfirming that the beliefs and ideals we already hold are good enough. And that is never gong to allow us to break free from who we’ve been taught to be. We need to seek out and surround ourselves with people or groups who challenge our long held beliefs, and who inspire us to break the mirror we are used to peering into so that we can aspire to be more than a simple reflection of our original ideals.
268. “made me feel”
We frequently use the words “made me feel.” We’ll say something like; this person made me feel bad because of what they said.
We use these words for their ease. They require no introspection of their use. We believe we’re just a simple bystander to the events that happen to us. Saying “made me feel” absolves us from the responsibility of having to understand where spontaneous feelings are coming from. But the thing is, no one outside of ourselves has the power to make us feel a certain way. The feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, and even love are all coming from within you. Whatever triggers their response is what we need to call attention to, sit with, and explore.
In other words, the input doesn’t determine the output. Our response to what someone says or does to us, is our response. No one can insert a feeling within us. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can stop making the mistake that other people can exert some level of control over how we feel or operate in our daily lives, and take the responsibility to create the interactions we want.
267. flip the script
Most of us are so immersed in our concept of the world, so unconscious of the narrative we have constructed for ourselves, that we aren’t aware it’s just a script continuously running through our minds. We believe our script is a representation of “us” or our “true selves,” but in reality, it is just our thoughts. We feel so strongly about their truth because we practice these thoughts and ideas all day long, reinforcing their assimilation into our identity with each passing day.
It’s not obvious — until it’s pointed out — that we are not our thoughts, but we practice them so much that we start to identify with their meaning. We practice them from the time we get up in the morning, to the time we go to bed in the evening. And they’re even reinforced in our dreams as we sleep. We practice our thoughts so consistently, and for so long, that we get to the point where we aren’t even aware we are practicing them. We label these thoughts as “us,” but they’re not — they’re just something we’re thinking.
It’s important to understand that we are the thinker of our thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. A lot of the time, the thoughts and ideas that have defined who we are and how we approach the world are simply remnants of a past experience that is no longer serving us. Pay attention to the thoughts that come up automatically, you’re bound to realize that many of them are just part of the script you’ve been running forever.
266. realizing a past trauma
When I was young, my mother would always ask me things like, “Why can’t you be this way?” or “Why can’t you be more like that person?” This led me to believe there was something inherently wrong with me. I was never good enough. I think that belief has followed me throughout my life, and became one of the reasons why I got into personal training / health coaching. I wanted so badly for someone to say, “Thank you. You are so great. You’ve helped me. And I appreciate who you are.”
It’s interesting to reflect on the paths we take. To really sit and wonder why. For myself, I try so hard to be good at what I do, that I’m often questioned, why I try so hard or what’s the purpose of continuously taking more classes? It’s very frustrating for me to hear these things. I have always justified them as a need to learn more so that I can be better at helping people, but I think a better reason is that I am just looking to be seen for what I can do and loved for what I am good at. With each new bit of information or protocol I learn, I am able to stand out in the eyes of the people that I help.
I think past traumas play a part in dictating all of our lives. The unfortunate part is that most of us will never take the time to develop the awareness that is needed to heal them. So we hold onto them thinking that the trauma is just who we are, when in reality it is just keeping us from all that we could be.
248. cascade
Beliefs become our thoughts.
Thoughts become our words.
Words become our actions.
Actions become our habits.
Habits become our virtue.
Virtue becomes our destiny.
There is a level of control to destiny. Many of us think that what is going to happen, will happen. But in reality, we have the power to affect that inevitability. It all starts at the beginning of the cascade with the beliefs, thoughts, and words we use to describe the life we are living. Believing your current situation is inevitable will never allow you to find the words to develop the actions which will orient you towards the habits that can then begin to shift your trajectory.
Where we are, does not determine where we will end up. The sooner we can change limiting beliefs, the sooner we can start to create changes that will put us on a path toward where we want to be and ultimately fulfill the destiny of our liking.
228. what does impossible look like?
What does impossible look like?
It looks familiar.
You wake up. Eat breakfast. Check your electronic device for emails, messages, and updates. You respond accordingly. Then you travel somewhere to complete a task — work or school or another creative endeavor. You talk to people, here and there, gaining insight from shared conversations. Email, messages, and updates are checked again, before you move on to lunch. Then another task, more conversations and so on. Interspersed in there somewhere you grab a shower, get some sleep, hit the gym, and put the kids to bed. And repeat.
The underlying process and fundamental execution of your daily tasks all look the same — no matter if you’re striving for a moonshot project or implementing a new dietary regimen.
We often fail to make changes in our life because we’re afraid that pursuing the impossible means we will have to upend all the familiar processes we have in place. This isn’t necessarily the case. Yes, you will have to change who you converse with if you want to make it to Mars, just as you will have to change the way you eat if you wish to be healthier, but you still have to talk to people and you still have to eat. You still have to travel from place to place, check your email, and remain focused. It’s no different than any other day, with the caveat that in going after the impossible you can complete all the things you were already doing with a new sense of purpose.
If you can understand that doing the impossible — whatever that really means for you — isn’t going to be as unfamiliar as you think, then perhaps you will find the necessary confidence to press forward and go after the impossible.
202. law of attraction
We all want certain things, but most of the time, there’s a reason we don’t get them. We fail to realize that we need to embody the things we want to attract.
It’s the Law of Attraction. The idea that you attract what you are. It starts with how you approach the world, your beliefs and perspectives. If you’re not getting what you want, most likely you’re not embodying what you want to attract. You need to be honest with yourself and ask how are you showing up in the world because the energy you put out is the energy you’re going to attract.
Think, who is the person you need to be, to get the things that you’re after. Until you create the person that is reflective of the life you’re after, that person in the mirror will always look the same.
201. the sky is falling
If the power went out for a week, and we didn’t have access to the news or social media, would we still think the sky was falling? Eventually, someone would venture outside and look up to either confirm or deny. Chances are, if that person could go out and look up, the sky isn’t falling. Either way, how would anyone know differently if they kept all their attention on the continuous stream of messages and images telling them about the sky falling?
It seems that our perception of reality is no longer our own, but developed for us instead. Unlike the prisoners in Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, we aren’t chained to the wall, forced to look upon the shadows thinking they’re real, instead, we welcome the stories about the shadows, all the while giving up our freedom to investigate. We reserved ourselves to the same fate because we’ve come to blindly believe what we’re told, making it part of our narrative and the way we see the world. The most troubling part is that we don’t actually believe what we see, but see what we believe. Therefore, if we believe the sky is falling, then that is all we will see.
190. surrender
Nothing can stop the irresistible force. Just as nothing can stir the immoveable object. Yet, paradoxically, they’re allowed to exist within the same universe.
So, what happens when these opposing forces collide? Everything and Nothing all at the same time. It’s unfulfilled potential energy.
Crushing momentum colliding with absolute stillness. Individually, they hold the power of the universe, and if recognized, together they can become the Universe. Celestial. Devine. Ethereal.
With a contrast so great, how can one influence the other? Can these forces coexist?
Never with the all consuming motives of one, nor the steadfast intentions of another. Only with the equal recognition that one holds the opposing power to complete the other.
Surrender is the only path forward…
Where one enacts motion to search for what it needs, the other employs inertia to stand for what it believes. Neither is wrong, but their potential remains incomplete without the attributes of their opposing force. Only in surrender can one fulfill the others potential.
Surrender holds the answer because it gives into the gravity, the attracting law between two opposing forces. It is what creates the universal principle of Ying and Yang.
Their true potential will remain unfulfilled without the recognition that either has a need for what the other holds.
…
A bit of introspection…. I always loved the quote, “find something you love, and let it kill you.” And, I finally think I understand what it means. We’re all locked into a certain identity, it can be the irresistible force, or the immoveable object. Whatever it is, It is what defines us. Finding something we love is bound to shift our trajectory because it requires an acceptance of an opposing force. This jolts our identity, hopefully for the good. And that is where the death comes. It’s not a literal killing, but a shedding of an identity that who we were has passed, and this new thing that defines us is who we are going forward. So surrender to the thing that you love, let it “kill you”, so you can move forward and create a world of untapped potential.
182. mistaken destination
It’s easy to find someone to aspire to. The allure comes from our belief that this person is a finished product.
It’s our understanding that if we walk the same path, we can arrive at the same destination. So we mistakenly mirror all our efforts to those we look up to, in hopes that we can one day become just like them, without realizing that it isn’t about the destination, but the journey.
A wise man once said; “do not seek to follow in the footsteps of those you admire, instead honor their legacy by continuing to search for the things they sought.”
Too often we mistake the destination for the journey. We think, if we do all the things the person we wish to be like did, we can arrive at the same place. Yet, I can guarantee you, that if you had the privilege to ask whether or not they “arrived,” they would wholeheartedly disagree, and instead tell you that they have a long way yet to go.
It’s never going to be a bad thing to model your efforts after someone you aspire to be like, but don’t let your view on the destination become so myopic that you can’t enjoy the journey, because if you ever do “arrive” at that magical destination, your passion will quickly wane, whereas a dedication to the journey will offer a lifetime of fulfillment.
167. messages of fear
The voice of the media has usurped science over the past year. There seems to be a concerted effort to take over the global narrative, constructing it in such a way as to limit its authorship to a select few who seek to control the human experience through messages of fear. However, this is nothing new.
Since the Vietnam era we’ve been subjected to a narrative that has amped up fear and danger in the minds of the public. Subsequently, our culture, built upon fear, provides little room for the masses to give a true examination of the motives behind the message we continue to hear.
Without introspection we become susceptible to the “run for your life” narrative being espoused. Fearful, most of us act on those messages with little thought, going along with the directives seen on television or social media. All the while, this focus on keeping us safe has never made us safer, nor healthier, but has seen a creeping degradation of both our civil liberties and overall health.
If anything, COVID has become a supreme example of how the mechanism of fear can be used against a diverse population, to homogenize their diverse backgrounds, ideas, experiences, and belief systems into a narrow response that doesn’t serve our collective wellbeing. At what point do we overcome the fear based narrative and begin to collectively question the system that continues to fail us.
150. mistaken acceptance
Comfort and acceptance have become mistakenly interchangeable. It’s commonly thought that we can all lead greater and more fulfilling lives, if only we were able to accept the things we cannot change instead of allowing them to fill our days with concern, right? Wrong. That is the slippery slope of acceptance.
The vast majority of what we choose to accept, in an effort to preserve a level of comfort, is in fact malleable. Everything from our station in life, career path, relationships with others, financial woes, and even the limits placed upon a supposed disability are changeable. Yet, it is far more comfortable to accept them as they are, than to make a concerted effort to change the situation for the better.
Our belief that something is unchangeable, is simply that; a belief. A story we have constructed for ourselves to find comfort in the “what is.” We are constantly finding bias against the way things could be, and instead opting to find comfort in the way things are. All because it is easier to accept a situation we know, instead of stepping into the unknown to create a life that is far more fulfilling than the one you currently find yourself within. We’re all erroneously choosing to live within the bounds of the old idiom; “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.”
people will say you’ve changed, but isn’t that the point
As a habitual line-stepper, I often challenge people on things they say. My intention is not to be a dick, but to figure out if they even know why they believe the thing they’re saying. Generally, when I pose the question, “why do you believe that?”, people get flustered. I think they get this way because they’ve adopted certain premises — from teachers, mentors, and family — without independently challenging that line of thought to clearly develop their own philosophy. We’re all guilty (even me) of carrying on with a line of thought that doesn’t serve us, but it shouldn’t be a matter of contention when someone asks why. It should be a moment of reflection.
Perhaps, the reason why such inquires seem maligned is that our beliefs are directly tied to our identity. When people challenge our beliefs, it can feel like they are attacking us for being who we are. That isn’t always the case, and we should know and be able to explain why we believe the things we do. If we can’t explain why we believe in something it is time to sit back and wonder if that belief we hold so dearly is really beneficial. These premises, ideologies, thoughts, philosophies, and beliefs all have the ability to drive our lives, either in a good direction because they are accurate and aligned to the right purpose, or toward a negative place because they are inaccurate and contradictory to what we are trying to achieve.
We’re all allowed to hold differing opinions but I don’t think that a belief has any merit if you can’t explain why you hold on to it. I think people are scared to change because their identity is tied to a certain belief system, and if they change they will have to admit to themselves that they were wrong. I can tell you first hand, that hurts, but if it gives way to a new belief you can stand behind, it’s a painful transition worth taking because it will lead to a better version of you.
We’re not meant to be the same person all our lives. We’re meant to grow, search for happiness, share our love, explore passions, and change the world. Challenging your beliefs will make you different. People are going to say “you’ve changed”, but isn’t that the point?