340. crystal clear
Whenever you try to implement change, a tension arises. The rational part of your brain knows what needs to be done, but the emotional part doesn’t want to do the hard work.
For change to happen you need both parts of your brain on board. If you only instruct the rational part of your brain you’ll have an understanding, but no motivation. If you only appeal to the emotional part of the brain, you’ll have passion, but no direction.
The rational part of your brain is the part of you that knows exercising before work is a good idea, so it sets the alarm nice and early. It has a clear vision of what it wants and the best way to get there, but unfortunately it’s a poor motivator. The best shot at getting your emotional brain on board is to be specific as possible about what needs to happen, otherwise the passion for change will fade.
“Lose weight” isn’t very clear, but “wake up at 5am, put on shoes, go to the gym, do 4 sets of squats and pull-ups” is a crystal clear instruction.
“Be more productive” is not clear either, but “sit down at the desk, open up a word document, set the timer for 20 minutes, and start writing all the words bouncing around in your head until the time is up” is another crystal clear instruction.
Both examples allow for small tasks to be repeated right after another, adding motivation to keep moving forward.
If it’s clear and easy, motivation and direction come into alignment effortlessly, allowing for change to happen. As soon as clarity is lost in vague statements, real change stands no chance.
339. go your own way
One if the hardest parts about life is that many of us are scared to be ourselves. Instead, we try to fit into a box or narrative established by someone else because we’ve been convinced this is better than anything we can do on our own. In either case, we often try to mold our actions, thoughts, and opinions in an attempt to align with the values of our chosen group. In the process of believing that no group, organization, or entity will accept us in our entirety, we continually end up shaving off parts of ourselves just to gain acceptance. But who is is that they are accepting? It’s certainly not us in our totality. And, if we can’t be accepted for who we are, what’s the point?
There’s really only a few choices for those of us who find it hard to be ourselves; conformity, silence, or to go your own way. Conformity, in any situation, and on any issue that you don’t hold to be a genuine truth is a betrayal of yourself as an individual, which is ultimately a shot through your own heart. Silence does the same thing, as our hearts are always paying attention — aware that our words and actions aren’t in accordance to our values, yet are kept sealed just so we can get along. The only option left is to go your own way. This one takes a long time to build — through trials and tribulation — enough confidence to stand alone with conviction and march toward a virtuous existence. In the process we will likely be battered and bruised, but at least you will be you.
332. crumbling is not an instant’s act
Most of the time people forget the lessons that historians and leaders would like us to remember. Whether it’s a natural disaster or a pandemic, each enter our collective consciousness as they arise, seemingly out of nowhere. Novel as they seem in the moment, they are often remnants of unresolved themes of the past we continuously fail to learn from and correct. We think this time it’s different, forgetting that even though history doesn’t repeat itself, it does rhyme.
After a flood washes out huge sections of oceanfront property, people rebuild their lives on the same spot. After this pandemic, it’s likely, people will go back to their old habits of taking their health for granted. Unfortunately, we have a culture that doesn’t remember because they’re blasted with a story that says this time it’s different, backed by a media portrayal that exacerbates a narrative that our way of life was right all along, while disregarding any clues that may have shown up along the way.
There’s a poem by Emily Dickinson called Crumbling is not an instant’s Act which shows things need to build before they can happen. It reads:
Crumbling is not an instant's Act
A fundamental pause
Dilapidation's processes
Are organized Decays.
'Tis first a Cobweb on the Soul
A Cuticle of Dust
A Borer in the Axis
An Elemental Rust—
Ruin is formal—Devil's work
Consecutive and slow—
Fail in an instant, no man did
Slipping—is Crash's law.
The emphasis on Crumbling is not an instant’s Act and Slipping—is Crash’s law is mine, as I think it poetically illustrates that things don’t simply happen out of nowhere, they take time. The bottom doesn’t just drop out, things have to creak, weaken and give way. It’s our choice to look the other way when we hear the squeaks. It’s our choice to be consumed by the nonsense of telling us not to pay attention to the clues. It’s our choice to be coerced into a false sense of confidence that is perpetrated by popular narrative, saying we are on the right path. But are we really?
We’re continuously assured that this time it’s different. This time it came out of nowhere. No one could have known. The voices of popular media seek to placate our worries by reaffirming our way of life is the correct one, yet, if that were true we would learn from our past. Instead we confidently walk toward a cliff, ignoring the signposts along the way that warn us of the upcoming drop. Then we’re surprised when we eventually walk off the edge.
So how do we change? If getting us to learn from our past doesn’t work because we’re too busy wrapped up in the now, lost in the blatantly false narrative of going the right direction, then how do we keep from repeating our past failures? Generally, the way people change their mind and thus correct their path isn’t because of a single lesson, it’s through a tumbling of dominos. It’s the same principle Dickinson reaches for with Crash’s Law. It’s a gradual shift. Built with awareness over time, until a crescendo eventually happens one way or the other. We either learn, or repeat our same mistakes.
The problem comes with who is controlling the information we’re receiving, the narrative, the ideas being sold because they’re all going to influence the questions we ask and the actions we take. The best way to create positive change to our situation is to become aware of what is going on around you. Look for the signposts. Each one is a domino falling. New information leads to new thoughts, which leads to new questions that evolve into new actions. There’s no fall without warnings of a cliff ahead.
329. seeking advice
We all want to make the right decision for ourselves, so we seek advice by asking “what should I do, option A or B?” The weight of the advice we receive will be influenced by the experience of the person we’re asking, however the problem is that what worked for one person may not work for you. There are many factors that go into the success or failure of a particular option, therefore we can’t take one person’s advice too seriously. Ideally, asking for advice should, as the author Derek Sivers explains in Hell Yeah or No, “be like echolocation — bouncing ideas off of all your surroundings, and listening to all the echoes to get the whole picture.”
No matter how much advice you get, you’re always likely to receive what worked best for other people. Ultimately, only you will know what works best for you in the end. The right decision for you may contrast with popular opinion, and that’s okay, because all of our individuals situations have personal nuances that no one else knows about. We all need to find our own way, sometimes that means making the unpopular decision, which may help us understand why it was unpopular to begin with, while other times, it becomes the right and best decision we could have ever made. So seek advice from everywhere, but do so with the idea that each piece of advice is simply part of a larger puzzle you’re putting together.
327. exhale
We’re all waiting for inspiration to strike so that we can finally do that thing we’ve been waiting for. But is that the best way?
Inspiration generally means “something that stimulates you into action,” and at the same time it also means to “breathe in.” Both meanings poetically intertwine if we think of ourselves as breathing in thoughts, concepts, and theories that serve to fill our mind with new ideas. Endlessly scrolling through our newsfeed, we inhale countless images, memes, quotes, podcasts, and articles, all with the intention to inspire us into action. Yet, no matter how much we inhale, the majority of us never get enough. We’re always looking for more, thinking that there is something else out there that we haven’t found, and will be the ONE THING we’re after.
Our capacity to continuously breathe in, and in, and in can only get us so far before we must breathe out. But it’s in that exhalation where we find what we’re after.
Nothing is going to be as truly inspiring as the action you take after exhaling all the new ideas we’ve gathered and applying them to produce the work or results we want — whether the endeavor is creative, financial, or personal in nature. In other words, the action we take is the real inspiration we’re after. It’s the action of exhaling, breathing out all the ideas we’ve collected and putting them to use. True inspiration doesn’t come from consuming new information, but rather from incorporating those ideas into the actions we take toward building the life we want.
We make the mistake of thinking that if we keep inhaling books, presentations, talks, tweets, interviews, and documentaries we’re going to suddenly be inspired into the life we want. But the funny thing is, constantly breathing in is actually anti-inspiring because it doesn’t allow us to exhale. We have to breathe out, creating intention with our exhalation, focusing on our output to achieve the inspiration we’re truly after.
Never stop consuming the things that interests you, but know that the inspiration you seek isn’t in the search, it’s in the act of doing.
324. adrift
we’re all lost in the deep
fighting against the tide
that our monsters intend to keep.
adrift,
in a sea of confliction
we search in order to be found.
reaching,
for any connection, allowing us
to find our feet on solid ground.
it’s said, that anxiety
is quickly quelled by action.
and it’s known that grasping
makes finding easy.
yet, if we aren’t careful
our fear will anchor us into reaction.
—————————
We’re lost in an ocean of opinion, not knowing where to look for the right answers. Much of the time, information is merely opinion, backed up only by what fortifies the accepted narrative. This is as true for the way we talk to ourselves about if we are worthy of that raise, as the way the news intends to inform us.
We are what we pay attention to. The ideas that we consume — about ourselves and the world at large — are what create the world we see. If we are fearful and looking for answers, we will grasp at the closest thing that makes sense to us. Unfortunately, the closest thing (or idea) isn’t always the right answer. You thinking you didn’t get that date because you weren’t enough, is an idea you believe because it fits your narrative about yourself. You thinking the sky is falling because the news continues to tell you so is an idea you believe because it fits the narrative that is being reinforced.
It’s not until we stop listening to the things that only serve to keep us down, and start recreating how we interact with this world, will we be able to approach life with a sense of conscious choice instead of continuing to react out of fear.
302. choose your circle wisely
We are the sum of the people we hold closest to us. If we aren’t careful in who we choose to share our time with, we risk creating a detrimental situation for the life we want. The people we surround ourselves with are either actively assisting and supporting our growth, or passively holding us back because their values are different than ours.
When hearing things like, “relax, you work too hard,” or “you can do it tomorrow” begin to weigh heavily on your conscience, it’s time to rethink your circle of friends. When you’re unsure if others are aligned with your values on the life you want, ask yourself the question: “when I spend time with this person or group of people, do I feel like I’m getting closer or further away from who I wan to be?” The answer may surprise you.
297. be the source
Be the source of your own beliefs. Turn off the television. Unsubscribe from the dogmatic material. And stop listening to those who claim to have it all figured out. Your mind is too powerful to let it be guided by anyone other than you.
None of this is to say you shouldn’t search for the ideas you think are best, but do so knowing that what you tune into shapes the world you see and how you interact with everything in it. If you’re constantly told that the sky is falling, you’re going to be scared to leave the house, when reality is far less dangerous. If you’re constantly told that you need to live your life a certain way, you’ll likely acquiesce, to the detriment of what you truly should be doing. In either case you’ll never know for yourself unless you can take time away from the noise that is trying to convince you of one thing or another.
Joseph Campbell once said that, “there is nothing worse than climbing the ladder of life, and finally reaching the top, only to find out that your ladder was leaning against the wrong wall.” So, I implore you to be the source of your own beliefs. Take what is useful and disregard the noise that doesn’t further the life you’re after because there is nothing worse than reaching a place that was promised to fulfill you, but is worlds apart from your expectations.
293. trapped by choice
In his book Civilized to Death, author Chris Ryan tells the following story…
“Years ago a man sitting next to me on the train in India explained how his grandfather had hunted monkeys in the hills of Calcutta. He made a small wooden box with a round hole on the side. Before attaching the top, he placed a mango in the box, then strapped it to a tree, where a passing monkey would smell the mango and reach into the box through the hole. But the mangos are too large to pull out through the hole. So the monkey faced a dilemma: let go of the mango and be on its way, or sit there, holding the uneaten fruit, until the hunter came along to capture it.”
The man goes on to say that these “traps” were very effective. But why?
It’s ridiculous to think that any creature would willingly hold onto something — therefore securing its fate — rather than to let it go. But much like the monkey, our actions are very similar. We often want something so much, it can become detrimental to us. We’re attached to how a person made us feel, or the promise of an idea. Whether it’s holding on to a past relationship, or the belief that more money will solve all our problems — these are just metaphorical mangos we’re grasping for. They are a trap, only inasmuch as we believe that what we’re grasping is the only choice we have. But at some point, we need to realize that holding on to what isn’t going to work is more detrimental to us than any pain it will cause us to let go.
It’s a choice.
292. excellence requires grit
Excellence requires repetition.
Day in and day out, repetition is necessary for you to be great at anything. Even if your passion and purpose perfectly align, and you completely love what you’re doing, there are going to be days where what you’re doing is reduced to a daily checklist. Feelings of boredom or frustration are bound to manifest even with the most ideal of routines. So besides loving what you do, it also becomes necessary to develop a gritty or tenacious mindset to make it through those days.
Without a bit of grit or tenacity to drive you through the boredom or frustration that accompanies every routine, you can quickly lose your way. Developing a mindset that allows you to bite down and make it through can save you a lot of lost time spent on distractions from what you truly enjoy and are bound to return to anyway.
So on those inevitable days where you don’t want to show up because you’re simply frustrated with the routine of having to go to the gym, sit down to write, teach what interests you, or any of the variety of things that align with your passion and purpose, remember to stay gritty and remain focused so you can make it through the day. In the end, completing the tasks you care about, no matter the frustration attached, will always be met with more gratification and therefore excellence, than succumbing to the temptation of breaking your routine.
291. freedom
There’s a story the great spiritual teacher Osho used to tell about a town he lived in that went bankrupt, and didn’t have enough money to keep its prison open. So, all the town leaders got together to figure out what was to be done with the prisoners. It was decided that after an average of 20 years of imprisonment for the prisoners, their debt to society had been paid, and the easiest solution would be to simply let them all go. And so they were released. But the next day, as the Warden came back to finalize the closure, he found all the prisoners back in their cells, adorned with their shackles as if their freedom had never been granted. Perplexed at the situation, the prisoners were asked why they had returned, and the most common answer was that they couldn’t sleep without the safety of their constraints, and that they had no idea what to do with their freedom.
Too often we’re caught up in the safety of what is familiar. We choose to stay in, or go back to, situations that do not serve us, even when given the opportunity to grow. It’s understandable why this happens — there is comfort in knowing what we’re dealing with — yet, with any appreciable amount of self-reflection, we should all be able to understand why being comfortable in a bad situation is never going to be better than the discomfort of a new one.
In another parable from the middle ages, a notorious thief was taken before the King, who would place judgement upon his crimes. Instead, the King had the thief taken down into the castle’s dungeon, where he was offered a choice of two punishments. He could meet a swift death by being hung upon the gallows, or face what was behind a large, foreboding rusty iron door. Without hesitation, the thief chose the rope. And as the hangman placed the noose around his neck, the thief asked…
“My King, what’s behind that door?”
With a laugh, the King responded, “It is of no concern, as I offer all the same choice, yet everyone chooses the rope.”
As the hangman tighten the noose around the thief’s neck, his vision began to darken, and with his last breath he pleaded again…
“Please, my King, what’s behind that door?”
“Freedom,” the King said with a sigh, “but it seems most people are more afraid of the unknown than death.”
—
There are very few guarantees in this life. But the most powerful among those is our inevitable meet with death, and that we ultimately have the ability to decide how we arrive. So make the choices that serve the person you wish to become, not who you are comfortable with.
286. settling for familiar
When it comes to love, there are people who are going to be better for you than others. Unfortunately, sometimes our right person may have already met, and established a relationship with, the wrong one. And you know it’s the wrong one because they stray far enough from their situation to stumble into you. And all that you offer one another, brings you closer, makes you feel alive, fulfilled, and inspired.
Yet, no matter how much love, chemistry, and connection that is shared between the both of you, there is never a guarantee you two will exist together, strictly for one another. It would mean, the one person in the wrong relationship would have to leave, and it’s never that easy. Largely because most of our decisions are based on familiarity. It’s easier to deal with any situation, even if it is less than ideal, when you know what to expect. And familiarity is so powerful that it can cause us to turn down the right person for the wrong one.
Some people realize what needs to be done and make the jump, other people choose to stay where they are because it’s familiar. In either situation, there are differing definitions of success and failure, so there’s no right or wrong answer to the question of what is the best course of action. But the thing is, if we’re settling for familiarity, ease, and comfort, simply out of the fear of having to struggle a little to find equilibrium in a better environment, how can we ever expect to have the things, feelings, relationships, connections, love, or successes we want?
284. imaginary threats
We suffer more in imagination than in reality. It’s easy to overestimate threats that may exist with action, while underestimating the threats that come with inaction, when all those ideas are trapped in our head. We often let fear of the unknown control our decisions, so we settle for inaction because at least it’s something we know how to deal with. But if we are settling then we aren’t truly living to our potential.
To get over the hurdle of inaction, and overcome imaginary threats, a good exercise is to make a list of the worst things that can happen. Literally take them out of your imagination and write them down. Sit with them. See them for what they are. And then next to each one, write your best solution. In doing so, you can reduce the burden of what to do if this or that ends up happening. The biggest problem we have is the unknown, but if we write down the worst things our imagination can come up with, and then create a solution for each one, the unknown is not really something to be fearful of any more. That freedom will allow us to move forward onto something that may be more fulfilling than what we are currently settling for.
283. two journey’s
We take two journey’s.
The first is the Hero’s Journey, popularized by Joseph Campbell. It takes us from believing that we are what our parents or society told us to be, to shedding those ideals, and going through the process of uncovering who we truly are, where we eventually take on a new identity.
The second, is that of the Artist’s Journey. It’s what Steven Pressfield refers to as “bringing our gift to the world.” It’s the act of living our purpose. It’s the special thing we uncovered in the process of completing the Hero’s Journey that inspires us to show up in the world, and is what provides for the Artist’s Journey to take place. For example, if we find that expressing ourselves through the medium of writing is what allows us to be the person we want to be, then writing is what we need to do. The Artist’s Journey is about showing up in the world and using that special thing that motivates you to be creative or productive.
Think of it like this… the first half of our lives we are creating a vessel to be filled, and in the second — after we know what it takes to live with purpose and find fulfillment in our actions — we fill the vessel.
Both journey’s are of equal challenge and importance, but the sooner we can build our vessel, the sooner we can live with purpose.
281. how do we create our Self?
How do we create our Self?
Most of us think there isn’t much we can control about our Self. We’ve been conditioned to think we come into this world with a series of preset instructions on how to be. Whatever genetics we were born with or circumstances we were born into is pretty much a blueprint for our path forward in life, with many things out of our control. We say, “this is just how I am,” but is it really?
The long held idea of genetic determinism; the concept that whatever genetics we popped out with, we’re stuck with because we can’t change, grow, or evolve from, is what keeps us stuck. It’s a pervasive thought that has taken over the way we view our Self. Inevitably leading us to believe we can’t create our Self, because it’s already been created for us.
Fortunately, the tide is beginning to turn on these long held beliefs of a fixed Self. While genetics play a part, they are not the determining factor for the life we lead. As Dr. Terry Walhs puts it; “The genes load the gun, but the environment pulls the trigger.” While we are born with a certain set of genetics and into certain cultural belief systems, it’s largely a choice to see any of them as a limitation. We can choose to put our Self into a healthier environment (proper nutrition, exercise, etc.) to change our familial susceptibility to something like heart disease, just as we can choose to put our Self into a different mindset that will allow us to see possibilities outside of what is familiar to us.
The things we do, and the choices we make, determine how we show up in this world. Coming to the understanding that the life we were born into isn’t set in stone, and that any limitations are largely self-imposed, opens us up to have new conversations about creating a Self we want. Entertaining new possibilities that would have otherwise been unrecognizable with our previously fixed mindset.
So how can we create our Self? Forget the old ideals of predeterminism. Understand that the life we lead is a choice that only we have the power to make. We can choose to believe what we’re born with is all we’re capable of, or just a starting point to where we want to go. Creating our Self starts with creating our future. To do that, we have to begin to make choices based on where we want to go instead of where we came from. And with each choice, we create a piece of our new Self.
280. right person, wrong time
What happens if you find the right person at the wrong time? When I say the right person, I mean someone who you share a connection with that is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Exciting, but familiar. Comfortable, but never boring. Inspired, but safe in being who you are. There’s a perfect match in polarity. What you lack is uplifted by the other, and vice versa. Where physical attraction, spiritual passion, and sexual desire only grow deeper with each meeting. And no matter the space in between those shared times together, it’s like no time had passed at all. It’s everything that you read about in love stories and watch in romantic movies come true. Now condense all that down into one person, and that’s what I mean when I say the right person. Such a presence. And so hard to deny.
What if, you find someone who gives you all these things, and who says you do all the same for them, but that person is in a relationship with someone else? And it’s very unlikely that you’ll ever be together to realize your full potential because there are so many variables standing in your way. What is the right course of action for times like this? Am I supposed to walk away because it’s never going to happen or continue to fight for the best feeling I’ve ever had with another human being? It’s sad and tragic to think that the universe would deliver this beautiful person to me, who provides everything I need to be the person I aspire to become, yet I’ll never be able to truly exist with them. It’s the classic case of the “right person at the wrong time.”
277. how the events unfold
There are a lot of bad things that can happen. If we aren’t careful, we can slip into a belief that the universe is conspiring against us. But it’s not. It’s our beliefs that set the tone for what we expect, and which lay the foundation for how we contextualize what happens.
Whether we are defiantly positive or indubitably negative, we go through the day subconsciously looking to confirm either belief. For example, we can view getting stuck in traffic in two totally different ways; in a positive sense, it gives us extra time to finish that podcast; adversely, it can be seen as the universe throwing obstacles in our way to keep us from getting to work at a reasonable pace.
It’s all in how we choose to see how the events unfold. And because there is a choice, it’s always going to be better to think things are happening for us, instead of to us.
274. every choice comes with exclusion
Every choice comes with exclusion. Our ability to choose is valuable, in that it gives us the power to create our story. We weigh our options, then choose the best one for us in the moment. Sometimes the choices can be made fairly easily, other times they can be devastatingly hard. In either case, there is always a loss to endure. We inevitably have to give up on one narrative to allow for a chance at another to grow.
272. “wrong” decisions
What’s really going on when we’re confused about a given situation? Obviously, there’s a conflict between what we want to do and what we think we should do. Simply put, we’re always worried about making the “wrong” decision. But what if there aren’t any “wrong” decisions for us to make, only “right” ones? What if every decision we make is the “right” one for us in that moment?
If we can approach all decisions with this attitude, it will take up less of our mental capacity and cause less tension in our day-to-day lives. Ultimately allowing us to lean into whatever decision we make with confidence. And, in the end, either decision will provide us with the clarity about a situation we were previously confused about. In reality, the only “wrong” thing we can do in any situation is waver back-and-forth, deciding on nothing, finding security in stagnation. It creates no clarity, no awareness, and no need to make adjustments with how to continue moving forward.
271. reflections in the mirror
Do we ever really know ourselves? Are we ever really given a chance? From the moment we pop out, and into this world, we’re imprinted with the customs and beliefs of those around us. It makes us who we think we are and from that point forward, life becomes a constant search for mirrors that reflect those original ideals back onto us. But at a certain point, we need to be comfortable enough with ourselves to question the validity of what those mirrors are actually showing us.
Are they reflecting what we want to see because it’s familiar and therefore comfortable, or are they showing us what we need to see in order to grow by challenging our comforts? Chances are, most of us are looking for a reflection that says “I’m okay just as I am. I’m good.” And while I agree that we all need to be comfortable with who we are, it definitely shouldn’t be because anyone else says so.
We have the ability to choose the mirrors we look into, therefore we can always see what we want. But if what is reflected back at us doesn’t challenge us to improve, it isn’t serving us, it is only reconfirming that the beliefs and ideals we already hold are good enough. And that is never gong to allow us to break free from who we’ve been taught to be. We need to seek out and surround ourselves with people or groups who challenge our long held beliefs, and who inspire us to break the mirror we are used to peering into so that we can aspire to be more than a simple reflection of our original ideals.