225. tribes
We used to be born into tribes. We didn’t have to find people from other countries or walks of life that share our values or ideas, and then try to create our own. We had very little choice in the matter, but what it gave us was a sense of belonging, identity, and continuity.
We didn’t have to figure out who we were because being born into a tribe inherently meant… “I know who I am, because I know who I am a part of.”
We didn’t have to wonder what to do because the tribe would automatically dictate our approach… “I know what to do, because, I do what I am told.”
We didn’t have to worry about finding purpose because our relationships were organized in a way that gave us a sense of duty and obligation… “I am happy when I fulfill the tasks that are expected of me.”
We weren’t raised for autonomy. We weren’t raised to use our words to say what we want. We were raised to know what other people want from us. Despite the gap in time, we are, to a large extent, still these people.
In the transition from childhood to adulting we are thrust into a world of autonomy, and most of us have no idea how to find our place in the modern world. Hence, the boom in the self-help book genre. We’re all looking to find our place. We have never been more free to make our own decisions, yet more alone in the process.
So, how can we overcome this challenge?
Unfortunately, I don’t see that there is any “quick fix” because, in a way, the whole concept of autonomy is going against human nature. We exist to work together. However, in finding your tribe, I think the best approach for any of us will be to focus more on ways of showing the world who you are comfortable being, rather than trying to find somewhere you’d like to fit in. Your tribe should gravitate toward you, not the other way around.
In essence, this whole concept of starting this blog and sharing my ideas is a way to find my place in the world. To work out my ideas and hopefully find others along the way. All we can really do is try, learn, adapt, and grow. And eventually, if we show up consistently, and with conviction, we’re bound to find our tribe.
116. fit within the world
When we grow up, we’re taught to see the world as it is and the best way to proceed is to find a life that fits within the world. Try not to be too disruptive or make too much noise, but feel free to move things around if you need to, just don’t mark up the walls set in place before you arrived. Follow the rules. Go to school. Get an education to qualify you for a job that allows you to fit within the confines of what most people call acceptable. And in no time you’ll have the life you never knew you wanted! This approach might work for some, but for other’s it limits the opportunity that life can offer. Happiness, love, fulfillment, success shouldn’t be defined for you, they should be defined by you.
Life can be much broader and more fulfilling, as Steve Job’s put it, “once you discover the fact that everything around you that you call life was made by people no smarter than you.” You have the power to break down the walls that aren’t serving you and change your place in the world.
Like a fish, we are often the last to realize we are swimming in a massive sea of ideas, beliefs, and practices. Some are beautiful, while others are frighteningly normal. Likewise, we’re often blind to the fact act the path laid out before us — the narrative we’re implored to follow — is simply a collection of agreed upon thoughts of all those who came before us. They took no input on how you or I would want to captain our lives, yet all their ideas completely saturate and influence the entirely of our lives. So, if the path you’re walking isn’t fully your own, don’t be afraid to question the direction you’re going because you ultimately have the power to change it.
98. affluence without abundance
We inherently know that more isn’t always better, but this is contrary to everything we been told to live by in our culture. To be happy, you need more school, more career advancement, more money, more friends, more attention, and more material possessions. And even when you have it all, you never really achieve the happiness you were promised.
We are consistently hung up on not having enough, so we create a story within our head that speaks toward inadequacy. “If I only had this much money…” “If I only had this new thing…” “If I only had the body I wanted, I’d be happy.” It’s unfortunate that we are conditioned to believe we are never enough simply because we don’t have enough. And this comes from the narrative we’ve been sold, written by the companies who thrive off our search for happiness as they exploit our thoughts of inadequacy.
If the story you’re being told isn’t making you happy, it’s time to create a new story. The prevailing idea of intentionally working a job you hate, to buy things we don’t need, to impress people we don’t care about, should be replaced with working hard enough at something you enjoy, to provide the things you need, for the people you care about. These are fundamentally different approaches; one breeds a lifetime of inadequacy, stress, poor health and heartbreak, while the other finds fulfillment, love and happiness in the things that truly matter. It’s affluence without abundance.