off topic: fight club
Here's my mildly cryptic proposition for a Fight Club... You have to accept that the "normal" way of life (the status quo) is never going to allow you to become the best version of yourself. That the only way forward is to passionately focus on completing the work necessary to illuminate, correct, and construct a new narrative that directs you towards the life you want. Whatever it is, you'll need to remove the blinders sold by reductionistic thinking and open yourself up to the multitude of inputs that allow for a compound effect (1+1+1>3). The mind, the body, and the spirit, singularly mean nothing, but when strengthened simultaneously create more than the sum of their parts. Fight Club seeks to build an undefeatable belief in the self, drawn from the ability to learn from the struggles (physical, mental, & emotional) life bestows upon you, and intentionally take action in accordance with the sovereign individual you wish to be.
Accountability is a pledge to your future self.
Respect is never forgetting the fundamentals.
Education never stops and is always moving.
Health is a vehicle for all performance.
Virtue is only recognized by the strength of ability.
Fear is a bastion for conformity.
Rules:
1. Start where you are.
2. Take action (fight, read, lift, nourish, create, recover).
3. Be better than yesterday.
Fight against mediocrity to live your best life.
338. become a monster
We’re living in a world that’s currently thriving on scarcity and fear. Where people choose to find comfort in passivity. Where it’s more acceptable to back down, than stand up. Where strong convictions often lead to exile.
However, it shouldn’t be wrong to exhibit strength. To be resolute in your beliefs. To stand firm for what you want out of life. At the same time that doesn’t mean any of us should treat those who do not share our exact views with contempt or malice. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be kind if you’re strong, but it does mean that if you can’t exhibit strength if you succumb to weakness.
So don’t be afraid. Don’t be docile. Don’t be idle. Don’t be weak. And most importantly, don’t be a dick.
Become a monster.
Be ruthlessly ambitious, and then learn how to control it.
At the end of the day, it’s always better to be warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.
health = freedom
We generally don’t take action without good reason, but if the current climate isn’t enough to call yourself into action what is? It is hard to think that it’s almost been “years” of this nonsense without any tangible methods being implemented to positively change the status quo.
Regardless of your beliefs about why the world is in a state of panic, the unfolding events have presented us with an opportunity to see things differently. Hopefully, it has allowed us to recognize that the way we’ve been persuaded to think, the way we’ve been told to see each other, and the way we’ve been informed to take care of our bodies, has come from a place of fear. We’re scared into lesser versions of ourselves, and therefore our communities, because it has been the most consistent and loudest message.
None of us enjoy this constant state of inequity, poor health, strife, yet we continue to sit back and wait for things to change for the better without the realization that ultimately it all starts with you and I. Everything starts with the collective Us. We need to come together to redefine what it means to live a life of our choosing built upon a foundation of health that provides us the freedom to pass through this life with relative ease.
We have to envision a society where true health is a fundamental part of society. Despite what we are seeing right now. Despite what we are hearing right now. It is possible.
Taking personal responsibility for our health needs to be the rule, not the exception. This isn’t a call for mask wearing and vaccinations, it is far more fundamental than that. This is a call to take personal responsibility for the health of your body and the inputs you provide it. What you put in, is what you get out. And as a society we are failing miserably. In the US, about 90% of our citizens are metabolically unhealthy, which means there’s around 10% of our population that has enough knowledge, or luck, to provide their body with the correct inputs to achieve a level of health that allows them to approach the current state of the world with confidence. Imagine if it were all different. Imagine if the majority weren’t beholden to the consistent need of refilling medications, scheduling treatments for their ailing bodies, or settling into a lives of dis-comfort as if it were somehow preordained. Do you think the world would be more free?
It doesn’t make sense. And this acquiescence to the status quo of suboptimal health is the driving force behind the crisis we’re all in. It is firstly an epidemic of poor health that has provided the necessary fuel to ignite a pandemic of the immunocompromised.
Collectively, we need to take responsibility to elevate our potential, not succumb to the idea that the majority of this country — and the industrialized world, for that matter — had it correct when it came to the best way to live our life. Achieving real health is no longer a fundamental part. Somewhere along the line it was drowned out by the voices selling us on the idea that it was best to do whatever it takes to get rich, gain more followers, and enjoy a hedonistic lifestyle without the thought of consequences. But none of us can realistically trade our health for wealth because if we do, we end up having to trade back our wealth for a chance to recoup whatever health we have left.
In a recent presentation, I asked those in attendance — mostly wealthy executive types — to define health. Most of them simply came up with “the absence of disease.” That’s sad. People think that health is simply not being sick. While that does play a part, it is unfortunate to think that this is the best that they could come up with because the absence of disease doesn’t mean you are able to live your best life. Not that I am a fan, but the World Health Organization (WHO) presents a more holistic view as it defines health as the state of “complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease.” This is definitely a step in the right direction but still doesn’t fully encapsulate everything we should strive for.
In my opinion, health is best defined as an optimal state of bodily movement and function, as well as emotional and physiological well-being, which inspires confidence to pursue a life of our choosing, free from limitations of dis-ease and dis-comfort, that ultimately provides us with the freedom to live the life we want. When we are faced with a choice of what to do, we need to keep this definition in mind. We need to ask, are my choices in line with the fundamental pursuit of achieving optimal health? If not, then we’re ultimately resigning our health over to companies, and governments, that are more than happy to take advantage of our lack of foundational health, who stand to profit off the false promise that by taking this pill or completing that procedure we will be able to live a life free from the responsibility of our poor choices. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Our actions have consequences.
It is very difficult to achieve health within the same paradigm that made you unwell to begin with. It’s time to think different. It’s time to be different. It’s time to throw off the anxiety we have about the changes we need to make and simply do it. Get healthy. Be free.
335. normalizing fear
We’re all afraid of something, and that’s okay because it can be a powerful motivator. However, if we normalize any of our fears, our attention gradually comes to rest more on what we don’t want than what we do. We are ultimately what we pay attention to.
The things we don’t want continuously run through our mind as we say, “I don’t want to be poor.” “I don’t want to be sick.” “I don’t want to be alone.” They replay so often that we eventually develop a relationship with them.
In those moments of “I don’t want,” the mind can’t distinguish between what you want and what you don’t. It only knows what you’re interested in. And, if we continue to focus our attention on destitution, sickness, and solitude that is what we will manifest. These types of thoughts leave no room for the mind to bring our attention toward wealth, health, and love.
In the end, you get what you focus on. Stop placing all your attention on what you don’t want to happen and begin to focus your attention on what you would like to see unfold in your life. Stop placing a negative bias on your “what if’s.” Instead of saying “what if I end up poor,” “what if I end up sick,” “what if I end up alone,” start saying “what if I end up wealthy, with an abundance of health and love.”
Each of us has to understand that we don’t describe what we see, we see what we describe. The sooner we understand this fundamental principle, the sooner we can change the situation we find ourselves in.
38 laws to live by
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.
Only deal with people that love you back.
Perfect isn’t possible. Excellence is. Chop wood, carry water.
Always be grateful.
Ignore the rules you don’t agree with.
The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself.
If you think it’s impossible, then it is.
Ideas are nothing without action.
The things that matter the most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter the least.
The time is now, not tomorrow.
It’s not what you know, it’s what you consistently do.
Take what is useful, disregard the rest.
Life is happening for us, not to us.
Let learning lead to action.
Sometimes the process is more important than the product.
The limits of my language equal the limits of my world.
Losers have goals. Winners have systems.
Frustration is a matter of expectation.
Life favors the specific ask and punish the league wish.
Finding purpose is greater than searching for happiness.
Discipline equals freedom.
When you say “Yes” to something, you are saying “No” to something else.
Total honesty at all times.
Your choice creates your challenge.
Nothing quells anxiety more than action.
Make choices as the person you want to be would make.
Strength has no detriment.
Productive is different than busy.
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.
Have integrity. Practice what you preach.
You never get today back.
An addiction to distraction is the end of creative production.
The caliber of your practice determines the quality of your performance.
Take ownership.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Vulnerability is the price the brave must pay to arrive at iconic.
Always love like it’s the last time.
Real love has no judgement.
——————
We often mistake attachment for love. Much of the time, our sense of self is not rooted in what we see in the mirror or feel inside, instead it’s the illusion that another person can fill a void and make us whole. So, in the event that they leave, or the relationship ends, the ensuing heartbreak feels like devastation because we not only lost someone we cared about, we lost a part of what allowed us to show up in the world. But the thing is, if we lose ourselves in the process of losing another, it’s likely not love that is causing the pain, but attachment to the other.
The grasping and clinging we go through as the relationship starts to crumble is thought to be a representation of the depth of love we feel for another, when in reality, it’s just an attachment to the idea of them. And, the more we reach out and try to hold on to that idea, the more afraid we become in losing this person, which inevitably causes more suffering in the end.
Ultimately, we need to understand where our feelings come from. Attachment will always feel exponentially worse because when a person leaves, they take a piece of us with them; whereas, if it’s real love, it’s still going to hurt, but that pain is going to come from the loss of something beautifully shared, not a loss of a sense of self. So, if you really love someone, and they choose to leave, you will honor their choice because real love does not judge.
324. adrift
we’re all lost in the deep
fighting against the tide
that our monsters intend to keep.
adrift,
in a sea of confliction
we search in order to be found.
reaching,
for any connection, allowing us
to find our feet on solid ground.
it’s said, that anxiety
is quickly quelled by action.
and it’s known that grasping
makes finding easy.
yet, if we aren’t careful
our fear will anchor us into reaction.
—————————
We’re lost in an ocean of opinion, not knowing where to look for the right answers. Much of the time, information is merely opinion, backed up only by what fortifies the accepted narrative. This is as true for the way we talk to ourselves about if we are worthy of that raise, as the way the news intends to inform us.
We are what we pay attention to. The ideas that we consume — about ourselves and the world at large — are what create the world we see. If we are fearful and looking for answers, we will grasp at the closest thing that makes sense to us. Unfortunately, the closest thing (or idea) isn’t always the right answer. You thinking you didn’t get that date because you weren’t enough, is an idea you believe because it fits your narrative about yourself. You thinking the sky is falling because the news continues to tell you so is an idea you believe because it fits the narrative that is being reinforced.
It’s not until we stop listening to the things that only serve to keep us down, and start recreating how we interact with this world, will we be able to approach life with a sense of conscious choice instead of continuing to react out of fear.
317. don’t just sit there
We all came into this world with an unmatched level of confidence. As babies, we took our first steps, fell down, got up and fell down again. In the process, we laughed and cried because it was a difficult task, but never did we say; “Okay, I’m done with that. I’m just going to sit here, forever.” There’s no fear of failing, and therefore no stoping us. And so, we persist. We didn’t care about failing to walk the first, second, or third time. We kept going, in an effort to literally rise to the level of those around us.
As babies, we inherently do what we feel is right, unaffected by what others may think about our actions. If we don’t like something we’ve been fed, we have no problems spitting it right back out. If we saw the neighbors dog, our first reaction is likely to run up to it and try to play. It’s not until we’re old enough to comprehend the warnings of NO! DON’T! BE CAREFUL! that we learn about hesitation and fear.
It’s that hesitation that makes us stop and think about all the consequences of pursuing what our hearts desire. It’s that fear that keeps us from doing what we know is right by continuing to say; “What if?” It’s these ideas that can haunt our decisions for the rest of our lives, creating a lack of confidence in our resolve to relentlessly go after what we truly want.
All I can say is, we had it right to begin with. We have a choice to be unconcerned with anything but the end result. So stop sitting there and create the life you want.
303. speak your truth
How different would our live’s be if we always expressed our true feelings?
It’s likely that the trajectory of our live’s would undergo a drastic change, ultimately guiding us down a path more aligned with who we truly are and providing us with a life that offers more satisfaction than we could have ever previously imagined. And none of that is a bad thing, yet in those moments where we can present our authentic selves to the world we tend to shy away from any honest expression. Maybe it’s for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or being left out, or simply fear of the unknown, but none of those are good excuses to be disingenuous to others, and more importantly to yourself.
The consequence of not speaking your truth is going to weigh heavier on you than the burden of offending someone with your truth. The more you can present your authentic self to the world, the more the world around you will reflect who you truly are. So say what you believe to be true and accept what happens.
294. writing fiction
Fear makes us fiction writers. Instead of letting our story unfold, we manifest ideas that are wrapped in fear by continually thinking what if... Pretty soon, we’re spiraling down a hole of negative consequences to our actions in a story that hasn’t even happened yet. Much of the time, our reservations about the future are driven by fear, which holds us back from taking necessary action, and therefore imprisons us in our imaginations. To paraphrase the words of the Roman philosopher Seneca; “Our fears are more numerous than our dangers, and we suffer more in our imagination than reality.” The anticipation of any negative outcome is warranted only in the sense that we can plan how to maneuver around them, but they should never be a reason to not take action. So write your story as it happens.
291. freedom
There’s a story the great spiritual teacher Osho used to tell about a town he lived in that went bankrupt, and didn’t have enough money to keep its prison open. So, all the town leaders got together to figure out what was to be done with the prisoners. It was decided that after an average of 20 years of imprisonment for the prisoners, their debt to society had been paid, and the easiest solution would be to simply let them all go. And so they were released. But the next day, as the Warden came back to finalize the closure, he found all the prisoners back in their cells, adorned with their shackles as if their freedom had never been granted. Perplexed at the situation, the prisoners were asked why they had returned, and the most common answer was that they couldn’t sleep without the safety of their constraints, and that they had no idea what to do with their freedom.
Too often we’re caught up in the safety of what is familiar. We choose to stay in, or go back to, situations that do not serve us, even when given the opportunity to grow. It’s understandable why this happens — there is comfort in knowing what we’re dealing with — yet, with any appreciable amount of self-reflection, we should all be able to understand why being comfortable in a bad situation is never going to be better than the discomfort of a new one.
In another parable from the middle ages, a notorious thief was taken before the King, who would place judgement upon his crimes. Instead, the King had the thief taken down into the castle’s dungeon, where he was offered a choice of two punishments. He could meet a swift death by being hung upon the gallows, or face what was behind a large, foreboding rusty iron door. Without hesitation, the thief chose the rope. And as the hangman placed the noose around his neck, the thief asked…
“My King, what’s behind that door?”
With a laugh, the King responded, “It is of no concern, as I offer all the same choice, yet everyone chooses the rope.”
As the hangman tighten the noose around the thief’s neck, his vision began to darken, and with his last breath he pleaded again…
“Please, my King, what’s behind that door?”
“Freedom,” the King said with a sigh, “but it seems most people are more afraid of the unknown than death.”
—
There are very few guarantees in this life. But the most powerful among those is our inevitable meet with death, and that we ultimately have the ability to decide how we arrive. So make the choices that serve the person you wish to become, not who you are comfortable with.
284. imaginary threats
We suffer more in imagination than in reality. It’s easy to overestimate threats that may exist with action, while underestimating the threats that come with inaction, when all those ideas are trapped in our head. We often let fear of the unknown control our decisions, so we settle for inaction because at least it’s something we know how to deal with. But if we are settling then we aren’t truly living to our potential.
To get over the hurdle of inaction, and overcome imaginary threats, a good exercise is to make a list of the worst things that can happen. Literally take them out of your imagination and write them down. Sit with them. See them for what they are. And then next to each one, write your best solution. In doing so, you can reduce the burden of what to do if this or that ends up happening. The biggest problem we have is the unknown, but if we write down the worst things our imagination can come up with, and then create a solution for each one, the unknown is not really something to be fearful of any more. That freedom will allow us to move forward onto something that may be more fulfilling than what we are currently settling for.
240. pay attention to the tension
Life is the way it is. Always. And if you get upset about that, not only will life still be the way it is, but you’ll also be upset.
If getting upset were the precursor to transforming your life, then by all means you should walk around upset all day because it will totally transform your circumstance. But it doesn’t. However, it does reveal where you aren’t okay with something.
And that is the gift. To see where you are not okay. It shows where the focus needs to go to liberate you from the conflict that causes you to be upset. It’s life’s way of showing you that the situation you’re currently in, or certain things you’re experiencing are not in line with who you truly want to be.
Pay attention to the tension.
238. thirty day rule
Based on the last 30 days of interacting with your partner, your employer, or any other relationship, would they bring you back for another 30 days or could they find someone better to replace you?
If you are honest with yourself, the likely answer for most of us is “No.” The way you’ve shown up over the last 30 days is out of habit, or fear, or comfort, not the excitement or passion that consumed us over the first 30 days.
You show up day after day because it’s easy. It’s easy because it’s familiar. You can zone out, and make it through the day on autopilot. You are present without really having presence. You’re there, but you’re not because you checked out a long time ago.
Think back to the first interaction with your partner, the first interview for that job you wanted, the first sparks of passion you felt for the commitment you now simply show up for. Think about all the excitement you felt during those first 30 days. Now think about how much of that person still exists today.
Would your partner or employer re-up for another 30 days, based on the last 30?
In speaking on relationships, Esther Perel says that “your partner is a lease, with an option to renew.” Extending that metaphor to the broader context of this post — the relationship, or career path, or any situation you find yourself in is not a life sentence. They’re all experiences we have controlling interest in. There is no obligation to keep going. If the last 30 days aren’t in line with the first what’s the point of continuously renewing. If you aren’t showing up with the same fervor or feeling as you once did maybe it’s time to trade it in.
191. response
We have so little control over everything in this world that it may seem easier to simply give into whatever emotion arises when something rubs us the wrong way, than make an effort to respond differently. But that is the one, and perhaps only, thing we can control. We easily forget that those emotions that arise, ones of anger, resentment, or fear, are a choice. We all need to remember that we are never going to be able to change the stimulus, but we can always adjust our response.
71. what if
We’re wired to stay alive, so we’re constantly aware of things that tend to pose a threat to our sense of well-being. But with the advent of modern technology, and knowledge of the past, there are very few things that actually place anything, including our lives in real danger (this may seem absurd in our current climate, but it’s true nonetheless). Still when confronted with a decision in our daily lives, we cannot overcome thoughts of, what if? What if this goes wrong? What if that doesn’t work out? What if I fail at my attempt? What if I decide on the wrong thing? We’re continually worried about a loss to our current self, or our current way of life.
The simplest solution to the “what if” question is to actually find out. If you are wondering what life will be life on the other side of a decision, you are most likely unhappy with your current position, so you may as well find out — as long as it’s not illegal, immoral, or dangerous of course. You’ll be better off failing and knowing because you’ll have gained insight toward making better decisions in the future, and you will no longer need to worry about the “what if” of your current situation. You come to see that the stories you’ve conjured up, form playing years of the “what if” game are just that, stories. They’re not real. Eventually, you will come to see that you suffer more from imagination than reality. In the end, what hurts us more is the fear that “what if” presents in our mind, than the actual failure itself, because as I’ve spoke about before failure is just learning how to do it better the next time.