off topic: fight club
Here's my mildly cryptic proposition for a Fight Club... You have to accept that the "normal" way of life (the status quo) is never going to allow you to become the best version of yourself. That the only way forward is to passionately focus on completing the work necessary to illuminate, correct, and construct a new narrative that directs you towards the life you want. Whatever it is, you'll need to remove the blinders sold by reductionistic thinking and open yourself up to the multitude of inputs that allow for a compound effect (1+1+1>3). The mind, the body, and the spirit, singularly mean nothing, but when strengthened simultaneously create more than the sum of their parts. Fight Club seeks to build an undefeatable belief in the self, drawn from the ability to learn from the struggles (physical, mental, & emotional) life bestows upon you, and intentionally take action in accordance with the sovereign individual you wish to be.
Accountability is a pledge to your future self.
Respect is never forgetting the fundamentals.
Education never stops and is always moving.
Health is a vehicle for all performance.
Virtue is only recognized by the strength of ability.
Fear is a bastion for conformity.
Rules:
1. Start where you are.
2. Take action (fight, read, lift, nourish, create, recover).
3. Be better than yesterday.
Fight against mediocrity to live your best life.
335. normalizing fear
We’re all afraid of something, and that’s okay because it can be a powerful motivator. However, if we normalize any of our fears, our attention gradually comes to rest more on what we don’t want than what we do. We are ultimately what we pay attention to.
The things we don’t want continuously run through our mind as we say, “I don’t want to be poor.” “I don’t want to be sick.” “I don’t want to be alone.” They replay so often that we eventually develop a relationship with them.
In those moments of “I don’t want,” the mind can’t distinguish between what you want and what you don’t. It only knows what you’re interested in. And, if we continue to focus our attention on destitution, sickness, and solitude that is what we will manifest. These types of thoughts leave no room for the mind to bring our attention toward wealth, health, and love.
In the end, you get what you focus on. Stop placing all your attention on what you don’t want to happen and begin to focus your attention on what you would like to see unfold in your life. Stop placing a negative bias on your “what if’s.” Instead of saying “what if I end up poor,” “what if I end up sick,” “what if I end up alone,” start saying “what if I end up wealthy, with an abundance of health and love.”
Each of us has to understand that we don’t describe what we see, we see what we describe. The sooner we understand this fundamental principle, the sooner we can change the situation we find ourselves in.
300. everything is not a test
We often get in the way of our own potential because we’ve been taught to see everything as a test. Instead of being open to learning from an experience, we’re solely focused on what it takes to pass the test. But the truth is, nothing in this life is a test; it’s all an opportunity to learn and grow. The sooner we’re able to understand that the obstacles in our way present a potential for growth, we can become much greater than those who only see life as one continual test to prove themselves. It’s the difference between allowing a situation to illuminate our weaknesses, versus hardening ourselves to the difficulties ahead; in the first situation we can learn from what we lack and improve going forward, but in the latter, we block all opportunity for light to shine on our weakness and thus stifle our potential for growth.
298. a world of comparison
We live in a world of comparison, always judging the present version of ourselves against the polished postings we see on social media, or the glamour that is celebrity culture. The unfortunate fact is that somewhere along the line we lost sight of what is truly important, that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, but where you water it. Therefore, comparison only robs us of the joy of being ourselves.
Growing up in a society based on selling you an idea of never being enough has led us to believe that if we make enough money to buy that next thing, or lose enough weight to look like that person, or establish a following on any given platform, we can attain some sense of joy, happiness, or fulfillment. But in our efforts to model our lives after those we admire — likely for the wrong reasons — all that joy, happiness, and fulfillment can get sucked right out of us. Our journey can be influenced by those we see, but it shouldn’t be blindly followed. Instead, we would serve our future-selves much better if we focused on our journey, ours alone.
295. blue-tinted glasses
We like to think that our experiences are mutual. That reality is defined by our perception of an experience, and shared by all the same. But reality isn’t neutral for any of us. In fact, we each see a world not for the reality of what it is, but through the lens of our individual and unique beliefs.
Imagine donning blue-tinted glasses, all your experiences would be interpreted through shades of blue. That’s how belief works. We see the world, and our perception of “reality” through the lens of what we already believe, placing our personal spin on everything that happens to us.
For example, if we believe that the world is a scary and dangerous place, we are always going to see the negative in the world, as opposed to the boundless beauty that also exists within the same plane. It is our beliefs that cause us to feel a certain way which affects how we ultimately experience any given situation. If we’re only attuned to see blue, and feel that this is a universal experience, it can be hard to communicate with someone who can only see red. But if we can understand that all our experiences are unique, we can make an effort to provide more context when it comes to establishing some middle ground between any of us.
254. keep your head up
Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better. We all like to think, “I know what I want,” but in reality there is no way to know that what you’re after is the best possible outcome for you. All the effort you put into a goal or the lifestyle you’re chasing is commendable, just don’t let your focus become so narrow — by keeping your head down, only focusing on where to place your next step — that you lose out on opportunities along the way. Walk your path knowing that you really don’t know what lies outside the boundaries you force yourself to stay within, so continue to strive for that life you want, but keep your head up because you never know what might come along.
252. time is finite
Time is finite. It’s the only unrenewable resource.
There isn’t a more effective way to figure out what is most important to us than to experience a shortage of time. What we choose to fit in those narrow moments of freedom, or deliberately place into our schedule because we can’t afford to miss, reveal to us what we truly value. We like to say things like, “if I only had more time…” but you don’t. And those important things you can’t live without, you always find the time to fit them in. So stop wasting your precious moments thinking about what you would do if you had more time, and instead think about what you could do to maximize the things you can’t pass off.
Worrying about what we can’t fit into our day still takes up time that we could be enjoying things we value. If you have been saying “if I only had the time…” about something longer than 3 months, chances are, you never will because it isn’t a priority. Let it go. Clear the space to focus on things that hold greater importance to you.
228. what does impossible look like?
What does impossible look like?
It looks familiar.
You wake up. Eat breakfast. Check your electronic device for emails, messages, and updates. You respond accordingly. Then you travel somewhere to complete a task — work or school or another creative endeavor. You talk to people, here and there, gaining insight from shared conversations. Email, messages, and updates are checked again, before you move on to lunch. Then another task, more conversations and so on. Interspersed in there somewhere you grab a shower, get some sleep, hit the gym, and put the kids to bed. And repeat.
The underlying process and fundamental execution of your daily tasks all look the same — no matter if you’re striving for a moonshot project or implementing a new dietary regimen.
We often fail to make changes in our life because we’re afraid that pursuing the impossible means we will have to upend all the familiar processes we have in place. This isn’t necessarily the case. Yes, you will have to change who you converse with if you want to make it to Mars, just as you will have to change the way you eat if you wish to be healthier, but you still have to talk to people and you still have to eat. You still have to travel from place to place, check your email, and remain focused. It’s no different than any other day, with the caveat that in going after the impossible you can complete all the things you were already doing with a new sense of purpose.
If you can understand that doing the impossible — whatever that really means for you — isn’t going to be as unfamiliar as you think, then perhaps you will find the necessary confidence to press forward and go after the impossible.
215. master the art of showing up
A habit must be established before it can be improved. This has to become a standard in your life before you should start worrying about optimizing or expanding on it.
If you’re not the type of person who sits down and writes one sentence a day, or steps one foot inside a gym, you’re never going to be the person who finishes a novel, or looks good naked.
We’re so focused on finding and implementing the perfect plan that we forget to give ourselves permission to not be perfect at first. Instead, we need to shift our focus on showing up everyday in a small way.
Whether it’s one push-up or one word on a blank page, do something so that you can master the art of showing up. Make that your new normal. And then once you become the person who shows up, then you can expand on the habit you’ve built.
196. your thoughts
Your thoughts belong to you, or you belong to your thoughts.
You either move forward with a clear intention on what needs to be done by focusing on the task at hand, or you’re so lost in the outcomes of “what If,” that those thoughts start to take center stage.
When you belong to your thoughts, you’re no longer acting from a place of creative intention, you’re acting out of a response to something that hasn’t happened yet. Thinking, “what if they don’t like me?” or “what if the work I produce isn’t good enough?” or “what if I fail?”, all steal your focus from where it needs to be. Yes, to a certain point the outcome matters because we all want to do good work, but if your focus is solely on the outcome rather than the process, both will suffer.
188. distractions
Anytime you’re chasing after something that isn’t aligned with your highest values, just know that by default, that desire will fade away.
If what we’re after isn’t absolutely inspiring or deeply meaningful, we’ll eventually find distractions that take our mind away from the things we think we want, only to return it to the things we do. Allowing yourself to notice where your attention goes, what it is distracted by, and what it ultimately returns to is a good way to orient because if we’re leaning into our highest priority, you won’t be bothered by distractions.
When we do, it’s a bit like entering flow, where we’re in the moment, executing on all cylinders through inspired, strategic, and focused intention. Whereas, if we pursue something we only think is important (because of someone telling us so), something of lower value to us, we automatically go into another part of the brain that seeks to avoid this short-term unease or pain, and seeks to replace it with pleasure which comes in the form of distractions.
Easily finding ourselves distracted from the things we think we need to accomplish, in an effort to be someone we think we need to be, is not because we need to try harder, to double down, but that we need to rethink or refine the goal. There’s still a bit of fantasy whirling around in our mind, that the things we continuously try and fail to achieve are simply remnants of who we thought we needed to be. When we stop and become aware of what is happening, we can stop chasing shadows.
It mostly stems from our comparison to others, allowing their ideas to work their way into our decisions. Because of this, we inevitably try to become something we’re not, all the while wondering why we repeatedly fail to do the things we should be doing to deliver us into a life we think we should have, not understanding that we’re distracted for a reason.
162. start right where you are
The best way forward, in any situation, is to start right where you are, with whatever you have, and go after what you want. Waiting will never serve the person you want to become, it only feeds the anxiety of what could happen. The first step out of a new situation is always going to be the hardest, but nothing cures anxiety more than action.
If your car breaks down on the side of the road or runs out of gas, you can turn on your hazards and wait for someone to come along to help, or you can get out and start pushing. Your inaction feeds your anxiety. It signals to the world you are looking for charity by saying, “I’m here, I’m at a loss, please help if you can.” It will never create a better version of yourself. Whereas taking action by deciding to start right where you are can propel you into becoming the person you wish to be. That initial push is going to be the hardest part because you’re going to have to overcome the inertia of the unknown, but after 20-30 feet, you’ll gain enough momentum so that all of a sudden you’re not pushing as hard as you were, and instead your focus shifts to keeping up with your current course of action.
Your anxiety of what might happen disappears with the opportunity that action creates.
The moment or environment you find yourself in isn’t always negotiable, but your response is. The discussion you have with yourself in an effort to decide how best to proceed, defines the person you are trying to become. You don’t need to know the exact next step, but you do need to move for momentum to take place. And the best place to start is right where you are.
156. recognize the walls
We are a unique species, in that we build our own prisons. So prideful of their design, we strictly guard them with our beliefs and actions. Anything from a thought process, a dietary regimen, to a habitual routine become a way of life that we build walls around. Purposeful as it may be, it’s still a box many of us fail to realize we’ve created for ourselves.
Some of us can become so focused on achieving something that we completely block out anything that doesn’t serve the end result. It’s a gift and a curse, because while that laser-like focus will most likely deliver us to what we’re after, we lose the input that makes life what it is. We can get so locked into something that we forget that it was our adventurous spirit and curiosity that first allowed us to discover the very thing our world revolves around now.
We shouldn’t be afraid to periodically step away so that we can come back and rediscover the thing we love so much, seeing it with a fresh perspective, and perhaps gaining a new respect for the thing we so cherish in the process. The real path to discovering what we’re after, as Proust said, “consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” We all need to reserve the ability to step away sometimes or else we will lose the capacity to see the prison we’ve created by no longer being able to recognize the walls.
143. sometimes holding on is only holding us back
We can’t always get what we want. Sometimes our desires are simply unattainable. Yet, we torture ourselves by continuing the chase long after we should quit. We justify our resolve with evidence from others just like us; their stories claiming that with enough time and motivation anything is possible. Sometimes we delude ourselves by thinking that with enough gritty determination we will finally break through, but maybe we’re just too stubborn to see that sometimes holding on is only holding us back.
This is not an attempt to persuade you from chasing your dreams or desires, but if you continue to be met with failure on a specific approach, then it’s time to adjust your focus. Everyone thinks all they need is a little more time, or a little more motivation to finally tackle what they’re after. But what if that thing you’re after is just serving as a distraction for another more fulfilling adventure. It doesn’t have to be in a completely different realm; for instance, if you want to be in the NFL and you’re built like SpongeBob, it’s probably not going to work the way you think it will no matter how long you spend in the gym, but if you shift your focus, maybe you can become a coach or work in the front office. Similarly, if you’re looking to be in a relationship and the person you’re pursuing isn’t interested, you’re wasting your time by continuing to focus on that one person while there is plenty of other people out there.
We need to not be afraid to question the validity of our specific pursuit because that myopic focus can be the very thing that is blinding us to other possibilities and keeping us from actually attaining what we desire.
92. what’s missing is empathy
We all exist at the center of our own universe, so it’s hard not to view everything from the lens of your own perspective because that’s all you’ve ever known. In an effort to create the world we want, we must not lose sight of how the actions from our singular perspective can affect others. We are effectively blind to the consequences of our actions, sometimes because we choose not to see, and other times because we can’t. In either situation, if the world we wish to create includes another person, we need to have a little more empathy for how others may see our actions. Most of the time, we all go into situations thinking only about what we want rather than what is important to that other person. It isn’t necessarily wrong, but if that person is someone who you want to place your focus on, then it is important to include how your actions may affect them. Changing your perspective in this way is a powerful way to deepen your relationships.
69. get specific
Sit down and make a list of the things you want the most. Make sure they’re specific. You want to lose weight; how many pounds? You want to get stronger; pick an exercise? You want to be a small business owner; how much capital do you need to start? You want to be in a relationship; what do you need to get someone to swipe right? It’s your world, so there is no wrong answer. It’s just that if we don’t have what we want, it’s probably for lack of focus.
Now take that list, and look at those specifics. What systems do you need to put in place or what variables do you need to change in your life to get you to the second part of those questions? That is where your attention needs to be. Most people get tripped up because they’re blinded by what they want, instead of focusing one what it takes to get there. If you take the time to put the necessary things in place that will deliver the result you’re after, you will be able to achieve it.
By focusing solely on the outcome, you lose sight of the small things that need to be done day-after-day. Pretty soon, you have little to no results, lose steam and quit. To get closer to what you desire, you need to get specific on what it takes to reach the larger outcome. If you show up everyday and consistently check off the necessary boxes you will be able to lose the weight, get stronger, start your business, have a relationship, or whatever it is that you’re after.
Get specific and have faith in the process.