words i can’t say
I think about you everyday
I have ever since the first day I saw you
There was never anyone else
You were everything I wanted
I broke every part of myself trying to prove that to you
Nothing worked
You weren’t right for me
I learned the hard way
That a relationship is not a bandaid
I don’t blame you for anything,
but it hurts all the same
The future I had planned for us,
I have to erase
That hurts the most
I wanted to marry you
I wanted our kids to have your smile,
your laugh
I miss those parts of you the most
I miss what could have been.
A real family
A real love story
I wish it ended differently and,
I wish it never did
But in reality, you’re the most beautiful chaos
I’ve ever known
And there’s no place in my future
for things that don’t bring me peace
Just know, that after it all,
you’ll always have a piece of my heart
because I chose to give it to you
keep it,
and know that
I will always love you
I don’t know how not to
te amo.
324. adrift
we’re all lost in the deep
fighting against the tide
that our monsters intend to keep.
adrift,
in a sea of confliction
we search in order to be found.
reaching,
for any connection, allowing us
to find our feet on solid ground.
it’s said, that anxiety
is quickly quelled by action.
and it’s known that grasping
makes finding easy.
yet, if we aren’t careful
our fear will anchor us into reaction.
—————————
We’re lost in an ocean of opinion, not knowing where to look for the right answers. Much of the time, information is merely opinion, backed up only by what fortifies the accepted narrative. This is as true for the way we talk to ourselves about if we are worthy of that raise, as the way the news intends to inform us.
We are what we pay attention to. The ideas that we consume — about ourselves and the world at large — are what create the world we see. If we are fearful and looking for answers, we will grasp at the closest thing that makes sense to us. Unfortunately, the closest thing (or idea) isn’t always the right answer. You thinking you didn’t get that date because you weren’t enough, is an idea you believe because it fits your narrative about yourself. You thinking the sky is falling because the news continues to tell you so is an idea you believe because it fits the narrative that is being reinforced.
It’s not until we stop listening to the things that only serve to keep us down, and start recreating how we interact with this world, will we be able to approach life with a sense of conscious choice instead of continuing to react out of fear.
247. the guest house
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Rumi
——————
Each new day invites chaos into our lives. We know it’s coming, yet instead of welcoming the “violent sweep,” we guard against its reckoning. No matter whether that life is actually working for us or not, it’s familiar so we establish routines and habits to mitigate any disruption and hold on to that way of life as tightly as we can. Yet, we forget that the universe was created out of chaos. All the subsequent beauty, love and grace that we see came out of a time where things were disrupted. Just imagine what we could be missing by trying to guard against the chaos so intently.
134. selfish
when i’m rich enough to not care about the money
and i’m loved enough not to care about the pain
when my worth isn’t reliant on the adulation of others
and my days are lit by the sparks of my desire
when i no longer care to contend with expectation
and instead, let passion guide my intention
i become selfish.
looking within, i can now give myself to the world
not a version built by another, in the image of the average,
strained by conformity, stamped with approval.
this stance is the measure of a man,
measured, vulnerable, confident
where identity is no longer driven by a score to settle
but impressions to make
where mortal rewards are no longer enough to pay the rent
but concepts to forget.
i become selfish
without narcissism, ego, or pride
but clarity that in this version, i can best serve the world.
…
In an effort to fit in, we often trade pieces of ourselves. But what if those pieces are the unique things that allow us to leave our mark on the world? We all want to be somebody, to someone. To be noticed, loved, seen and heard. We’ve become all too willing to smooth our edges so that we don’t upset those who we seek attention from, without realizing that inclusion comes with the risk of obscurity. Our incessant need to fit in, has made us invisible. Without actions, thoughts, speech, and ideas of our own, our individuality is lost and our influence diminishes. The best way to change the world is to lead, and you can’t do that by living within the framework set by another. You have to become selfish, in the sense that the best way to have an impact upon the world is to be you. You have to be selfish. To sell fish better than anyone else, you have to fish for yourself.