Ryan Crossfield 8/1/23 Ryan Crossfield 8/1/23

words i can’t say

I think about you everyday

I have ever since the first day I saw you

There was never anyone else

You were everything I wanted

I broke every part of myself trying to prove that to you

Nothing worked

You weren’t right for me

I learned the hard way

That a relationship is not a bandaid

I don’t blame you for anything,

but it hurts all the same

The future I had planned for us,

I have to erase

That hurts the most

I wanted to marry you

I wanted our kids to have your smile,

your laugh

I miss those parts of you the most

I miss what could have been.

A real family

A real love story

I wish it ended differently and,

I wish it never did

But in reality, you’re the most beautiful chaos

I’ve ever known

And there’s no place in my future

for things that don’t bring me peace

Just know, that after it all,

you’ll always have a piece of my heart

because I chose to give it to you

keep it,

and know that

I will always love you

I don’t know how not to

te amo.

Ryan Crossfield 3/15/21 Ryan Crossfield 3/15/21

268. “made me feel”

We frequently use the words “made me feel.” We’ll say something like; this person made me feel bad because of what they said.

We use these words for their ease. They require no introspection of their use. We believe we’re just a simple bystander to the events that happen to us. Saying “made me feel” absolves us from the responsibility of having to understand where spontaneous feelings are coming from. But the thing is, no one outside of ourselves has the power to make us feel a certain way. The feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, and even love are all coming from within you. Whatever triggers their response is what we need to call attention to, sit with, and explore.

In other words, the input doesn’t determine the output. Our response to what someone says or does to us, is our response. No one can insert a feeling within us. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can stop making the mistake that other people can exert some level of control over how we feel or operate in our daily lives, and take the responsibility to create the interactions we want.