335. normalizing fear
We’re all afraid of something, and that’s okay because it can be a powerful motivator. However, if we normalize any of our fears, our attention gradually comes to rest more on what we don’t want than what we do. We are ultimately what we pay attention to.
The things we don’t want continuously run through our mind as we say, “I don’t want to be poor.” “I don’t want to be sick.” “I don’t want to be alone.” They replay so often that we eventually develop a relationship with them.
In those moments of “I don’t want,” the mind can’t distinguish between what you want and what you don’t. It only knows what you’re interested in. And, if we continue to focus our attention on destitution, sickness, and solitude that is what we will manifest. These types of thoughts leave no room for the mind to bring our attention toward wealth, health, and love.
In the end, you get what you focus on. Stop placing all your attention on what you don’t want to happen and begin to focus your attention on what you would like to see unfold in your life. Stop placing a negative bias on your “what if’s.” Instead of saying “what if I end up poor,” “what if I end up sick,” “what if I end up alone,” start saying “what if I end up wealthy, with an abundance of health and love.”
Each of us has to understand that we don’t describe what we see, we see what we describe. The sooner we understand this fundamental principle, the sooner we can change the situation we find ourselves in.
38 laws to live by
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.
Only deal with people that love you back.
Perfect isn’t possible. Excellence is. Chop wood, carry water.
Always be grateful.
Ignore the rules you don’t agree with.
The best way to predict the future is to create it yourself.
If you think it’s impossible, then it is.
Ideas are nothing without action.
The things that matter the most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter the least.
The time is now, not tomorrow.
It’s not what you know, it’s what you consistently do.
Take what is useful, disregard the rest.
Life is happening for us, not to us.
Let learning lead to action.
Sometimes the process is more important than the product.
The limits of my language equal the limits of my world.
Losers have goals. Winners have systems.
Frustration is a matter of expectation.
Life favors the specific ask and punish the league wish.
Finding purpose is greater than searching for happiness.
Discipline equals freedom.
When you say “Yes” to something, you are saying “No” to something else.
Total honesty at all times.
Your choice creates your challenge.
Nothing quells anxiety more than action.
Make choices as the person you want to be would make.
Strength has no detriment.
Productive is different than busy.
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.
Have integrity. Practice what you preach.
You never get today back.
An addiction to distraction is the end of creative production.
The caliber of your practice determines the quality of your performance.
Take ownership.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Vulnerability is the price the brave must pay to arrive at iconic.
Always love like it’s the last time.
Real love has no judgement.
——————
We often mistake attachment for love. Much of the time, our sense of self is not rooted in what we see in the mirror or feel inside, instead it’s the illusion that another person can fill a void and make us whole. So, in the event that they leave, or the relationship ends, the ensuing heartbreak feels like devastation because we not only lost someone we cared about, we lost a part of what allowed us to show up in the world. But the thing is, if we lose ourselves in the process of losing another, it’s likely not love that is causing the pain, but attachment to the other.
The grasping and clinging we go through as the relationship starts to crumble is thought to be a representation of the depth of love we feel for another, when in reality, it’s just an attachment to the idea of them. And, the more we reach out and try to hold on to that idea, the more afraid we become in losing this person, which inevitably causes more suffering in the end.
Ultimately, we need to understand where our feelings come from. Attachment will always feel exponentially worse because when a person leaves, they take a piece of us with them; whereas, if it’s real love, it’s still going to hurt, but that pain is going to come from the loss of something beautifully shared, not a loss of a sense of self. So, if you really love someone, and they choose to leave, you will honor their choice because real love does not judge.
329. seeking advice
We all want to make the right decision for ourselves, so we seek advice by asking “what should I do, option A or B?” The weight of the advice we receive will be influenced by the experience of the person we’re asking, however the problem is that what worked for one person may not work for you. There are many factors that go into the success or failure of a particular option, therefore we can’t take one person’s advice too seriously. Ideally, asking for advice should, as the author Derek Sivers explains in Hell Yeah or No, “be like echolocation — bouncing ideas off of all your surroundings, and listening to all the echoes to get the whole picture.”
No matter how much advice you get, you’re always likely to receive what worked best for other people. Ultimately, only you will know what works best for you in the end. The right decision for you may contrast with popular opinion, and that’s okay, because all of our individuals situations have personal nuances that no one else knows about. We all need to find our own way, sometimes that means making the unpopular decision, which may help us understand why it was unpopular to begin with, while other times, it becomes the right and best decision we could have ever made. So seek advice from everywhere, but do so with the idea that each piece of advice is simply part of a larger puzzle you’re putting together.
301. hustle & grind vs. hustle & flow
We mistakenly glorify the hustle and grind. Don’t get me wrong, we should always exude a measurable level of commitment, but wearing the ability to get by on as little sleep as possible as a badge of honor that symbolizes our work ethic or toughness is just a failure of priorities.
We buy into the idea of the grind because we want our hard work to mean something. We want all our discomfort and sacrificing of the present to pay off in the future so that we can finally enjoy what we’ve been putting off the whole time. But that is where we need to start — with the end in mind. Most likely, that thing we are hustling and grinding for isn’t money or fame, but freedom to explore what we love and the ability to be admired for sharing it with the world.
The unfortunate part is that a focus on the grind takes our focus away from what we should be fixated on, placing it on toil, instead of redefining the hustle. The whole purpose of this life is centered around achieving your purpose and your why. This means you’re so aligned with the effort it takes to get where you want to go, that it doesn’t feel like a grind or a sacrifice, but every step becomes an enjoyable part of the process, no matter the effort. It’s a perfect alignment of your purpose becoming the thing that drives you and directs your life. It’s having all your hard work deliver you to your why. It’s more hustle and flow than hustle and grind.
290. stop failing, start learning
Stop failing and start learning.
We need to stop thinking in terms of success or failure every time something doesn’t work out the way we want. We didn’t fail, so much as we figured out that a certain path isn’t going to get us where we want to go. And with that tested approach out of the way, we can take a different path or develop a new technique that might yield better results.
We need to learn to embrace the moments that lead to learning, and not be afraid of them. Failures are inevitable with any endeavor, so if we reframe them or change the language of “failing” into something like “teachable moments,” they may not be so frightening to encounter. And because they aren’t as frightening, our confidence grows during the course of our journey instead of wavering. Each step, and misstep, grants us with more insight about how best do arrive at our destination.
289. filled with doubt
One of our ego’s favorite paths of resistance is to fill us with doubt. It stems from issues with self-esteem, and a fear of not having an ability to succeed with our endeavors. Instead of helping us rise to the occasion, it says “You don’t need this challenge, you are perfect as you are. It’s not you who needs to change, but everyone else.”
Said aloud, this sounds rather ridiculous, but believe it or not, this is how most people’s subconscious mind works in day-to-day life. Our biggest problem, as Ram Dass put’s it, is that we’re “too busy holding onto our unworthiness.”
In other words, our ego keeps us stuck in the safest possible place. One that never challenges, but always confirms. It is resistant to change because change means the death of a certain identity — a.k.a. our ego. But for any of us to build a life we want, we’re going to have to face the fears that our ego set in place — one’s of not being good enough to succeed — so that we can eventually learn what it takes to be good enough, at which point the ego that held us back will cease to exist.
285. one key element
Many years ago in the Arizona desert, scientists conducted an experiment known as “Biosphere 2.” It was a huge steel-and-glass enclosure with clean water, air that had been purified, nutrient-rich soil, and plenty of natural light. The idea behind this contraption was to create ideal living conditions for the ecosystem within. And while it was successful in many ways, there was one glaring failure.
As the trees inside the Biosphere grew to a certain height, they would simply fall over, again and again. At first, it was a confusing phenomenon, until scientists came to the realization that one key element was overlooked in the planning and construction of this idyllic environment. Wind. In a natural environment, trees are buffeted by the elements, namely wind. And they respond to that stress and agitation by growing stronger and deeper roots to increase their stability.
Like the trees, if our environment doesn’t challenge us, we’re destined to fall into a certain level of complacency. We waste a lot of energy trying to stay comfortable within our bubble, and in doing so, we fail to realize our potential. Our fear is rooted in the challenges and stressors that come along with change, but it is exactly those situations that are necessary for us to grow.
270. one phrase
We’re all searching for something to fill a void. In our attempt at figuring it out, we’re inevitably pulled in different directions. Most likely chasing after money, power, or respect, to no avail. However, nothing is going to fill that void more perfectly than finding someone who see’s us for who we are under the mask of all the things we chase. No matter what we do, everything in this life is just a progression toward one phrase… “I love you.”
269. positive or negative
Fundamentally, I like to think things happen for a reason. But more importantly, when they do, I like to frame those events around a narrative that serves me, rather than becoming trapped in any initial reaction to the experience I’m having. This is definitely easier when the things that happen are positive, rather than negative. Yet, no matter whether they’re classified as “positive” or “negative”, they aren’t facts, but meanings I’ve attached.
The meaning I place on past events, play a large part in how I see the future unfolding. If I got a job, only to lose it, or fell in love only to have it disappear, it’s easy to attach negativity toward these things. However, if in that job, I learned new things that made me better at what I do, I can carry that toward my next position and have greater success; likewise, if falling in love unlocked a part of me that had previously been unknown, it doesn’t disappear, I get to keep it and express it in my next relationship. Everything can build upon it self if we let it.
I think that changing how we view things that happen to us is essential to upgrading our identity, how we see ourselves in the present, and who we can eventually build ourselves to be in the future. And it all starts with the way we relate to, and construct the narrative of our past.
264. average
The average person can never be successful because by definition they are average. It’s not that none of us wish for more, it’s that stepping outside of that wish and into the reality of making it happen is difficult. It’s challenging. And there is always a risk that the time we put in will not deliver the results we wanted. But the thing is, even if that were to happen, if we were to fail, we would just be right back where we started.
Average isn’t going anywhere. Only you can go somewhere.
Success can only come from the things we are willing to chase, to go after, and to fail at. The funny thing about that is, even if we do fail, we still learn something. We learn about ourselves, the situation, and what we can do differently next time to achieve better results. So in reality, any risk you take comes with a reward. But you have to be willing to step away from what is comfortable. That’s the only way to grow out of the average, and achieve the success you wish for.
250. we are all the same
We have a tendency to put people on pedestals, turning them into saints or some “other” that is uniquely different than us. We create a separation between the lowly us and the extraordinary them. In doing so, we justify our lack of success or accomplishments because we aren’t built like the people we idolize. Unfortunately, we make the mistake of thinking those we look up to are somehow different than us without realizing that at one point they were just like us, looking up at someone else. But instead of letting that separation become an excuse not to strive to become more than they are, they used it as motivation, or influence, or encouragement that life is what you make it.
We are all the same. No one has mythical powers. Just because someone is accomplished, educated, successful, or in shape doesn’t mean that we cannot become any of those things. But if we live with the thought that those people we look up to are somehow built different than us or endowed with supernatural abilities, then it becomes easy for us to fall back on excuses saying we can’t accomplish those things. So, walk forward in this life knowing that you are no different that the people you look up to, but just at a different point on your journey.
239. stepping back
This life is full of choices. We are always measuring out our next move. Should I do this or that? Thinking about how to make exponential progress without an ounce of regression because we unfortunately equate regression with failure. But as with anything in life, it’s not always this black and white. Regression doesn’t always mean failure. Sometimes it simply means taking a step back to see things more clearly so that you can make a better move forward.
In football, the quarterback always drops back from the line of scrimmage to get a clearer view of the field before he makes a play by throwing, handing off, or even running the ball forward himself. Without stepping back he would not be able to survey the field to execute the best play possible to move the ball forward. If he only kept his head down and tried to continually push through the line he wouldn’t get very far, and probably get hurt in the process. The results would be very poor and predictable, and the game would be even more boring than it already is (sorry, not sorry). The same goes for life…
The concept of stepping back is lost on most of us because we have been taught to never lose ground because our value and identity rests on what we have accomplished up to this very point. But like the quarterback, if you are grinding away and not making progress, maybe what you’re doing isn’t what you should be doing. Step back, regroup, see the situation for what it is. Don’t stay in a situation that isn’t allowing you to move forward simply because you’re afraid to regress or momentarily lose status in your life. Chances are, if you get over that fear, that step back will propel you forward. Sometimes a step backwards is a step in the right direction.
231. hinging your tomorrows on yesterday
Not everything is meant to last forever. But the end of something doesn’t mean you failed. It more likely means the thing you’re after is failing you. Who you’ve become in the process can no longer be fulfilled by whatever it is you’re afraid to fail at. And in trying, you’re not opening yourself up to the possibility of something that can fulfill the new person you’ve become. You’re hinging your tomorrows on yesterday.
We have to realize that there is a distinction between what is worth saving and what is worth walking away from. But we all want there to be definitive answers, so we wait for absolutes, and that’s the biggest mistake because they never come. We’re always going to be at battle with “what if?”
Our decisions are always going to come with conflict. In choosing to walk away from old systems and toward greater possibilities, sometimes we also have to come to terms with letting go of what was great about the old system.
As I like to say, “there are no right answers, but there are wrong ones.” This life is about forward progress and momentum. If the situation you find yourself in isn’t moving you forward, or at least allowing you to maintain the momentum toward the life you want, then it’s important to periodically ask, “is this system serving who I want to become, or holding me back?” Pay attention to the themes.
The answers are never simple and choices will always be hard, but nothing worth it comes easy.
224. establishing relationships
When it comes to establishing a relationship, communication is key. It shouldn’t be a chore to talk to someone. There shouldn’t be a desire to avoid contact. And there shouldn’t be any need for posturing. Rather, you should feel completely free to be yourself, and ultimately who you want to become.
Whether it’s in the context of dating or securing a new business deal, you should always ask yourself, “how do I feel when I am interacting with this person?”
If you aren’t drawn to this person. If you don’t feel yourself around them. If you aren’t inspired by their presence. And if it isn’t easy to communicate, then the relationship is doomed to fail, regardless of how attractive or beneficial the relationship may seem.
To cultivate the right relationships, look for comfort in the connection. Finding people who remind you more of who you want to be will allow you to build a transformational relationship, where you and the other person can grow from one another. Whereas, if you have to force yourself to interact in order to commit to something, then the situation merely becomes transactional, and inevitably volatile.
So, when choosing people to surround yourself with, pick ones that make the process of growth easy, instead of chore.
204. find it
Don’t fall into the trap of believing successful people are all that different than you by thinking they possess some mysterious gift, or are mystically endowed with prosperity, and then tear yourself down wondering whether or not you’ve been so blessed. If you’re waiting around for inspiration to light a fire under you, you’re wasting your time because it’s not going to happen. You have to go out and find it. If you want more out of life, it’s up to you to cultivate the ambition that lies within.
158. take action
We all want to be recognized for something, to stand out for the work we’ve put in, the art we’ve created, or the ideas we represent. We want to be seen for the contributions that make us who we are, however that recognition isn’t tied to what you want, but what you do. The work, the result, and the identity all come from the same place — a place of action.
It is our continual practice of something that delivers a message to the world that we are “that” person. Of course, we always want the best results, but because there is no guarantee for success, it becomes enough of a reason not to act. The reality of the situation, is that success will never be realized without developing the practice. When we do, we can deliver on the process it creates.
Before anyone can become a bestselling author, they first need to be known as that person who writes (and most likely, a lot of it will initially be shit). Before someone can become a successful entrepreneur, they first need to be known as that person who is letting passion guide their life (instead of allowing fear dissuade their direction).
The best results come from starting where you are. From developing a practice, turning it into a process, and letting that process take over. It is based on our commitment to action, and that commitment is completely under our control.
151. success
Success isn’t the result of any single attribute, it’s coming into alignment with who you are and where you choose to be. It’s the right choice at the right time. The right skill for the right part. The right idea, at the right moment, brought into fruition through a supportive environment. It’s the story we believe; aligning our focus with our purpose. It’s being surrounded by a network that adds value to that story by leveraging your weaknesses, and bolstering your strengths. It’s allowing a level of confidence to forgive yourself when you reach the inevitable roadblock; seeing adversity as a lesson instead of failure. It’s knowing that luck favors the ritual of having all things in order.
146. strokes on a canvas
Whether we realize it or not, each of us has an internalized picture of ourselves. It may not be easily definable to our conscious minds, but it’s there. This self-image is how we present ourselves to the world. It is the person you are. It’s built from all our beliefs we hold about ourselves. But most of those beliefs have unconsciously taken shape from past experiences, in success and failure, in love and heartbreak, in triumph and humiliation, and the way others have responded to our actions throughout our lives starting from when we were young. Each of these experiences paint one stroke on the canvas that becomes the “self-image”. Just as when a painter lays down a brush stroke uniquely changing or constructing their image, so too does each interaction we have become a part of us. We never question the validity of what is laid down, but act as if each part of us is justified.
All our actions, thoughts, behaviors, and to a great extent the limits we place on our abilities, are consistent with our self-image. We “act like” the sort of person we perceive ourselves to be. If the stroke on our canvas provide a blueprint of how we see ourselves and approach the world. We cannot act outside of the lines of who we perceive ourselves to be, in spite of all our conscious efforts to the contrary. The person who thinks of themself as a failure, will inevitably find a way to fall short in all situations, no matter how hard they try or how much willpower they stand to exert. Just as, the person who believes themself to be a victim, will always find the circumstances to invariably verify that opinion.
Who we think we are, doesn’t have to be who we are. With the right awareness, the canvas can change. We can’t erase the past, but we can create new layers that help us redefine the image we see.
59. i hope you fail
Improvement in any endeavor is based on thousands of tiny failures. It is never easy, but it is necessary because the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed. Wondering why you’re not as far along as the next person, is a waste of time, as that energy could be better utilized on creating your next opportunity. If someone is better than you, it’s because they have taken an opportunity, and failed more than you have. If someone is worse than you, it’s probably because they haven’t been through all the painful learning experiences you have.
I’ve failed plenty of times, but I can honestly say I’ve learned something from each opportunity that I taken. I have been saying I wanted to write for at least 10 years. I’ve started at least a dozen different blogs or websites over that time and failed every time. Either because I didn’t know what to write about, or I wasn’t getting the feedback I needed, or it just wasn’t good enough. All of that led me to the website I have now. Will it work this time? We’ll see. I hope it does, but if not, then I know the next one will be that much better.
success comes with consistency
It is important to understand that success can only come with consistency. It’s about finding pleasure in the journey, about overcoming the fear of what-if, about showing up day-after-day so that you can build a life, career, or body you want. None of that is possible without making a conscious choice everyday, to do the things you need to do to become the person you wish to be. Only then will you have the momentum where results start to show. And by then, you’ll have fallen in love with the process, guaranteeing you further success as you continue.
Too many people are focused on the outcome instead of falling in love with the journey. You can sacrifice all that you are to arrive at a goal, only to lose what you’ve gained because that isn’t who you are, it’s only who you scarified yourself to try to be. You didn’t put in the real work to make you that person — establishing the routines, adopting a new lifestyle, making the slow and necessary changes over time. Instead, you thought you could expedite the process. You told yourself to make sacrifices to arrive at the end goal, but once you got there you didn’t know how to keep it.
The life you want lies within the choices you make everyday, but you have to love the process. You can’t simply focus on writing the summary and then wonder why you don’t have a book yet.