306. change the things you say before you start to believe them
You are not your thoughts. Saying things like “I don’t deserved to be loved” or “my life sucks” doesn’t make it true, yet the more we say these negative things to ourselves, the harder it becomes to not believe them. We’ve all experienced heartbreak, loss, pain, and challenges along the way, but just because those events are in the past doesn’t mean we’re not still holding on to their repercussions in the form of negative self talk.
Those thoughts and feelings of negativity will persist until we learn what we need to change or redefine within ourselves. They serve as a beacon of where we need to place our attention so that the pain can be dealt with and healed. If, for example, you haven’t healed from a poor relationship with your parents, you may develop the mistaken belief that you don’t deserve love, and then continue to find partners who mirror your unresolved issues around love. If we don’t deliberately start changing the things we say to ourselves, we’re destined to repeat and recreate the pain over and over again.
267. flip the script
Most of us are so immersed in our concept of the world, so unconscious of the narrative we have constructed for ourselves, that we aren’t aware it’s just a script continuously running through our minds. We believe our script is a representation of “us” or our “true selves,” but in reality, it is just our thoughts. We feel so strongly about their truth because we practice these thoughts and ideas all day long, reinforcing their assimilation into our identity with each passing day.
It’s not obvious — until it’s pointed out — that we are not our thoughts, but we practice them so much that we start to identify with their meaning. We practice them from the time we get up in the morning, to the time we go to bed in the evening. And they’re even reinforced in our dreams as we sleep. We practice our thoughts so consistently, and for so long, that we get to the point where we aren’t even aware we are practicing them. We label these thoughts as “us,” but they’re not — they’re just something we’re thinking.
It’s important to understand that we are the thinker of our thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. A lot of the time, the thoughts and ideas that have defined who we are and how we approach the world are simply remnants of a past experience that is no longer serving us. Pay attention to the thoughts that come up automatically, you’re bound to realize that many of them are just part of the script you’ve been running forever.
259. programmed
All our problems start in childhood. And it’s not just the fault of our parents, it’s also the things that happened at school and with our peers. Anything that happened before that transitionary age of 18, pretty much cemented the way we’ve thought and acted ever since.
The trauma we made it through isn’t who we are, but it did program us to see and approach the world in a certain way. Until we realize that there is a difference between what happened and what we understood it to be, we will be stuck viewing our future through the lens of the past. It can keep us from taking necessary risks, standing up for ourselves, asking for the things we deserve, and working hard to get the things we want.
Being stuck in the past is what stops our growth, and keeps us from the life we keep saying we want to have. At a certain point, we all need to realize it’s no longer good enough to look in the mirror and simply think “this is who I am.” We all need to be willing to break the mirror to see what’s on the other side, and redefine our lives from where we are today.
248. cascade
Beliefs become our thoughts.
Thoughts become our words.
Words become our actions.
Actions become our habits.
Habits become our virtue.
Virtue becomes our destiny.
There is a level of control to destiny. Many of us think that what is going to happen, will happen. But in reality, we have the power to affect that inevitability. It all starts at the beginning of the cascade with the beliefs, thoughts, and words we use to describe the life we are living. Believing your current situation is inevitable will never allow you to find the words to develop the actions which will orient you towards the habits that can then begin to shift your trajectory.
Where we are, does not determine where we will end up. The sooner we can change limiting beliefs, the sooner we can start to create changes that will put us on a path toward where we want to be and ultimately fulfill the destiny of our liking.
246. what are you unwilling to feel?
What are you unwilling to feel? What are you unwilling to sit with? Whatever it is, that is the thing you need to pay attention to.
Many of our behaviors, thoughts, and habits are established to mask or override the things we don’t want to feel. Bad habits may be bad, but they certainly feel easier to deal with than the pain of reliving and working through a past trauma. In our effort to avoid facing our pain, we inevitably create more dis-ease with the behaviors we use to cover up or distract ourselves from the things we don’t want to feel.
So when you find yourself alone looking for a way to distract yourself from certain thoughts creeping in your mind, pause and reflect on where they’re coming from, and why you want soo badly to disassociate from them. It’s going to be tough, but it’s a necessary first step in a long process of dealing with the underlying issues that have a certain power over our lives and the path we walk.
211. thoughts that don’t go away
When we continue to have thoughts or emotions arise within us that don’t match the narrative we’ve laid out for ourselves, it’s important that we pay attention to them. They’re showing up for a reason. It’s a signal from our unconscious mind that there is something in conflict with the path we’re walking. Maybe we’re going the wrong way, or on the wrong path altogether. Don’t ignore them. Bring awareness to these thoughts and emotions. Identify what situations or experiences cause them to come about and consciously take the time to understand their presence.
Often times we continue down a path simply because we’ve been on it for so long; confusing “right” with familiar. All the while dismissing those thoughts and feelings as just part of the process of getting where we think we want to go, without realizing they may be trying to tell us something. Don’t discount their appearance. Call attention to them, otherwise we may find ourselves continuing down the wrong path for the wrong reasons.