197. don’t get lost
Don’t get lost in the vehicle on your way to the destination.
Our vehicle is the profession, or path, we take in hopes that it will deliver us to the destination we seek — one of happiness, family, health, love, or wealth.
We choose a profession with the intention of making enough money to afford a life we desire. It’s a necessary evil. We need one to get to the other, but sometimes we get so caught up in the 9 to 5 grind, and lost in what life is meant to be that we lose sight of why we started this whole process to begin with, inevitably allowing our profession to become self-fulfilling, instead of letting it lead to the true fulfillment we’re after.
In other words, the vehicle has become the destination. We’ve made the mistake of defining our lives as “what we do,” instead of what we’re after.
questioning community
What is a community? Any standard dictionary will define it as a group of people living together in a particular place, practicing a common ownership over the shared area. Generally there is no mention of moral standards when asked to uncover the meaning of a community, but why? Shouldn’t we wish to hold ourselves and our collective society to a standard that promotes the well-being of everyone. This definition seems to be pretty generic and may or may not fit the readers definition of community, yet its ubiquitous usage has become used with considerable regularity across a vast range of social settings, its prominence in the professional and political discourse is matched only by the vagueness and variability of the meaning it portends to achieve.
196. your thoughts
Your thoughts belong to you, or you belong to your thoughts.
You either move forward with a clear intention on what needs to be done by focusing on the task at hand, or you’re so lost in the outcomes of “what If,” that those thoughts start to take center stage.
When you belong to your thoughts, you’re no longer acting from a place of creative intention, you’re acting out of a response to something that hasn’t happened yet. Thinking, “what if they don’t like me?” or “what if the work I produce isn’t good enough?” or “what if I fail?”, all steal your focus from where it needs to be. Yes, to a certain point the outcome matters because we all want to do good work, but if your focus is solely on the outcome rather than the process, both will suffer.
off topic: can you love more than one person?
It’s very rare to find someone that can be everything to you. So we weigh the pros and cons, sacrificing one thing for the other. Ultimately giving up on certain things to be happy in others. It’s a balance.
Can giving up on things we want every make us truly happy? Can we find a way to have everything?
I guess that means challenging the very foundation of what we call love, or relationships in general.
Love is a shared unity. Both beautiful and painful.
When we think of love, it’s always exclusive, between only one person and another. But why? Can’t we love one person, and another equally? Why are there limits? Where did they come from? It’s most likely from our necessity to acquire rare things, call them possessions, and hold onto them so that no one else can have them. But this sacrifice works both ways — in the classical sense of monogamous relationships — as the possessor is just as limited as the possessee when it comes to true fulfillment. Both are having to give up something on their way to meet somewhere in the middle. The question is, why should we limit our fulfillment to one outlet? Why is that even a good idea? We diversify our bonds to make more money. Why can’t we receive love or things we need from multiple sources? Wouldn’t we be more fulfilled? This works on the presupposition that if we had everything we needed from multiple outlets, we would ultimately be a better person overall. But in general, we don’t. We are all longing for one thing or another. The question is why?
I think it all comes back to tradition, and what we think is “right.” If you repeat a “wrong” enough times it eventually is thought to be right. This isn’t to say that loving one person is wrong if they provide you with everything you could ever need and ask for. FUCK I wish I had that, but I don’t, which leads me down this rabbit hole of how did we get here. Why is the current structure — you only get one person to love — all that we have when we are so very different and continually changing throughout our lives? What if you find someone worth entering into a relationship with, yet down the road they become less and less of the person you fell for in the beginning, but just enough that they aren’t worth moving on from because you’ve built a family and a life you’re not ready to move on from? Now those sacrifices that were bearable in the beginning are starting to get to you, so are we expected to just deal with the decline? Why can’t we, for lack of a better word, “supplement” what we need at that point? It just comes back to finding the love you need in different place. Wouldn’t that be better?
It seems like even asking that question is off limits to most people. And I know personally that it is absolutely shattering to not be someone’s everything, but at the same time it makes sense. We are all so uniquely different, so how can we expect to fulfill someone’s every need (outside of finding soulmates or whatever)? It really comes down to what are people okay with entering into. We can have sacrifice, or we can try to have it all. I don’t have any answer here, I just want things I can’t have.
195. sparks
Whether we realize it or not, we’re all searching to fulfill the next part of ourselves. Our conscious decisions don’t always align with our subconscious needs. We can find ourselves so far down a path of our own making, thinking we have everything in place, yet still be caught off-guard by the smallest of things. Why? Because it’s something we needed.
Pay attention to the sparks. A look. A feeling. A laugh. A touch. All of the small things that stir something inside of you. They matter. They may not be able to provide you with the life you’re currently after, but they may be able to show you what you’re missing.
194. in line
Are your goals in line with our values?
You have to remember that if you say “yes” to one thing, most likely you’re saying “no” to someone or something else. It’s not necessarily good or bad, right or wrong, it’s just what it is.
That decision in itself helps clarify your values, and understand your priorities. Both of which lead to your identity, and the way the world sees you.
If you are acting in congruence with your values, ideally those values are tied to the person you want to become. So, in practice; instead of trying to be somebody that tries to do something, become that person who does it. Instead of thinking it’s important for me to go workout, think I’m the person who works out. By simply reframing the language you start to become that person, and because we inevitably are what we do, sometimes we just need a little change in language to set us off in the right direction.
193. don’t copy past successes
Your job is not to be a better version of your older self. That older version of you is gone forever. Your job is to be the best version of who you are in this moment and forever continue to build upon that momentum throughout your life.
Don’t try to replicate something that worked in the past. Move forward with the understanding that the 2.0 version of yourself will never be able to bring in the 3.0.
There is a philosophy in the upper echelons of the strength training community that share this idea. It operates on the principle that the training methods a person used to achieve a 600lb squat will not fulfill their desire to reach 800lbs. In other words, the strategies employed to achieve one success will not serve your efforts going further. The same goes for life. Whatever we’ve found useful to arrive at a successful point in our life can never deliver us to the next level. To continually ascend we must recognize our adaptations and change according to our new surroundings.
192. help others…
We’re all here for various reasons, but one of those is to help others know themselves, to help them feel. To be a spark in their darkness. To be a key in unlocking a part that lay suppressed, or unrecognized. We’re here to take their hand and help them uncover their capabilities, and possibly discover a new way to look at the world.
It isn’t a lack of capacity that keeps us from being able to unlock certain emotions within ourselves, but more to the fact that we don’t know our true potential, until we can be shown. We all possess the capacity to feel, love, and express our emotions, yet many of us fail to do so because we are unable to get out of our own way. We stay locked into a certain way of communicating and relating to others because we cannot see the world beyond the limitations of our perspective. It’s all we know. Not until someone comes along with enough influence, finding a way inside our mind, can we begin to see things differently.
So, the people that enter our lives are there for a reason, if for nothing else other than to provide a new perspective. They help us to see the world a little differently, and if we’re lucky will completely turn our world upside down.
191. response
We have so little control over everything in this world that it may seem easier to simply give into whatever emotion arises when something rubs us the wrong way, than make an effort to respond differently. But that is the one, and perhaps only, thing we can control. We easily forget that those emotions that arise, ones of anger, resentment, or fear, are a choice. We all need to remember that we are never going to be able to change the stimulus, but we can always adjust our response.
190. surrender
Nothing can stop the irresistible force. Just as nothing can stir the immoveable object. Yet, paradoxically, they’re allowed to exist within the same universe.
So, what happens when these opposing forces collide? Everything and Nothing all at the same time. It’s unfulfilled potential energy.
Crushing momentum colliding with absolute stillness. Individually, they hold the power of the universe, and if recognized, together they can become the Universe. Celestial. Devine. Ethereal.
With a contrast so great, how can one influence the other? Can these forces coexist?
Never with the all consuming motives of one, nor the steadfast intentions of another. Only with the equal recognition that one holds the opposing power to complete the other.
Surrender is the only path forward…
Where one enacts motion to search for what it needs, the other employs inertia to stand for what it believes. Neither is wrong, but their potential remains incomplete without the attributes of their opposing force. Only in surrender can one fulfill the others potential.
Surrender holds the answer because it gives into the gravity, the attracting law between two opposing forces. It is what creates the universal principle of Ying and Yang.
Their true potential will remain unfulfilled without the recognition that either has a need for what the other holds.
…
A bit of introspection…. I always loved the quote, “find something you love, and let it kill you.” And, I finally think I understand what it means. We’re all locked into a certain identity, it can be the irresistible force, or the immoveable object. Whatever it is, It is what defines us. Finding something we love is bound to shift our trajectory because it requires an acceptance of an opposing force. This jolts our identity, hopefully for the good. And that is where the death comes. It’s not a literal killing, but a shedding of an identity that who we were has passed, and this new thing that defines us is who we are going forward. So surrender to the thing that you love, let it “kill you”, so you can move forward and create a world of untapped potential.
189. purpose
Wake up everyday with a purpose.
How do you know if you have purpose?
If you don’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning, then you haven’t found it. If your days are wasted on activities that fill your time, instead of create meaning, then you haven’t found it.
If you haven’t found it yet, that’s okay, but be aware that you’re wasting your fucking time on things that do not matter, and at the same time will keep you as a lesser version of who you can be.
How do I find purpose?
It starts with awareness. Who you are today, and what you consistently do is either keeping you within the bounds you’ve created for yourself, or seeks to continually extend the limits of where you feel comfortable.
Everything of beauty and awe in this life is predicated on growth, this includes you. The purpose of the flower is to bloom, just as the purpose of the caterpillar, much like your’s is to transform into something new. That newness and beauty comes from the metamorphosis, the change, the ability to redefine ourselves, and continually draw lines in the sand further and further away from our starting point, so that one day, when we look back we can’t recognize who we used to be because we are so enamored with who we’ve become.
Purpose comes with whatever makes you a better version of yourself. It’s the reason to get out of bed in the morning, its the reason not to waste time on things that don’t matter. It’s what people of lesser ambition, and who are scared to answer the call, think of as “work” when in reality, it’s just ceasing on every small opportunity to recreate our identity. Eventually, the those incremental changes become part of our purpose, creating a life built on momentum that we never want to stop.
That’s purpose.
188. distractions
Anytime you’re chasing after something that isn’t aligned with your highest values, just know that by default, that desire will fade away.
If what we’re after isn’t absolutely inspiring or deeply meaningful, we’ll eventually find distractions that take our mind away from the things we think we want, only to return it to the things we do. Allowing yourself to notice where your attention goes, what it is distracted by, and what it ultimately returns to is a good way to orient because if we’re leaning into our highest priority, you won’t be bothered by distractions.
When we do, it’s a bit like entering flow, where we’re in the moment, executing on all cylinders through inspired, strategic, and focused intention. Whereas, if we pursue something we only think is important (because of someone telling us so), something of lower value to us, we automatically go into another part of the brain that seeks to avoid this short-term unease or pain, and seeks to replace it with pleasure which comes in the form of distractions.
Easily finding ourselves distracted from the things we think we need to accomplish, in an effort to be someone we think we need to be, is not because we need to try harder, to double down, but that we need to rethink or refine the goal. There’s still a bit of fantasy whirling around in our mind, that the things we continuously try and fail to achieve are simply remnants of who we thought we needed to be. When we stop and become aware of what is happening, we can stop chasing shadows.
It mostly stems from our comparison to others, allowing their ideas to work their way into our decisions. Because of this, we inevitably try to become something we’re not, all the while wondering why we repeatedly fail to do the things we should be doing to deliver us into a life we think we should have, not understanding that we’re distracted for a reason.
187. all in
If you want something, go after it with your whole heart. Don’t wait, shuffle, or dally in your attempt because it’s only with full intention that we’re able to truly discover the possibilities that lay waiting.
We often have the highest of expectations as we endeavor into a new territory, yet we stay reserved in our approach. Why? Because we want to keep enough distance from something so that we can pull back if we need to, but the thing is that reservation is going to keep you from truly understanding what that thing has to offer.
The only option should be to go in with everything you have. To fully feel, love, see, taste, touch; and to immerse yourself into the experience of what it would be like to be that person. Anything less will never offer a true representation of that thing you’re after, and can very well give you the wrong impression.
Let the fire light the way, so that the experience can brand you. Let it lead you to a new life, or leave you with a memory to never return. Fully explore the thing you’re after so that you can truly know whether or not it is what you want, because anything else is just an assumption.
186. confusing love…
We sometimes confuse love with safety, comfort, or familiarity because we’re afraid of the opposite. We’re scared to death of the consequences that come with the realization that what we now call “love” is just a place holder for an emotion that we no longer know how to describe. It’s not that we never truly loved this person, thing, or way of life, but that somewhere along the line it became tied to our identity, while at the same time, it stops serving us. It became easier to say “I love this or that” than to actually feel it.
We tend to tie our identity to a certain person, passion, or way of life, but when any of these things cease to serve us as they once did and fail to accept the change that needs to be made, we become hardened. As we do, cracks start to form. And that’s were the light gets in, which can be difficult when it starts to produce new emotions — ones that allow us to feel something again, or even for the first time — because it’s conflicting with our established identity or way of life. It’s painfully hard to think of yourself as anything different than what you’ve built yourself to be.
So, how do you reconcile the idea of who you thought you should be against who you are afraid to become? You have to first understand that life isn’t guaranteed; except and accept your past. That the life you’ve lived, and the identity you’ve built has taken you this far — delivering both good times and bad — and perhaps has taken you as far as this iteration of yourself can go. Forcing an identity upon yourself of who you think you should be will never truly serve you or the ones you wish to stay the same for. The world will be best served if you are at your best. This life is about change and transformation, and a large part of that comes with the risk of the unknown, but apprehension is no reason to continue a life that you don’t truly love any longer.
If you come to love something, then have it drift away only to have it resurrected somewhere else, it makes no sense to try to force it upon the first thing to evade the unknowns that come with the second.
185. to live is to suffer
It’s been said “to live is to suffer.” We mistakenly embody this idea, and endure it’s continual visitation, without realizing that the suffering is due to our failure to listen to the lesson life is trying to impress upon us.
The suffering stems from our desires coming into conflict with our needs. In other words, we want one thing, while the universe is trying to let you know you need another. This translates into our feelings of “suffering” because we aren’t always able to get what we want, and therefore become forced into a life of unease, until we learn the lesson the universe is trying to teach. It’s a hard concept to come to terms with, but once you do, you can live a more harmonious life.
Also, it’s hard to know ourselves because we can’t objectively see ourselves within the world. The only context we have for the way we decide to do things is through our own interaction, which is tainted with our innate desires. The universe doesn’t have that problem. It knows what you need, and will put things in your path in an effort to create the awareness necessary for you to make the change you need to make.
Our “suffering” is just a part of the learning process. It’s a mismatch between what we think we want, and what we need to become the next version of ourselves. We can continue to suffer, or we can choose to listen to the lesson.
184. if it doesn’t scare you…
If what you do doesn't scare you, you're not trying hard enough.
We often find the excuse not to do things because we are waiting for the perfect confluence of events to produce something spectacular. We do this because we are afraid to fail, but it is the execution and the continual practice that will allow you to deliver the result you're after.
No one hits a home run every time they step to the plate. The great hitters strike out more than they connect, but what separates them from others, is that they swing for a home run every time. They don't let creeping doubt play a part in their efforts. They execute every time they step to the plate, and because they do so they are able to deliver results.
Do they fail? Yes. Does is suck? Yes. Will there be critics? Yes. But, will they be who they are if they didn't continually execute? No!
We can always find a reason not to put ourselves out there. It can be fucking scary to show the world who you are. It requires a certain amount of vulnerability, and for most, that's enough of a reason to hide, or not to try.
We forget that the ones we look to for inspiration didn't start out hitting home runs. They put themselves out there, swung and missed continuously until they found their groove.
183. keep your head up
We get so locked into a certain way of doing things — whether by choice, habit, or simply not knowing better — that we create a situation which limits our potential to feel, experience, or become more. Grinding away can only take us so far, as keeping our head down and going through the motions only works if the destination lay straight ahead. But, we forget that this isn’t how life is supposed to happen.
Life is what happens along the way. It’s keeping our head up so that we can have the awareness to take the detour when something catches our eye, or completely change course if someone or something catches our heart.
It’s the experience we should be after, not the result. Keep your head up, or you may miss out on what life is all about.
182. mistaken destination
It’s easy to find someone to aspire to. The allure comes from our belief that this person is a finished product.
It’s our understanding that if we walk the same path, we can arrive at the same destination. So we mistakenly mirror all our efforts to those we look up to, in hopes that we can one day become just like them, without realizing that it isn’t about the destination, but the journey.
A wise man once said; “do not seek to follow in the footsteps of those you admire, instead honor their legacy by continuing to search for the things they sought.”
Too often we mistake the destination for the journey. We think, if we do all the things the person we wish to be like did, we can arrive at the same place. Yet, I can guarantee you, that if you had the privilege to ask whether or not they “arrived,” they would wholeheartedly disagree, and instead tell you that they have a long way yet to go.
It’s never going to be a bad thing to model your efforts after someone you aspire to be like, but don’t let your view on the destination become so myopic that you can’t enjoy the journey, because if you ever do “arrive” at that magical destination, your passion will quickly wane, whereas a dedication to the journey will offer a lifetime of fulfillment.
181. silence
It’s only in silence that we can truly hear ourselves.
When our mind is quiet, there is a reckoning. What arises within that void, sometimes painful, uncomfortable, or challenging, is what holds the key to unlocking the next version of ourselves. We need to bring our attention to whatever comes about in those times of silence. Exploring those manifestations will allow us to overcome the challenges they continue to create and fully experience the feelings we continuously try to distract ourselves from.
“Being silent,” as Lori Gottlieb put in her book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, “is like emptying the trash.” When you stop filling up your empty spaces with shit that doesn’t matter — input from friends/family, social media, news — you can begin to see what is truly important.
Pay attention.