186. confusing love…

We sometimes confuse love with safety, comfort, or familiarity because we’re afraid of the opposite. We’re scared to death of the consequences that come with the realization that what we now call “love” is just a place holder for an emotion that we no longer know how to describe. It’s not that we never truly loved this person, thing, or way of life, but that somewhere along the line it became tied to our identity, while at the same time, it stops serving us. It became easier to say “I love this or that” than to actually feel it.

We tend to tie our identity to a certain person, passion, or way of life, but when any of these things cease to serve us as they once did and fail to accept the change that needs to be made, we become hardened. As we do, cracks start to form. And that’s were the light gets in, which can be difficult when it starts to produce new emotions — ones that allow us to feel something again, or even for the first time — because it’s conflicting with our established identity or way of life. It’s painfully hard to think of yourself as anything different than what you’ve built yourself to be.

So, how do you reconcile the idea of who you thought you should be against who you are afraid to become? You have to first understand that life isn’t guaranteed; except and accept your past. That the life you’ve lived, and the identity you’ve built has taken you this far — delivering both good times and bad — and perhaps has taken you as far as this iteration of yourself can go. Forcing an identity upon yourself of who you think you should be will never truly serve you or the ones you wish to stay the same for. The world will be best served if you are at your best. This life is about change and transformation, and a large part of that comes with the risk of the unknown, but apprehension is no reason to continue a life that you don’t truly love any longer. 

If you come to love something, then have it drift away only to have it resurrected somewhere else, it makes no sense to try to force it upon the first thing to evade the unknowns that come with the second.