215. master the art of showing up
A habit must be established before it can be improved. This has to become a standard in your life before you should start worrying about optimizing or expanding on it.
If you’re not the type of person who sits down and writes one sentence a day, or steps one foot inside a gym, you’re never going to be the person who finishes a novel, or looks good naked.
We’re so focused on finding and implementing the perfect plan that we forget to give ourselves permission to not be perfect at first. Instead, we need to shift our focus on showing up everyday in a small way.
Whether it’s one push-up or one word on a blank page, do something so that you can master the art of showing up. Make that your new normal. And then once you become the person who shows up, then you can expand on the habit you’ve built.
off topic: saying “i love you”
Saying, “I love you,” never came easy for me. Until it did. Why is that? My previous 2 relationships lasted a total of 15 years, and they had to pry those words out of my mouth. Looking back, I’m pretty confident it wasn’t love I was in, but denial that I had simply grown comfortable in a situation I didn’t want to leave. That’s not love, and it makes sense why the words never came easy. Fast forward to my most current relationship/situation (its complicated, I’ll write a novel about it one day)… I not only want to tell this person I love her, but I want to tell everyone else I love her, also. It’s as cute as it is ridiculous. So what’s the difference? Well, to be honest, I found someone who I want to make happy, whereas before I was looking for someone to make me happy. And that right there makes all-the-fucking-difference.
It’s rare to find someone you genuinely care enough about to break your own heart to let her go so that she can live the life she wants. It’s rare to find someone who inspires you to change your ways so profoundly that it causes you to see the world differently, and yet cannot imagine a world without her. It’s rare to find a person you truly and selflessly want to make happy. I think that’s why I love her, and I find it so very easy to say to her, “I love You.”
Find someone that makes the words come easy.
214. love or lust
The real differentiator between love and lust is how you feel when you’re with that other person. Shared between love and lust is the necessity of physical attraction, but unique to the experience of love, is that you genuinely like who you are when you’re with that other person. They’re able to reflect back onto you the person you enjoy being, or inspire to become. In either case, you like the mirror the other person provides because the reflection offers possibility and promise to the mystery of coming together in a way that lust would never be able to create. It’s the difference between finding a foundation you want to build upon, and overcoming an obstacle to get on with your life.
213. wake up with purpose…
At one point or another we’ve all found ourselves headed down a path we thought we were supposed to be on, whether through social pressures or what seemed like the best route to deliver a result we were after. All the while we having to continually convince ourselves to do the work necessary, instead of waking up and enjoying the process. Why is that? Perhaps, it’s the wrong path. But how do you know?
If you’re walking around continuing to do things because you feel you should, instead of finding enjoyment in them because you get to do them, then the narrative you’re following is no longer yours. Your purpose has been coopted by outside forces and is probably the reason you have to convince yourself to do certain things, or make certain decisions.
There’s a difference between saying, “I should” do something, and “I get to” do something.” If you keep saying you “should” do something, it’s a good indication that whatever it is, isn’t aligned with what you’re truly after; and you need to ask why you have to force yourself down this particular path. Whereas, if you wake up every morning, saying “I get to” do this or that (like read, write, workout, go to work, or see someone), then you can feel confident you’re on the right path.
We’re all going to find more success if we follow the path directed by the things we “get to do” instead of relying on the things we “should be doing” to deliver us to a result. One pulls us in, inspires us to do more, while the other only pushes us toward a specific end, where once achieved, we can finally explore what we actually want. So, why wait? Listen to the words you use to describe your actions. Are they, “I get to” do this,” or “I should do that?”
212. double punishment
Our collective narrative — the stories passed down through generations to help the next succeed — has become lost amid a rapidly advancing world. No longer can we agree on a path forward, as a result, our health suffers. All this stems from a profiteering medical system that seeks to “better” humanity by further disconnecting us from our natural past, and what gave us the strength and vitality to thrive up to this point, instead creating greater discord within our body.
We’ve been misled in thinking that there is no knowledge to be drawn from our past that can improve our health, when everything in life, and especially science, has been built upon the foundation that came before it. What works sticks, what doesn’t sloughs off. Now we are led to believe that the best way to capture health is NOT to look back to what gave us strength and vitality in the past, but to look forward to what science can manifest. That medicine has the power to save us from ourselves, if only we take this or cut that out. All the while we casually walk down the path of double punishment, losing who we are, along with the health we are trying to reclaim.
211. thoughts that don’t go away
When we continue to have thoughts or emotions arise within us that don’t match the narrative we’ve laid out for ourselves, it’s important that we pay attention to them. They’re showing up for a reason. It’s a signal from our unconscious mind that there is something in conflict with the path we’re walking. Maybe we’re going the wrong way, or on the wrong path altogether. Don’t ignore them. Bring awareness to these thoughts and emotions. Identify what situations or experiences cause them to come about and consciously take the time to understand their presence.
Often times we continue down a path simply because we’ve been on it for so long; confusing “right” with familiar. All the while dismissing those thoughts and feelings as just part of the process of getting where we think we want to go, without realizing they may be trying to tell us something. Don’t discount their appearance. Call attention to them, otherwise we may find ourselves continuing down the wrong path for the wrong reasons.
210. avoiding death
Death is inextricably connected to being alive, and yet, everyone is desperately trying to avoid it. Those who hold on to their identity the tightest, are the ones that become the most rigid in life — whether ideologically, emotionally, or spiritually. As they grow they become stubborn in their opinions, becoming stuck with the burden of being right, refusing certain ideas or ways of life that are no longer serving them die. All this becomes a reinforcement of a certain narrative that was unconsciously created as a reaction to external fears and threats of change, which stems from a mechanism to preserve a familiar identity they’ve created. And the reason they’re still walking the path of their own narrative wondering why they don’t find joy and connection in life.
If the things we’re telling ourselves aren’t delivering the results we want, then maybe we are listening to the wrong story.
209. give credence
There will always be obstacles on our path. When we stumble upon them, most of us will see it as a reason to stop and complain about our misfortune, instead of recognizing it as an opportunity to gain a deeper sense of satisfaction with the process. The things that come up along the way will definitely test our resolve — and to a point, maybe that’s why they’re their — but if we can think of them as more than a simple hinderance, we can use their appearance to our benefit. Instead of complaining, give credence to the obstacles that show up along the way, because what they will do is give us more to overcome, and overcoming them will provide us with more gratification on our continual pursuit toward progress.
208. five years of inspiration
We can all benefit from having someone to look up to, but we make the mistake of looking in the wrong places. We see successful people in areas that pique our particular interests and think, “Oh, that person has it all figured out, I’m going to walk their path.” But that path can never be ours, nor should we want it to be.
Instead of searching outside ourselves for inspiration, we should be thinking about the person we want to be 5 years down the line, and aspire to become that person everyday. The trick is in never allowing ourselves to think we be able to close the gap, but that it always remains an equidistant 5 years ahead, So, with each new accomplishment in the present, we add to the success of that future vision of ourselves, providing constant and relevant inspiration for progressing day after day.
be prolific, not perfect
“It’s better to be prolific than perfect.” — Joe Polish
Here is a quick practical application of this principle from Ray Bradbury:
Write 52 short stories in a year rather than one novel. Write one short story a week.
“I defy you,” he said, “to write 52 bad ones. It is not possible.”
At the end of the year, you will have 52 works of art instead of just one, imperfect novel.
“Perfect” is a mirage that no one knows how to reach.
Create the practice. Follow with doing the work.
207. the dizziness of freedom
One of the scariest parts about embarking on a new journey is not knowing where it may take us. We hope for the best, while at the same time harbor anxiety about what is to come of our decisions; no matter whether it’s a new dietary regimen, a new career or a new relationship. And while each situation can be promising, they still come with a bit of unease, which Kierkegaard cleverly surmises this anxiety as “the dizziness of freedom.”
The dizziness doesn’t come from fear of failure, so much as it is about the unknown of what lies ahead. The freedom to look down that new path, with no end in sight, is akin to peering into a deep hole where the bottom can’t be seen. The anxiety you feel is not from fear of falling, because you are freely holding onto the safety rail, but from the mystery of the void.
The freedom we possess to make our own choices will always be met with a bit of anxiety because we are always worried about the unknown, even if that path we’re staring down is exactly where we want to be. But, that unknown is part of our journey, what creates our story, and pushes the evolution of us. As long as that path we set out on is inline with who we want to become, we don’t really need to see the end because we will be able to create it as we go.
206. just do it
We’ve grown up in a world where we need to ask for everything. Can I have some food, Mom? Can I go to the bathroom, Teacher? Can I have a raise, Boss? It has taught us that we cannot attain anything without the approval of others.
When we have an idea we want to pursue, instead of starting, we fall back into the mode of seeking approval from friends or family. We willingly forgo taking the necessary action because, in a sense, we are waiting for permission. What we don’t realize, is that most often our search for approval is just an excuse to not get started. So, if you want to do something, then do it. Stop looking for approval because it’s just an excuse for inaction.
205. denial
Life is a constant battle with decision. Weighing one option against another. We think, “Should I stay or should I go?” It’s equally beautiful as it is stressful, in that we have the ability to be the creators of our lives and at the same time we’re constantly confronted with tension of, “Am I making the right decision?”
Forcing to reconcile the weight of one decision against the other, we find ourselves facing denial in some capacity. Yet, the thing about denial is that it’s just willpower at work. We can try our best to resist what is truly calling us, but we need to remember that willpower is fatiguable.
If something is capturing your attention so fully, pulling you away from where you thought you needed to be, you may as well lean into the thing that is causing the change because it’s inevitable that it’s going to happen. So, you either take control, or let indecision consume you to the point where you are so lost that circumstance ultimately creates a situation where the outcome is made for you.
204. find it
Don’t fall into the trap of believing successful people are all that different than you by thinking they possess some mysterious gift, or are mystically endowed with prosperity, and then tear yourself down wondering whether or not you’ve been so blessed. If you’re waiting around for inspiration to light a fire under you, you’re wasting your time because it’s not going to happen. You have to go out and find it. If you want more out of life, it’s up to you to cultivate the ambition that lies within.
203. inspiring passion
Discovering a passion is a wonderful feeling. It’s a burning sensation that ignites a path to a new experience. The light of it’s explosion allows us to see new possibilities that we may move on to when the flame inevitably dies out. But what about those passions that don’t burn out? What differentiates those that burn out from the ones that develop into something that lights our world on fire?
It comes down to inspiration. Normally, we need inspiration to pursue the passion. We need the promise of an end result to continue the pursuit. We think; if I practice this instrument, I can play music; if I workout, I can be fit; if I go back to college, I can get a new job. But if the results aren’t delivered fast enough our resolve wains in the process, and the fire dies out and we move on.
However, if we discover a passion that provides inspiration, instead of requiring it, it will simply grow over time because it aligns with the person we want to be. It’s the difference between working out because we need to be in shape for a wedding, and working out because it makes us feel good. It’s the difference between entering into a relationship because you’re lonely, versus entering it because you simply want to make the other person happy. The former requires inspiration, while the latter creates inspiration for the fire to burn brighter.
It seems that finding a passion that creates inspiration is rare, yet for those that do, they lead the lives we all aspire to. So, find a passion that inspires you to dive deeper into it.
202. law of attraction
We all want certain things, but most of the time, there’s a reason we don’t get them. We fail to realize that we need to embody the things we want to attract.
It’s the Law of Attraction. The idea that you attract what you are. It starts with how you approach the world, your beliefs and perspectives. If you’re not getting what you want, most likely you’re not embodying what you want to attract. You need to be honest with yourself and ask how are you showing up in the world because the energy you put out is the energy you’re going to attract.
Think, who is the person you need to be, to get the things that you’re after. Until you create the person that is reflective of the life you’re after, that person in the mirror will always look the same.
201. the sky is falling
If the power went out for a week, and we didn’t have access to the news or social media, would we still think the sky was falling? Eventually, someone would venture outside and look up to either confirm or deny. Chances are, if that person could go out and look up, the sky isn’t falling. Either way, how would anyone know differently if they kept all their attention on the continuous stream of messages and images telling them about the sky falling?
It seems that our perception of reality is no longer our own, but developed for us instead. Unlike the prisoners in Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, we aren’t chained to the wall, forced to look upon the shadows thinking they’re real, instead, we welcome the stories about the shadows, all the while giving up our freedom to investigate. We reserved ourselves to the same fate because we’ve come to blindly believe what we’re told, making it part of our narrative and the way we see the world. The most troubling part is that we don’t actually believe what we see, but see what we believe. Therefore, if we believe the sky is falling, then that is all we will see.
200. different direction
We all want a good life. Some of us think of it as a journey, others as a destination. There’s no right answer as both ultimately end in a similar fashion. We’ve all heard the argument that it is better to do what you love, yet at the same time we know it can be very hard to build a life around watching cat videos on YouTube. So where do we draw the line between enjoying the journey by doing what we love, and setting aside some of our enjoyment along the way to end up at an enviable destination? Some bit of sacrifice is necessary for either option, and that’s the struggle we all deal with.
We can all agree that life should be enjoyable. And, no one deserves anything less. But what happens if in the process of enjoying the journey, something comes along that makes you question the path you’ve chosen? That maybe a bit of sacrifice in one area is necessary for us to gain in another. At a fundamental level, if something shakes you so profoundly that it makes you stop and rethink your resolve about the path you’re on, then it is definitely worth paying attention to. It’s a rare occurrence that shouldn’t be ignored.
Maybe what we thought we were after just isn’t so anymore. And all the choices, successes and failures we’ve encountered up to this point, were just preparation for this moment. The funny thing is that, it just leads back to life being a journey, instead of a destination to reach. You can make all the plans you want, by either trying to create a life out of enjoyment or building one that you can enjoy in the future. But you still have to take it as it comes. Adjust your views as you encounter new perspectives, realign your trajectory, and always keep moving forward, even if it is in a different direction.
199. glued together
We are a collection of experiences. Assembled to the best of our ability. All our decisions, both good and bad, continually make us who we are. From the situations we thrive in, to the ones we barely survive; all are equally part of our story. As Joseph LeDoux puts it, “people don’t come preassembled but are glued together by life.”
Too often we are ashamed of where we came from, or where we currently are in life, but what we don’t realize is that these are just waypoints on our journey. We are always in the process of finding out who we are, and what we need to do to become the next version of ourselves. We needed the lessons of the hard times, the failures, the heartbreaks, to open up our hearts and minds to new possibilities.
No matter your station in life, you will always be a work in progress. The sooner you recognize this fact, the sooner you can embrace all experiences, good and bad, as part of the continual process of what makes you, You.
198. emotion vs feeling
We confuse the terms “emotion” and “feeling,” often using them interchangeably without realizing that we don’t run because we’re scared, we’re scared because we run. It’s the reaction to a stimulus that stirs our need for the meaning.
It’s our emotions that come first. They are the physiological response to a situation — fight, flight, freeze, or sexual arousal. Next comes the rush of feeling — fear, anger, love, happiness — that allows us to make sense of the situation by filling in the void created by the stimulus. It’s the cause and effect that constructs our narrative.
The funny thing is that the emotions that come from being caught in an earthquake can produce the same chemical reactions as sexual arousal. And, while our description of the events can be similarly described by exclaiming, “the earth moved,” they mean completely different things contextually. Perhaps, that’s why risky behavior can be fun. Walking the line can stir emotions that make us feel more alive, producing feelings that are integral for our story.