outgrowing your parents

what do you do if you out grow your parents?

I was raised by narcissistic children. Both my mother and father were and continue to be victims. I never seemed to do anything right in search of the love I wanted and needed. How was I supposed to put into words the things I inherently needed but have no idea how to conceptualize? I’m was fucking child. I feel like that is the responsibility of parents, to provide concepts of love, comfort, safety, and understanding so that a child can become a strong and resiliently minded individual. Looking back, I never had that. I was their precious child and at the same time never allowed to be one. It fucked me up for over 30 years. 

I don’t know if this is some magical time in my life but I am now older than my parents were when they had me. And I feel more mature than they are now and ever have been, so what do you do if you out grow your parents? How fucking sad is that question? This isn’t growing apart or distant, this is like taking the 40 year old self you’ve become and trying to have a relationship with your highschool self. How do you grow from that situation? 

Relationships are only beneficial as both parties stand to gain some type of positivity from one another. Are parents supposed to be any different? I’m not saying to brush them off or disrespect them or never talk to them again, but if you are the sum of the people you hold closest to your heart, and your parents on their best possible day will never be able elevate you to who you wish to become, are you supposed to keep them close simply because they’re your parents or keep them at arms distance because they can only hinder your progress as an individual? It’s a tough question. And as always, there is no right answer. 

I don’t think there is any justification for keeping anyone close to you if they don’t wish to continuously grow with you. It shouldn’t matter if they gave birth to you or not. People are still people and if they aren’t making you better they are keeping you from getting better. It’s really fucking sad because I wish I had a family. I wish I had someone to love like a mother. Someone to call and tell them how I feel and how good I am doing in life and have them be proud. Someone to seek advice from. Someone to talk to. But I don’t. And it’s sad, but it’s all part of my story.