175. data, not directives

We make the mistake of defining ourselves with the language we use to talk about our emotions. Saying, “I am sad,” “I am angry,” or “I am stressed” is saying that all of you is that emotion. It’s similar to a single cloud floating across an otherwise clear blue sky, thinking the day is ruined because this singular thing has taken away our ability to focus on anything else.

Instead of saying you’re sad, angry, or stressed, see if you can notice the emotion for what it is, within the story you are telling yourself. Instead of saying “I am sad,” change the phrase to “I am noticing, I am sad.” By doing this you and your view of life at that  moment is no longer 100% wrapped in that emotion, but as yourself experiencing an emotion. This will allow you to recognize that emotions are data, not directives. They are feedback of an experience you are having, not a diagnosis.

Victor Frankl popularized the idea of believing there is a space between stimulus and response, and in that space is the power to choose. It is where growth comes from, once we realize that we have the freedom to choose. If you can create space between any given stimulus and response, there is wisdom to make better choices by not defining yourself with negative terms. 

Your emotions shouldn’t have the power to tell you how to act. You are in control and always get to decide how to respond to the stimulus.